The Angry Therapist Podcast

Joy, trauma, grief, healing. What if they’re all connected? In this conversation, John sits down with Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald to explore what trauma actually does to the nervous system, why joy is more than a fleeting feeling, and how small moments of joy can help us stay grounded through life’s hardest seasons. They discuss the science behind joy, common misconceptions about trauma, how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, and why healing may require letting go of identities built around suffering. The conversation also touches on grief, psychedelics, nervous system regulation, and finding meaning after loss. In this episode: • Why joy can help regulate and rewire the nervous system • What trauma really does to the body and brain • How childhood trauma shows up in adult relationships • The danger of identifying too strongly with your wounds • Why grief may be more transformative than we realize • The role of flow states, surfing, and presence in healing Also mentioned: • MaryCatherine’s books Unbroken https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things-ebook/dp/B0B19CVVNM and The Joy Reset https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Reset-Trauma-Steals-Happiness/dp/0306836262 • Her upcoming K-12 resilience curriculum focused on trauma, stress, and joy • Her current work exploring grief through writing and poetry If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who may need it, and leave a review to help others find these conversations. Follow Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald Website: https://www.drmcmcdonald.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/?hl=en 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 3 June 2026

What if the thing you keep chasing isn’t actually better... just more familiar? In this solo Q&A episode, John Kim reflects on fantasy, gratitude, emotional presence, and the difference between intensity and real love. From surfing in Costa Rica to answering listener questions about confidence, breakups, infidelity, and self-abandonment in relationships, this episode explores what happens when you stop escaping yourself and start paying attention to what’s actually here. Key points covered: • Why we romanticize the past and overlook the present • The difference between intensity and consistency in love • How healthy relationships create clarity instead of confusion • What confidence actually comes from • Signs you may be abandoning yourself in a relationship • Whether couples can rebuild after infidelity If this episode helped you, send it to someone who may need to hear it. Follow, rate, and share the podcast to support the show. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 1 June 2026

John Kim explores what it really means to “seek nectar” in everyday life and why tiny moments of beauty, awe, and presence might matter more than we think. In this solo episode, John reflects on life in Costa Rica, nervous system healing, and the difference between surviving and actually feeling alive. He shares how years of stress and hyper vigilance can train us to scan for danger, and how intentionally noticing small moments of joy can slowly rewire the brain toward expansion, connection, and presence. Key points from this episode: • Why “stress narrows you and nectar expands you” • How survival mode becomes a default nervous system state • The neuroscience behind joy, presence, and neuroplasticity • What it means to train your body to “expect beauty again” • Tiny moments that create aliveness, awe, and emotional regulation • Why healing also means collecting new emotional experiences John also shares personal reflections on surfing, Costa Rica, creativity, parenthood, relationships, and the small rituals that bring him back to himself. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need the reminder to seek more nectar in their life. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and becoming more human. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 27 May 2026

Love often starts as a drug. But what happens when the high wears off? In this episode, John Kim explores the difference between “drug-based love” and “medicine-based love,” and why most relationships struggle when chemistry begins to settle. He talks about projection, love addiction, emotional growth, and how real healing begins when relationships stop being a place to escape yourself and become a place to return to yourself. John also shares personal reflections on rebuilding life in Costa Rica after losing his home in Altadena, and how reinvention is shaping this new season of his life. Key points covered: • Why love feels intoxicating in the beginning • The difference between chemistry and healing • How projection shapes modern dating • “Recess love” vs mature relational work • Why repair matters more than avoiding conflict • How healthy love can rewire old patterns and fears Resources & mentions: • John discusses his new book, Love Hard on Purpose • Listeners who purchase the book get access to his private WhatsApp community If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s learning the difference between chemistry and healing. Follow the podcast for more conversations on love, growth, and relationships. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 May 2026

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers listener questions about anxious attachment, exes, blame, perfectionism, makeup sex, and relationship myths. He explores how attachment patterns affect your partner, why we sometimes stay mentally connected to an ex, and how to know whether a relationship has real long-term potential. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship has legs, why you keep blaming your partner, or why you still think about someone from your past, this episode will help you slow down and look at the deeper patterns underneath. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 21 May 2026

In this episode, John explores the different dimensions of intimacy, including emotional, spiritual, mental, passionate, physical, and energy intimacy. He emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for emotional vulnerability, engaging in meaningful conversations, and practicing empathy and compassion. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 20 May 2026

What should you really look for when choosing someone to love? In this episode, John Kim explores why attraction alone is not enough to build a healthy relationship. He breaks down how instant chemistry can sometimes come from old patterns, why emotional intelligence matters more than intellect, and how self-awareness, consistency, and the ability to create safety are essential in love. John also shares why strong relationships are often built around something bigger than the couple itself, whether that is shared values, purpose, family, creativity, spirituality, or service. This episode is a reminder to look beyond the spark and ask what kind of relationship you are actually building. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 May 2026

This episode starts with a story about peeing on himself… and somehow turns into a conversation about masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, and rebuilding love after loss. John records this one off the cuff from a coffee shop in Costa Rica and reflects on the traits he once saw as flaws, the surprising depth that can happen in men’s groups, and a relationship question that’s changing the way he shows up in marriage. He also shares why he believes some relationships need to “die” in order for something more honest to be rebuilt. In this episode: • Why impulsiveness and intensity may not be the problem • The question John asked a men’s group: “How is your heart?” • How emotional safety changes the way men open up • Why some long-term relationships stop evolving • “What I need” vs “what the relationship needs” • Rebuilding a marriage after loss and change If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s navigating growth, love, or reinvention. Follow the podcast for new episodes every week. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 13 May 2026

Some relationship patterns aren’t about the present. They’re about wounds your nervous system learned a long time ago. In this episode, John Kim breaks down some of the most common emotional wounds people carry into relationships, including abandonment, rejection, betrayal, control, emotional deprivation, and loss of self. He explains how these wounds become patterns, why we react instead of respond, and what healing actually looks like in real time. Key points covered: • Why wounds are about meaning, not just events • How childhood experiences shape adult relationship patterns • The difference between reacting from protection vs truth • Why people repeat the same emotional cycles in relationships • How abandonment and rejection wounds show up in everyday moments • What it means to create a corrective love experience John also shares personal reflections about rebuilding life after losing his home in the Altadena fires and moving into a new home in Costa Rica. He mentions his upcoming book, Love Hard on Purpose, and a private WhatsApp group for readers who pre-order the book. If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it and follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and growth. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2026

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering your questions about dating, attraction, conflict, infidelity, and the messy middle of deciding whether a relationship is worth repairing. We explore what to look for when you’re dating, how much of your past to share with a partner, and whether physical attraction can grow over time. We also get into the harder questions: why a spouse might become distant after an affair, how to rebuild trust, when to go to couples counseling, and how to know whether conflict is healthy or a sign that something deeper is wrong. This episode also touches on emotional healing after heartbreak, finding yourself again, staying positive through difficult seasons, and why an ex might still be watching your life from a distance. Whether you’re dating, rebuilding, questioning, or letting go, this conversation is about learning to listen to yourself, understand the patterns at play, and make choices from clarity instead of fear. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 7 May 2026

In this deeply personal episode, John Kim revisits his story with fresh eyes and new perspective. From divorce and failed screenwriting dreams to becoming a therapist, building a life in Los Angeles, and then losing it all in a fire, he reflects on the defining “act breaks” that reshaped his identity. Now rebuilding in Costa Rica, John explores what it means to live without a blueprint and to design a life rooted in presence, courage, and truth. Key Points Covered • The difference between a life “chapter” and an “act break” • Losing his home in a fire and how it forced radical change • Letting go of a screenwriting dream and finding purpose as a therapist • Building the “Angry Therapist” platform through authenticity • How loss stripped away excuses and created space for reinvention • Redefining life, success, and home while rebuilding in Costa Rica If this story resonated with you, make sure to subscribe for more conversations on growth, relationships, and rebuilding your life. Mentions: John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2026

In this episode, John explores why trying to bring a relationship back to what itonce was can quietly hold it back. Instead of restoring the past, he reframes love as something that must evolve alongside the people in it, requiring honesty, effort, and a willingness to grow together. He breaks down how relationships naturally fall out of alignment over time and why that doesn’t mean they’re broken. Through communication, truth-telling, and emotional capacity, alignment becomes something you build rather than something you either “have” or don’t. John shares three grounded ways to realign when things feel off, including telling the current truth, updating the relationship instead of restoring it, and focusing on willingness over perfection. The episode also touches on the idea that some relationships need to “die” in order to be rebuilt in a way that actually fits who both people are today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 4 May 2026

In this vulnerable solo episode, John Kim explores love and sex addiction through the lens of attachment, emotional regulation, childhood wounds, and relationship ruptures. After a painful conflict with his partner, John reflects on how love can become a way to regulate anxiety, emptiness, and the need to feel wanted or chosen. He unpacks the difference between real love and chasing intensity, and why healing means learning to sit with your own internal state without immediately reaching for someone else to fix it. 🎙️ More about John:📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 29 April 2026

What happens when two men in their 50s look back at the childhood pain that shaped them and realize friendship can be medicine? John rides in the car with therapist, author, and longtime friend Sam Louie for an honest conversation about Asian shame, childhood trauma, masculinity, and healing. Sam shares what it was like immigrating from Hong Kong, growing up in South Seattle, navigating racism and bullying, and living in survival mode from a young age. Together, John and Sam explore how early pain shaped their nervous systems, relationships, and sense of self. They talk about shame, porn, divorce, therapy, parts work, and the healing power of male friendship. This is a raw conversation about identity, repair, and what it means to be truly seen. Connect with Sam https://linktr.ee/AsianShame More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 27 April 2026

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers some of the hardest relationship questions people carry quietly: trust after infidelity, emotional disconnection, fading desire, avoidant partners, honesty that hurts, and the pain of knowing when it may be time to let go. He explores what it really takes to rebuild trust, why emotional depth matters, what can motivate someone to finally do the work, and how to move through guilt, disappointment, and heartbreak without abandoning yourself. If you have ever felt torn between hope and reality in love, this episode will give you clarity, language, and perspective. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 23 April 2026

Turning 53 has John reflecting on what actually matters. In this birthday episode, he shares five revelations shaped by loss, growth, love, and starting over. From losing his house to finding more meaning, joy, and freedom, this is a deeply personal conversation about accepting the truth, living in alignment, and letting life change you. He talks about why growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion, why love is something we build and practice, and why starting over is not failure but a skill. This episode feels like a check-in with yourself. A reminder that what was true for you before may not be true now. That chasing highs will never give you the kind of life alignment can. That love is less about finding the perfect feeling and more about consistency, repair, and honesty. And that no matter your age, you can begin again. If you’ve been reevaluating your life, grieving an old version of yourself, or wondering whether it’s too late to change course, this episode will meet you there. In this episode: Truth changes your life when you fully accept it Why alignment matters more than chasing highs Growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion Love is built through consistency, honesty, and repair You can start over more times than you think 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 22 April 2026

In this episode, John Kim sits down with relationship expert and author Amy Chan to talk about dating patterns, childhood wounds, grief, commitment, and what it really takes to build healthy love. Amy shares how the sudden loss of a close friend changed the way she thinks about relationships and why creating core memories with the people you love matters more than convenience. John opens up about how losing his home reshaped his idea of freedom, home, and what truly matters. Together, they explore how childhood neglect, validation-seeking, and old survival strategies continue to shape adult dating patterns. They also break down Amy’s framework for dating smarter, including how to spot where your dating life gets stuck, why apps should not be your only strategy, and how your energy affects connection. They talk about dopamine, fantasy, and why the first three months of dating can be misleading. Later, they unpack commitment, unrealistic expectations, relationship trade-offs, triggers, repair, and emotional safety. Amy explains her “Sh*t Bucket” concept and why healthy love is not about finding a perfect partner, but choosing someone whose imperfections you can actually live with. They close with a hopeful reminder: love is hard, but it is still worth building. In this episode: (00:00) The real reason your dating life keeps repeating(00:29) Grief changed how Amy thinks about love(02:09) John’s life after losing home and redefining freedom(03:15) Amy Chan on dating smarter and finding lasting love(05:03) The childhood wounds behind adult relationship patterns(10:29) The patterns sabotaging your love life(14:24) People can feel your dating energy(16:15) Why the first 3 months can fool you(20:02) Why love only grows when you go all in(23:30) Social media is warping our expectations of love(26:34) Every relationship comes with a “Sh*t Bucket”(28:57) Triggers, conflict, and healing inside relationships(33:24) What repair actually looks like in healthy love(37:08) What happens when only one partner wants to grow(43:14) Why love is hard and still worth it About Amy Chan: Amy Chan is the author of Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts — a fun, science-backed dating guide that helps people interrupt the relationship patterns keeping love just out of reach and build healthier, lasting connections. Dubbed the “scientific Carrie Bradshaw” by The Observer, Amy has been a trusted voice in modern relationships for nearly two decades. In 2016, she founded Renew Breakup Bootcamp, the world’s first heartbreak retreat. She also leads Dating Bootcamp and is on faculty at Esalen and The Omega Institute. Her first book, Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, was featured in The New York Times and optioned by a major streaming network. Her work has appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New Yorker, The Guardian, and USA Today. Books: Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts (Pre-order) https://amzn.to/48xS01r Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Hearthttps://amzn.to/3wBZxxi Websites: www.renewbreakupbootcamp.com www.renewbootcamps.com www.missamychan.com www.hearthackersclub.com www.UnsingleByAmyChan.com (launching soon) Connect with Amy: Instagram Handle: https://www.instagram.com/missamychan LinkedIn URL: https://www.linkedin.com/in/missamychan/ Tik Tok Handle: https://www.tiktok.com/@missamychan Twitter Handle: www.twitter.com/missamychan YouTube Handle: https://www.youtube.com/missamychan  🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 20 April 2026

Love can feel intoxicating. The chemistry, the obsession, the constant thinking about someone, the emotional highs and lows. But just because love feels intense does not mean it is healthy. In this episode, John Kim explores one of the most important relationship questions you can ask yourself: Is your love acting like a drug, or is it becoming medicine? He breaks down how love can become something you use to regulate your worth, soothe your anxiety, or escape yourself. He also explains how healthy love, while not always comfortable, can become a powerful place for self-awareness, healing, and growth. John unpacks the difference between addictive love and healing love, why intensity is not always intimacy, and how attachment wounds can disguise themselves as chemistry. He also shares what needs to happen for love to shift from something that destabilizes you to something that helps you become more grounded, honest, and self-connected. If you have ever confused passion with pain, chased reassurance, or lost yourself trying to hold onto a relationship, this episode will help you look at love more clearly. A self-check for your relationship Your internal state Do I feel anxious more than I feel grounded in this connection or relationship? Do I need reassurance often to feel okay? Do I feel a high when they lean in and a crash when they pull back? Do I think about them more than I feel connected to myself? Your behaviorDo I change how I show up based on how they are acting?Do I overgive, overtext, or overexplain when I feel distance?Do I ignore things that do not feel right to keep the connection?Do I try to manage how they see me instead of just being myself? Your relationship to discomfortWhen I feel triggered, do I reach for them instead of sitting with myself?Do I avoid conflict to keep things good?Do I stay longer than I should because of potential?Do I confuse intimacy with intensity? Your clarityDo I know where I stand, or am I often guessing?Am I in love with who they are or who I hope they will become?Am I choosing them, or am I trying to be chosen? Your identityDo I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?Am I proud of how I show up here?If this ended today, would I feel broken or grounded in myself? Final questionIn this relationship, am I trying to feel better, or am I trying to become better? 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 15 April 2026

What happens when a city-built life gets interrupted, and something quieter begins to call you in? In this episode, John Kim sits down with Brooks Wilson for a conversation about nature, nervous system regulation, mindfulness, healing, and what it means to move through life with more intention. Brooks shares what it was like growing up in Tamarindo, Costa Rica before major development, how nature shaped her from an early age, and how surfing, yoga, sound healing, and ceremony became part of her path. Together, John and Brooks explore the contrast between fast-paced city living and a slower, more grounded way of being. They talk about presence, eye contact, human connection, gratitude, manifestation, and the healing power of sound, nature, and community. John also opens up about how his move to Costa Rica has been reshaping him after major life upheaval, and why this season feels less like escape and more like medicine. This is a conversation about returning to what matters, learning to listen differently, and finding alignment in unexpected places. Brooks Wilson is a Costa Rica–based yoga teacher, sound healer, and ceremonial guide. You can learn more about her work here: Abouthttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/about Book a sessionhttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/sessions Journeys and retreatshttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/journeys/india 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 13 April 2026

In this episode of Therapy Thursdays, John responds to listener questions about love, trust, identity, and the emotional patterns that keep us stuck. He explores the difference between real love and limerence, why some people struggle to let love in, and how fear can disguise itself as protection, control, or certainty. He also gets into the tension between equality and fairness in relationships, what it means to outgrow an old identity, and how past betrayal, heartbreak, or attachment wounds can shape the way we connect. From red flags and self-worth to trust after infidelity, this episode is a deep dive into the patterns that quietly run our relationships. If you have ever wondered whether what you are feeling is love, fear, fantasy, or unresolved pain, this conversation will help you look deeper. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 9 April 2026

How do childhood wounds, past relationships, and old emotional patterns shape your definition of love? In this episode, John Kim explores how relationship residue turns into distorted definitions of love. He breaks down how early experiences, family dynamics, unhealthy conflict, self-sacrifice, and internalized pain can create a damaging love blueprint that follows us into adulthood. John unpacks the unhealthy ways many people define love, including love as self-sacrifice, possession, completion, and dependency. He explains how these distorted beliefs can lead to codependency, control, unrealistic expectations, self-abandonment, and unhealthy relationship patterns. He also shares how heartbreak, expired relationships, and self-awareness can become a corrective love experience that helps you redefine love in a healthier way. Instead of losing yourself in romance, healthy love is built through interdependence, communication, compassion, conflict repair, individuality, and emotional growth. If you’ve ever struggled with attachment wounds, toxic relationship patterns, fear of abandonment, or confusion about what real love looks like, this episode will help you question the definitions you inherited and create a healthier, more grounded version of love. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2026

In this episode, John sits down for a layered conversation on erotica, desire, safety, and what it really means to feel alive in your life and relationships. They explore the idea that erotica is not just about sex, but about presence, sensuality, connection, and being fully turned on by your own life instead of moving through it on autopilot. The conversation also unpacks why sex and closeness can feel so different for different people, how safety shapes intimacy, and why desire often changes in long-term relationships. John, Madeleine and Vanessa also talk about self-abandonment, the pressure we put on romantic relationships, the tension between love and freedom, and the importance of living not just from the mind, but from the body and soul too. This episode is about intimacy, embodiment, emotional truth, and learning how to stay connected to yourself while building deeper connection with someone else. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa Instagram https://www.instagram.com/vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 Madeleine Downey IG: https://www.instagram.com/MadeleineDowney Substack: https://madeleinedowney.substack.com  🎙️ Host Links: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 6 April 2026

In this episode, John talks with Robin Ducharme about her new book, Real Love Ready, and the deeper work of learning how to love well. They explore grief, forgiveness, childhood patterns, codependency, and the myths about love that keep people stuck. Robin shares how losing her twin brother changed her life and why relational literacy may be one of the most important skills we can develop. If you want healthier relationships with yourself and others, this conversation is for you. Guest Links: Book: https://geni.us/RealLoveReadyBook In Bloom Summit April 10-12, 2026, in Vancouver, BC and Online: www.inbloomsummit.com Real Love Ready Website: www.realloveready.com Real Love Ready Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realloveready/ 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2026

John explores how many of us are loving from a definition we never consciously chose. From family dynamics to heartbreak and old emotional imprints, he breaks down how our love blueprint gets formed and why it keeps pulling us into familiar patterns. He also shares three practical homework exercises to help you uncover your current definition of love, identify your relationship patterns, and separate real chemistry from emotional familiarity. If you keep ending up in the same relationship with a different face, this episode is for you. 🎙️ Host Links: Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 30 March 2026

In this episode of Therapy Thursdays, John answers listener questions about love, fear, disconnection, self-worth, and the hard decisions people face when relationships no longer feel clear. He explores whether situationships can actually work, what happens when intimacy disappears in a long-term marriage, and how to tell if you are staying because of love or simply because fear is keeping you stuck. He also unpacks attraction in romantic relationships, what it means to like yourself, how to regulate your nervous system, and how to know whether you are making the right decision in life when everything feels uncertain. This episode is for anyone questioning their relationship, struggling to reconnect, or trying to trust themselves enough to choose what is true. 🎙️ Host Links: Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 26 March 2026

In this episode, John reflects on what it means to feel complete and asks a powerful question: what in your life feels unfinished? He explores how so many of us chase worth, peace, and wholeness through achievement, validation, or external circumstances, while the real work may be learning how to feel whole from within. This is a conversation about unfinished parts of ourselves, living with more intention, and finding completeness even when life is uncertain or unresolved. If you have been feeling restless, behind, or like something is missing, this episode will give you space to reflect on what truly brings you back to yourself. 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, sex and pancakes retreat https://surfsexandpancakes.com/ Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2026

In this episode, John explores the link between masculinity, exercise, and self-worth, and how many men learn to chase confidence through strength, discipline, and physical ability. An unexpected car incident during the golf cart ride sparks a conversation about masculine fear, community, and the importance of men checking and supporting each other in healthy ways. He reflects on heartbreak, competition, and the gym as a path to identity, while also asking the deeper question of whether a man’s worth can ever really come from muscle alone. If you have ever felt insecure, questioned your worth, or wondered why you want to build your body in the first place, this episode is for you. Timestamps: (00:00) Masculine Fear and Insomnia (03:56) Andy Thompson Fitness Origins (18:03) Navy SEAL Dream and Party Fight (19:48) Bladder Rupture Emergency (22:25) CrossFit Origins and Friendship (29:46) Helping Others and Next Chapter Guest Links: Find Andy on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/andy86thomps Contact Andy via email at andythompsontraining@gmail.com Website: https://www.andythompsontraining.com/ 🎙️ Host Links: Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 23 March 2026

John breaks down why “2x love” keeps people stuck in the same patterns, while “10x love” asks for a total redesign. He talks about self-respect, raising your standards, releasing old blueprints, and building a relationship that feels aligned instead of familiar. If you’ve been trying to fix love without really changing it, this episode is for you. Timestamps: (00:00) Two X Fixes (00:25) Podcast Intro Abroad (01:11) The 10X Idea (02:59) Two X Love Traps (04:24) Designing 10X Love (05:41) Why 10X Feels Easier (06:24) The Fear of Letting Go (08:05) Rethinking The Blueprint (11:09) Build A New Container (13:53) Truth Talks And Wrap Up Book mentioned: 10x Is Easier than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less https://tinyurl.com/yrb6bn6j 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2026

In this episode, John sits down with Kiran K Aulakh, acupuncturist and craniosacral practitioner, for a conversation about healing, sensitivity, and what it means to reconnect with the body. Kiran shares how jaw pain, anxiety, and restricted self-expression first led her inward, and how that journey eventually became a calling toward acupuncture and the healing arts. Together, she and John explore what acupuncture actually does, how Eastern and Western frameworks can both help explain it, and why the body often knows long before the mind catches up. This conversation moves beyond needles and technique into something deeper: intuition, receptivity, nervous system regulation, and the practice of letting the body guide your life. If you have ever felt disconnected from yourself, unsure how to trust your body, or curious about acupuncture as more than just pain relief, this episode is for you. Timestamps: (00:00) The body as vessel, vehicle, and altar (02:12) John’s history with acupuncture (04:08) How Kiran found healing work (07:48) What acupuncture actually does (10:09) Why touch, intuition, and listening matter (15:18) Sensitivity as a gift (20:30) Safety, receptivity, and the nervous system (24:20) Why we disconnect from the body (31:31) Letting the body guide your life (36:37) Kiran’s advice for anyone new to acupuncture Connect with Kiran:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/venusrituals_costarica 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 16 March 2026

In this episode, John answers listener questions about attachment wounds, commitment issues, trauma bonds, intrusive thoughts, divorce, and the painful question so many people wrestle with: is this relationship worth fighting for, or is it time to let go? He explores what actually kills relationships, why healthy love can sometimes feel unfamiliar, how to begin healing avoidant patterns, and what it means to choose yourself when your whole life is about to change. This is an honest conversation about love, fear, grief, boundaries, and the courage it takes to face hard truths. If you are stuck between holding on and walking away, this episode is for you. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 12 March 2026

In this episode, John unpacks relationship truths no one really prepares you for. From missing who you were in a relationship, to being healing and still drawn to old patterns, this conversation explores what love, compatibility, and growth actually look like. He also breaks down why real compatibility is about more than shared interests, how nervous systems shape relationships, and why steady love may be healthier than the kind that feels electric. A grounded episode on heartbreak, healing, patterns, and choosing differently. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2026

What if ADHD isn’t just about focus… but about a nervous system stuck in survival mode? Therapist Jenna Free explains why many ADHD brains are living in chronic fight-or-flight—and why productivity tools like planners and to-do lists often fail. In this episode, Jenna shares how her own late ADHD diagnosis in graduate school led her to rethink everything she was taught about ADHD treatment. Instead of adding more systems and strategies, she began focusing on nervous system regulation. When the body is dysregulated, executive functioning drops, urgency increases, and people get stuck in a familiar ADHD pattern: on → crash → repeat. Jenna introduces the concept of “alignment with reality” — learning to match your internal state to what’s actually happening instead of fighting reality with thoughts like “I’m behind” or “there’s not enough time.” We also explore ADHD in women and motherhood, the cultural pressure to constantly produce, and how productivity for productivity’s sake can disconnect us from joy, presence, and the people we care about most. Jenna shares practical ways to regulate in everyday life, including recognizing signs of dysregulation, slowing the body to signal safety, and identifying the beliefs that keep us stuck in urgency. If you constantly feel rushed, overwhelmed, or trapped by your to-do list, this episode will change how you think about ADHD, productivity, and regulation. 🔗 Guest Links: Book Title: THE SIMPLE GUIDE TO ADHD REGULATION: The Secret to Finding Balance, Getting Things Done, and Enjoying Website: https://www.adhdwithjennafree.com/ TikTok: @adhdwithjennafree ; www.tiktok.com/@adhdwithjennafree Instagram: @adhdwithjennafree ; www.instagram.com/adhdwithjennafree Podcast: ADHD with Jenna Free; https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/adhd-with-jenna-free/id1801356817 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 9 March 2026

In this episode, I walk through my past relationships and take ownership of the ways I’ve been unsafe. I share specific moments - steamrolling my ex-wife with logic instead of empathy, making subtle body comments that landed harder than I understood, ending relationships abruptly, and moving on too quickly after a breakup. At the time, I justified a lot of it. Looking back, I see the impact. I also talk about asking my current partner to tell me how I’ve made her feel unsafe over the past eight years. I held her, promised not to defend myself, and listened. And I cried. This isn’t about shame. It’s about ownership. If you’re a man listening, the question isn’t “Am I a good guy?”It’s: Where have I been unsafe — and what would it mean to do better? 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2026

Most of us were never taught how to communicate in relationships. So we react. We defend. We assume. We build resentment. In this solo episode, John reframes “communication” as something deeper: intimacy, attunement, and repair. Because it’s not the conflict that destroys relationships — it’s the lack of repair. John breaks down how to “fight without fighting,” including: • Trying to understand before trying to be understood • Naming your activation instead of attacking • Taking ownership to create repair • Setting intentional time to practice connection • Using I statements and watching tone • Using touch and body language to soften conflict • Listening while considering your partner’s story Healthy intimacy isn’t chemistry. It’s skill. And every conflict is a chance to break a pattern — or repeat one. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 2 March 2026

In this episode, I answer your questions about breakups, expired relationships, and finding the courage to choose yourself. We talk about how to let go when you’re struggling to accept it’s over, how to know if a relationship is worth saving, and what it really takes to leave. I also break down the real stages of a relationship, advice for your first one, and how to slow yourself down while dating. This one is about self-trust, endings, and learning to stop clinging to what’s already expired. Let’s get into it. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠ Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 26 February 2026

A breakup can feel like the end of everything. But what if it’s actually the beginning? In this episode, John shares a deeply personal reflection on fear, identity, divorce, and what relationships are really meant to do in our lives. Inspired by a nostalgic moment listening to “Borderline” by Madonna, he explores how certain songs — and certain people — instantly transport us back to who we were. John challenges the idea that you were supposed to be the hero in someone’s life. Maybe you were the bridge. And maybe they were a bridge for you. He dives into: • Why some relationships are meant to expire • The truth about closure (and why it’s ongoing) • How to stop outsourcing your worth to a partner • The powerful question: Who am I without them? • The difference between your pseudo self and solid self • Why endings are not the opposite of beginnings If you’re going through a breakup — or still carrying residue from one — this episode reframes the pain as instruction. Profound pain carries profound growth. Breakups don’t just take something from you. They expose you to yourself. Key Takeaway Instead of asking why it ended, ask: What was I outsourcing in this relationship that I now need to own? That question alone can change everything. Cultural Note This episode references the song “Borderline” by Madonna as part of a personal reflection. All rights to the song belong to the respective copyright holders. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2026

Are you tired of just surviving your past, feeling like old wounds dictate your present? Imagine a life where emotional freedom isn't just a dream, but a daily reality. This video isn't about quick fixes; it's about the radical, yet gentle power of consistent habits to transform your deepest hurts into your greatest strengths. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 23 February 2026

What if the thing shaping almost every decision you make is happening quietly — without you realizing it? John breaks down a powerful idea from psychologist and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman: there are two selves at play — the experiencing self (who lives life moment-to-moment) and the remembering self (who tells the story and makes most decisions). When those two don’t agree, you can end up living a life that looks “right” on paper… but still feels empty inside. MENTIONED / LINKS (Daniel Kahneman – Nobel Prize) Nobel Prize profile (2002, Economic Sciences): https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/economic-sciences/2002/kahneman/facts/ Daniel Kahneman (Wikipedia): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Kahneman Thinking, Fast and Slow (book): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS (2-QUESTION FILTER) Before a major decision (work, love, moves, commitments), ask: “How does this feel in my body right now?” “When you look back on this in 5 years, will I be glad I did it?” 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 February 2026

In this episode, John sits down with therapist Taune for a wide-ranging, honest conversation about the love lessons that shaped them — and the patterns many of us keep repeating without realizing it. They explore how chemistry can masquerade as care, why intensity often feels familiar even when it’s unhealthy, and how relationships quietly shift when attraction turns into caretaking. Along the way, they unpack trauma bonding, attunement, playfulness, power dynamics, and what it really takes to sustain intimacy over time. This is not a neat, list-driven episode. It’s a real conversation — the long way home — filled with reflection, humor, and uncomfortable truths about love, relationships, and self-abandonment. 🔗 Guest Links: IG https://www.instagram.com/taunelyons Substack: https://www.comingtooursenses.substack.com Website: https://www.taunelyons.com 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 16 February 2026

In this episode, John answers listener questions about breakups, emotional cheating, boredom in relationships, scarcity mindset, defensiveness, and what it really means to compromise without abandoning yourself. Why is it harder to let go when things ended “well”? Is emotional cheating still cheating? When do needs become “demands”? And how much space is too much space for an avoidant partner? This episode is about self-respect, emotional safety, and learning how to stay connected without losing yourself. We explore: Running into an ex and how to handle it Letting go after a breakup (especially when it ends abruptly) Scarcity vs. abundance in dating Emotional cheating and betrayal Compromise vs. self-abandonment Defensiveness and where it comes from Boredom in relationships Giving avoidant partners space Conflict over household structure If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re asking for too much — or settling for too little — this one’s for you. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2026

Love doesn’t disappear - it changes. In this episode, John Kim explores the stages of love, from early fantasy to real connection. If you’ve ever questioned the spark, the shift, or the “middle” of a relationship, this will help you understand what’s normal, what’s real, and what’s worth building. This is a conversation about choosing depth over fantasy - and learning what real love actually asks of us. 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 11 February 2026

John sits down in Costa Rica (yes, literally in a golf cart) with two therapists — Vanessa Bennett and Madeleine Downey — for a “therapists are humans too” episode built around questions you’d ask in therapy… that end up turning into real-time revelations about identity after 40, emotional safety, and what we stop tolerating once we’ve lived a little. This conversation lands especially hard if you’re in that season of life where you’re asking: Why doesn’t the old version of me fit anymore? and What do I actually want now — in love, in friendship, in myself? Inner Compass Academy (Next cohort starts Feb 15, 2026) Apply Here: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy If you apply, make sure to mention you were referred by The Angry Therapist Podcast - and if you’re approved, you’ll get $100 off. 🔗 Guest Links: Madeleine Downey Instagram: @madeleinedowney Substack (It’s Giving Alchemy): https://madeleinedowney.substack.com Shadow Work Group – Inner Compass Collective: https://inner-compass-collective.circle.so/ Vanessa Bennett Instagram @vanessasbennett Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 9 February 2026

Many people reach a confusing moment in their healing journey: they start dating healthier partners… and suddenly desire feels flat. Calm feels boring. Chemistry disappears. In this solo episode, John Kim breaks down why this happens - and why it doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you.If you’ve ever wondered whether you can rewire attraction without forcing yourself into a relationship that doesn’t feel right, this conversation is for you. 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2026

What if the hardest part of healing isn’t pain — but joy? John Kim talks with Dr. MC McDonald about grief, intimacy, self-trust, and the quiet ways we hide when connection feels unsafe. MC shares why joy has been the hardest emotion to let in, and how learning to feel safe again changes everything. A grounded, human conversation about healing while still figuring it out. 🔗 Guest Links Dr. MC McDonald Instagram & TikTok: @mc.phd Website: https://www.drmcmcdonald.com 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 2 February 2026

Some of the hardest questions we bring into therapy aren’t about what happened — they’re about why it hit so deeply. In this episode, we explore the quiet, uncomfortable moments many people struggle to name:the anxiety between dates, the sudden loss of attraction, the grief that feels bigger than a divorce, and the confusion of wanting connection while needing boundaries. These aren’t dramatic relationship crises — they’re quiet inner conflicts that many people carry alone. Naming them is often the first step toward clarity, self-respect, and emotional safety. If any of these questions sound familiar, this episode is for you. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 29 January 2026

In this episode, John Kim shares a simple moment from the ocean that became a powerful lesson about relationships and emotional repair. While learning to surf in Costa Rica, two very different encounters in the water reveal why ruptures are unavoidable—but repair is everything. One moment of anger leads to disconnection. One moment of acknowledgment leads to instant safety and ease. John also shares details about his upcoming surf retreat in Costa Rica—a space to slow down, regulate the nervous system, build real connection, and experience the healing power of the ocean together. A reminder that the strength of any relationship isn’t measured by how little we rupture—but by how willing we are to repair. 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2026

What if the problem isn’t that you haven’t found your purpose — but that you’re trying to find something that was never meant to be found? In this episode, John sits down with Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, co-creators of Designing Your Life, to explore a radically relieving idea: There is no final version of you. Instead of chasing meaning, purpose, or fulfillment as a destination, Bill and Dave invite us to see life as a process of becoming — and meaning as something we practice daily, not achieve once. This conversation is for anyone who feels behind, unfinished, or quietly exhausted from trying to “figure life out.” You don’t need a breakthrough. You need a reframe. 🔗 Guest links Website https://designingyour.life/ Join the Designing Your Life Newsletter https://designingyour.life/newsletter/  📚 Featured Book (Mentioned in Episode) ⁠https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/How-to-Live-a-Meaningful-Life/Bill-Burnett/9781668084892 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fullyalive_bydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 26 January 2026

Do you find yourself giving more, waiting longer, explaining harder — just to keep love alive? In this episode, John Kim reflects on overgiving, emotional boundaries, and the quiet ways we abandon ourselves in relationships. Recorded in Costa Rica, he uses lessons from surfing to explore why love shouldn’t feel like anxiety, confusion, or constant effort. Inspired by the idea of “Let Them,” this episode offers a necessary reframe: there are some things you simply should not let people do. This is a reminder that protecting your heart isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 21 January 2026

You didn’t marry the wrong person — you’re just in a stage of your relationship. In this episode, John Kim sits down with attachment expert Thais Gibson to break down the six stages of a relationship — and why so many couples get stuck thinking something is “wrong” when nothing is actually broken. We talk about: Why attachment styles are not labels, and how they can be rewired The difference between dating, honeymoon, and the power struggle stage Why most couples struggle after the honeymoon — and how to move forward How early conditioning shapes adult relationships What healthy long-term love actually looks like If relationships have ever felt confusing, discouraging, or overwhelming, this episode gives you language, context, and relief. 🔗 Guest Resources Learn more from Thais Gibson: YouTube: Personal Development School HERE Instagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool Courses & Relationship Stages Program HERE 🔗 Host Resources Learn more from John Kim: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 19 January 2026

Some of the most important questions we carry are the ones we’re afraid to say out loud — even in therapy. In this episode, John answers real, vulnerable questions about self-worth, dating, anger, emotional safety, and long-term relationships. These are the thoughts people whisper to themselves at night, hesitate to bring into the room, or feel ashamed for having at all. This conversation isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about slowing down, telling the truth, and understanding what’s really happening beneath the surface. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 15 January 2026