Lights On with Carl Lentz

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com For the first time on Lights On, Carl and Laura invited guests to the table: Charles and Abby Metcalf, dear friends, pastors, and parents of four little ones in the thick of the season most couples privately worry they won't survive. Together, the four of them get into the question hundreds of you have asked in different ways: what do kids actually do to a marriage, and how do you stay best friends through it? In this episode of Lights On, Carl, Laura, Charles, and Abby get honest about the parts of marriage that kids quietly expose. The impatience you didn't know was in you. The differences in parenting style that suddenly feel personal. The way two exhausted people can drift from lovers into co-managers without anyone noticing. The way "teammate energy" sneaks in and steals what brought you together in the first place. You'll hear Charles tell the story of his Mother's Day attempt to do everything alone (and the wrath of God that followed), why Abby believes a confident, joyful mom is the most valuable thing a household can have, and why both couples agree the best parents are always the best friends. Laura speaks directly to the moms carrying invisible weight, the ones who never get asked what they actually need. Carl speaks to the dads who clock out at work and clock out again at home, and the small mental shift that flips everything. Stay for the homework prompts you can take to dinner this week, the "what's in the way of becoming co-managers" frame that will change how you protect your marriage, and the line that lands no matter what season you're in: you are doing so much better than you think you are. This is part one with the Metcalfs. They're coming back. Bring a notebook.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow Charles at: https://www.instagram.com/charlesmetcalf/ Follow Abby at: https://www.instagram.com/abbyrosemetcalf/ Chapters:0:00 - Intro:0:56 - Welcome & Meet the Guests: Charles & Abby Metcalf3:29 - Learning Each Other Before Having Kids5:13 - A Stranger's Kind Words at a Diner (Story)6:52 - What Shocked Us Most About Having Kids (Impatience & Overstimulation)10:39 - How Parenting Exposes Fragile Parts of Your Marriage11:18 - GOD BEHIND BARS11:50 - What Stretches Your Marriage the Most: Exhaustion & the "Same Team" Mindset13:27 - Navigating Different Parenting Styles Without Undermining Each Other15:28 - Have Ground Rules for Disagreeing in Front of the Kids16:01 - When Marriage Becomes Survival Mode: How to Move Toward Thriving17:18 - Homework: Ask What Drains & Restores Your Partner18:06 - The Drift: How Couples Quietly Become Teammates Instead of Lovers19:13 - How the Metcalfs Protect Their Friendship (Thursday Date Night)22:14 - Flip the Script: Let Marriage Get in the Way of the Kids23:11 - Better Help24:10 - Staying Curious About Each Other as You Both Change25:31 - Practical Tip: Create One Recurring Friendship Interruption This Month27:01 - What Kids Learn by Watching Mom and Dad Prioritize Each Other28:31 - Hold Yourself to the Same Standard You'd Hold a Son-in-Law To29:12 - When Both Partners Feel Unseen: Invisible Weight32:05 - Silent Anger Becomes Resentment — Naming It Before It's Toxic33:44 - The Unseen Weight of Being a Mom36:08 - Wonder Project37:12 - Charles doing Mother's Day Solo With All Four Kids (Story)38:27 - No iPads, Homeschooling & the Extra Layer of Demand on Mom39:27 - The Resentment Trap When Both Parents Come Home Exhausted41:28 - Building a Daily Structure That Gives Everyone Space to Breathe43:38 - Intentional Architecture: Design Your Life Before the Fires Start44:56 - Appreciating What Mom Holds — The "Walk Into the Ocean" Story46:18 - The Most Common Root of Marriage Tension: Not Feeling Seen47:00 - Policy Genius48:10 - Laura's Story: Not Knowing Who She Was Outside of Her Family49:52 - Women Finding Their Voice & Overcoming Mom Guilt51:42 - Stop Getting Parenting Advice From Social Media53:07 - The Value of Friendships That Actually Know You (Tornado Story)55:52 - When Mom Is Flourishing, Everyone Is Better57:54 - Homework: Ask What Makes Your Spouse Feel Most Unseen59:38 - Speak Well of Your Spouse Behind Their Back1:00:13 - The LeBron Effect: Moms Are So Good We Take Them for Granted1:01:16 - Closing: Come Back Next Week for Part 2 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 June 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com This is the number one question Carl and Laura get asked, so they finally gave it a whole episode. A listener wrote in asking how you rebuild intimacy when sex, touch, and closeness have all become wired to pain, pressure, and fear. Underneath it sat the question almost nobody says out loud: will we ever have sex again? In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura get honest about why intimacy after betrayal breaks down so fast, and why the problem is almost never that the intimacy disappeared. It's that the order got destroyed. They walk through what Laura calls the architecture of intimacy, the healthy sequence real connection actually flows through, and the broken version that quietly pushes couples toward divorce or a lonely marriage they never had to end up in. You'll hear why pressure is the one thing that shuts a nervous system down completely, why the price tag for future intimacy is elite patience, and why becoming a student of your spouse's nervous system will do more than any romantic gesture ever could. Carl gets blunt with the men still leading with "but I have needs." Laura speaks directly to the women carrying comparison, fear, and the quiet belief that they should want intimacy by now. Stay for the follow the order checklist, a set of questions you can actually take to dinner this week, the truth about why women trust patterns and not emotion, and the two words that change everything for a man trying to rebuild: build stability. Whether you're walking through repair or you just want a marriage that's more alive than it's ever been, this conversation is built to give you order, and order brings peace. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Chapters: 0:32 - Welcome2:50 - Will We Ever Have Sex Again?3:41 - What We Can Actually Help With Today4:56 - The Biggest Mistake Couples Make After Betrayal5:41 - There Is an Order to Repairing Broken Trust7:03 - The Architecture of Intimacy8:12 - The Healthy Order: Safety → Connection → Security → Desire9:42 - The Broken Order & Where It Leads11:10 - God Behind Bars11:43 - The Problem Is the Order Got Destroyed, Not That Intimacy Is Gone13:19 - You're Not Broken, You're Not Rejected — You're Out of Order14:25 - Don't Make This About You17:10 - The #1 Thing Women Say Makes Intimacy So Hard: Pressure18:34 - You Can Have Intimacy Again, But It'll Cost You Patience20:45 - BetterHelp21:45 - What About Husbands Who've Done the Work But She's Not Moving?22:16 - Wanting Sex Isn't Wrong — Demanding It Is23:11 - Stop Trying to Be Romantic. Become a Student of Her Nervous System25:29 - It Does Help to Be Handsome — But Stability Is More Attractive27:05 - A Wife Has Never Left a Kind Man. Ever.28:03 - Carl Asks Laura: What Actually Healed You?29:02 - Desire Returns Through Safety, Not Timelines31:03 - Wonder Project32:07 - What's Actually Going On Inside the Woman You Betrayed33:47 - Patience Is a Skill & the Impatient Man Caused This Problem34:17 - Delaying Gratification Speaks Volumes to Her34:43 - You Cannot Pray Your Way Out of Hard Work37:08 - Two Words Every Man Needs: Build Stability40:34 - The Woman Can Break the Order. You Cannot.42:20 - Follow the Order Checklist43:46 - Policy Genius44:58 - Have We Removed Pressure From the Intimacy Conversation?45:45 - Are We Building Connection Outside the Bedroom?46:41 - More Stable or Just More Apologetic?47:31 - Are We Creating New Experiences or Only Processing Pain?48:35 - Do We Understand Each Other's Nervous System Better?48:59 - Real Life: Laura Loses It After Moving Kids Home50:14 - Have We Become More Honest This Week?51:05 - Don't Crush Him for Being HonestSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 May 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com When a parent emailed asking how to discipline their kids after blowing up the family, we knew this conversation needed its own episode. Their question went deeper than discipline though. It was about authority. How do you lead your kids when you feel completely disqualified? And how do you stabilize their nervous system when yours is barely holding together? In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura sit with the parent who knows the unique pain of trying to show up for their kids after wrecking the very thing that was supposed to make them feel safe. They walk through three pillars that have carried their own family through six years of repair: posture, honesty, and confidence. None of them are what most people assume they are. You'll hear why your kids don't lose respect when you fail, they lose it when you pretend you didn't. Why removing discipline out of guilt actually steals the safety your children are craving most. Why secrecy "to protect them" usually does the opposite, and what the merry-go-round study reveals about the boundaries kids actually need. Carl gets honest about the dad voice that had to be retired and the one that took its place. Laura speaks directly to the betrayed spouse navigating their own version of this, and why the temptation to triangulate with your kids is one of the most costly choices a parent can make. Stay for the lighthouse metaphor, the turbulence-on-a-plane illustration that will change the way you talk to your kids about hard things, and the honest truth about how we tagged in and tagged out on the days neither of them had anything left to give. If you're parenting through repair, or watching someone you love try to, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Chapters: 0:00 - Intro 0:41 - Welcome & Episode Overview1:25 - Book Announcement & How to Reach the Show1:59 - The email2:46 - Why This Moment Can Go Right or Wrong3:45 - The 3 Keys: Posture, Honesty & Confidence3:56 - What "Posture" Actually Means4:26 - Wrong Posture: "I'm Still the Parent, Do What I Say"5:01 - Right Posture: Own It, Repair It, Show Up Every Day5:49 - Kids Lose Respect When You Pretend Nothing Happened6:20 - The Guilt Trap: Why Discipline Can't Disappear7:03 - Removing Discipline Removes Safety7:49 - What Discipline Actually Sounds Like Now8:46 - Holding the Line Consistently Rebuilds Trust9:32 - Being Firm AND Humble at the Same Time10:51 - God Behind Bars11:24 - Correct With Empathy, Not Just Authority12:16 - Discipline From Responsibility, Not Guilt13:32 - Honesty — Why Parents Get This Wrong14:18 - Silence Seeds More Instability (Real Story: Charlie)16:00 - The Pattern You're Setting Without Knowing It17:16 - What Honesty Actually Looks Like (Without Oversharing)18:25 - BetterHelp19:25 - Pushback: "I Don't Want to Break My Kid's Heart"20:28 - Sample Language to Use With Your Kids21:21 - The Fence Study: Why Kids Need Boundaries22:09 - Secrecy Destroys Trust 22:33 - Turbulence Analogy: Be the Pilot, Not the Silence23:30 - The Cost of Waiting Too Long to Be Honest25:06 - Confidence — The Stabilizer26:47 - The Betrayed Spouse's Crucial Role27:26 - Wonder Project28:30 - Don't Put Kids in the Middle29:20 - Kids Will Be Angry, Test You, and Lose Trust — That's Normal29:49 - Your Job: Stay Consistent, Not Control Their Reaction30:56 - The Spouse's Rôle: Supporting Rebuilding31:43 - When Kids Push Back: Simple Language That Works33:04 - Find a Safe Outlet — Don't Dump on Your Kids33:40 - The Lighthouse Dad Analogy34:46 - Policy Genius35:56 - How Did You Stabilize the Kids When You Were Unstable?37:44 - Progress Isn't Linear — Good Days, Bad Days, Keep Going38:09 - More Clinical Help on Kids' Nervous Systems Is Coming38:47 - Final Encouragement: Recap of Posture, Honesty & Confidence40:20 - Outro & How to Reach the Show See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 May 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com When a husband emailed asking why his wife still brings up his affair every week, three years after it happened, even though she says she has forgiven him, we knew this conversation was going to land for a lot of people. His question was simple and brave: am I allowed to ask for more? And underneath it sits the question nobody wants to say out loud. What's the difference between a spouse who is genuinely still healing, and a spouse who is using the past as a weapon? In this episode of Lights On, We got into the full timeline of recovery after betrayal: the early trauma phase, the processing phase, and the long rebuilding phase that doesn't end the way most couples expect. We explain why "time heals all wounds" is one of the worst lies ever sold, why some marriages get stuck in what they call a hostage crisis, and how to tell the difference between healing pain and recycled pain. You'll hear the sponge metaphor that has helped more couples than we can count. The guardrails every rebuilding marriage needs. The hard truth for women who say they want a strong man back while still breaking him down daily. And the even harder truth for men who keep leading with "don't I have the right" instead of "I'm choosing to own this." Whether you're three months in, three years in, or quietly sitting in pain longer than you want to admit, this episode is built to give you clarity. Because clarity is the thing that brings the power back into the room. We closed with the three choices every couple has to make: heal, heal together, or heal separately. The only option that doesn't exist is no plan. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Chapters: 0:00 - Intro2:38 - Welcome3:27 - The Email — "She Says She Forgave Me But Her Actions Say Otherwise"4:18 - Are You Allowed to Ask for More?5:45 - What You Lose the Right to Ask6:34 - You Still Deserve Basic Dignity7:56 - Where Is This Marriage Going?8:37 - When She Stays But Won't Heal9:07 - The Healing Timeline Explained10:28 - Phase 1 — Chaos (0–3 Months)11:04 - God Behind Bars11:36 - Phase 2 — Processing (3–12 Months)12:05 - Phase 3 — Rebuilding (1–2 Years+)13:04 - Why "Time Heals All Wounds" Is a Lie18:18 - BetterHelp19:18 - What Real Healing Actually Looks Like21:45 - The Sponge Analogy23:08 - Using the Past as a Weapon vs. Processing It24:38 - You Never Have to Forget25:13 - The Ground Rules That Keep You Both Safe27:25 - How Your Words Are Building or Destroying Your Husband28:49 - Wonder Project29:53 - Stop Being Vague About How You're Healing31:12 - Getting Clear About Intimacy32:50 - How Do You Know Someone Is Actually Healing?33:04 - When Therapy Makes Things Worse35:29 - She's Not Cold. She's Firm.36:52 - Policy Genius38:02 - Forgiveness and Rebuilding Are Not the Same Thing38:31 - The Posture Every Husband Needs Right Now39:55 - You Have to Learn to Meet Your Own Needs41:23 - Stop Leading With "Don't I Have Rights?"43:03 - Six Years Later — It Still Shows Up44:58 - The Three Choices Every Couple Has to Make46:56 - Are You Choosing to Heal Today?48:04 - OutroSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comThis episode explores the tension between "be the light of the world" and "live a quiet life" - and why both can coexist in the same calling. Carl sits down with Ruslan Alkhouri, the Armenian refugee turned seven-figure media entrepreneur, about faithfulness before platform, godly ambition versus worldly fame, and why implementation always beats information.The conversation covers twenty years of faithful local service that nobody saw, how God breathed on Ruslan's YouTube platform during the pandemic, and the controversial topic of wealth in ministry. You'll hear why your assignment is seasonal but your purpose is constant, and why you can't change people no matter how hard you try.If you're wrestling with how to build something meaningful without losing your soul, or wondering whether your current season of faithfulness will ever lead to breakthrough, this conversation was made for you.Follow Carl at: instagram.com/carllentzFollow Laura at: instagram.com/lauralentzFollow Ruslan at: instagram.com/ruslankdSupported by Wonder Project https://www.thewonderproject.com/Supported by God Behind Bars https://www.godbehindbars.com/Supported by Policy Genius https://www.policygenius.com/Supported by Better Help https://www.betterhelp.com/ Chapters:0:00 – Intro Highlights0:56 – Meet the Guest: Ruslan1:41 – From Armenian Refugee to Gangster Culture4:35 – Finding Faith & Surrendering His Life5:18 – 20 Years of Serving Quietly Before the Platform7:30 – Shifting Away from Call-Out Culture9:30 – Wonder Project (Sponsor)10:35 – Getting Under Healthy Leadership at Rhythm Church13:05 – Did He Feel Behind? The Engine of Godly Ambition21:03 – God Behind Bars (Sponsor)21:35 – Who Is This Book For?29:39 – Policy Genius (Sponsor)30:49 – Ambition Is Evil… Or Is It?32:08 – The Comparison Trap & Social Media Lies34:18 – "Live a Quiet Life" – The Most Misused Scripture36:32 – The State of Culture: Distrust in Institutions43:00 – Purpose Is Constant, Assignment Is Seasonal45:31 – Small Habits Build Great Men46:41 – BetterHelp (Sponsor)47:41 – What You Do ≠ Who You Are51:05 – Talent Stacking: Nothing Is Wasted53:03 – Biblical Financial Literacy & The Missing Conversation58:30 – Generosity Is a State of Mind1:03:34 – Closing: The Book & Final WordsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 4 May 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com When a mom of three teenage boys emailed us asking how to lead her family through the aftermath of her husband's betrayal, we knew this conversation needed its own episode. Her oldest son has gone cold. The anger is hardening. The whole family is weary. And she's wondering if the work she and her husband are doing will ever be enough to reach the kids who didn't choose any of this.In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura sit with the question every couple in recovery eventually has to face: how do you parent well while your kids are still reacting to something you created? Drawing from six years on this road with their own three children, they reframe the question entirely, walk through what the adolescent brain is actually capable of processing, and offer five principles that have carried their family through layered, lagging, multi-year healing. You'll hear why the most dangerous timeline in family recovery is the one in your head. Why your son's anger is not his final form. Why "show me, don't tell me" is the only currency teenagers will spend. And why the goal isn't to win your kids back, it's to become so steady, so safe, and so full of life that the ice has no choice but to melt. If you're a parent in the thick of repair work, or you're watching someone you love try to lead a family through the consequences of a hard year, this one was written for you. Carl gets honest about shame, consistency, and the moments his own kids have caught him still mirroring their pain. Laura speaks directly to the fear underneath your child's reactions: they didn't just lose trust in you, they lost trust in life itself. Stay for the metaphors that will outlast the episode (the garden, the ice block, the leaking roof) and the reminder that you are not behind. You are right on time. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Wonder Projecthttps://www.amazon.com/gp/video/offers/ref=atv_3p_amz_c_CDvZ9m_1_1?benefitId=wonderprojectus CHAPTERS: 0:00 Intro0:58 Welcome to Lights On1:00 The Listener's Email2:51 The Family's Story4:24 Why This Episode Matters5:11 Reframing the Question7:07 How Kids Process Betrayal8:00 Children Heal on Their Own Timeline10:13 The 5 Principles11:01 Resetting Expectations13:08 Principle 1: Don't Mirror Your Kids18:07 The Garden Mindset20:03 When Shame Tries to Win21:34 They Lost Trust in Life24:17 Leading When They're Not Okay25:00 One Day at a Time29:03 Answer Pain with Patience30:28 Your Calm Heals Them31:58 Show the Repair34:04 Holding the Line with Grace35:20 Keep Encouraging Therapy36:44 Principle 2: Anger Isn't Their Final Form38:35 Principle 3: You Can't Rush Trust40:06 Do It Because You're Healthy40:58 Control Your Consistency, Not Them41:19 Principle 4: Lead by Example43:10 Kids Notice Everything44:25 Let Them See the Repair45:03 Repair in Front of Them46:47 Principle 5: Heat, Not Pressure48:00 Creating Safety Over Time49:20 Don't Give Up49:54 Outro & SponsorsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 27 April 2026

If you or someone you love is trapped in addiction and you've run out of answers, call Hope Is Alive at 1-844-3-HOPE-NOW or visit hopeisalive.net In this honest and hope-filled episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Lance Lang — pastor's kid turned 50-pill-a-day addict turned founder of Hope Is Alive — for a conversation that will change the way you see addiction forever. Lance breaks down the moment he hit rock bottom, why addiction doesn't care about your last name, your bank account, or your upbringing, and how one full confession in his uncle's office on April 6th, 2011 became the first day of the rest of his life. Carl and Lance dismantle the stigma that rehab is for people who've lost everything, explain why explanations are not excuses but tools, and make the case that sobriety is not a surrender — it's a superpower. From the lie that you're too busy to get help, to the three things every family member of an addict needs to hear, to why the cost of not going is always greater than the cost of going, this episode is a lifeline for anyone who's been waiting for a sign. Whether you're the one struggling in silence, the spouse who's tried everything, or the parent sitting in a pew next to someone who's carrying the same secret you are — this is your moment. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura created Lights On to bring light to the areas of life where we need it most. If this episode gave you hope or you're ready to take the next step, don't wait. Call Hope Is Alive at 1-844-3-HOPE-NOW or visit hopeisalive.net Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Lance at: hopeisalive.netHope Is Alive: hopeisalive.netSupported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS:0:00 - Welcome to Lights On1:56 - Lance Lang: Pastor's Kid, Drug Addict, Founder3:56 - Addiction Doesn't Discriminate8:39 - Rock Bottom: 50 Pills a Day9:55 - The First Full Confession10:27 - 90 Days That Changed Everything13:53 - God Behind Bars Partnership16:00 - What People Get Wrong About Addiction21:05 - Explanations Are Not Excuses23:18 - Remove the Stigma From Rehab25:29 - Hope Is Alive: Recovery Done Differently31:01 - Finding Hope: Support Groups for Families33:15 - You're Not Alone. It's Not Your Fault. There Is Hope.40:21 - Plana Partnership41:02 - Sobriety Is Your Superpower43:49 - Recovery Is Not Just Sobriety — It's Identity46:23 - Try the Drug Called Hope47:54 - How to Call Hope Is Alive Right Now49:25 - A Word to the Addict ListeningSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 20 April 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura answer three listener questions that keep circling the same uncomfortable truth: good intentions are not the same as real work. And the people you love can feel the difference.The first question comes from a couple on the other side of a hard season. They are doing well, on the same page, and they want to know what easy, non-heavy things actually help a marriage reconnect. Carl and Laura break down the Treasure Walk, a simple but intentional 20 minute practice that changed the way they communicate. The rule is straightforward. The other person is the treasure chest. Your only job is to find out what is in there. They also get into why fun is not optional during rebuilding seasons, why pickleball almost ended their marriage, and what it actually means to make your relationship a stated priority versus a real one. The second question comes from a man who fought hard to save his marriage after his wife had an affair with someone in their own spiritual community. They divorced. She remarried. He is now engaged to someone incredible. And he is still carrying the weight of what he lost. His fiancee is asking whether he is fully healed. His honest answer is that he does not know. Carl walks him through what he calls the position switch, the difference between grieving what you cannot change and investing in what is right in front of you. Grief is a signal, not a home. And what you stop feeding will eventually stop running your life.The third question is the one the whole episode builds toward. A woman who was betrayed and abused. She left, moved countries, committed to two full years of consistent therapy work and has seen real transformation in herself. Her husband followed. His effort has been on and off, starting and stopping therapy depending on his mood or who he is around. Now there is pressure to reconcile and move back in together, and she is being asked to treat his inconsistent effort as equivalent to hers. Carl is direct: the betrayer does not get to drive the car of the new chapter. He then reads, for the first time since receiving it, the letter his therapist wrote him after five years of showing up every single Tuesday night for two and a half hours. What consistency actually looks like in the long run. What it costs. And what it builds that nothing else can. This episode is for anyone who has confused presence with progress, or mistaken tears and intentions for evidence. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Wonder Projecthttps://www.amazon.com/gp/video/offers/ref=atv_3p_amz_c_CDvZ9m_1_1?benefitId=wonderprojectusSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 April 2026

If you're a man trapped in a cycle of pornography and shame, email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw and practical episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz brings back Blaine Bartell for a conversation built for the man who has tried everything and still can't break free. Blaine, founder of House of Resurrection and a man who lost everything to 23 years of sexual addiction, breaks down the exact system that keeps men stuck: the addiction cycle of trigger, crave, cave, and payoff. But more importantly, he reveals the freedom cycle that saved his life and can save yours. Carl and Blaine dismantle the myth that willpower and accountability partners are enough, explain why advocacy and brotherhood heal what policing never could, and give you a step by step playbook you can start today. From the Swiss cheese method of stacking recovery layers to why you don't stop something by stopping something, this episode is a lifeline for any man ready to fight a broken system with a better one. Whether you struggle in silence, love someone who does, or pastor men who will never tell you the truth, this is your blueprint for building a life with nothing to hide. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura created Lights On to bring light to the areas of life where we need it most. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/House of Resurrection: https://houseofres.life Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura dive into the difficult questions surrounding marital betrayal, emotional boundaries, and the road to healing. Should you tell your children about your marital struggles? Why do women cheat, and is the husband ever to blame? What actually defines an emotional affair, and how do you escape the "validation trap" before it destroys everything? Drawing from their own journey through public betrayal and 23 years of marriage, Carl and Laura explore why "image protection" is often the greatest enemy of true healing. They challenge the societal narratives that make some affairs seem "understandable" while others are "predatory," and they expose the uncomfortable truth about why men and women often seek intimacy outside their marriage. Whether you're a betrayed spouse trying to make sense of the chaos, or a partner realizing you’ve been "lonely together" for far too long, this episode offers a roadmap back to connection. Laura opens up about the power of self-worth that isn't dependent on a spouse's validation, and Carl delivers a hard truth for anyone trying to blamesharing their way out of a broken vow: atonement must come before explanation. From the "nose-to-nose" challenge that exposes the distance between you, to the daily affirmations that rewire your brain for confidence, to the "sliding door moments" where affairs actually begin—this episode is for any couple ready to stop protecting a fake image and start building a real legacy. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS: 00:00 Intro 01:15 Why Doesn't Laura Speak More? 03:08 Should We Tell Our Children About Marital Struggles? 09:56 God Behind Bars Partnership 10:29 Why Do Women Cheat? 14:15 The Brain’s Search for Control After Betrayal 20:49 The Validation Trap: Why Affairs Feel Like a Dream 23:08 Owning Your Own Validation 28:27 Affirmations: Rewiring Your Brain for Self-Worth 32:57 Atonement vs. Blamesharing 34:52 Society’s Narrative on Infidelity 37:44 Plana Partnership 38:18 Defining Emotional Affairs 41:11 The Danger of Being "Lonely Together" 46:54 How Well Do You Know Your Partner? 47:58 Closing and How to Contact UsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2026

If you're searching for peace and don't know where to start, email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with longtime friend and author Tim Ross for a conversation that redefines everything you thought you knew about peace. Tim, host of The Basement podcast and author of the new book The Missing Peace, breaks down why peace is not the absence of problems but the quiet regulation of your nervous system that nothing external can shake. Carl and Tim unpack the difference between peacemaking and peacekeeping, why power without peace is chaos, and how to measure your growth by how fast you repair after getting rattled. Tim shares how childhood sexual abuse, growing up in gang territory in Englewood, California, and years of therapy led him to a revelation most people miss: you are not looking for peace, you are uncovering the peace that has been buried inside you all along. From the storm in Mark 4 to the stoning of Stephen, they hold up an ancient standard for what regulated faith actually looks like. Whether your peace is tied to your bank account, your marriage, your habits, or a substance you reach for when life gets loud, this episode will challenge you to stop chasing peace and start digging it out. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura created Lights On to bring light to the areas of life where we need it most. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Tim at: https://www.instagram.com/upsetthegram/Pre-order The Missing Peace by Tim Ross: https://www.amazon.com/Missing-Peace-Together-Youre-Falling-ebook/dp/B0FYQRY6CR The Basement Podcast - search "The Basement with Tim Ross" on Spotify Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Three listener questions. All of them about what betrayal actually does to aperson. Not just to the marriage. To the voice inside that kept sayingsomething is wrong. A woman who spent years convincing herself she was the problem just found outher husband has a gambling addiction and has been lying to her for years. Carland Laura break down the difference between intuition and anxiety, whygaslighting trains you to distrust the nudge, and the three-step process forrebuilding self-trust. Carl also delivers something every husband in recoveryneeds to hear: full disclosure does not just help your wife. It restores herconfidence in herself. A woman two years into dating a man she loves has discovered multiple liesabout his past. He is honest when confronted. Never before. Carl and Lauraexplain why being honest when caught is not the same as being honest, and whythe question is never about his past. It is about his integrity under lowpressure. Because marriage does not reduce pressure. It multiplies it. A woman three years past her husband's infidelity is still together, has donethe work, and still feels emotionally abandoned. Carl distinguishes remorsefrom repair. One says I am sorry. The other says I can stay present in yourpain. Most men only know how to do one. This episode will challenge anyone who believes that stopping the behavioris the same thing as doing the work. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2026

Get our new book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt here: - Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1668230496 - Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/overcoming-infidelity-carl-lentz/1149403061?ean=9781668230510 - Simon and Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com.au/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230510 --- Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com---A listener writes in about something she has never fully admitted before. Shewas never physically attracted to her husband. She chose him because he lovedJesus and she believed he would be a good husband and father. They have neverhad a good sex life. And now, after his infidelity, the attraction is completelygone and she does not know where to go from here.Carl and Laura break down the two pillars that build genuine sexual attraction,security and mystery, and explain exactly how infidelity destroys both. Carlshares why your wife's nervous system is a direct mirror of your tone andconsistency over time. Laura walks through her four-question matrix foridentifying exactly why attraction is gone, because the reason determines thepath. From the difference between companionate love and erotic love, to whyadmiration is the most underrated on-ramp to desire, this episode delivers thekind of counsel most people cannot find anywhere else.This episode will challenge anyone who has ever confused being a good personwith being a desirable partner.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2026

Get our new book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt here:Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1668230496Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/overcoming-infidelity-carl-lentz/1149403061?ean=9781668230510Simon and Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com.au/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230510 ---Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura announce something they have been building for years, their book Overcoming Infidelity: 10 Conversations to Help Heal the Hurt, and then open the inbox and answer three of the most painful emails they have ever received. No filter. No soft answers. Just honest, experience-backed responses from two people who have lived this.Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle three gut-wrenching listener questions and do not flinch. A teenage daughter who discovered her mother's affair, confronted it, and now fears she will never have a safe marriage of her own. A wife whose husband had an affair at work a year and a half ago and still shows up every day to the same office as the woman he cheated with. And a woman married to a pastor who had an emotional affair with a church volunteer, blamed his wife for it, quit marriage counseling because the therapist focused too much on the affair, and is now asking for a divorce while still messaging other women.Carl unpacks the word "qualifier," a term from sexual addiction recovery, and why no contact is not optional, it is the floor. He delivers the truth every man in this situation needs to hear: if your wife's safety is not worth you moving heaven and earth, you need to be honest about what that means. Laura shares what it actually looked like when she chose to stay, not from weakness but from power, and the exact moment she made clear she was moving on with her life with or without him.From why the person who discovers the affair never caused the explosion, to what it means when a man says "you pushed me to this," to why your wife's nervous system is a direct mirror of your honesty and consistency over time, this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people cannot find anywhere else.This episode will challenge anyone who believes that stopping the behavior is the same thing as doing the work. ─────────────────────Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com — In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle five questions most couples are too afraid to say out loud: Is watching pornographic Instagram accounts cheating? What do you do when your husband's porn addiction has shut down your sex life completely? How do you find a godly partner after everything you've been through? Is your wife overreacting after an emotional affair – and can you even ask that? And does it really take this long to be fully honest after betrayal? The answer to all of them will challenge everything you think you know about loyalty, intimacy, and what real honesty actually costs. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: most couples aren't fighting about the wrong things. They're avoiding the right conversation entirely. Whether it's a husband defending his Instagram habits, a wife starving for physical closeness while her husband battles porn-induced erectile dysfunction, or a betrayed spouse wondering if her reaction is too much – the pattern is always the same. Clarity gets delayed. Pain gets prolonged. And both people slowly stop trusting. Laura shares what it's like to carry shame you didn't earn, and why a wife's confidence has nothing to do with her husband's addiction. Carl delivers the message most betraying spouses need to hear: you don't get to decide what your partner can handle. Full disclosure isn't a punishment. It's the only road back. From the "If it's not a big deal, stop doing it" challenge that silences every deflection, to why two weeks is approximately enough time to finish a Netflix show – not repair a marriage – to the 24-hour honesty rule that rebuilt theirs, this episode delivers practical truth for anyone willing to stop surviving and start connecting. This episode will challenge any couple still negotiating how much truth is enough. — Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ — Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 February 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comIn this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura do something brand new: they open the inbox and answer real questions from real people navigating the hardest seasons of their marriages. No scripts. No filter. Just honest, experience-backed responses to the emails and DMs that have been flooding in for years.Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey through betrayal, rebuilding, and recovery, Carl and Laura tackle four gut-wrenching listener questions—and don't hold back. From a wife whose husband is weaponizing scripture after years of infidelity, to a man whose wife refuses to cut off the affair partner, to a woman whose unfaithful husband expects love after doing the bare minimum—this episode exposes the patterns that keep broken marriages stuck and the truths that set people free.Laura shares the exact daily check-in framework—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually—that became a cornerstone of their rebuilding process, including the words that were completely off the table. Carl delivers the standard every betrayer needs to hear: not cheating anymore doesn't earn you credit. That's the minimum. The minimum is over and above.From why "God hates divorce" is not a weapon, to the "two truths" tool that has carried Laura through five years of healing, to why consistency over years matters more than heroic effort over months—this episode delivers the kind of counsel most people can't find anywhere else.This episode will challenge anyone who believes change is proven by words instead of time, fruit, and evidence.—Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ -Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ —Supported by Plana https://plana.org/-Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com —CHAPTERS:00:00 We're Doing Something New02:17 What Are Daily Check-Ins After Betrayal?05:58 The Words We Banned From Our Check-Ins09:30 When Should Reconciliation Stop Being An Option?13:04 How Do You Actually Know Someone Has Changed?17:06 God Behind Bars Partnership17:39 Should Contact With The Affair Partner Be Cut Off?23:40 Feelings Don't Lead – Principles Do25:41 My Husband Isn't Going Above And Beyond30:11 Plana Partnership30:33 Is There Hope For Change After Betrayal?35:43 The Two Truths Tool That Changed Everything39:18 Consistency Is The Only Proof That Matters46:54 Final Thoughts: Nobody Is Too Far Gone See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 11 February 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com — In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question most couples never ask out loud: Do I even know what I need anymore? And have I actually told them? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about needs, resentment, and why so many marriages slowly drift apart. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura couldn't name a single personal need for months, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: couples don't fail because they have needs. They fail because needs go unspoken, then assumed, then resented. And that quiet drift is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could. Laura shares what it took to finally identify her own needs after years of putting everyone else first and why it took months before she felt safe enough to voice them. Carl delivers the challenge most husbands avoid: if you're waiting for your wife to validate you but you haven't validated yourself, you're handing her a weight nobody was meant to carry. From why your needs must be updated like an iPhone, to the definition of validation that changes everything, to why withholding encouragement from your spouse leaves them vulnerable to hear it from someone else, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting. This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on old information while wondering why nothing feels right anymore. — Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/—- Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com — CHAPTERS: 00:00 Am I Too Needy? Maybe That's The Point01:16 Why "You Complete Me" Is A Terrible Operating System03:34 Half Your Fights Are Really About This05:00 Your Needs Must Be Updated Like An iPhone07:12 Couples Don't Fail Because Of Needs09:22 Laura Couldn't Name A Single Need For Months11:51 God Behind Bars Partnership13:07 Own Your Needs First Then Share The Remainder19:23 How Do We Handle The Need For Validation19:54 Plana Partnership22:45 Why A Wife's Voice Is Uniquely Powerful27:10 The Connection Between Empty Tanks And Affairs31:37 Final Thoughts: Become The Needy Couple See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com- In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question that arrived in their inbox and it's one millions of women are silently asking: What happened to me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about marriage, identity, and what it really means to put others first. Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after Laura lost herself in the role of "first responder" to their family, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: many women haven't lost their voice. They've learned it wasn't safe to use it. And that quiet disappearance is destroying more marriages than any loud fight ever could. Laura shares the moment everything shifted, standing on a beach telling Carl she was done waiting for him to change. Carl delivers the hard truth most husbands avoid: if you say you want a strong wife but shut her down when she speaks, you don't want a partner. You want a convenience. From rethinking what it means to put others first, to the three questions that reveal whether you're actually growing, to the warning label every husband needs before saying he wants an empowered wife, this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want both people to thrive. This episode will challenge any marriage that's been running on one person's dreams while the other quietly disappears. ----- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com ----- CHAPTERS: 00:00 The Question That Broke Us Open02:41 The Cocktail That Makes Women Disappear06:13 Empowered Woman First, Wife And Mother Flows From It09:00 The Beach Moment That Changed Everything11:22 Rethink What Putting Others First Really Means15:50 Where To Actually Start18:08 God Behind Bars Partnership21:32 Three Ways To Measure Your Growth24:10 Do You Really Want An Empowered Woman27:32 Warning Label For Husbands30:07 Final Thoughts: Build A Marriage You Both Enjoy See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle a question most couples are too afraid to ask out loud: What do you do when your spouse hasn't initiated sex in over a decade? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about intimacy, desire, and what's really going on beneath the surface.Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding after devastating betrayal, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: a sexless marriage isn't actually about sex. It's about safety, avoidance, and what the nervous system has learned to protect itself from. And those patterns are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.Laura shares why women often fear initiation and what that internal dialogue actually sounds like. Carl delivers the conversation most couples avoid: if your spouse has shut down sexually, their nervous system has learned avoidance as protection—and shaming them won't fix it.From the three avenues every couple must explore (invisible hurdles, relational disconnect, and the meaning of sex in your marriage) to the two-month "pressure reset" that rebuilt their own intimacy—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop surviving and start connecting. —-This episode will challenge any couple who believes the problem is just about frequency when it's really about safety, honesty, and friendship.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com —CHAPTERS:00:00 The Sexless Marriage Epidemic01:57 Why We're Not Marriage Experts03:14 The Question That Started It All04:44 Why The Church Doesn't Talk About This08:05 Redefining What's "Normal" For Your Marriage12:48 Three Questions That Actually Unlock Answers14:24 God Behind Bars Partnership15:59 Why Your Spouse Stopped Initiating17:22 Go Higher Than Sex18:52 How To Start The Conversation (Without Accusations)21:49 Avenue 1: The Invisible Hurdles24:52 Avenue 2: The Relational Disconnect27:32 Be Kinder, Get More Action29:11 Plana Partnership30:24 Avenue 3: What Sex Means To You33:45 The Two-Month Pressure Reset37:16 When Your Needs Aren't The Priority40:55 Why Having This Conversation Makes You Brave See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 21 January 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura tackle the question every married couple avoids: What is my spouse not telling me—and what am I afraid to ask? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about knowing your partner.Drawing from 23 years of marriage and their own journey of rebuilding trust, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the moment curiosity dies, assumptions take over. And those assumptions are quietly destroying more marriages than the fights ever could.Laura shares what she discovered when Carl checked her phone algorithm—and why the things we linger on reveal more than the things we say. Carl delivers the challenge most couples avoid: if swapping phones with your spouse sends a jolt through your body, that's not about technology. That's about distance and secrecy.From the power of staying curious about someone you've known for decades, to why the unsaid things don't disappear—they just show up in ways you don't want—this episode delivers practical truths for couples who want to stop assuming and start connecting.This episode will challenge any couple who believes they already know everything about each other.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comCHAPTERS: 00:00 One Way To Shift Your Marriage Fast 01:57 The Gift Of Not Fully Knowing Your Spouse 03:45 Laura's Australian Childhood 06:05 When Curiosity Dies Assumptions Take Over 07:00 God Behind Bars Partnership 07:45 The Algorithm Discovery That Started It All 10:17 The Phone Swap Challenge 13:15 Why This Game Scares People 15:01 The Thing You've Never Said Out Loud 17:04 What The Unsaid Does To Your Marriage 19:14 How To Create Safety For Vulnerability 21:08 Why Men Struggle To Open Up 22:17 Falling In Love With The Work 23:16 Plana Partnership 25:00 Why You Should Fight More Not Less 27:28 Fighting For Clarity Not Victory 29:24 Final Thoughts For Couples Ready To Go DeeperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 14 January 2026

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com ---In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less.Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life.Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on.This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments.---Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 7 January 2026

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/ Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything38:17 - Plana Partnership41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred RitualsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 31 December 2025

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with his 21-year-old daughter Ava for the conversation most dads are too afraid to have. What does my daughter actually need from me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about strength, protection, and what it actually takes to lead your daughter well.Drawing from their own journey of rebuilding after public failure, Carl and Ava expose an uncomfortable truth. Your daughter's inner world is far deeper than you realize. And two things can be true at once. A dad can be trying his best AND his daughter can be starving for real connection.Ava shares what she needed most as a little girl but never said, including the moments Carl's "strength" actually created fear instead of safety. Carl delivers the perspective most dads never hear. What it is actually like to let your daughter see you broken, and why that vulnerability became the foundation of their relationship today.From the power of the words that follow "you are" to why your best parenting will feel like friction in the moment, to the question every dad should ask his daughter, this episode delivers practical truths for fathers who want to stop performing and start connecting.This episode will challenge any dad who believes he needs to have it all figured out. Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Ava at https://www.instagram.com/avaangellentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS  00:00 The Conversation Most Dads Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Presence 05:18 What Ava Needed Most As A Little Girl 10:07 Why Vulnerability Made Them Closer 14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership 16:02 The Worst Advice Dads Receive 19:26 Your Words Become Her Inner Voice 22:00 The Dad Mistake That Creates Fear Not Safety 25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Daughters Need Honesty 29:50 Confrontation Is Not The Enemy Of Connection 31:01 Truth 1 Her Inner World Is Deeper Than You Know 34:24 Plana Partnership 36:22 Truth 2 Your Best Parenting Feels Like Friction 38:59 Truth 3 Humanity Strengthens Leadership 43:26 Truth 4 The Power Of You Are 45:07 Truth 5 Legacy Should Always Be Growing 46:59 What Daughters Wish Their Dads Would Ask 49:49 Final Words For Dads Ready To Lead Differently 54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 24 December 2025

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com---In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.---Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com---CHAPTERS00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach34:24 Plana Partnership36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2025

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comIn this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com  CHAPTERS:00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking31:44 - Plana Partnership32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays EndSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2025

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.I wasn't ready.We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."One more person to reach. One more life to change.This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/—// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com__🙏 PRAY FOR YOGIHe's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 3 December 2025

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.-----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Planahttps://plana.org/-----## CHAPTERS:00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer38:59 - Plana Partnership39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You51:22 - Patterns Over Promises55:47 - The Right Kind of DifficultSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2025

Email us:hello@carlandlaura.comIn this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.---------Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---------CHAPTERS:00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About BoundariesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2025

At 47 years old and 23 years into marriage, Carl and Laura Lentz drop the most uncomfortable truth about relationships: your marriage doesn't need more love, it needs more PROOF. After surviving public infidelity that should have ended everything (200+ affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors), they expose the lie you're living: that talking about your marriage mattering is the same as proving it matters.Carl gets brutally honest: "If I looked at your phone, your calendar, your actual schedule—would it prove your marriage is your priority? Or would it prove you're full of shit?" Laura reveals how she literally set three daily phone reminders to text Carl encouragement because her brain was so rewired by betrayal that thinking positive thoughts about him required literal alarms. Consistency compounds connection. What you feed grows. And your spouse is getting the leftovers after everyone else gets your best.They reveal three investments that build marriage safety: your healthiest thoughts (stop thinking ABOUT your spouse, start thinking FOR them), your most intentional time (your schedule is a receipt showing what you actually value), and yourself (you can't give what you don't have). Carl starts every morning thinking "What does my beautiful wife need today?" before checking his phone. Laura's lock screen says "My husband is obsessed with me" to rewire her traumatized brain. Their non-negotiable 6:30pm walk: 10 minutes her, 10 minutes him, no phones.The confrontation that will expose you: "What's your most dominant thought about your marriage?" Not what you say in therapy, the actual thought loop running 24/7. Because as Carl learned: "My dominant thought for years was 'I've messed this up and it's matter of time before it explodes.' I got exactly what I thought."The truth nobody wants to hear: You didn't "fall out of love." You stopped choosing to invest. You didn't "grow apart." You fed different things. Warning: This episode will challenge the dad using "I'm too busy" as an excuse and the mom using "I'm too selfless" as a shield for staying stuck.Seven-day challenge Carl guarantees will transform your marriage: Every morning for seven days, choose one generous thought about your spouse and do one small action from that thought. Small investments made consistently build a foundation nothing can touch. —----Follow Carl: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/—--- CHAPTERS:00:00 - 47 Years Old: What We're Convinced About 05:12 - Investment #1: Your Healthiest Thoughts 12:35 - Laura's Daily Text Reminders 17:29 - What's Your Most Dominant Thought? 24:16 - Investment #2: Your Most Intentional Time 30:45 - You Didn't Fall Out of Love 36:08 - Investment #3: Invest in Yourself 41:52 - Why Moms Must Put Themselves First 47:33 - Seven-Day Challenge: Be the Solution 52:14 - Outpace Each Other to Change 55:40 - Proof Not Ideas: Show Me Your ScheduleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2025

In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2025

Have you ever looked at your relationship or your spouse and quietly wondered, did I settle? Most people think settling means picking the wrong person, but it usually means somebody has stopped growing. In this episode of Lights On, we make the case that settling starts in the mirror, not your marriage.We explore what settling really means, how to avoid it, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of self-growth, curiosity, and novelty in keeping love alive. We also share practical challenges to help you and your partner reconnect and grow together.Featuring:Carl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentzLaura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentzChapters:00:00 - Introduction: Did I Settle? 01:28 - The Danger of Unspoken Thoughts 03:05 - Do Women Settle More Than Men? 04:47 - Have You Stopped Surprising Each Other? 06:28 - Are You Being the Right Person? 07:30 - The 5-to-1 Ratio for a Thriving Relationship 09:03 - The Myth of the Perfect Partner 11:53 - The Importance of Novelty and Shared Goals 13:55 - The Power of Commitment 16:12 - What Settling Really Means 17:27 - Self-Care and its Impact on Your Relationship 21:30 - Did You Settle on You? 24:10 - Why Men Cheat: The Trap of Novelty 26:29 - The Four Horsemen of a Failing Marriage 28:01 - The Power of Micro-Surprises 32:35 - Redefining Intimacy 34:20 - How to Rebuild Intimacy 36:31 - Putting Your Marriage First 39:06 - Challenge 1: Consistent and Concrete Connection 41:21 - Challenge 2: Novelty ExplorationA huge thank you for tuning in to Lights On. We believe that when you grow, your love grows. And when you shrink, love suffocates. Keep your lights on.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 29 October 2025

What happens when one of the most influential pastors in America falls from grace? And what does redemption look like on the other side of scandal?As lead pastor of Hillsong Church NYC, I preached to thousands every Sunday, counseled celebrities and athletes, and became the face of a new generation of church leadership. Then, in November 2020, everything came crashing down.I was fired from Hillsong Church following revelations of moral failures and breaches of trust. What followed was a media firestorm—tabloid headlines, public shame, and the dismantling of everything I'd built over two decades of ministry. My marriage was on the brink. My reputation was destroyed. My calling was questioned.But this isn't just a story about a fall. It's a story about what comes after.In this conversation, I'm sitting down with my wife Laura, and our friends Mike and Natalie Todd from Transformation Church, to talk about everything. The scandal. The restoration process. The accountability. The pain our family endured. The friends who stayed. The critics who won't forgive. And the biggest question: Should I return to ministry?We're not avoiding the hard questions. We're talking about disqualification, forgiveness, celebrity pastor culture, what real restoration looks like, and whether someone who failed publicly can lead again. This is raw, unfiltered, and honest.Whether you believe in second chances or think some lines can't be uncrossed, this conversation matters. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up. The question is: what happens next?——Featuring: Mike Todd https://instagram.com/iammiketoddNatalie Todd https://instagram.com/natalietoddCarl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentz Laura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentz—Chapters:00:00 - Introduction: First Time on Stage in 5 Years 04:10 - The Importance of Friends in the Fire 09:03 - The Night Everything Changed 14:30 - Why Mike & Natalie Stepped In When Everyone Else Left 24:20 - Laura Speaks: Walking Through Public Scandal 32:40 - The Biggest Mistakes We Made & What We'd Change 37:10 - How We Rebuilt Our Marriage After Everything Fell Apart 41:25 - The Celebrity Pastor Problem Nobody Talks About 45:30 - Lessons From the Fire: What We Learned in the Darkness 49:15 - Don't Wait Until Everything's Burning Down 52:56 - Be the Church Outside the Building 54:33 - When Friends Saved Mike: The Spit Hit the Fan Story 58:23 - Final Prayer: Friends Who Step Into the Fire—A huge thank you to Mike and Natalie Todd for creating the space for this conversation.Their friendship, grace, and willingness to step into the fire with us has been one of the greatest gifts of our lives. This is what real friendship looks like.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2025

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with 24-year-old Phoebe Enterman, founder of Plana - the app that's quietly solving America's adoption crisis. Moving from Brisbane, Australia to Las Vegas with nothing but conviction, Phoebe reveals the shocking truth: while 2 million couples desperately wait to adopt, less than 1% of unplanned pregnancies result in adoption. She exposes how both Planned Parenthood's structure and the pro-life movement's judgment have failed women who need real help, not politics.Laura and Phoebe dive deep into the reality facing women with unplanned pregnancies - from the 65% of Christian women who hide pregnancies from their church out of fear, to the Harvard study showing 80% of women reconsider abortion when fathers stay present. They demolish the myth that adoption isn't chosen due to lack of families (there are 36 waiting families for every adoptable infant) and reveal the real problem: women don't know adoption is even an option in the digital age.From Phoebe's personal story of why her grandmother's teenage pregnancy drives her mission, to Carl's explosive take on Christians who picket abortion clinics but won't pay a single mother's rent, this conversation transcends the tired abortion debate. They unveil how Plana's beautiful, wellness-focused app is replacing crisis-branded shame with actual solutions - connecting women to families, resources, education, and support all in one place.Warning: This episode challenges both pro-life advocates who stop caring after birth and pro-choice supporters who only offer one choice. If you're more invested in your political stance than actually helping women and babies, this conversation will make you uncomfortable.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS:00:00 - Opening: Beyond Politics to Real Solutions04:20 - Meet Phoebe: Why a 24-Year-Old Left Australia for This Mission08:26 - The Personal Story Behind Plana12:07 - Carl's "What's Your Name?" Moment on The View15:36 - Inside an Unplanned Pregnancy: What Women Really Face22:51 - The Church Problem: 65% Hide in Shame27:05 - The Adoption Mystery: Less Than 1% When Millions Wait32:16 - Why Adoption Lost to Better Marketing38:59 - How Plana Works: The App Tour43:15 - Planned Parenthood's Business Model vs. Plana's Approach48:33 - The Father Factor: 80% Reconsider When Men Stay52:40 - A Call to Churches: Beyond Voting to Action57:14 - How to Support: The $9 MovementSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2025

When your husband's family enables his affair and makes you the villain, the betrayal cuts twice as deep. In this raw and essential episode, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle one of the most painful questions they've received: what do you do when your in-laws collude with the affair partner, feed them information, and blame you for the infidelity? Drawing from their own experience of distancing from family during recovery and counseling countless couples through ministry betrayal, they reveal why you don't owe anyone access to you during healing, how to take control of your narrative when everyone's telling a different story, and the exact boundaries you need to protect your recovery. Laura opens up about why they separated from Carl's family (not due to collusion, but for space to make decisions without outside opinions), while Carl exposes the insane pressure to control narratives in ministry contexts. They break down the brutal truth: if you're trying to help your in-laws grieve while you're still bleeding from betrayal, you're abandoning yourself. From wives being vilified by their husband's entire family to mothers developing relationships with affair partners, this conversation reveals why collusion is so common in ministry marriages and what to do about it. Plus: why Christian couples should stop being embarrassed about sex therapy, the difference between "fine" and "thrilling" intimacy, and how religious trauma keeps couples from having honest conversations about their sex lives. Whether you're the betrayed spouse dealing with toxic in-laws, trying to figure out if you should cut off family members who enabled infidelity, or wondering how to heal when everyone's against you, this episode gives you permission to disconnect from false narratives and reconnect with who you really are. Warning: This conversation challenges the evangelical pressure to "keep the peace" with family at all costs and may trigger those who've built their identity on being the peacemaker instead of protecting their own healing.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/CHAPTERS:00:00:00 - Lights On: Introduction and Birthday Banter00:02:22 - Sex Therapy for Christian Couples: Breaking the Taboo00:08:34 - Letters from Our Readers Introduction00:09:31 - Today's Topics: Family Collusion After Infidelity00:09:55 - Defining Collusion: What It Means00:11:05 - Reading the Listener Letter: Mother-in-Law Enabled the Affair00:13:18 - Laura's Story: Why We Distanced from Carl's Family00:14:28 - Ministry Betrayal: Narrative Control is Insane00:19:40 - Step 1: Change Your Position - You Don't Owe Anyone Access00:20:20 - Forgiveness Does Not Mean Friendship00:21:14 - Secure Safety First Before Any Reintegration00:22:39 - Require Full Disclosure, Not Drip Disclosure00:26:24 - You Get to Define All the Relationships00:27:18 - Family Boundary Contract with Clear Repair Requirements00:33:36 - Picking the Right Therapist: Why Betrayal Trauma Specialists Matter00:35:56 - Step 4: Your Husband Needs to Step Up and Set the Story Straight00:37:01 - When a Man Gets Married, He Starts His Own Family00:39:27 - Protecting Your Children: Who Gets to Tell Them What Happened00:42:16 - Integrity Example: The Phone Call Story00:43:54 - Disconnecting from False Narratives About Yourself00:45:15 - Final Thoughts: Take Control Back One Step at a Time Sponsors:Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/LIGHTS #rulapod DripDrop is offering podcast listeners 20% off your first order! Go to dripdrop.com and use promo code LIGHTS. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2025

In this urgent wake-up call, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the silent epidemic destroying modern life: consumption addiction. Drawing from their own dramatic reconstruction after public crisis and counseling countless people stuck in endless scrolling, they reveal why being the last to know current events is actually a power move, how "mental obesity" is filling your mind with garbage you don't need, and why your brain's unemployment is forcing it to find the worst possible jobs. Carl shares why he lost an hour to a Nicholas Cage conspiracy theory and immediately knew something was wrong, while Laura opens up about blocking all consumption just to survive her darkest season. They break down the brutal truth: if you're busy consuming, you're avoiding creating your actual life. From couples escaping each other through ESPN and Pinterest to parents teaching their kids that presence means distraction, this episode exposes why creation is the only path to peace. They reveal the frame that changed everything: remove 30% of what you consume and watch your life transform. Whether you're a Karen policing hiking trails because you have nothing else going on, a virtue signaler who cares about issues for exactly one post, or someone comparing your life to people you don't even like, this conversation reveals why that phone in your hand might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural addiction to having opinions on everything and may trigger those who've built their entire identity on commentary instead of creation.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Quiet Revolution: Creation Over Consumption01:42 - Why We're Always the Last to Know03:04 - Mental Obesity Is Real04:45 - Give Your Brain a Job or It Finds the Worst One08:01 - Sobriety Isn't the Goal, Building Life Is10:44 - Why Successful People Never Know What's Happening13:19 - The Orchestra Story: Build Something Undeniable15:01 - When Your Hands Are Free, Your Mind Fills It18:29 - 77% of You Are Consuming Passively21:08 - Identity Shift: Stop Being Who You Observe24:57 - The IKEA Effect and Creation Reward27:52 - Three Signs You're Over-Consuming31:43 - Nobody Doing Better Than You Will Hate You34:45 - Create Before You Consume Rule37:27 - The Parent Phone Problem40:03 - Collaborate With Your Spouse on Something Creative42:43 - Carl's Rehab Painting BreakdownSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2025

In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears38:21 - Plana.org Partnership38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next StepsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2025

In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/  Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/ Chapters: 00:00 - Intro 00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"42:07 - Plana.org Partnership42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your FriendSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 September 2025

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"43:51 - Plana.org Partnership49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In PainSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2025

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/ Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap40:25 - Plana.org Partnership41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage KillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 3 September 2025

In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the FieldSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 27 August 2025

In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/---Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and CommunitySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 20 August 2025

In this transformative episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz confront the uncomfortable truths that most people spend their entire lives avoiding. Together, they reveal the three hard truths that saved their marriage and transformed their lives: why you're 99% responsible for your problems (and solutions), why the relationship with yourself determines everything else, and why comfort is slowly killing your growth. Laura opens up about watching Carl face his emotional illiteracy, while Carl shares his therapy breakthrough discovering the childhood emotion that controlled him for decades. They discuss everything from why your spouse can't fulfill all your needs to the dangerous lie that prayer alone will fix your problems, and why men who can't name their emotions become volcanoes waiting to explode.This raw conversation exposes the victim mentality that keeps people stuck, the mirror test that changes everything, and why BBLs are the perfect metaphor for our culture's addiction to shortcuts. Whether you're tired of your own excuses, stuck in the same patterns, or ready to stop waiting for someone else to save you, this episode offers the brutal honesty needed for real transformation. Warning: This episode contains hard truths that will challenge your comfort zone and may trigger those committed to their victim stories.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 -  Your Spouse Cannot Fulfill All Your Needs 06:00 - Truth #1: You Are 99% The Problem AND The Solution09:31 - The Victim Mentality & Morgan Wallen's Easy Way Out21:24 - God Behind Bars Partnership22:02 - Truth #2: The Most Important Relationship Is With Yourself27:20 - Why Repressed Emotions Make You a Volcano33:02 - Carl's Therapy Breakthrough: The Terror He Carried for 5 Years37:03 - Plana.org Partnership: Help for the Unexpected37:49 - Truth #3: Growth Only Happens Outside Comfort40:33 - BBLs & Ozempic: Why Shortcuts Always Fail43:55 - "Prayer Without Work Is Just Wishful Thinking"46:05 - The One-Week Challenge: Live as Your Best Version49:17 - "The Hard Truth Is I Love You"See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 13 August 2025

In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with his wife Laura – the woman who chose to stay when 99.9% of people said she should leave. For the first time, Laura opens up about the moment that made her stay, the day-by-day survival strategy that saved their marriage, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild after betrayal. They discuss everything from losing their entire friend group to why Laura went to therapy for Carl's mistakes, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens in intimate moments after infidelity. From the shock of discovering a hidden life to Christmas alone while Carl was in rehab, this conversation reveals how two people rebuilt from ground zero. Whether you're navigating betrayal, wondering if trust can be restored, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about infidelity, trauma, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - "Why Didn't You Walk Out On Me?" The Opening Question02:02 - The Phone Call That Changed Everything: Carl's Childhood Trauma Revealed05:04 - "One Day at a Time" - The Marriage Contract That Saved Us09:01 - When Laura Reads the DMs (And Why Carl Has to Leave)10:47 - The Brad Pitt Test: Would She Have Left?11:53 - God Behind Bars Partnership12:30 - Losing Our Church: The Friends Who Never Called15:31 - How Laura Relearned Her Intuition After Betrayal17:01 - The Beach Conversation That Sent Carl to Rehab18:49 - Christmas Alone: When Healing Meant Separation20:55 - "Laura Must Have Known" - Addressing the Cheap Shots24:41 - Why "Biblical" Advice Almost Destroyed Us30:13 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:54 - The Friends We Lost (And Why It Feels Good Now)38:42 - "Do You Worry I'll Cheat Again?" The Hard Question42:11 - What She Really Thinks During Romantic Moments45:23 - Euphoric Recall: The Addiction Truth Nobody Talks About48:27 - Why Brutal Honesty Builds More Trust Than Perfect Answers50:22 - The People Who Judge the Loudest Hide the Most53:29 - Open Marriages, Honesty & Why Context MattersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2025

In this deeply personal episode of Lights On, a father sits down with his wife Laura and daughter to reveal the unconventional family culture that has their kids choosing couch time over parties. They dive into the "corny" traditions that actually work, why confrontation leads to clarity, and how making awkward topics conversational changed everything. From discussing porn at the dinner table to the "no snitch" rule they completely reject, this family shares raw insights on raising emotionally intelligent kids who actually want to be home. Whether you're struggling to connect with your teenagers or wondering why family dinners matter, this conversation offers practical wisdom mixed with laugh-out-loud moments and surprising tears. Warning: This episode might challenge everything you think you know about "appropriate" family conversations.00:00 - Family Culture & Why Our Kids Choose Us Over Parties (Intro)00:53 - Summer Jobs, Stripper Poles & Love Island Drama04:30 - The Father's Day Dinner That Changed Everything11:10 - Why "Corny" Family Traditions Actually Work20:47 - How Close Families Can Be Annoying (The Warning)21:47 - God Behind Bars Partnership22:23 - Confrontation Creates Clarity: Our Family Rules31:02 - The Power of Family Dinners (Harvard Study)40:30 - Breaking the "No Snitch" Culture44:41 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected45:23 - Why We Talk About P*rn at the Dinner Table Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 30 July 2025

In this episode, Carl and Laura Lentz reveal what the growth phase of healing actually looks like after 4.5 years of intensive therapy work. Discover why growth includes failure, conflict, and moments of joy - and why most people quit before reaching this transformative stage. Carl shares his experience completing a rigorous 4.5-year therapy program and why consistency over convenience became the key to lasting change. Laura breaks down how to navigate conflict as a sign of growth rather than regression, and why you need trusted voices (not each other) to tell you when it's time to move forward. They expose the hard truth about dragging reluctant spouses into healing work and reveal why 60-75% of couples who commit to intentional repair work stay together. This isn't about perfection - it's about building a life where even your failures become fuel for something better.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 23 July 2025

In this episode, Carl and Laura Lentz reveal the 3-stage healing framework that saved their marriage after infidelity and public scandal. Discover why most people never truly heal from breakdown because they skip the discovery phase, try to heal while sprinting through life, and focus on cleaning up "leaves" instead of healing the root system. Carl shares his transformative experience at Onsite therapy and why being sorry you got caught is completely different from being sorry you made destructive choices. Laura breaks down why 60-75% of couples survive infidelity when they commit to intentional repair work and how removing shame from broken commitments becomes the key to rebuilding trust. This isn't about saving face - it's about transforming the person you're becoming so you never have to repeat these patterns again.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 16 July 2025

In this episode, executive coach Janet Breitenbach reveals the integrity framework that's transforming high performers and why most people unknowingly sabotage their success. Discover the shocking difference between moral integrity and workability integrity, and learn why doing what you say you're going to do by when you say you're going to do it is the secret to unlocking your potential. Janet breaks down the survival needs keeping you stuck (look good, feel good, be right, be in control) and introduces the game-changing "Be, Do, Have" framework that flips traditional goal-setting on its head. Carl shares vulnerable stories about his own integrity struggles in ministry and how this work radically transformed his leadership. This isn't theory - it's battle-tested wisdom that will help you stop playing small and start creating the life you actually want. Follow Janet at: https://www.instagram.com/janet.breitenbach/Learn more about Novus Global: https://novus.global Take the Accomplish the Impossible Assessment: mpassessment.scoreapp.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 9 July 2025

In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz dive deep into what it really means to listen. From miscommunication in marriage to growing through silence, they share personal stories about learning to hear each other—without judgment, defense, or distraction. If you’ve ever struggled to truly listen—or felt unheard—this one’s for you.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 2 July 2025

In this revealing episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the hidden baggage that can make or break relationships. With divorce rates climbing above 50%, they share the critical questions you must ask before committing your life to someone. The couple dives into relationship templates and patterns, revealing how your upbringing shapes your expectations in love. They explore the difference between healthy disagreement and toxic manipulation, offering practical tools to spot red flags early. Carl and Laura also address the overuse of "narcissism" as a relationship buzzword, providing clinical insight into what true narcissistic behavior actually looks like versus normal selfishness or addiction-related patterns. From money conversations to compatibility, they share the essential discussions every couple needs to have—and why waiting until after marriage might be too late. This episode is a wake-up call for anyone who's ever wondered why their relationships keep following the same destructive patterns, offering hope and practical wisdom for building something better. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Sponsored by BetterHelp https://www.betterhelp.com/lightson for 10% off of your first month. Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbarss.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ As always, we appreciate you lights on listeners.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 25 June 2025

In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with longtime friend Andrew Simila for a raw, vulnerable conversation about healing after church hurt. The two reflect on their years of ministry at Hillsong, the fallout that followed, and the emotional wreckage left behind. Andrew opens up about the personal cost of staying loyal, the silence that followed the scandal, and the hard work it took to rebuild from rock bottom. Carl shares how one unexpected phone call with Andrew became the turning point in his own healing journey. Together, they explore what it really means to forgive, grow, and show up healthier than before—not for anyone else, but for yourself. This episode of Lights On is a gripping reminder that restoration is possible, but only if you’re willing to do the work. Chapter Markers: 00:00 - The Impact of Church Hurt 07:55 - Restoration Is Possible — But It Takes Work 15:30 - How Coaching Triggered a Healing Journey 23:06 - Trying to Rebuild Life After Hillsong 30:20 - Comfort vs. Growth: The Coaching Mindset 38:30 - What 'Church Hurt' Really Means 45:12 - The Real Work Behind Reconciliation 52:06 - Victim Mentality vs. Ownership 59:27 - How to Rewrite Your Story 1:06:57 - Digging Deep to Heal for Real GrowthSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcribed - Published: 18 June 2025