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The Angry Therapist Podcast

Therapy Thursdays | Is This Love, Limerence, or Fear?

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.61.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 April 2026

⏱️ 21 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode of Therapy Thursdays, John responds to listener questions about love, trust, identity, and the emotional patterns that keep us stuck. He explores the difference between real love and limerence, why some people struggle to let love in, and how fear can disguise itself as protection, control, or certainty. He also gets into the tension between equality and fairness in relationships, what it means to outgrow an old identity, and how past betrayal, heartbreak, or attachment wounds can shape the way we connect. From red flags and self-worth to trust after infidelity, this episode is a deep dive into the patterns that quietly run our relationships. If you have ever wondered whether what you are feeling is love, fear, fantasy, or unresolved pain, this conversation will help you look deeper. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

When was the last time you stopped and listened to your body?

0:03.0

Here's a Holland and Barrett ad break to do just that.

0:06.0

Go on, tune in.

0:08.0

Think about your body when you exercise.

0:11.0

Are those knees creaking?

0:13.0

Are your muscles ever so slightly aching?

0:16.0

Or are they trying to say,

0:18.0

You've got to show me love.

0:21.6

We know what your body's asking for.

0:24.6

In store online on the app.

0:26.6

Back Your Body, Holland and Barrett.

0:29.6

Things you would never bring up in therapy

0:33.6

you could bring up here.

0:53.5

My partner feels that a 50-50 split is fair, but I earn half of his salary. I need equality. Is this fair? How much money you have, what you own, what you

0:56.7

drive, the letters after your name, none of that contributes to 50% of building a relationship.

1:04.3

All of that is a completely separate thing. It's not the base model. Those are extras and doesn't contribute to the car moving

1:14.5

forward. What does contribute, what is your 50% is actually a hundred percent effort and some may

1:22.5

argue that is 110 of building something that is greater than yourself. What is your 50% is what you bring to the

1:30.5

table in wanting to be better, looking at patterns, looking inward, growing, evolving, changing.

1:42.0

What is your contribution to the relationship dynamic? That is what people

1:47.9

are bringing to the table, not money. And anything that is leveraged besides that is unfair.

1:57.2

Actually, anything leveraged in a relationship is unfair. So you can't say because you make X amount of money or even because you're doing X amount of work,

...

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