Taming the Defensiveness Dragon

The Look & Sound of Leadership

Essential Communications - Tom Henschel

Education, Executive Coaching, Self-improvement, Executive Presence, Careers, Business, Management

4.8 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 6 July 2023

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

At the end of her rope, a leader asks her coach for help managing a direct report who, she says, is the most defensive person she’s ever met. This episode was packed with tools. We’ve put them into an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. Kim Scott, the best-selling author of the electric book Radical Candor, wrote a short, friendly guide with tools for handling defensive employees. Find it here. Harvard Business Review’s Amy Gallo talked with Dave Stachowiak ...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips
0:08.2	designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.
0:13.6	I'm Tom Henshel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about
0:17.4	Taming the Defensiveness Dragon.
0:22.8	Jackie was a highly analytical introvert.
0:26.6	I learned early in our coaching.
0:28.6	She used silence to think.
0:32.2	It's not to say she didn't speak up.
0:34.2	When she felt strongly about something, the words flew out of her.
0:37.4	From our very first conversation, I knew Jackie felt strongly
0:41.4	about a direct report of her's named Tate.
0:44.4	Tate was, according to Jackie, the most defensive person she had ever met.
0:49.7	Not every minute of every day, not even every day.
0:52.8	But when she would attempt to give him feedback, his hackles would go up.
0:56.1	He'd interrupt her and say things like, I do have my MBA, you know,
1:00.0	or I don't know why I even try.
1:04.1	I asked Jackie if she thought Tate's defensiveness might be triggered by her gender or her race.
1:10.1	She didn't think so.
1:11.4	She told me he displayed the same defensive behaviors in meetings with department heads and chief officers.
1:17.5	Recently, during a coaching conversation, she said to me,
1:20.2	that's why I'd like to help him.
1:22.3	I know he's ambitious, but if he keeps it up,
	...

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