HARD THINGS TO BRING UP IN THERAPY | Dating, Distance & Letting Go

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 29 January 2026

⏱️ 20 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Some of the hardest questions we bring into therapy aren’t about what happened — they’re about why it hit so deeply. In this episode, we explore the quiet, uncomfortable moments many people struggle to name:the anxiety between dates, the sudden loss of attraction, the grief that feels bigger than a divorce, and the confusion of wanting connection while needing boundaries. These aren’t dramatic relationship crises — they’re quiet inner conflicts that many people carry alone. Naming them is often the first step toward clarity, self-respect, and emotional safety. If any of these questions sound familiar, this episode is for you. Host Links: Surf, Sex & Pancakes - Join John Kim for a surf retreat in Costa Rica. More information: HERE Sign up HERE 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	300 years of expertise in every twining sleep blend.
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0:14.0	One night of winding down in every drop.
0:18.0	Your moment of serenity.
0:23.8	Brought to you by twining sleep.
0:25.1	Twinings.
0:27.8	Alive in every drop.
0:32.1	Things you would never bring up in therapy,
0:45.4	you could bring up here. What should you look for when you are dating?
0:48.9	First, get rid of this idea of the one.
0:51.7	The one is the person that you are choosing to love that is the one
0:55.5	and if that doesn't work out then they are no longer the one the one is the person in front of you
1:01.6	i think that because of society and culture and disney movies we grew up thinking that there's
1:08.8	only one person for us in our life and I think
1:11.1	it's damaging, puts a lot of pressure on the relationship. So redefining what the one is. And then two,
1:17.2	I would say you're looking for one's ability to provide a safe space. You're looking for someone
1:25.6	who takes ownership. You're looking for capacity, right?
1:28.8	You're looking for someone that is holding instead of grabbing. You're looking for someone who is
1:34.4	always looking inward or trying to and take ownership. Those are the things that build legs
1:41.9	in a relationship, not just a nice butt and pretty eyes.
1:46.4	How do you know if someone is emotionally mature?
	...

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