Welcome back to the look and sound of leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henshel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to coach your people.

Laurel was no nonsense, whether talking about her kids or her enormous workload, Laurel cut to the chase, with Laurel there was no drama.

The goal for my coaching with Laurel, perhaps unsurprisingly, had been to warm her up, and we had. That was two years ago, and she had risen quickly since then.

Recently, she reached out to me asking if we could have a Zoom coffee, I said, sure. After we had caught up, she told me her reason for calling.

Her new boss was evangelizing that all his direct reports had to become coaches as well as bosses. He believed having bosses who were coaches would keep people engaged. He saw it as a retention strategy.

Laurel said, personally, I think it's insulting to professionals like you, as if I could do what you do just because he tells me to. I don't think so. Why not, I asked.

Well, for starters, I don't read people like you do, Tom. I said, I don't know that you have to. I don't think your boss is expecting you to turn into a professional coach. I think he's asking for a certain set of behaviors, a certain way of thinking.

She asked, and you think it's in my reach? Are you getting Laurel? You, yes.

Okay, she said, good. That's why I called. So, can you turn me into a coach before the end of the call? I really need some help.

For me, this was like treats to a dog. I said, you bet. I rubbed my hands together, smiling, and I said, I'm going to teach you a model for steps.

When you want to coach one of your people, just think of these four steps. They're good. You ready? Shoot, she said, picking up her pen and adjusting her pad. I said, grow.

That's the acronym, GROW. As she wrote, she said, tidy bit of naming. I said, it's been around forever. There was this guy in the 1980s who's like the grandfather of leadership coaching, Sir John Whitmore.

He came up with this back then, and it has lasted. It works. So, here we go, four steps. I said, the G in GROW stands for goal.

I don't know if you remember, back when you and I first met, we had a lot of goals set in conversations. Our very first conversation was about goals for the coaching. She said, yeah.

And again, with Alejandra, she was my boss back then, you remember? She told us her goals. I remember that conversation. And I said, after your 360, we talked about goals again. That was when we really locked them in.

She said, wait, are you saying I'm going to talk with my people about goals like that over and over? That doesn't seem right. Why not? I asked, well, I'm their boss. Aren't I the one who's telling them what needs fixing?

But wait, Laurel, we're coaching, not fixing. But yes, you're right. You might identify the goal, but that's just the beginning of this step, this G goal.

You and I talked a lot about your goals over and over because that's actually part of the coaching process. Every time we discussed the coaching goals, you got to think out loud about the work you and I were going to do together.

It gave you time to position yourself to start growing. Oh, you sneak, she said. Did you know that was happening? Well, it's pretty typical, which is why I'm mentioning it to you. Once you name a goal, ask a lot of questions.

How do they think about that goal? What's been their experience of it up until today? How far back has it been in their life? She said, you're assuming a lot? In what way I asked?

You're assuming the person actually understands the goal? Well, true. Yes, I am. Here's why. I assume you, as the boss, will select a goal that has been introduced at least once before, a performance review, something.

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