Welcome back to the look and sound of leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips

designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to build self-esteem.

Tamara was quick to blame herself.

One goal for her coaching was to be more assertive with her boss, Jess.

Tamara and I would rehearse assertive conversations, and she would take them to Jess.

Afterwards, Tamara would tell me all the ways it had gone wrong.

One day, reciting another failure, she stopped.

She said, do you hear how I talk to myself?

It's no wonder I'm not more assertive with Jess.

Hearing what I say to myself, it's like I think I'm an idiot or something.

"'I wish it would stop.'

"'I asked, if it did stop, what would be different?'

"'She gave a laugh.

"'I might be happy. That'd be a change.'

"'Huh,' I said, really, you're not happy?'

"'Well, no, I mean, I'm not unhappy, but I do worry a lot. I've always been a worrier.

You've heard me. I mean, mostly, I worry what I'm doing wrong. That's how it feels. It feels like

I'm doing my life wrong. So there you go. Yeah, maybe I am unhappy. I ask sincerely,

you don't know?'

"'No, I do.

"'Well, it's hard, isn't it, being disappointed?'

...