Stop Restoring Your Relationship and Start Updating It

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 4 May 2026

⏱️ 20 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, John explores why trying to bring a relationship back to what itonce was can quietly hold it back. Instead of restoring the past, he reframes love as something that must evolve alongside the people in it, requiring honesty, eﬀort, and a willingness to grow together. He breaks down how relationships naturally fall out of alignment over time and why that doesn’t mean they’re broken. Through communication, truth-telling, and emotional capacity, alignment becomes something you build rather than something you either “have” or don’t. John shares three grounded ways to realign when things feel oﬀ, including telling the current truth, updating the relationship instead of restoring it, and focusing on willingness over perfection. The episode also touches on the idea that some relationships need to “die” in order to be rebuilt in a way that actually fits who both people are today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Must remember, do not forget.
0:07.0	Remind me to bring photo ID.
0:10.0	Reminder, set.
0:12.0	Babe, can you make sure I don't forget my photo ID when I vote?
0:16.0	All right, love.
0:18.0	However you remember, you'll need photo ID to vote in the elections in England on the 7th of May.
0:24.6	Find out more at electoral commission.org.ukestr.ukes slash voter ID.
0:29.6	The relationship you had before isn't the one you need now.
0:34.8	Stop trying to get back to how it was. That version fits who you were then. Realignment
0:40.9	means asking who are we now and what do we need today. My name is John Kim. You're listening to the Angry Therapist podcast and on today's episode,
0:59.7	My Fucking Feelings. By the way, my fucking feelings, the story behind that was the title of my very first
1:07.0	blog post in 2010. So every once in a while, I will do an episode called My Fucking
1:13.7	Feelings, but it's always more than my feelings, right? It's using my story to possibly help you,
1:20.5	hopefully things that I'm sharing where you are seeing some of you in or if you're going
1:26.1	through something that is relatable. And of course,
1:28.5	lots of tidbits. By the way, this is the way to do a podcast. If you're watching on Spotify or YouTube,
1:34.8	look at this. I am in my bed, a cup of bone broth, my favorite mug, which actually matches my
1:43.3	outfit, which is not on purpose. It just coincidentally,
1:48.8	I have this like green beige mug and my outfit is exactly the same color as my mug, green,
1:55.0	beige. I'm going to stamp this as a sign from the universe that I am aligned. I am doing
2:00.6	what I meant to be doing.
2:02.1	When your mug matches your outfit and you didn't even mean for that to happen, come on.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from John Kim, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of John Kim and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.