On Attachment

We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life doesn't go to plan? In today’s episode, I’m speaking to those moments of disappointment, grief, and disorientation that come when our reality looks nothing like we’d imagined. Whether it’s relationships, career, family, or a more intangible sense of where you “should” be by now — it’s easy to spiral into self-blame, shame, or despair when life vee...

Transcribed - Published: 30 April 2025

REGISTER FOR MY NEW FREE TRAINING Many of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships. Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love ...

Transcribed - Published: 26 April 2025

Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the surface, and it feels like you’re constantly clashing or misfiring. This is what’s often called the power struggle stage — and while it can be incredibly challenging, it’s also a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy. In today’s episode, we’re talking about: What the power struggle stage is and why it happensHow insecure attachment pa...

Transcribed - Published: 16 April 2025

When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down. But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that’s rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care. In th...

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2025

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you’ve suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness. In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it mea...

Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2025

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it. It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck. This epi...

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2025

Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we’re unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth. What We Cover in This Episode: Why healing isn’t always comfortable — and why grief is often part of...

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2025

Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone. In this episode, we’re unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security. What We Cover in This Episode: Why anxiety craves control — and how this...

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2025

It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change. In this episode, we’re exploring: Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needsWhat to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needsHow to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communicati...

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2025

It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change. In this episode, we’re exploring: Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needsWhat to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needsHow to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communicati...

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2025

Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that feel overwhelming. From overanalysing who your partner follows to spiralling over why they haven’t posted about you, social media can fuel insecurity, comparison, and even compulsive checking behaviours. In today’s episode, we’re exploring why social media is such a common trigger for people with anxious attachment, the unhealthy patterns it can c...

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2025

In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-confidence and self-worth. Many anxiously attached people struggle a lot with dating, experiencing anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt every step of the way. This can naturally block us from connecting with others in a way that feels healthy and authentic. We'll cover: the importance of dating with intentionality common mindset pitfallsidentifying ...

Transcribed - Published: 19 February 2025

In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-confidence and self-worth. Many anxiously attached people struggle a lot with dating, experiencing anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt every step of the way. This can naturally block us from connecting with others in a way that feels healthy and authentic. We'll cover: the importance of dating with intentionality common mindset pitfallsidentifying ...

Transcribed - Published: 19 February 2025

In today's episode, we explore how perfectionism intersects with anxious attachment and impacts our ability to form secure relationships. We examine how the drive for perfection often stems from attachment wounds around unworthiness and creates barriers to authentic connection. Key themes covered: The links between perfectionism and anxious attachment patternsHow perfectionism manifests in relationships (performing, people-pleasing, fear of making mistakes)The connection between perfectionism...

Transcribed - Published: 11 February 2025

Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? If so, this episode is for you. We're talking all about the difference between intuition and anxiety, and sharing some simple tools to know how best to relate to these states and when to listen to the information our body is giving us. We'll cover: anxious attachment and hyperawareness of shifts in people's emotional statestrusting our perception but questioning the meaning-makingrecognising urgency as a key impr...

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2025

In today's episode, we're talking about how to rebuild self-worth after a break-up. It's so common, particularly for anxious attachers, to emerge after a break-up feeling incredibly uncertain and lacking in self-worth. We become acutely aware of the extent to which we lost ourselves in the relationship, but often don't know where or how to begin reconnecting with who we are.We'll talk about:why it's so common for self-worth to be damaged after a break-upself-abandonment and self-loss when rel...

Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2025

In today's episode, we’re exploring the key signs that you’re moving from anxious attachment toward greater security. While every healing journey is unique, certain themes consistently emerge as markers of growth. If you're working on healing your anxious attachment style, this episode will help you recognise the shifts happening within you.What We Cover:How healing is not linear and why everyone's journey looks differentThe mindset shifts that show you're stepping out of fear and insecurityE...

Transcribed - Published: 20 January 2025

In today's episode, we’re exploring the key signs that you’re moving from anxious attachment toward greater security. While every healing journey is unique, certain themes consistently emerge as markers of growth. If you're working on healing your anxious attachment style, this episode will help you recognise the shifts happening within you.What We Cover:How healing is not linear and why everyone's journey looks differentThe mindset shifts that show you're stepping out of fear and insecurityE...

Transcribed - Published: 20 January 2025

For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.Key topics covered:Why honesty with yourself is essential for transformationThe power of action—and why inaction is a decision tooHow to reconnect wit...

Transcribed - Published: 8 January 2025

For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.Key topics covered:Why honesty with yourself is essential for transformatioThe power of action—and why inaction is a decision tooHow to reconnect with...

Transcribed - Published: 8 January 2025

In this Q&A episode, I’m answering your most common questions about early dating—particularly through the lens of anxious attachment. If dating feels like a minefield of overthinking, anxiety, and emotional highs and lows, this episode is for you.We’ll explore:Early dating dynamics: Navigating the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with getting to know someone new.Not attaching too quickly: Why it happens for those with anxious attachment and how to pace yourself emotionally.Texting...

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2024

In this Q&A episode, I’m answering your most common questions about early dating—particularly through the lens of anxious attachment. If dating feels like a minefield of overthinking, anxiety, and emotional highs and lows, this episode is for you.We’ll explore:Early dating dynamics: Navigating the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with getting to know someone new.Not attaching too quickly: Why it happens for those with anxious attachment and how to pace yourself emotionally.Texting...

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2024

In today's episode, we’re diving deep into self-sabotage—those frustrating patterns where we seem to work against our own best interests. Whether it’s procrastination, pushing people away, or avoiding opportunities, self-sabotage can feel like an endless cycle. We cover:What self-sabotage really is: Understanding how it’s often a misguided attempt to keep us safe.Why we get stuck: Exploring the fears, limiting beliefs, and unmet needs that fuel sabotaging behaviour.How to shift these pat...

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2024

In today's episode, we’re diving deep into self-sabotage—those frustrating patterns where we seem to work against our own best interests. Whether it’s procrastination, pushing people away, or avoiding opportunities, self-sabotage can feel like an endless cycle. We cover:What self-sabotage really is: Understanding how it’s often a misguided attempt to keep us safe.Why we get stuck: Exploring the fears, limiting beliefs, and unmet needs that fuel sabotaging behaviour.How to shift these pat...

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2024

In this episode of On Attachment, we’re diving into how to support an avoidant partner in opening up emotionally. If you’ve ever felt frustrated by your partner’s emotional distance or found yourself unsure how to help them feel safe in the relationship, this episode is for you. Healing Anxious Attachment waitlist Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind Join On Attachment Insiders, my new membership community Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️ Additional Resources Join ...

Transcribed - Published: 3 December 2024

In this episode of On Attachment, we’re diving into how to support an avoidant partner in opening up emotionally. If you’ve ever felt frustrated by your partner’s emotional distance or found yourself unsure how to help them feel safe in the relationship, this episode is for you.Upcoming Events Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️ Additional Resources Join Healing Anxious Attachment Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations Check out my couples course,...

Transcribed - Published: 3 December 2024

In today's episode, we're talking about the delicate balance between compassion for others, and boundaries for ourselves. For those of us who tend towards empathy and curiosity towards others' inner worlds, it's easy to fixate on the "why" behind their behaviours (particularly behaviours we don't like or understand). And while that is an admirable trait, without clear boundaries it can easily veer into self-abandonment. I'll share some thoughts on how to find a balance between compassion...

Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2024

In today's episode, we're talking about the delicate balance between compassion for others, and boundaries for ourselves. For those of us who tend towards empathy and curiosity towards others' inner worlds, it's easy to fixate on the "why" behind their behaviours (particularly behaviours we don't like or understand). And while that is an admirable trait, without clear boundaries it can easily veer into self-abandonment. I'll share some thoughts on how to find a balance between compassion...

Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2024

In today's episode, we’re diving into what avoidant partner deactivation looks like and how you can respond to this experience in a way that protects your emotional wellbeing and prevents further spiralling and disconnection. We’ll explore the subtle ways avoidant partners create distance—whether emotionally, physically, or in their communication—and how these behaviours stem from their attachment patterns rather than a lack of care or love. Importantly, we’ll talk about what you can do ...

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2024

In today's episode, we’re diving into what avoidant partner deactivation looks like and how you can respond to this experience in a way that protects your emotional wellbeing and prevents further spiralling and disconnection. We’ll explore the subtle ways avoidant partners create distance—whether emotionally, physically, or in their communication—and how these behaviours stem from their attachment patterns rather than a lack of care or love. Importantly, we’ll talk about what you can do ...

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2024

In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in building more security within themselves and in their relationships. Most anxiously attached people are accustomed to feeling chronically invalidated (in part because they tend to do this to themselves), always wondering if they are too much, too needy, too sensitive, too paranoid, and so on. This can lead to over-reliance on a partner or others external to u...

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2024

In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in building more security within themselves and in their relationships. Most anxiously attached people are accustomed to feeling chronically invalidated (in part because they tend to do this to themselves), always wondering if they are too much, too needy, too sensitive, too paranoid, and so on. This can lead to over-reliance on a partner or others external to u...

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2024

In today's episode, we're talking all about the abandonment wound — and specifically, five scenarios that might unexpectedly trigger your fears and insecurities around abandonment. When we think about the fear of abandonment, we often imagine scenarios where someone physically leaves us—maybe a breakup or a loved one walking out the door. But the truth is, this fear can manifest in much more subtle and unexpected ways, especially for those of us with anxious attachment patterns.We'll cover:ho...

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2024

In today's episode, we're talking all about the abandonment wound — and specifically, five scenarios that might unexpectedly trigger your fears and insecurities around abandonment. When we think about the fear of abandonment, we often imagine scenarios where someone physically leaves us—maybe a breakup or a loved one walking out the door. But the truth is, this fear can manifest in much more subtle and unexpected ways, especially for those of us with anxious attachment patterns.We'll cover:ho...

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2024

In this episode, we dive into the growing issue of phone usage and its impact on relationship satisfaction, especially when one partner feels neglected, ignored and frustrated by the other's screen time. We explore why constant phone use can feel so personal, discuss strategies for approaching the topic constructively, and offer practical ways to set digital boundaries together. If you’re struggling with a partner’s phone habits, this episode will give you tools to foster more connection and ...

Transcribed - Published: 29 October 2024

In this episode, we dive into the growing issue of phone usage and its impact on relationship satisfaction, especially when one partner feels neglected, ignored and frustrated by the other's screen time. We explore why constant phone use can feel so personal, discuss strategies for approaching the topic constructively, and offer practical ways to set digital boundaries together. If you’re struggling with a partner’s phone habits, this episode will give you tools to foster more connection and ...

Transcribed - Published: 29 October 2024

In this episode, we're exploring the common and very human experience of hoping an ex will come back after a break-up, saying they've changed their mind and want to reconcile. Whether you were left unexpectedly or the break-up was a long time coming, the hope that an ex will realise their mistake and come back can be powerful and all-consuming. I'll share some mindset reframes and tools to relate to your hoping differently, so you can validate yourself while still moving forward in a directio...

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2024

In this episode, we're explore the common and very human experience of hoping an ex will come back after a break-up saying they've changed their mind and want to reconcile. Whether you were left unexpectedly or the break-up was a long time coming, the hope that an ex will realise their mistake and come back can be powerful and all-consuming. I'll share some mindset reframes and tools to relate to your hoping differently, so you can validate yourself while still moving forward in a direction t...

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2024

In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory.Key points include:Feelings of instability in relationships: Many with fearful avoidant attachment feel fine when single, but painful emotions surface in relationships, often leading to blaming their partner.Impact of partner...

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2024

In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory.Key points include:Feelings of instability in relationships: Many with fearful avoidant attachment feel fine when single, but painful emotions surface in relationships, often leading to blaming their partner.Impact of partner...

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2024

In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.I’ll guide you through a simple, four-step process to help you work through triggers in real time. We’ll explore how ...

Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2024

In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.I’ll guide you through a simple, four-step process to help you work through triggers in real time. We’ll explore how ...

Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2024

How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question — and in today's episode, that's what we're exploring. While I don't believe we ever reach some objective place of being "healed enough" to enter a relationship, I do believe there are certain indicators we can look out for — signs that we're in a strong place mentally and emotionally, which will set us up for the best possible chance at finding and building a healthy partnership.Upcoming Events B...

Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2024

How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question — and in today's episode, that's what we're exploring. While I don't believe we ever reach some objective place of being "healed enough" to enter a relationship, I do believe there are certain indicators we can look out for — signs that we're in a strong place mentally and emotionally, which will set us up for the best possible chance at finding and building a healthy partnership.Upcoming Events ...

Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2024

In this episode, we’re tackling the challenging topic of obsessive thinking about someone and how to break free from that mental loop that causes suffering. We’ll explore different approaches, including Byron Katie’s The Work as a top-down method for challenging your thoughts, somatic tools to discharge anxiety from the body as a bottom-up approach, as well as the broader work of addressing the insecurities and wounds that often fuel obsessive thinking.By addressing your thoughts, calming you...

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2024

In this episode, we’re tackling the challenging topic of obsessive thinking about someone and how to break free from that mental loop that causes suffering. We’ll explore different approaches, including Byron Katie’s The Work as a top-down method for challenging your thoughts, somatic tools to discharge anxiety from the body as a bottom-up approach, as well as the broader work of addressing the insecurities and wounds that often fuel obsessive thinking.By addressing your thoughts, calming you...

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2024

In this episode, we’re exploring three key things you’ll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy relationships are often idealised, they still come with their own challenges. We’ll discuss how they invite vulnerability, reveal where we may have been hiding behind dysfunction, and show us that even secure partners can be imperfect. Finally, we’ll talk about how conflict in a healthy relationship doesn’t disappear, but it feels safer and more ...

Transcribed - Published: 17 September 2024

In this episode, we’re exploring three key things you’ll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy relationships are often idealised, they still come with their own challenges. We’ll discuss how they invite vulnerability, reveal where we may have been hiding behind dysfunction, and show us that even secure partners can be imperfect. Finally, we’ll talk about how conflict in a healthy relationship doesn’t disappear, but it feels safer and more ...

Transcribed - Published: 17 September 2024

In this episode, we’re diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does. We’ll cover five key differences in how anxious and avoidant attachment styles experience and approach sex.Emphasis on Emotional vs Physical IntimacyAnxiously attached individu...

Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2024

In this episode, we’re diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does. We’ll cover five key differences in how anxious and avoidant attachment styles experience and approach sex.Emphasis on Emotional vs Physical IntimacyAnxiously attached individu...

Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2024