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The Angry Therapist Podcast

What Changes After 40: Love, Selfhood, and What Matters

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.61.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 February 2026

⏱️ 34 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

John sits down in Costa Rica (yes, literally in a golf cart) with two therapists — Vanessa Bennett and Madeleine Downey — for a “therapists are humans too” episode built around questions you’d ask in therapy… that end up turning into real-time revelations about identity after 40, emotional safety, and what we stop tolerating once we’ve lived a little. This conversation lands especially hard if you’re in that season of life where you’re asking: Why doesn’t the old version of me fit anymore? and What do I actually want now — in love, in friendship, in myself? Inner Compass Academy (Next cohort starts Feb 15, 2026) Apply Here: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy If you apply, make sure to mention you were referred by The Angry Therapist Podcast - and if you’re approved, you’ll get $100 off. 🔗 Guest Links: Madeleine Downey Instagram: @madeleinedowney Substack (It’s Giving Alchemy): https://madeleinedowney.substack.com Shadow Work Group – Inner Compass Collective: https://inner-compass-collective.circle.so/ Vanessa Bennett Instagram @vanessasbennett Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

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0:30.1

Will I still hold value?

0:32.8

Will people still love me, want to be with me, want to be my friends, if I'm not the one doing all the things,

0:39.8

right? And logically, I know kind of the response to that or know how to handle that. And I think

0:45.0

actually, John, I remember really clearly early days of you and I dating, you pushing me with a few

0:51.7

friends that I had that dynamic with, you actually pushing me like,

0:54.9

don't do that anymore. If the relationship ends suddenly because you're not the one chasing

0:59.5

them and trying to set up plans, then let the relationship end, let the relationship change

1:03.7

form. It's not a relationship then.

1:09.7

I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable f*** before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

1:17.2

I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.

1:27.4

Just honest.

1:30.9

On today's episode, another episode of 21 questions to ask your therapist.

1:37.6

We don't have time for 21 questions.

...

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