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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

384: Reviews of Airport Shops

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

PodcastOne

Comedy

4.85.5K Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2026

⏱️ 49 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sarah what the fuck is your problem?

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to Beach, to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

0:13.3

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could.

0:39.3

Hello and welcome to Beach,, Sandy Water Too Wet.

0:42.7

This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

0:43.7

I am brother host.

0:45.2

My name is Zandi.

0:46.6

I'm sister host.

0:47.5

I'm Christine.

0:51.5

We are going to talk about airport shops today.

0:52.4

Heck yes.

1:28.4

We did just do a channeled message for Patreon. and by that, I mean, we did a bonus episode. Nobody knows. It came out of the blue from the heavens. The theme of the day, the month, was basketballs, so we did an episode about basketballs. And it weirdly wasn't channeled due to March Madness. No, it had nothing to do with that. I was also staring at a basketball hoop, but that also had nothing to do with it. It was a channel message from the divine. And we did a bonus episode on that. Oh, wait, was that when you're doing practicing your free throws? You were staring at a basketball hoop? Is that what's going on? That's right. And I said I have, I've just received a word from a higher source.

1:32.8

So it helps your game. Probably not. Not really. So we did that. It's reviews of basketballs. It's unhinged. I read reviews of silent basketballs, which was just weird. I came up with all

1:38.5

sorts of fun pranks. So if you go to patreon.com slash beach you Sandy, you can find that as well as add free listening and add free episodes on video as well as these monthly bonuses we do and discord fun place to hang out with everybody else and i'm going to start using discord more because i use it now for my astrology coven oh that's what it took because i'm like i've been on discord for my entire life it took my astrology coven to really get that's what it took? Because I'm like, I've been on Discord for my entire life.

2:18.7

It took my astrology coven to really get me into it. And now I'm kind of more active. So I'll try to hop into the Patreon one. But enough about that nonsense. It is nonsense. And you know what else is nonsense? The person who sent me a review, this first person. And this is an episode about airport shops. Oh, yeah. Which is classic.

2:23.4

And I have a review from Silly Sarah. Oh. So talk about nonsense. Delightful. We'll see.

2:31.3

This is a review of the Panda Express in the Albuquerque Sunport. Do you know how I know how to spell Albuquerque. And I say Albuquerque. I say Albuquerque to spell it in my head. Cool. Albuquerque. It's like it goes through my head every time I hear that word. I like it. Albu, that's me and B.E.A. Uiful was a big one for me. That's a good one. Yeah. Anyway, this is a review of Albuquerque, Sunport's, Panda Express, one star.

2:53.8

Why is it so bad?

2:55.7

I will never think of Panda Express the same.

2:58.1

This food will haunt me eternally.

3:00.1

And the cashier was screaming at his coworkers over the rangoons.

3:03.8

It was never that serious.

3:05.6

This Panda Express is more concerned about the placement of its rangangoons than the quality of its food, which is chicoronis.

...

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