Welcome back to the look and sound of leadership.

An ongoing series of executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the

workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henshel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to build self-awareness.

Chinson seemed unable to recognize her own feelings.

I noticed this during the coaching when she would talk about her boss Martina.

Managing up was a major goal Chinson had for herself through the coaching, so we talked

about Martina a lot.

Early in our coaching, here's what would happen.

Chinson would tell me an encounter with Martina.

While she was talking about her boss, her language would blossom with emotional words.

Her breath would shorten, she'd bounce in agitation, and when I would reflect what I

had witnessed, I'd say something like, well, it sounds upsetting, or, well, that must

have been hard to hear.

She would snap out of her emotions and deny she was having any feelings at all.

Everything was fine, she'd say.

The story was just kind of funny, she'd say.

I learned to listen silently, and then I tried something different.

After she would tell me a story where I had seen emotion, I would wait until her emotions

had ebbed, and then later I'd ask her, hey, what do you think about that story?

She would insist she didn't have any thoughts about it at all.

It was what it was, she would tell me.

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