TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Luke “The Birthday Boy” Burbank just learned about the free soda situation in his hotel lounge, and life may never be the same again. He also had a very confusing soda-based interaction with a take-out restaurant. 

Transcribed - Published: 8 May 2025

A new Miller Lite commercial leads to the discovery of Luke’s not-too-shabby Christopher Walken imitation. Plus, Andrew places a phone call to solve a radio-related mystery. And a listener’s mom teaches her the proper way to make a prank phone call. 

Transcribed - Published: 7 May 2025

Luke miiiiiight have thrown away his driver's license at a gas station in Central Washington this week. So that’s not good. He and Andrew also take a very bizarre stroll down memory lane to revisit some of the many, many ads they recorded while they were with their old podcast network. 

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2025

Pigeon’s are going missing from New York’s parks, and one woman (dressed as a bird) aims to crack the case wide open. We also get the most poetic update on the TBTL Junior Sluggers yet. And Andrew opens up about the time he disguised himself as an Orioles fan to commit a garbage crime.

Transcribed - Published: 5 May 2025

Andrew recalls a time his boss’ boss made him very nervous. He and Luke also get a surprising update about the Kool-Aid / Flavor-Aid mixup in The Studio. And Andrew’s garbage collector seemed to appreciate the gift card left for him…we think. 

Transcribed - Published: 2 May 2025

Andrew is anxiously awaiting today’s trash pickup after leaving a gift card for the garbage collector taped to his bin. Luke has an update on his wind-up watch, and Andrew has an update on the TBTL archives!   

Transcribed - Published: 1 May 2025

Luke and Andrew discover a new Taco Bell commercial that is clearly based on an old SNL sketch that is a big part of TBTL lore. Plus, the coach whose son pranked Shedeur Sanders faces a HUGE fine. And a listener sharp-shoots The Mustard Man’s favorite tall tale. 

Transcribed - Published: 30 April 2025

Luke is very excited about the most recent episode of John Mulaney’s Netflix show. Andrew is inspired by Scott Pelley’s brave stance on 60 Minutes. And they address the plumber-in-the-room when it comes to baseball analogies.

Transcribed - Published: 29 April 2025

Andrew has some ear-witness reporting regarding the Mariners’ use of Louie Louie at ball games. He and Luke also discuss Bill Belichick’s bizarre CBS interview and a prank phone call to a high-profile football player. And they get a riveting update on the TBTL Junior Sluggers season!

Transcribed - Published: 28 April 2025

Andrew received a note from his garbage collector yesterday. Now he needs to figure out the proper response.

Transcribed - Published: 25 April 2025

Luke is happy to learn that the Mariners brought “Louie Louie” back to the ballpark, but all is not quite what it seems. He also wants to tell Andrew about a sign he saw in a hotel, but they just keep talking about new TV shows instead.   

Transcribed - Published: 24 April 2025

Luke had an absolutely bizarre Lyft ride yesterday that involved a video of the driver singing a Jim Croce song with his son. Luke and Andrew also discuss the viral video of two identical twins who gave a simultaneous interview to a local TV station.

Transcribed - Published: 23 April 2025

Luke is in L.A., where he’s trying to take the world’s most high-tech covid test. Andrew is feeling more mentally fit after cleaning the hell out of something. And a listener shares some good advice regarding class action lawsuits. 

Transcribed - Published: 22 April 2025

Luke and Andrew open up the phone lines and offer listeners a chance to buy, sell and give away their stuff! Watch the show on YouTube here!

Transcribed - Published: 21 April 2025

Luke and Andrew learn that Mr. Ed (the talking horse) once played baseball against the L.A. Dodgers. They review the tape. They also realize they came very close to accidentally live-streaming their private conversations on YouTube.

Transcribed - Published: 18 April 2025

Luke and Andrew cancel all their plans to discuss a long-lost Zach Galifinakis movie and last night’s episode of “Everybody’s Live With John Mullaney.”

Transcribed - Published: 17 April 2025

Luke saw some very strange things at the airport late last night. He and Andrew also discuss the terrible SNL sketch that is also catching heat for being hurtful. And we get an update on the TBTL Jr. Slugger’s latest little league game. 

Transcribed - Published: 16 April 2025

A viewing of an old 80s movie has Andrew and Luke wondering when John Malkovich became a Serious Actor. And Luke is still embarrassed about a “four grape breakfast” situation that unfolded in his hotel this morning. 

Transcribed - Published: 15 April 2025

Luke met three members of Metallica today, and he’s meeting the fourth one tomorrow. They’re good guys.

Transcribed - Published: 14 April 2025

Luke finally watched the White Lotus finale and has thoughts. Andrew regrets deleting his Bluesky post about the B-52s. And we all learn a valuable lesson about the Blue Angels of yesteryear.

Transcribed - Published: 11 April 2025

Andrew finally opens up about his relationship with Guitar Center. Luke is $4.98 richer after finding himself on the winning side of a class-action suit. And young people are going nutso over a specific line in the new Minecraft movie.

Transcribed - Published: 10 April 2025

Andrew is mulling over a recent interaction he had with a sales person and he’s not liking what he’s mulling. Plus, an American YouTuber was arrested for visiting a remote Indian island and leaving a can of soda behind. And another rant in the Seattle Times has left Luke confused.

Transcribed - Published: 9 April 2025

Luke and Andrew each have questions about today’s “Rants and Raves” column in the Seattle Times…including whether or not Luke was the target of a rant. They also receive an important Public Service Announcement from television’s Chris Hayes.

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2025

Luke went back to the eye doctor on Friday, and whooooo-boy. He has an update. Plus, Andrew has been thinking a lot about original sin and text message etiquette (unrelated.) And Coach Ben sends in a recap of the TBTL Junior Sluggers’ first game!   

Transcribed - Published: 7 April 2025

Luke and Andrew break down the sublime and the not-so-sublime moments of John Mullaney’s latest live broadcast. Plus, Luke found the misleading CPAP commercial he was looking for, and it’s even more confusing and bizarre than he originally thought. And Andrew challenges Luke with a riddle for the ages (“the ages” being the early 2000s.)

Transcribed - Published: 4 April 2025

Luke and Andrew call Coach Ben for a preview of the upcoming TBTL Junior Sluggers little league season.   

Transcribed - Published: 3 April 2025

Luke and Andrew turn to each other for help understanding some local TV commercials. They also discuss vampires and immortality, Cory Booker’s record-breaking speech, and Taffy Brodesser Ackner’s profile of Val Kilmer, who passed away yesterday.

Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2025

Today’s full episode of TBTL isn’t showing up on Apple Podcasts, so Luke and Andrew fire up the old podcasting machine again to see if they can do anything about it.   

Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2025

Luke and Andrew discuss the single-shot feats of Netflix’s Adolescence, the best/worst new commercial for a local casino, the troubling legacy of a famous sign along I-5, and NPR’s reporting on the “slow internet movement.”

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2025

Luke regales Andrew with many stories from his trip to the mustard museum this weekend. 

Transcribed - Published: 31 March 2025

An anonymous listener shares a hair-raising story about getting scammed by the same “Sheriff’s Department” call that Andrew recently received. Luke and Andrew also discuss their viewing experience during baseball’s opening day. And the prime minister of Australia is getting surprisingly involved in the story of a mascot that pushed a child. 

Transcribed - Published: 28 March 2025

Luke and Andrew are gearing up for baseball’s opening day by trying to figure out how the heck to watch the games. They also dive deeper into Kyle Mooney’s new record, which is probably a joke but maybe not?   

Transcribed - Published: 27 March 2025

Luke is grumpy after a rough day of travelling around the Tri-City area, but Andrew found the perfect thing to cheer him up on an old VHS tape. Luke also has more dazzling details than you can imagine on the history of Pez dispensers!

Transcribed - Published: 26 March 2025

Andrew received an alarming phone call last week and is still processing it. Luke is in New York, where he’s rearranging his hotel room and looking for fancy extension cords for his fancy travel bags.  

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2025

Luke and Andrew aren’t yet ready to talk about Pez dispensers or Kyle Mooney’s new project, but they are ready to talk about what they might talk about when they are ready to talk about those topics. They also discuss the Mariner’s new app, which may make watching games easier or more difficult, depending on what you read.   

Transcribed - Published: 24 March 2025

Luke helps prep Andrew for his upcoming appearance on a public radio talk show. They also check back in with the TBTL Community Calendar to find out what activities the Tens are planning.

Transcribed - Published: 21 March 2025

Luke and Andrew break down last night’s edition of the new John Mallaney live talk show. They have a LOT of thoughts!   

Transcribed - Published: 20 March 2025

Luke learned a valuable lesson while putting together his new e-bike. Andrew has some questions about Lil Uzi Vert. And a listener and her baby weigh-in on grocery store security. 

Transcribed - Published: 19 March 2025

Andrew had his first real run-in with A.I. yesterday, and he’s still reeling from it. Luke’s interview with the Duplass brothers went well…until the very end. And we open up the TBTL voicemail line to share a heck ton of listener messages! 

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2025

Luke is headed out to interview the Duplass brothers this afternoon, and he’s a little nervous about it. Meanwhile, Andrew is upset that opening day is still so far away.

Transcribed - Published: 17 March 2025

Andrew pitches Luke on an idea for a special episode of TBTL that he really wants to produce. They figure out if they can make it work. They also discuss the story of a jerk who went to Australia and snatched a baby wombat away from its mother. And we get a very detailed answer to a question about battery powered radios!

Transcribed - Published: 14 March 2025

Luke explains the ancient art of “rattle canning” to Andrew, which reminds Andrew of a disturbing site he saw recently. They also discuss the backlash to the awful new designs on official MLB team hats…including the one that unintentionally spells something bawdy.   

Transcribed - Published: 13 March 2025

Luke is trying to figure out how and why he unsubscribed from the TBTL Newsletter, but it was probably to hurt Andrew’s feelings. They also discuss the mystery of who forced an airplane to turn around by clogging all the toilets. And they relive the 10-10-220 telephone commercials of their young adulthood.

Transcribed - Published: 12 March 2025

Luke and Andrew have had it up to here with the Seattle Times’ click-baity headlines. They also discuss Luke’s attempt to make an onion-based recipe popular on TikTok. Andrew has some stories about thermoses and grocery stores. And they discuss the latest, somewhat controversial episode of Severance.

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2025

Luke and Andrew dust off the old No Point Conversion machine to discuss the whirlwind of Seahawks news that broke over the past couple of days.    

Transcribed - Published: 10 March 2025

Luke and Andrew both had busy weekends involving live comedy, fancy dinners, confusing bocce, spilt water, and incredibly beautiful movies about impossibly tragic events. They also lost an hour of sleep. 

Transcribed - Published: 10 March 2025

Luke realizes that his relationship has changed significantly over the years. But is he talking about his relationship with sports or his relationship with his girlfriend? Becca will have to listen to find out. 

Transcribed - Published: 7 March 2025

Genevieve joins Luke and Andrew to break down the history of Adrien Brody’s questionable behavior while Luke slams can after can of Fresca and Andrew tries to rank burps. 

Transcribed - Published: 6 March 2025

Luke’s new haircuttery is a winner. Andrew’s existential crisis is affecting his podcast production. A lawyer’s commercial raises more questions than answers. And a TBTL listener is looking for some baseball advice.

Transcribed - Published: 5 March 2025

Luke and Andrew have a big update on the Liberty Bell replica that was stolen from Andrew’s neighborhood. They also discuss some of the hottest acts coming soon to their local casino and the bad commercials that promote them. Plus, Luke is rolling the dice with a new barbershop or possibly hair salon. 

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2025