You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, Relationship Coach Stephanie Rigg, and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's episode, we are talking about how to heal from a breakup in the healthiest way possible. So let's just

start by stating the obvious, which is that breakups are really, really hard. And particularly if

you're someone with anxious attachment patterns, as I know most of my listeners are, for an array of

reasons that I've spoken to on the podcast before, anxiously attached people, struggle so much

with endings. And particularly when so much was on the line, when we were working so hard to

try and hold things together, to try and patch things up, to try and prevent that disconnection,

that loss, it can feel like being plunged into a level of uncertainty and rudderlessness that we just don't

really know how to hold. And all of that can obviously be exacerbated by our over-reliance on

relationships to provide us with a sense of steadiness and our difficulties in knowing who we are or how to feel okay if we don't

have someone to lean on. And while of course that's a human thing that we're all wired for connection,

we know that anxiously attached people can overindex on that to the detriment of their own sense

of inner safety. So breakups really go to the heart of

a lot of our wounds, a lot of our fears, a lot of our vulnerabilities in a way that can leave us

feeling very powerless, very lost, very scared, very out of control. Now, what often happens

from that place is in feeling so out of control, naturally, we reach for

whatever tools we might have in our toolbox to try and counteract that feeling, to try and

protect ourselves, to try and undo all of the pain, because it feels so overwhelming and we don't

really trust ourselves to be able to hold it. And so we can find ourselves in all sorts of coping strategies, ruminating, obsessing, stalking,

all of the things.

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