#165: Why Validation is so Important for Anxiously Attached People

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 12 November 2024

⏱️ 20 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in building more security within themselves and in their relationships. Most anxiously attached people are accustomed to feeling chronically invalidated (in part because they tend to do this to themselves), always wondering if they are too much, too needy, too sensitive, too paranoid, and so on. This can lead to over-reliance on a partner or others external to u...

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.
0:19.8	I'm your host, Relationship Coach Stephanie Rigg,
0:22.8	and I'm really glad you're here.
0:29.3	Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, we are talking
0:34.8	about the number one thing that anxiously attach people need
0:38.7	in order to feel secure. And that is both secure in their relationships and secure in themselves.
0:45.4	And that thing is validation. Okay. Now, validation is one of those things that I think a lot of
0:51.5	people are broadly familiar with because it's one of those
0:54.1	kind of therapy terms that bounces around a lot. But maybe it's not something that you
0:58.7	appreciate the impact of and just how important it is, again, not only to your sense of security
1:04.9	in a relationship, but within yourself. And I think it's maybe talked about in the context of
1:10.4	couples therapy and conflict and repair. And it's maybe talked about in the context of couples therapy and conflict and repair.
1:13.5	And it's really important in all of those contexts. But it's something that I've been reflecting on
1:18.5	recently as being so essential to the anxiously attached person's journey. Because for the anxiously
1:26.2	attached person, and again, you might not realize this as a
1:29.3	front of mind thing, but I suspect if you are someone with anxious attachment, that you might
1:34.2	become very aware of it after listening to this episode, that you're probably accustomed to
1:38.8	feeling chronically invalidated. And I think that feeling of being invalidated and the anticipation of being
1:46.4	invalidated drives a lot of your so-called problem behaviors in relationship. It drives a lot of
1:52.1	the protest behaviors, the way you approach conflict, the way you ask for needs. All of those
1:58.5	things are kind of infused with this energy of bracing for invalidation,
2:04.3	bracing for being told that you are too much and too sensitive and too needy and that
	...

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