Living a Lie for 23 Years: How a Pastor Lost His Wife, Kids, and Church in One Day
Lights On with Carl Lentz
B-Side
4.8 • 797 Ratings
🗓️ 31 December 2025
⏱️ 66 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/
Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"
01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success
05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed
09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him
14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle
20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"
23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership
25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission
32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem
36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything
38:17 - Plana Partnership
41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide
47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets
56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Glad you hear, lights on, love you, glad you're listening. |
| 0:04.1 | Today is going to help anybody who's open. |
| 0:08.4 | Dow shall not get caught. |
| 0:11.7 | My question for you is you listen to this before I introduce my guest who I love, |
| 0:17.3 | what is it in your life that if you got caught or if it was out on front street |
| 0:22.9 | or if it was played on a billboard, that would make you feel devastated, humiliated, ashamed? |
| 0:30.3 | My proposal today is that a life of peace is on the other side and in the process of systematically |
| 0:36.8 | eliminating things that bring embarrassment |
| 0:39.7 | and shame. |
| 0:40.9 | A life of freedom, a life where there's no fear of what if. |
| 0:46.3 | My whole life was out in the open. |
| 0:48.8 | I wouldn't change a thing. |
| 0:50.4 | That's the goal. |
| 0:51.5 | That's where peace is. |
| 0:53.1 | I asked my dear friend, Blame Bart Bartel to come back for round two. |
| 0:58.1 | And if you are new to lights on, I love you. Glad you're here. Subscribe, share, do all the stuff that the cool young people say when they do podcast, do all that. |
| 1:06.3 | I did an interview with Blaine, and I'm going to ask him to reshare some of his background, but the amount of feedback that we both got was so encouraging because the whole premise was |
| 1:17.0 | you don't have to die alone. |
| 1:18.9 | Yes. |
| 1:19.2 | Like nobody's too far gone. |
| 1:21.0 | And if you're living with shame, my gosh, we are two guys that can stand here and say, |
| 1:25.8 | we've been through hell and back. |
... |
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