You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience

relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome

insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

In today's episode, we are talking about what avoidant attaches need in order to feel secure

and thrived in a relationship. So this is going to be part one. I'm going to do the

anxious attachment version of this video as a follow-up. And I actually originally recorded

this as a shorter YouTube video, but I thought that given it received a lot of traction there,

and I know that it's something that a lot of people in my audience are interested in,

that it might be worth elaborating on here on the podcast. But as always, my intention with

sharing this is really to emphasize that no matter how your attachment patterns express, really our attachment

styles are just describing a set of protective strategies that we've taken on over the course

of our lives in response to whatever relational environments we've found ourselves in, and they

are the ways we've learned to keep ourselves safe. And certain relationship dynamics are likely to trigger us more.

And other relationship dynamics are likely to support us to maybe step off the ledge,

to feel a little less braced.

And particularly in the context of avoidant attachment,

we know that there are certain fears around intimacy, a loss of autonomy, a sense of being controlled, a fear of failure.

All of these things really do best with certain conditions in the relational environment,

certain partner traits maybe, that will allow someone with more avoidant patterns to slowly

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