Welcome back to the look and sound of leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips

designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to disarm

a trigger.

Meg liked having things in order.

As she saw it, order happened when people, including herself, followed rules.

Living by rules gave Meg fierce certainty.

Meg was given a coach, because people were often upset with her.

I asked her what she knew about people being upset with her.

She said, My standards are naturally high.

I'm not unreasonable, but I know what good work looks like, and I'm not going to accept

anything less.

When that upsets people I asked, I guess so.

I guess people don't like being told they've missed the mark, but I'm sorry, that's my job.

I said, Suppose I was the one who missed the mark, what would I hear from you?

She gave a laugh, well you'd hear something different today than a year ago.

This woman from HR told me I should start with questions.

So now, before I tell them what needs fixing, I do a little investigating.

I asked, What are you investigating?

What went wrong, she said, or at least their version of what went wrong, but usually

it's pretty clear that whatever happened, they should have known better.

These are not junior people.

...