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Berner Phone

Hannah Berner and Des Bishop

Comedy, Comedy Interviews, Stand-up

4.45.5K Ratings

Overview

The Berner Phone hotline is open! Hannah Berner and her husband, comedian Des Bishop, are listening to callers, dishing out their best advice, and bantering back with hilarious chemistry for their first ever podcast together. Keep an eye out on their Instagram stories for prompts to leave a voice message and be featured on the pod. Whether it’s pet peeves, secrets, life advice, dating dilemmas, or career questions, Hannah and Des are dialed in.

289 Episodes

Berner Phone #41: Under the Influence

Hangxiety is the worst feeling to wake up to. But this week the dialers put their embarrassing stories to good use. Hannah and Des also have wildly different stories to share this week. 10% off hero bread at hero.co with code BERNER 15% off luggage at beistravel.com/BERN 40% off at hungryroot.com/BERNER 25% off daily synbiotic at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN

Transcribed - Published: 17 May 2024

Berner Phone #40: Trying New Things In Bed

This episode might "go down" as one of our all-time favorites. The dialers brought it this week with brutally honest and funny stories about their latest adventures and mishaps in the bedroom. Plus, we discuss how Nikki Glaser is the reason we got married. 25% off at seed.com/berner with code 25BERN 15% off at citybeauty.com with code BERNER zocdoc.com/berner nurx.com/bern

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2024

Berner Phone #39: Debunking Old Wives' Tales

We were all told as kids that we wouldn't survive if we went outside with wet hair. This week, we are debunking old wives' tales to find out if everything we've been told by our parents was a lie. zocdoc.com/berner asteproallergy.com goodr.com/BERNER for free shipping

Transcribed - Published: 3 May 2024

Berner Phone #38: Useless Talents

This week useless talents are becoming useful. We cover everything from heckling babies to weird toe talents. 25% off at Seed.com/BERN with code 25BERN 15% off at BEISTRAVEL.com/BERN 40% off at Hungryroot.com/BERNER 15% off at LumeDeodorant.com with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 26 April 2024

Berner Phone #37: Life Before Smartphones

This week we're throwing it back to a simpler time - when your ex of 20 years couldn't add you on Facebook, your boss couldn't contact you after 5pm, and your favorite show couldn't be spoiled. Free shipping at Quince.com/bern 20% off razors at AthenaClub.com with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 18 April 2024

Berner Phone #36: Technology Mishaps

Technology might be the great equalizer, but karma is not. The dialer's techonology mishaps involve OnlyFans, nudes, and awkward interactions. On the bright side, there are some great hacks for avoiding these mistakes in the future. Moral of this story: delete snapchat. 25% off at Seed.com/bern with code 25BERN MintMobile.com/BERNER

Transcribed - Published: 11 April 2024

Berner Phone #35: 2024 Icks

The dialers called in about their biggest icks this week. Hannah and Des also share their icks while debating middle schoolers in Sephora and pickleball. 20% off at HoneyLove.com/BERN 15% off at BEISTRAVEL.com/BERN 40% off at Hungryroot.com/BERNER

Transcribed - Published: 5 April 2024

Berner Phone #34: Going Rogue

This week we let the little dialers go rogue and tell or ask us anything. We investigate conspiracy theories, get asked some morbid questions, and get called out by a giggler. $5 off at LumeDeodorant.com with code BERN Get 15% off haircare at lolavie.com/BERN

Transcribed - Published: 27 March 2024

Berner Phone #33: Being Toxic

We asked the dialers to share the most toxic thing they've ever done and they definitely delivered. Some were genius, some were petty, and some were borderline illegal but we enjoyed nonetheless! 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50 20% off at AthenaClub.com with code BERN 40% off and free towels at TryMiracle.com/BERN

Transcribed - Published: 22 March 2024

Berner Phone #32: Conquering Anxiety

This week the dialers are sharing their secrets to beating anxiety. As always they are hilarious, relatable, and wise. rocketmoney.com/BERNERPHONE mintmobile.com/berner 20% off at honeylove.com/BERN 25% off at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN

Transcribed - Published: 13 March 2024

Berner Phone #31: Scams in Everyday Life

This episode confirms that pretty much everything in life is a scam. The consensus is admin is taking over our lives, we are all spending more money than we think, and capitalism is always winning. Zocdoc.com/BERNER Quince.com/BERN for free shipping

Transcribed - Published: 7 March 2024

Berner Phone #30: Your "Dial"emmas

The dialers are getting some major "dial"emmas off their chest this week. We cover everything from awkward family situations to open relationships and debating if you should having kids. 10% off cookware at hexclad.com/BERN $5 off at lumedeodorant.com with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 29 February 2024

Berner Phone #29: Worst Parts of Adulting

We don't cook and we don't clean, but we finally feel seen by the little dialers. From taxes to no more summer vacation, being an adult is hard and we haven't quite figured it out. At least we're in this together. Rocketmoney.com/BERNERPHONE 15% off at vessi.com/BERN 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50

Transcribed - Published: 22 February 2024

Berner Phone #28: Best Ways to Destress

If you've been stressed out lately, this is the episode for you. The dialers are spilling the most unique and creative ways they destress. We already feel more relaxed after listening to them! ZocDoc.com/BERNER Free delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN 20% off at HoneyLove.com/BERN 40% off at HungryRoot.com/berner mintmobile.com/berner

Transcribed - Published: 17 February 2024

Berner Phone #27: Wildest Meet Cutes

We asked the little dialers the craziest ways they have met a romantic partner and they did not disappoint. Apparently love is real and can happen when you least expect it. Free juice cleanse delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 9 February 2024

Berner Phone #26: Things We Hate

The little dialers have some hot takes this week. They're coming for dogs, Hannah's love for Italian food, and Taylor Swift. Free delivery with code BERN at Squeezed.com RocketMoney.com/BERNERPHONE

Transcribed - Published: 2 February 2024

Berner Phone #25: Worst Hookups Part 2

The little dialers have had so many first date and hookup mishaps that we had to make another episode! From awkward sutations to mildly gross confessions, the dialers have done it all. Free delovery at Squeezed.com with code BERN $15 off skincare at apostrophe.com/BERN 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50

Transcribed - Published: 25 January 2024

Berner Phone #24: Worst Hookups

This week's prompt was a hit and the dialers have had some wild mishaps in the bedroom. $15 off skincare at apostrophe.com/PHONE Free delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN 20% off and free shipping with code BERNER at Manscaped.com 40% off first delivery at Hungryroot.com/berner

Transcribed - Published: 18 January 2024

Berner Phone #23: Exciting Updates

This week we are getting updates from some of our favorite dialers. Hannah and Des share some personal updates, we get the full happy ending story, and so much more. Des has a YouTube special coming January 16th! Subscribe HERE! Squeezed.com free delivery with code BERN 20% off at honeylove.com/BERN

Transcribed - Published: 11 January 2024

Berner Phone #22: The Most Powerful Power Moves

This week the dialers are all about sex, money, and power. Same day local delivery or Free Fast delivery nationwide at Squeezed.com with code BERN. Hungryroot.com/berner to get 40% off your first delivery.

Transcribed - Published: 4 January 2024

Berner Phone #21: Unique New Year's Resolutions

The dialers are hoping for some big changes in 2024 - new personalities, breaking bad habits, and changing the way they date. HelloFresh.com/bernfree for free breakfast! Squeezed.com free shipping with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 29 December 2023

Berner Phone #20: What's on your bucket list?

The little dialers have some wild bucket list items that involve sex, fights, and therapy.

Transcribed - Published: 21 December 2023

Berner Phone #19: The Best Life Hacks

This week we are discovering new life hacks. They range from masturbating, public bathrooms, matching your socks, to being cringe and feeling free. Berner Phone under Podcast when you sign up for Earnin on Google Play or App Store.

Transcribed - Published: 14 December 2023

Berner Phone #18: Secrets Revealed

Secrets are being revealed…there are age gap relationships, people cheating, and happy endings being given. Plus, Hannah made a mistake on Cameo. honeylove.com/BERN EmbracePetInsurance.com/BERN marinelayer.com/BERN15

Transcribed - Published: 7 December 2023

Berner Phone #17: Airing Your Grievances

The dialers are getting things off their chest this week. They have some serious grievances about airports, pestering shy people, and getting sober. 20% off w/ code BERNER at manscaped.com 10% off w/ code BERN at oseamalibu.com 15% off at uncommongoods.com/bern Code BERN at lume.com

Transcribed - Published: 30 November 2023

Berner Phone #16: Biggest Irrational Fears

The little dialers are scared of everything from mayo to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to the DMV. You’ll have to find out if we validate your fears or laugh at them.

Transcribed - Published: 24 November 2023

Berner Phone #15: What Men Want Women to Know

This week men are revealing the things they want women to know. They aren’t always thinking about sex and don’t want to hear about your exes, but at the same time they are self proclaimed “horny garbage”.

Transcribed - Published: 15 November 2023

Berner Phone #14: Annoying Generational Differences

This week we’re working through some intergenerational conflict. Gen Z can’t stand how older people text, rake leaves, and use social media. Millennials and Gen X are bothered by ever-changing lingo and TikTok. And everyone is mad that people yell on the phone in public places.

Transcribed - Published: 9 November 2023

Berner Phone #13: Random Life Advice

For the first time, we are taking life advice questions from the little dialers and we'll see where it takes us. This week we’re discussing how we can learn to say no, long distance relationships, and confusing situationships.

Transcribed - Published: 2 November 2023

Berner Phone #12: More Dumb Etiquette and Traditions

The phonies are fed up with office small talk, mommy influencers, and wedding traditions. Plus, Hannah's mom makes an appearance on the pod. embracepetinsurance.com/bern

Transcribed - Published: 26 October 2023

Berner Phone #11: Dumb Etiquette and Traditions

We are all eating cold food, holding doors, and asking permission to get married in the name of etiquette and tradition. The little dialers have had enough and so have we. hellofresh.com/50bern Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumepodcast.com! #lumepod

Transcribed - Published: 19 October 2023

Berner Phone #10: Your Unorthodox Kinks

From armpits to toilets to breeding, no kink is left unturned in this new episode of Berner Phone!

Transcribed - Published: 12 October 2023

Berner Phone #9: Your Most Petty Moments

The little dialers have committed some petty acts against exes, coworkers, neighbors, siblings, and spouses. Hannah and Des are here to justify your most petty moments.

Transcribed - Published: 4 October 2023

Berner Phone #8: Your Best Relationship Advice Ever

Hannah and Des finally discuss love. They asked the little dialers about the best advice they ever received when it comes to having a successful relationship. Download the dating app for ambitious GoalDiggers, The League at https://click.theleague.com/qmhm/bernerphone. To skip the waitlist, text the code #Hannah to your concierge in the app to find your potential soulmate.

Transcribed - Published: 27 September 2023

Berner Phone #7: Dialer's Dilemmas

This week we’re listening to your biggest dilemmas. Someone’s boyfriend is a secret submissive, we share our opinions on losing weight for a wedding, and contemplate dating as a stripper. Hannah has standup shows coming up in Tempe, Bensalem, Sacramento, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Baltimore, and more! Tickets here! dave.com/berninginhell Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumepodcast.com! #lumepod

Transcribed - Published: 20 September 2023

Your Guiltiest Pleasures

This week the little dialers get some of the guiltiest pleasures off their chest. From chef boyardee to situationships and anal itching, we’re here to make you feel a little less guilty. honeylove.com/BERN Recover properly with @waterboy and get 15% off with promo code BERN at waterboy.com/BERN! #waterboypartner

Transcribed - Published: 13 September 2023

Berner Phone #6: Your Guiltiest Pleasures

This week the little dialers get some of the guiltiest pleasures off their chest. From chef boyardee to situationships and anal itching, we’re here to make you feel a little less guilty. honeylove.com/BERN Recover properly with @waterboy and get 15% off with promo code BERN at waterboy.com/BERN! #waterboypartner

Transcribed - Published: 13 September 2023

The Best Life Advice You Ever Got

This week we asked our little dialers to give us the best life advice they've ever gotten! Some knowledge dropped about jealousy, performance pressure, caring too much about what people think, and marriage advice about ball sucking! Live stand up shows coming up in Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Tempe, Buffalo, and Bensalem! Tickets here caraway.health/bern Sign up for the Dashpass student plan with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 6 September 2023

Berner Phone #5: The Best Life Advice You Ever Got

This week we asked our little dialers to give us the best life advice they've ever gotten! Some knowledge dropped about jealousy, performance pressure, caring too much about what people think, and marriage advice about ball sucking! Live stand up shows coming up in Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Tempe, Buffalo, and Bensalem! Tickets here caraway.health/bern Sign up for the Dashpass student plan with code BERN

Transcribed - Published: 6 September 2023

Berner Phone #4: Pet Peeves Part Deux with Des

We're back this week with more pet peeves to work through your issues with road rage, self checkout ettiquette, and yawning. Stand up shows coming up in Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Tempe, Buffalo, and more! Tickets here

Transcribed - Published: 30 August 2023

Berner Phone: Pet Peeves Part One with Des

The hotline was blowing up this week because everyone is annoyed about something. We listen to your pet peeves while Hannah and Des’ generational differences are exposed when discussing directions, we advise husbands to stop asking “are you ok?”, and we might have some future stand up comedians on our hands. Upcoming stand up shows in Mashantucket, Westhampton, San Antonio, Dallas, Tuscon, Tempe, Bensalem, San Francisco, Hanover, and more! Get tickets here Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumedeodorant.com/BERN ! #lumepod

Transcribed - Published: 24 August 2023

Berner Phone #3: Pet Peeves Part One with Des

The hotline was blowing up this week because everyone is annoyed about something. We listen to your pet peeves while Hannah and Des’ generational differences are exposed when discussing directions, we advise husbands to stop asking “are you ok?”, and we might have some future stand up comedians on our hands. Upcoming stand up shows in Mashantucket, Westhampton, San Antonio, Dallas, Tuscon, Tempe, Bensalem, San Francisco, Hanover, and more! Get tickets here Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumedeodorant.com/BERN ! #lumepod

Transcribed - Published: 24 August 2023

Jared Freid: 37 & Single

Jared Freid’s comedy special 37 and Single is out now on Netflix. Go watch it now for his take on dating apps, late-night eating, and to find out why he’s still single. He explains why dating gets harder as you get older, is mad at Hannah for offering him a doughnut, and shares his craziest late-night food orders. Come see my stand up shows coming up in Connecticut, Westhampton, Texas, Arizona, Pennsylvania, California, Seattle, Oregon, and more! Tickets here Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code BERN at jennikayne.com/BERN! #jennikaynepartner

Transcribed - Published: 17 August 2023

Berner Phone #2: The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever with Des Bishop

Berner Phone is back with our reactions to your most embarrassing stories. Bosses have been kissed, there was a lazy eye misunderstanding, and somehow JonBenet Ramsey is involved. You guys are wild and we love it. Submit advice questions here Get tickets to my stand up comedy shows here Get 20% OFF @honeylove with promo code BERN at https://www.honeylove.com! #honeylovepod

Transcribed - Published: 10 August 2023

Berner Phone #1: Beige Flags with Des Bishop

Welcome to the first episode of Berner Phone!!! I’m always interviewing people on podcasts and on the street, but in this new segment, I get to hear from you! Stay tuned on my Instagram @hannahberner for prompts and links to submit your voice messages. This week Des joins me to hear about your beige flags in relationships. We learn about boyfriends who can’t stop smelling their hands, have a fish tank obsession, were in a Christian cult, and more! If you neeed advice asap leave a voicemail here! Come see my live comedy shows! Tix here! Connecticut, Westhampton, Texas, Arizona, Buffalo, and Pennsylvania coming up.

Transcribed - Published: 3 August 2023

Tori Dunlap: Financial Feminist & Negotiating Tactics

This week in hell we are collabing with Tori Dunlap's podcast Financial Feminist: Her First $100k. We discuss smart money tips to fight the patriarchy while sharing our personal experiences of navigating finances and negotiations. I have stand up shows coming up in Connecticut, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tuscon, Tempe, Buffalo, and more! Get tickets here!

Transcribed - Published: 25 July 2023

Sabrina Brier: Cringeworthy & Cool Delusion

Sabrina Brier is a New York comedian who plays “the girl who bullied you in high school who is trying to be an influencer” on her viral TikToks. She explains why she’s wearing a wedding ring, makes a bold claim about pizza, talks about childhood bullies, and why she embraces cringe. Come to my stand up shows: Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Tuscon, Tempe, and more! Get tickets here!

Transcribed - Published: 20 July 2023

Cat Cohen: Canon Events & Background Character Energy

The gorgeous Cat Cohen is in hell today to discuss her new live show, her demons, and top tier banter. Come to my stand-up shows: Newark, Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston! Get tickets here!

Transcribed - Published: 13 July 2023

Zarna Garg: Arranged Marriages & One In A Billion

The internet's realest mom, comedian Zarna Garg, came to hell! She opens up about being kicked out at 14, her one-of-a-kind career, and why mother-in-laws are the worst. Come to my stand-up shows: Newark, Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston! Get tickets here!

Transcribed - Published: 12 July 2023

Cat Cohen: Cat Cohen: Canon Events & Background Character Energy

The gorgeous Cat Cohen is in hell today to discuss her new live show, her demons, and top tier banter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcribed - Published: 8 July 2023

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