We Never Fell Out of Love, We Stopped Liking Each Other - The Truth That Saved Our Marriage
Lights On with Carl Lentz
B-Side
4.8 • 797 Ratings
🗓️ 5 November 2025
⏱️ 32 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.
Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.
From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.
The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.
Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"
00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work
01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)
02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart
03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage
04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses
10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths
13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)
16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack
19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings
21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)
23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl
25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual
26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?
27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection
28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle
30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun
31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I love you, but I don't know if I like you right now. |
| 0:06.4 | A thought that has been uttered a time or two from a married couple or even anybody in a relationship. |
| 0:14.8 | I love you, but I'm not sure that I like you. |
| 0:19.6 | We're going to talk about this, what to do about it, how to handle it if you've ever felt this. |
| 0:25.7 | Welcome to Lights on, Laura Lentz. |
| 0:27.9 | Hello. |
| 0:29.3 | Love you. |
| 0:30.2 | Love you. |
| 0:30.9 | Love your jacket. |
| 0:32.1 | Thank you. |
| 0:32.6 | This is, thank you, it's 20 years old. |
| 0:35.9 | At least. |
| 0:36.9 | No, it's more than 20. General pants, Bondi Beach, Australia. I buy for the distance. You sure do. It is old and it still works. Black T-shirts, white t-shirts, or wife beaters, well, wife. Laura Lentz, it's a small white tank. Can't use those terms. And your blue leather jacket. It's, it'sints it's a it's a small white tank can't use those terms and your blue |
| 0:56.5 | leather jacket it's it's it's it's over 20 years old and nobody can tell me it's not cool don't |
| 1:01.2 | care it's cool thank you so i love you i love you i love you but i don't know if i like you |
| 1:07.1 | oh we definitely went through that i would even in fact, it's easier to love somebody |
| 1:14.7 | than it is to like them. I mean, as a Christian, especially, love is a command. Like, I have to love you. |
| 1:21.6 | But like is my choice. Like, like is choice. Like is pursuit, like is curated. |
| 1:30.3 | And I think that is under-talked about when it comes to marriage. |
| 1:35.0 | Because people are like, we've got to love thing down. |
| 1:37.0 | It's like, okay, cool. |
| 1:37.9 | I personally don't believe in any way love is a feeling. |
... |
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