And this happens a lot of times in our early 20s, not all the time, definitely did for me.

Love equals activation. Chemistry equals anxiety. Desire equals chasing.

I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable f*** before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose,

because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated, just honest.

On today's episode, a common question and a question I think that's really important, which is why I'm doing an entire solo episode on this.

And the question is this, how can I rewire my sexual attraction? I date healthy men now, but there's no desire. So I get a lot of questions about how

love now feels flat because they chose healthy. Unfortunately, I think it's a part of the healing

process, you know, when you go from toxicity or chaos, which people can mistake as attraction.

I don't even think it's a mistake.

I think it's true.

I think there is attraction there, but the attraction is coming from a deeper place

and it's coming from something that you're used to.

And so when you decide to switch gears and start dating someone who is more healthy

and with healthy comes calm and less chaos, your body

can translate that into, oh, this is not for me, this is boring, right?

So I want to go through this just briefly.

I'm going to give you five kind of areas to look at or steps.

So this isn't just psychobabble, but actual to do maybe some

homework for you. Okay. So first I want to say that this is common. I want to say that your desire

didn't disappear, it adapted, right? When you spent years being wired to intensity, unpredictability, emotional roller coasters, or people, you know, who had to earn, right?

If your nervous system learned a very specific definition of attraction.

...