The Look & Sound of Leadership

A chief officer finds himself repeatedly triggered by a peer. Afraid he’s going to say or do something he’ll regret, he asks his coach for tools. Three categories of self-regulation tools: PhysicalInternalExternal A visual tool with specific tools in each category is in our Tool bin. Ready for coaching? Reach out to Tom here. There are always more resources in our monthly email. Hear Tom’s most recent conversation on the Beyond Potential podcast here. Related Libra...

Transcribed - Published: 4 June 2026

A brilliant but rather shy leader is challenged by her management to be bigger, more executive, speak up more. She is grateful to work with a coach. You can build muscle around getting your voice heard by creating homework for yourself. Think of it like going to the gym: working out regularly helps you build muscle. When creating homework, ask yourself three questions: What am I going to pay attention to?What specific behavior am I going to start or stop?How will I measure succe...

Transcribed - Published: 7 May 2026

Tom interviews Dr. Lois Frankel about women in the workplace and other ideas in the just-published third edition of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office. Listen to the full, unedited conversation here. Get the “Nice Girls” book, here. If you’re curious about a chemistry call, pop Tom an email. There are always more resources in our monthly email. COACHES! You are always welcome at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. Reach out to ...

Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2026

Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s top four idea for conquering nervousness: Write happy endingsCelebrate incremental improvementExternalize your nasty voiceIgnore your nervesApplying these techniques using our free PDF about mastering nerves. The clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety before a global audience is here. Each month, we share additional tools in our m...

Transcribed - Published: 5 March 2026

A leader is getting pressured to stop being so prickly and gain some humility. With her coach, she explores whether it’s even possible for humility to ever be a strength. Core concepts in this episode: Humility is confidence without defensiveness.Assess yourself on the humility scale. “How do I respond to challenges?”Humble leaders are confident in their authority.Ask frequently: “How might I be wrong about this?”Humility requires active listening. Questions addressed in this episode...

Transcribed - Published: 5 February 2026

A chief officer is infuriated by the behavior of his egomaniacal CEO. With his coach, he explores how to be a healthy leader while reporting to a boss he doesn’t respect. Core concepts in this episode: Egomaniacs rattle our sense of self.They will not change.Worrying does not help.Be accountable for how you show up. Manage yourself.Don’t take anything personally. They’re just a piece on a chess board.Ask yourself: “Am I seeing this person clearly?” Don’t allow emotions to drive your actions.A...

Transcribed - Published: 8 January 2026

A senior vice-president worries that attention on his people’s development will get overwhelmed in the volume of work. He asks his coach for tools to make the process effective and efficient. Download our free tool that maps the Three Conversations Development Plan. Core Concepts Prioritizing professional development is hard. The 3-Conversation model makes development easy for the leader and meaningful for the person. The three conversations in summary: Define ‘what,’ ‘w...

Transcribed - Published: 11 December 2025

After a leader turns around the performance of one of his direct reports, he and his coach explore how it happened. And how to make it stick. Core ideas in the episode: Workplaces improve when positive feedback is presentOur natural human negative bias is a barrier to giving positive feedback.Learn to notice when things go well.Tell people how they are helping solve the puzzle that is work.Research says the most effective feedback ratio is 4-to-1, positive to developmental. Positive...

Transcribed - Published: 6 November 2025

A toxic boss destroys psychological safety on her team. One of her direct reports talks to his coach about how to survive. And how to keep his own team safe. Core ideas in the episode: Don’t take other people’s bad behavior personally.You are not a victim. You have choice.Document repeated bad behavior.Openly discussing mistakes without blame creates safety on a team.As the leader, be willing to admit your own mistakes.Ask people: “How do you think that went?” and “What could we do di...

Transcribed - Published: 2 October 2025

Concerned his introversion makes him less effective, a corporate vice president asks for coaching – from an extrovert! Together, the coach and client explore ways to assure his introversion is a strength. Myers Briggs Type Indicator assesses four preferences. One is Introversion and Extroversion. Download a free sample of the profile report here. The six tools unpacked in this episode are: Manage your energyMonitor your self-talkHave ideas readyManage your calendarShar...

Transcribed - Published: 11 September 2025

A leader with a direct report who is, she says, the most defensive person she’s ever known, devotes an entire coaching session to gathering tools to help her cope. All the tools and ideas and scripts in this episode are in an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. To work on “deserving” dive into The Four Agreements. Dig into more tools for managing defensive people in our podcast library in these three categories: Communication Skills Management Skills R...

Transcribed - Published: 7 August 2025

Still traumatized over an angry explosion she’d aimed at an abusive leader years before, a leader asks her coach to help her access healthy assertion to use during moments of conflict. Where are you on the assertion scale? Our assessments will tell you. In the episode, ASSERTION got divided into two skills: AWARENESS and EXPRESSION. The four-step script to build healthy ASSERTION is: SituationFeelingWantOutcome Part of assertion is EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Our tool defines ...

Transcribed - Published: 10 July 2025

Convinced that participants need to engage in order to learn, a leader is discouraged after the cheerless rollout of her online learning program. She turns to her coach for help facilitating virtual groups. Tools in this episode: Tone-setting at the opening: Get people engaged by using the chat to think together;Get people engaged by thinking about how they will show up (ground rules);Ask: “How engaged do you want to be?” Rank 1 – 7 in chat. (#3 came from Michael Bungay Stanier who wrote...

Transcribed - Published: 5 June 2025

Knowing she’s never been good with people, a leader seeks coaching to her deepen relationships in ways she can tolerate. Two ways to deepen workplace relationships: Matching & Curiosity 4 Ways to Match: Match Purpose Match Energy Match Conversations Match Vulnerability Express Curiosity by Asking Deep Questions Make sure your questions are open-endedInvite reflectionKeep the other person talking Answering questions powerfully is another way to deepen relationships...

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2025

A leader is losing credibility with her senior leaders. Her boss thinks she can turn it around by learning the sorting tool that transformed him as a communicator, so he brings in the coach who taught him. Sorting & Labeling! The grandaddy of all communication tools. If you can sort and label you will sound like a leader. The four steps in Sorting & Labeling: Use a headlineUse a numberLabel each numberTransition with clarity See it all for yourself in our free Sorting & Label...

Transcribed - Published: 3 April 2025

A leader was given one goal for his coaching: improve how he answered questions. Knowing he struggled with this not only at work, but at home, he asked his coach for tools. Our free PDF shows the two scripts: one for closed-ended questions, one for open-ended. Download it here. Don’t assume you know why people ask what they ask. You don’t. Ever. The closed-ended script: Answer what’s askedMatch LengthCheck for understandingThen add your detailsNo mattress stuffing! I...

Transcribed - Published: 6 March 2025

A leader suddenly hears how harshly she speaks to herself. Wanting help, she turns to her coach who gives her tools to build a practice of self-esteem. The three self-esteem practices are: Self-Acceptance: Practice being FOR yourselfSelf-Worth & Happiness: Practice saying, “I am worthy of being happy”Live in Reality: Practice acknowledging what is and what is not. Download our free Feeling Words Grid. The Tools bin with other free resources is here. Four ways to...

Transcribed - Published: 6 February 2025

A coaching client wonders what elements need to be present for someone to appear ‘executive.’ Two executive coaches ponder this question and come up with five elements they deem essential. Categories in the archive to explore: Developing New Behaviors Executive Presence Perception – How You’re Perceived Six episodes to dive into: 189 - Don’t Take Anything Personally 178 - Executive Presence – Three Pillars 168 - Influence 108 - Shouldering the Burden of Leadership 23 - Speed of Thought ...

Transcribed - Published: 9 January 2025

A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. Categories in the archive to explore: Communication Skills Executive Presence Presentation Skills Six episodes to dive into: 34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh 77 - The Power of Rehearsal 65 - Sorting & Labeling 180 - Becoming Expert 114 - Gravitas 124 - Personal ...

Transcribed - Published: 5 December 2024

A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode: When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?” Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” I...

Transcribed - Published: 7 November 2024

A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations. The 3 listening mindsets: Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separate Download the free multi-page learning tool about listening here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive: Communication Skills Managing Yourself Relationship Building Five episodes you might...

Transcribed - Published: 3 October 2024

Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy. Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/ Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxie...

Transcribed - Published: 5 September 2024

Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy. The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling: “The Executive Impostor” Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership” Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren Bennis The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman Additional tools ...

Transcribed - Published: 8 August 2024

A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF. In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions. Th...

Published: 11 July 2024

Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like. Resources for Building Your Networking Skills Leverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report. Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network” Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech” 10 Rules for Networking Link to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Too...

Transcribed - Published: 6 June 2024

An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode: The purpose of networking is to know people.Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself. Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Sto...

Transcribed - Published: 9 May 2024

Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves: Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your Nerves Here is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0 Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here. For Coaches! 2 Resources! 1. Coaching Stories Podcast 2. Executive Co...

Transcribed - Published: 4 April 2024

Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here. Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here. Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here. This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories: For...

Transcribed - Published: 7 March 2024

A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too. The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement. Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archiv...

Transcribed - Published: 1 February 2024

A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers. In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders “How to Deal with a Boss Who’s a Jerk.” Tom’s wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here. Free tools to support your professional development are in ...

Transcribed - Published: 11 January 2024

Tired of losing to more savvy players, a leader seeks to decode the secrets of playing politics, focusing particularly on company culture. Download our free Political Style Chart here. “The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Looking for a transcript of the show? Read it here. More tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories: For Women Perception – how you perceive others Relationship Building Here are five episodes to...

Transcribed - Published: 7 December 2023

A leader feels stuck. She sees others winning resources she felt should have been hers, but she hates playing politics. What to do? Download our free Political Style Chart here. “The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Many more tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories: Self-Talk Leadership For Women Here are five episodes to help develop your political savvy: 187 - Agreeable Disagreement 215 - How to Stay Calm Under ...

Transcribed - Published: 2 November 2023

A leader, surrounded by people she knows and trusts, can’t seem to get traction with them. In conversation with her coach, she discovers an unexpected cause. Tools for teams abound in this episode. The four tools Tom suggests as first steps for helping your team openly discuss ideas are: Say ‘thank you’ when people offer an idea;Be curious; don’t dismiss ideas or people;Don’t take differences personally; it’s not about you;Develop your comfort with disagreement. The Gradients of Agr...

Transcribed - Published: 4 October 2023

A co-founder, at odds with his partner (also his best friend!), reaches out to his coach for help saving the business and the friendship. The episode introduces The Conflict Resolution Wheel. Download it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like the Feeling Words Grid. The Wheel is based on a tool in the Couple Communication course, a program to help you understand and connect with your partner better. The course’s workbook, Talking and Listening ...

Transcribed - Published: 7 September 2023

A senior leader, having risen through the ranks, ends her coaching engagement by comparing notes with her coach about the skills that have helped her most. This episode identified seven essential leadership skills: Conquer catastrophic thinking;Use fewer words;Value relationships as highly as results;Don’t take anything personally;Commitment to Development;Reflection;Speak for Yourself.Resources to develop those last three: Commitment to Development The Executive Executive – an episode ...

Transcribed - Published: 3 August 2023

At the end of her rope, a leader asks her coach for help managing a direct report who, she says, is the most defensive person she’s ever met. This episode was packed with tools. We’ve put them into an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. Kim Scott, the best-selling author of the electric book Radical Candor, wrote a short, friendly guide with tools for handling defensive employees. Find it here. Harvard Business Review’s Amy Gallo talked with Dave Stachowiak ...

Transcribed - Published: 6 July 2023

During her first C-suite years, a leader burned a lot of bridges. Her boss, who’d traveled a similar path, gets her a coach and sets only one goal: repair relations through emotional intelligence. Lots and lots of tools and resources this month: Free downloads: The Feeling Words Grid EQ Model Books and papers to sharpen your skills “Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success” “The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success” “Thanks for the Feedback: The Sc...

Transcribed - Published: 8 June 2023

A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad. In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about: “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.” Conversations with Coaches – Episode #184 Executive Coaching Special Interest Group The Feeling Word Grid This episode is tagged in three ...

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2023

Wanting to command rooms with her voice, a team leader turned to her coach for exercises. She learned the secrets of “RVP.” In this episode, five practices to help you develop a voice that will command a room are discussed: Vocal varietyExpect resistanceRhythmVolumePitch This episode has multiple tips and tools for each of those five development areas. The Zootopia clip that gets so much attention is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHKwnUa3txo This episode is tagged i...

Transcribed - Published: 6 April 2023

In conversation with her coach, an executive explores whether leaders and managers use language differently in order to be effective in their roles. There are lots of ideas in this episode. To help you sort the tools and put them into practice, we’ve created an infographic for you to download. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Help yourself! This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library: LeadershipManagement SkillsPerception – How You’re Percei...

Transcribed - Published: 2 March 2023

An executive, in conversation with her coach, wonders if leaders and managers are different. And whether it matters. This episode has lots of ideas flying around. To help you sort the tools and put them into practice, we’ve created an infographic for you to download. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Help yourself! This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library: LeadershipManagement SkillsRelationship Building Five related episodes you might...

Transcribed - Published: 2 February 2023

A leader, stuck in an unhealthy cycle, searches for a way out. In conversation with his coach, he learns a four-square tool that just might work. A new free Essential Tool illustrating the four-square model is available for download in the Essential Tools bin. No login required. Help yourself. The model in this month’s episode is a variation on The ACT Matrix. Here’s our favorite YouTube video about The Matrix. The creators of The ACT Matrix wrote a book to help practitioners use the tool. ...

Transcribed - Published: 12 January 2023

A team leader had a habit of jumping to conclusions. His most recent leap landed him in hot water. In conversation with his coach, he learns a tool for making better choices. We created a new free Essential Tool illustrating The Ladder of Inference. It’s in the Essential Tools bin along with all the others. Please help yourself. The “Don’t Judge Too Quickly” ads are on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP8NRgWtPaE&t=18s This current episode is tagged in the library in three ca...

Transcribed - Published: 8 December 2022

A senior executive worries that his lieutenants are not being taken seriously by the senior leadership team. He discusses with a coach how to help his rising leaders accelerate their growth. This is that conversation. We created a new free Essential Tool for you called “Executive Thinking.” It illustrates the “altitude” analogy Tom told during the episode. It also supports one of the four exercises you can do with your team. Additional Essential Tools that support other ex...

Transcribed - Published: 3 November 2022

A leader causing upset among her people is given a coach. In conversation, they examine what might be triggering people to be upset with her. The exploration leads to a simple, yet difficult, idea. Transcripts of every episode are available for download in our library. Tom mentioned two episodes with mindfulness tools. They are: The Mindful Executive The Focused Executive. This episode is filed in three categories in the library: Managing Yourself Personal Growth & Self-Deve...

Transcribed - Published: 6 October 2022

A team leader is tired of kerfuffles. In conversation with her coach, she learns to use a simple chart that generates almost miraculous results. The chart is available to you here. Please, help yourself. Other tools for leading your team that Tom mentioned in this episode include The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. You can download a sample of the team development tool based on the book that Tom mentioned. The Five Behaviors of a Cohesive Team assessment is available to...

Transcribed - Published: 8 September 2022

What’s helpful to say when you’re in an argument? How can you prepare to have an argument? This month’s coaching conversation dives deeper into the topic of “Conflict” which began last month. This episode has scripts and concepts for mastering The Conflict Conversation. We’ve created another PDF to support your leadership development. It’s a feedback model detailing actions and intentions for you. If you’re serious about your leadership, you have to be serious about mastering the art of...

Transcribed - Published: 4 August 2022

Conflict is inevitable, but most of us were never taught skills to help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called “Conflict.” This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. If you’re looking to develop your executive presence, our latest PDF is for you. It talks about the four factors every executive needs to be effective. It’s free. You can find it in our Tools bin. Hel...

Transcribed - Published: 7 July 2022

A leader, often reticent to speak up on her own behalf, learns tools to help her ask for what she wants without worrying she’ll incite a battle. This month we’ve created another free PDF for you in our Tools bin. This one is to help you use video playback to achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This month’s episode is tagged in the Podcast Library in these three categories: Assertiveness Communication Skills Managing Yourself Related episodes you might listen to are: 188 Bo...

Transcribed - Published: 9 June 2022

Kindness is killing a leader’s ability to set and hold effective boundaries. She works with her coach to find her voice and along the way discovers an empowering image about boundaries. We’ve put lots of free PDFs in our Tools bin to help you achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership. This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library: Assertiveness Managing Yourself Self-Talk Five related episodes you might listen to are: 216 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks 20...

Transcribed - Published: 5 May 2022