The Love You Crave vs. The Love That Lasts

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 39 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, John sits down with therapist Taune for a wide-ranging, honest conversation about the love lessons that shaped them — and the patterns many of us keep repeating without realizing it. They explore how chemistry can masquerade as care, why intensity often feels familiar even when it’s unhealthy, and how relationships quietly shift when attraction turns into caretaking. Along the way, they unpack trauma bonding, attunement, playfulness, power dynamics, and what it really takes to sustain intimacy over time. This is not a neat, list-driven episode. It’s a real conversation — the long way home — filled with reflection, humor, and uncomfortable truths about love, relationships, and self-abandonment. 🔗 Guest Links: IG https://www.instagram.com/taunelyons Substack: https://www.comingtooursenses.substack.com Website: https://www.taunelyons.com 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Right, that's it. Come on. Lights out. You've got a test tomorrow. Just two minutes. I'm about to reach the next level. It's going off now. Yeah, whatever. Let's see. Where's the app? Oh, here it is. What? How? Oh, no. You're out. Better look next time. Mom! It's game over for late nights on school nights. EE Wi-Fi controls help you get them off the Wi-Fi and into bed.
0:22.8	More parents are choosing EE broadband, the UK's fastest growing broadband provider.
0:27.6	To verify I see EE.cote.uk slash claims.
0:30.3	Intensity is not care.
0:32.9	No.
0:34.1	You know?
0:34.7	Right.
0:35.0	Right.
0:35.7	What is care if intensity isn't to you?
0:38.3	Care is action.
0:39.3	You know, I love the adage that bell hooks and so many other people talk about or have talked
0:43.8	about around love.
0:44.6	Like, we all can talk about love as this pretty ethereal concept.
0:49.2	Really, to me, love is an action.
0:54.3	I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable f*** before going on a hero's
0:59.1	journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.
1:02.8	I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose,
1:09.3	because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated, just honest.
1:16.6	I just said something to Tani that almost hurt your feelings, but you brought us something that's
1:22.4	really interesting because I said as a joke, as a joke I said, you look better on camera than in person,
1:28.4	as a joke, right? And she's like you look better on camera than in person as a joke, right?
1:33.5	And she's like, what the fuck? And I thought to myself, oh my, that's like a real thing now.
	...

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