#196: How & Why We Self-Abandon in Relationships

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 8 July 2025

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how fear of abandonment often leads to patterns of self-abandonment — especially for those with anxious attachment. We’ll look at why this happens, how it shows up in your relationships, and what it actually costs you when you disconnect from your truth just to stay connected to someone else. You’ll learn: Why self-abandonment is of...

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships
0:10.6	and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.
0:19.8	I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,
0:22.8	and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.
0:33.6	In today's episode, we are talking all about self-abandonment, how and why we abandon ourselves
0:40.2	in relationships. So this is a really big one, and it is at the heart of so many of our
0:45.3	attachment patterns, particularly if you lean more towards anxious attachment in your
0:49.4	relationships, as I know the vast majority of my listeners do. And this episode was actually prompted by a post that I
0:56.5	shared on Instagram last week, which went really viral. And it was about self-abandonment. I might actually
1:02.0	read it now so that everyone has the benefit of that. The post that I shared said, I've never met
1:07.6	someone who deeply fears abandonment, who doesn't also regularly abandon themselves. I've never met someone who deeply fears abandonment, who doesn't also regularly abandon themselves.
1:12.9	I've never met someone who's terrified of rejection, who doesn't also reject,
1:17.2	criticize, and shame parts of themselves on a daily basis.
1:21.6	I've never met someone who constantly feels like an afterthought to others,
1:25.5	who is genuinely good at prioritizing themselves.
1:28.6	I've never met someone desperate for reassurance who deeply trusts that they will have their
1:32.8	own back no matter what. I've never met someone who struggles with boundaries in relationships,
1:38.5	who holds clear and consistent boundaries with themselves. The things we fear in our relationships
1:43.9	are so often reflections of the relationship we have with themselves. The things we fear in our relationships are so often reflections of
1:45.9	the relationship we have with ourselves. This is where our work begins. So I shared that on
1:51.4	Instagram and it went really viral and I had so many messages from people saying,
1:57.1	please speak more about this. I definitely do that. I see so much of myself in this.
	...

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