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On Attachment

#187: Is It Better to Heal While Single or in a Relationship?

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 10 May 2025

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Whether you’re single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There’s often an unspoken belief that there’s a “best” time to heal — and that if we’re not doing it in the ideal conditions, we’re doing it wrong.

In this episode, I’ll explore:

  • The advantages and limitations of healing while single
  • Why being in a relationship can accelerate your growth (but only under the right conditions)
  • How emotional safety plays a key role in healing
  • Why the question itself might be coming from a place of fear, shame, or comparison
  • How to work with whatever season you're in and meet yourself there

Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or consciously taking space from romantic connection — this conversation will help you better understand the unique opportunities (and challenges) each path offers.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

0:10.6

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.8

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:23.1

and I'm really glad you're here.

0:28.8

Hey, everybody.

0:29.9

Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

0:32.8

In today's episode, I'm answering the question of whether it is better to heal

0:36.9

while single or in a relationship. Now, this is a question that I get answering the question of whether it is better to heal while single or in a

0:38.3

relationship. Now, this is a question that I get all the time. And I get this question from

0:43.8

people who are on all ends of the spectrum. So people who are single and wondering whether

0:49.1

it would be more advantageous for them in their healing to be in a relationship. People who are in a

0:55.5

relationship and wondering, should I actually just take some time away from a relationship and be

1:00.3

single so I can really focus on this away from the triggers of my relationship. And also maybe

1:06.0

people who are casually dating, so somewhere in the middle who are wondering whether they should tap out for a while

1:13.0

and really allow themselves time and space to just do the healing work, or whether they should be

1:18.1

really focusing on putting themselves out there to do the healing work, right? So I think everyone's

1:22.3

looking for the right way to approach their healing, to maximize their results, to optimize the process,

1:29.5

all of this stuff, right? And I understand that. I know that there can be this sense,

1:33.9

particularly when it matters so much to us to want to do it the right way and to not want to

1:38.0

sabotage or compromise our ability to achieve the transformation that we're seeking. And at the same time,

1:45.9

I think we do need to acknowledge where that question is coming from in us. And I'll talk a little

1:50.3

bit more about that as we go on. You know, am I wanting to grip and control my way to this

...

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