Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

A cucumber is not an avocado. Watch Jet Fuel Podcast at https://www.youtube.com/@jetskijohnson and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts! Go to quince.com/beachtoosandy for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY. For a limited time our listeners are getting a FREE full sized Mascara on their first purchase with Jones Road Beauty when they go to jonesroadbeauty.com and use code BEACHTOOSANDY at checkout. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy.  For a limited time, new Cash App customers who are parents can use our exclusive referral code FAMILY10 to earn $10. Download Cash App, enter the referral code in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you will receive $10. Terms apply.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 15 July 2026

Statistically speaking you're probably no longer a listener. If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order.  Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Visit Rula.com/beachtoosandy to get started.  Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach.  Go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. For a limited time get 40% off your first Hungryroot order PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/beachtoosandy and use code BEACHTOOSANDY. Shop now at fabletics.com/beach to get 70- 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 8 July 2026

This stuff literally tastes like blue cheese and smells like cat piss. Donate to Smoking Werewolf Productions - Fright Film 2026! https://gofund.me/5766bf50d Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.  For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 July 2026

Nothing about carrots makes me think bougie Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order. Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at shopify.com/toosandy. For a limited time, get 20% off sitewide at bollandbranch.com/toosandy with code TOOSANDY. Go to myskylight.com/beach for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. See if you’re eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies at progressive.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 24 June 2026

Soggy White Bread was my nickname in high school. Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try. Go to shopremi.com/BEACH and use code BEACH  at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/beachtoosandy! #honeylovepod Go to quince.com/beachtoosandy for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Visit Rula.com/beachtoosandy to get started.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 17 June 2026

If they remove the froyo it'll make my life a living hell For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY  Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back.  Head to Talkiatry.com/BEACH to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.  Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order.  For a limited time our listeners are getting a FREE full sized Mascara on their first purchase when they head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code BEACHTOOSANDY at checkout. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 June 2026

Shakespeare coined that term hangy downy bits. Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy for 50% OFF your first box and free dessert for life!  Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to myskylight.com/beach. Visit progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try.  Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 3 June 2026

Hyperspermia, which was new to me Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price® tool a try.  For a limited time, Honeylove is offering up to 50% off sitewide during their Memorial Day sale. Use our exclusive link to shop at honeylove.com/beachtoosandy. Go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. Start your business today with the industry’s best business partner, Shopify. Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at shopify.com/toosandy. Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 27 May 2026

Get thee to a gnomery! Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter code BEACHTOOSANDY. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to homechef.com/beachtoosandy. Head to quince.com/beachtoosandy for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 20 May 2026

Look at them yo-yos, that's the way you do it.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 13 May 2026

Debbie's getting off on this power trip… as she should See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2026

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring....See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 29 April 2026

Rumors have gotten started that I have irritable bowel syndrome.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 22 April 2026

A world of regret awaits you at Mammoth Cave See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 15 April 2026

Sarah what the fuck is your problem?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2026

She could probably beat up some seven year olds and she could definitely beat up some zero year olds See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2026

Aries are going through it right nowSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2026

It's the moon, but worse.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2026

I got humped in the face Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/beachtoosandy code: BEACHTOOSANDY Momentous: Head to livemomentous.com, and use promo code BEACH for up to 35% off your first order Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach ASPCA: Go to aspcapetinsurance.com/toosandy Progressive: Save time on the research and enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you at progressive.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2026

The cookies didn't compensate for the abuse.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2026

You can't spell spent without repent!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2026

Don't worry, we fired Diane for that. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 February 2026

We're going to Ibiza! Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box plus get a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/beachtoosandy and use code beachtoosandy Talkiatry: Head to talkiatry.com/beach and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 11 February 2026

Chef name was Edwin, very sensual and playful with his entertainment. Watch For Your Amusement at https://www.youtube.com/@fyapod and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2026

I put a 2 million dollar puzzle together and all I got was this lousy QR codeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2026

We told you not to put the egg topper in the dishwasher.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 21 January 2026

Call the Locksmith!!! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 14 January 2026

Guess what, busters! Guess what, busters?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 7 January 2026

Happy wonderwall to you and yours and bApp. --SPONSORS:Check out https://boxiecat.com/beach for a discount on BoxieCat's self-cleaning litter! --We have merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 31 December 2025

2 surfs,a quick dance, a few mushrooms and 2 giant connect 4 gamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 24 December 2025

Sorry, pet communicators.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2025

This is gonna ruin the tour... What tour? The moose tour.Check out The Commercial Break! https://www.tcbpodcast.comFollow Bryan! https://instagram.com/bryanwgreenSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2025

My soup is full of eels.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 3 December 2025

To see Xandy at his most athletic, check out our Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy We also have new merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2025

Give us money so Christine can buy more Labubus for her legion: www.patreon.com/BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2025

Tune in next week for 364: Reviews of Great Wolf Spider Lodge Stuff here: www.beachtoosandy.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2025

Throw on your finest Armani tracksuit, because we've got hospitals to complain about.See Nurse Blake on tour or on the open sea!! https://www.nurseblake.com/Follow him on Instagram @Nurse.Blake and TikTok @NurseBlake Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2025

Happy Halloween! Or Sad Halloween in Xandy's case! I don't feel like writing anything else here today. Go google us or something.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 29 October 2025

Last show of our 2025 tour is this Saturday!! Get your tickets! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2025

We're excited to share our Plano show with you!! Just three more shows left: Seattle tonight, Portland tomorrow, and New York on the 25th. Get your tickets! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2025

Tune in next week for another edition of The Priestly Priest Report. See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2025

You’ve been revolving around this sushi restaurant for 27 years!  See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2025

Midwest shows are happening now! Kansas City tonight! Omaha tomorrow! St. Louis Friday! Malort Sunday!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for free! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2025

Send in the clowns!See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 17 September 2025

Taking a break from Cracker Barrel content...... for now.See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2025

SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAP See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 3 September 2025

Already looks like we need to do a follow-up episode... See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 27 August 2025

Support elevator victims making movies: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠⁠ See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 20 August 2025

To see the worst SpongeBob popsicle, visit https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy Support weirdos making movies: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠⁠ Indy and Detroit here we come!! ⁠https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 13 August 2025

This episode is best enjoyed in a T.J. Maxx bathroom. Support weirdos making movies: ⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠ Indy and Detroit here we come!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2025