You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience

relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome

insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's episode, we are talking all about boundaries,

and in particular, distinguishing boundaries from all of the other buzzwords

that fly around. So what's the difference between a boundary and an ultimatum, a boundary and a

request, a boundary and a demand, a boundary and a threat? I think that for a lot of us with

anxious attachment patterns and probably other insecure attachment patterns as

well, this can all feel really murky. And that makes so much sense because most of us did not

have good modelling around boundaries. And if you are someone with more anxious attachment patterns,

there's a good chance that your communication patterns have generally taken the form of

how do I get someone close and

keep them close? And so that might look like suppressing your communication,

biting your tongue, not speaking up until such time as you get so overwhelmed and so

overwrought with unmet needs and stresses that you blow up and become very demanding and protesting.

And obviously that's not a very healthy way of communicating in a relationship.

And yet what I see often happen is that people learn about boundaries.

They learn about communication.

They probably know they have a communication issue in their relationship.

...