HERself

Growing up as millennials, we were often told not to be too loud, not to ask for help, and to push our feelings down. Attachment therapist and author Eli Harwood joins us to unpack how our upbringings shaped us and how we can break generational cycles as parents. Eli opens with a powerful reframe: our parents truly did the best they could with what they knew. From there, we dive deep into what childhood trauma actually looks like (and why so many of us don't recognize it as trauma), how to bu...

Transcribed - Published: 22 June 2026

Abby's 40th birthday served as the perfect launching pad for an honest conversation about aging and all the feelings that come with it. With most of our 30s spent raising kids, we are stepping into this new decade with a fresh perspective, and we're keeping it real about the insecurities, the mindset shifts, and the things we actively do to feel and look our best. We also explore the power of having older women in our lives as role models, share a meaningful mantra from Abby's grandma, and wr...

Transcribed - Published: 15 June 2026

As parents, control feels like protection. It feels like we can prevent our kids' mistakes, soften their pain, and steer them away from decisions that might hurt them. But here's the truth: control protects us, not the relationship. In this episode, we sit down with board-certified child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins to talk about one of the trickiest parts of parenting: helping our kids navigate friendships. In this episode: Is it developmentally normal when kids suddenly want ...

Transcribed - Published: 8 June 2026

Summer is coming, and this episode is your permission slip to get intentional about it. We're sharing hard-won lessons about summer parenting, starting with the power of identifying your stressors and expectations early so everyone in your household can thrive. From navigating screen time without the extremes, to hiring a summer nanny with clear goals, to making sure whoever is caring for your kids understands your priorities around food and nutrition, we cover the practical stuff. Amy gets p...

Transcribed - Published: 1 June 2026

In this "Greatest Hits" episode we revisit one of our most impactful conversations with child development expert Claire Lerner. As parents who have personally navigated the challenges of raising children who don't respond to traditional gentle parenting approaches, we share how isolating and exhausting that experience can be and how Claire's expertise changed everything. Claire breaks down why some kids are simply wired differently, explains that challenging behaviors aren't manipulation but ...

Transcribed - Published: 25 May 2026

Life in your 40s can hit hard, and if you're feeling the weight of it all right now, you are not alone. In this episode, Abby gets real and personal about a difficult situation she's been navigating with one of her kids, and how the stress of it has started to feel like so much more than just "situational anxiety." Between caring for our families, keeping up with the house, showing up at work, and being everyone else's emotional rock, it can feel impossible to also take care of ourselves. But...

Transcribed - Published: 18 May 2026

What does it really take to create lasting behavior change, especially in the middle of busy motherhood? In this conversation, our friend and behavior change expert Karin Nordin shares a refreshing, research-backed approach rooted in compassion rather than discipline. Drawing from her background in health communication and her own personal struggles, Karin breaks down why traditional advice around habits often falls short and what to focus on instead. This episode offers a practical and reali...

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2026

What actually creates deep, meaningful friendships? In this episode, we explore the idea of radical honesty and why it might be the missing piece in your closest relationships. Inspired by a therapist’s take and rooted in Amy’s long-held belief, we unpack what it really means to show up truthfully with the people in your inner circle. Key Topics Covered: • Why radical honesty is essential for deeper friendships. • The impact of people pleasing on adult relationships. • Navigating anxio...

Transcribed - Published: 4 May 2026

Long-term relationships often come with recurring challenges that don’t fully resolve, no matter how many times you revisit them. In this episode, we open up about the patterns that keep resurfacing in our own relationships and what it looks like to navigate those tensions with more awareness and intention. From communication differences to division of responsibilities, we share how we’re learning to approach these sticking points differently, including adjusting expectations, asking for what...

Transcribed - Published: 27 April 2026

Reflecting on the past ten years feels especially meaningful as Abby turns 40 and we both hit a decade of motherhood. While there’s no version of the last ten years where everything would’ve been done “perfectly,” there’s so much growth, perspective, and beauty in what we’ve learned along the way. This conversation is your reminder to look back on your own journey with a glass-half-full mindset because you’re likely doing better than you think. From redefining rest and challenging the idea th...

Transcribed - Published: 20 April 2026

This week, we’re answering your questions straight from Instagram, and a clear theme emerged: relationships. From navigating constant arguments after the kids go to bed to figuring out how to move forward when you and your partner feel completely out of sync, we’re sharing honest insights, personal experiences, and practical mindset shifts that have made a real difference in our own marriages. We talk through what it looks like to step into your partner’s perspective, why some relationship ch...

Transcribed - Published: 13 April 2026

This episode was inspired by a post from one of our favorite Instagram therapy accounts, @millennial.therapist, titled “Let’s Stop Postponing.” It sparked an honest conversation as we walked through each point and reflected on how these patterns show up in our own lives. From expressing appreciation to making decisions, navigating emotions, and leaning into joy, we share where we feel confident, where we are still growing, and how these small shifts can create meaningful change in our everyda...

Transcribed - Published: 6 April 2026

After Amy sparked a conversation on Instagram about expecting more independence from her boys, it became clear just how many moms are wondering the same thing: when do you start, and how do you actually follow through? In this episode, we’re sharing how we’ve gradually increased expectations in our own homes, why contributing to the household matters, and how to get your kids involved in a realistic, sustainable way.. Key Topics Covered: When to start expecting more independence from kids.W...

Transcribed - Published: 30 March 2026

Hormones, sleep, nutrition… or something else entirely? When your body starts to feel “off,” it’s not always easy to pinpoint what’s actually going on, especially during perimenopause. In this episode, we are so excited to sit down with Dr. Mary Claire Haver; board-certified OB/GYN, Certified Culinary Medicine Specialist, Certified Menopause Provider, and the founder of The ‘Pause Wellness, a private medical practice that focuses on women in midlife. She is the #1 New York Times bestselling a...

Transcribed - Published: 23 March 2026

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other women and feeling jealous, intimidated, or like you’re somehow behind. But what if you could shift that mindset and instead feel genuinely inspired by the success around you? In this episode, we share a recent real-life experience from a mastermind we attended with highly successful business owners and how it challenged us to see comparison differently. Instead of letting the “small fish in a big sea” feeling discourage us, we use...

Transcribed - Published: 16 March 2026

Mom guilt has shaped so many seasons of our motherhood journeys, but it does not hold the same power it once did. In this honest and reflective conversation, we look back on what used to weigh heavily on our hearts and compare it to the much shorter lists we carry today. From work-related guilt and feeling torn between responsibilities, to struggling to fully enjoy our kids while managing the chaos of daily life, we share the real-time challenges we are still navigating. We also open up about...

Transcribed - Published: 9 March 2026

Editing your life doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul, it starts with small, intentional shifts every single day. In this episode, we explore what it really means to take an “edit” mindset into your routines, your responsibilities, and even the expectations you carry. From closets to calendars to long-held commitments, we share how thoughtful adjustments can reduce overwhelm and create more breathing room in this season of life. If you’ve been feeling stretched thin, this conversation will he...

Transcribed - Published: 2 March 2026

Some comments linger longer than they should. A tone, a look, an offhand remark from your partner, your child, or a friend can spiral into a story in your head before you even realize it. This conversation unpacks what it really takes to not take things personally, especially in the relationships that matter most. From defensiveness and truth triggers to slowing down your reactions and separating someone else’s mood from your responsibility, we share practical mindset shifts that create more ...

Transcribed - Published: 23 February 2026

No one really tells you how much parenting shifts once your kids reach school age, and there are a few things we deeply wish we had known sooner. The early years are all-consuming and survival-focused, which makes forward thinking feel nearly impossible. Now on the other side of that stage, we reflect on the bigger transitions kids experience once they enter school and the areas that deserve a little more intention. Key topics covered: What changes once kids enter school and why it can feel...

Transcribed - Published: 16 February 2026

We turned the conversation over to you and asked one powerful question: In what ways do you struggle with comparison? The overwhelming response was the realization that comparison shows up far more often than we think, especially around money, careers, bodies, relationships, and even our kids. We unpack why comparison feels so loud today, how much of what we see is a highlight reel, and why everyone’s starting point, values, and circumstances are completely different. From navigating career s...

Transcribed - Published: 9 February 2026

Parenting in a village isn’t anything new. It’s a necessity for many families, especially when extended family isn’t close by. In this episode, we talk candidly about what it really looks like to build and rely on a village of friends, neighbors, and other families. If you’ve never done this before, know that it can feel intimidating at first. Trusting others with your kids, your schedule, and your needs takes time and practice but it gets easier, and it’s worth it. Key Topics Covered What ...

Transcribed - Published: 2 February 2026

What if the missing ingredient in your marriage, friendships, and parenting isn’t more fixing, but more fun? In this episode, we explore a powerful shift inspired by a viral quote: instead of always focusing on what’s wrong, what happens when we intentionally prioritize joy and play in our relationships? We reflect on how fun often comes naturally in dating but slowly fades as responsibilities, exhaustion, and parenthood take over. Through our honest stories, we unpack why fun is essential, h...

Transcribed - Published: 26 January 2026

Friendship doesn’t stay the same as we move through different seasons of life. Many of us grow up with built-in friends from childhood or college, but as we move, build careers, get married, and have kids, our relationships naturally shift. In this episode, we’re not talking about casual friendships or surface-level connections. We’re diving into the deeper, dependable friendships that truly support us, especially as we near 40. We share four key elements that define meaningful adult friendsh...

Transcribed - Published: 19 January 2026

Decision making doesn’t get easier as life gets fuller and for many women, the constant stream of choices can feel exhausting. In this episode we unpack what decision fatigue really looks like, how it shows up in work and family life, and why trusting yourself is often the most important part of the process. Abby kicks things off by breaking down what actually makes a “good” decision, drawing from her coaching background and education at UW–Madison. She reminds us that we’re always making the...

Transcribed - Published: 12 January 2026

HERself is officially six years old, and we can hardly believe it. In some ways the time has flown by, and in others, it feels like every lesson, challenge, and conversation has been earned. Podcasting is not easy, and most shows don’t make it this far, which makes this milestone incredibly meaningful to both of us. This podcast has been such a special part of our lives, and we’re just getting started. To celebrate six years, we’re recreating one of our very first episodes by revisiting the q...

Transcribed - Published: 5 January 2026

As the year winds down, it’s easy to jump straight into planning what’s next. But before you rush ahead, this episode of HERself is your reminder to pause, look back, and reflect on what this past year has held for you. Reflection isn’t about judgment, it’s about recognizing growth so you can move forward with clarity and excitement. Abby and Amy kick things off by sharing a simple reflection exercise they encourage every listener to try. As millennial women who work hard and tend to be hard ...

Transcribed - Published: 29 December 2025

Happy holidays HERself listeners. We know many people are busy with their friends and families this week. So we are throwing it back to one of our favorite episodes that we know is going to meet many of you with so much solidarity. Janelle Teves is one of those women who when you talk to her you instantly feel better. Not only does she know and respect that we are juggling a lot but she reminds us that we are doing an amazing job. Jeanelle Teves, is the Chief Commercial Officer of Bugab...

Transcribed - Published: 22 December 2025

This week, we’re getting honest about something we know so many of you are feeling too: the mental load of the holiday season. Even as two high-functioning women in very different ways, this stretch of the year has us struggling. Between the busy season in our industry—podcasting, affiliate links, end-of-year pushes—and the nonstop holiday commitments, we’ve both been feeling behind and overwhelmed. And if you’re there too, we want you to know: you’re not alone. We walk through the real menta...

Transcribed - Published: 15 December 2025

We’ve had Eli Weinstein on the podcast before (episode 182), where we focused on the postpartum period. Today, we’re talking about the next phase of parenthood—one that brings its own growing pains, relationship shifts, and a whole new set of expectations. In his new book, Eli introduces the “holy trinity” of relationships: expectations, perception, and reality. He walks us through how easy it is for these three to get misaligned. One example almost every parent can relate to: when one partne...

Transcribed - Published: 8 December 2025

Friendship is one of the topics we get asked about most, so we brought back Dr. Marisa Franco, one of the world’s leading voices on human connection. We dive straight into the heart of modern friendship and start with something that influences every relationship we have: attachment styles. Marisa explains how these patterns begin in childhood, how they show up differently in adulthood, and why none of us fit neatly into one category. We explore one of the biggest questions we hear from ...

Transcribed - Published: 1 December 2025

The holidays are here, and before the chaos kicks in, we wanted to sit down for a cozy reset with you. Think of this as the pep talk we all need—the kind you can take with you on a walk, a drive, or while you hide in the pantry for a minute of quiet. Today we’re sharing the mindset shifts and simple strategies that help us move through the holidays with more ease, compassion, and actual enjoyment. We talk about why we both love one big open-invite approach to Thanksgiving, what it’s like host...

Transcribed - Published: 24 November 2025

Let’s be real — when it comes to chores, our kids could definitely be doing more. We’ve mentioned this topic before, but today we’re finally diving in headfirst: what are age-appropriate chores and responsibilities for kids? Inside the Kiefer and Green homes, things look a little different — and there’s room for improvement in both. In a world where everyone shows their highlight reels, we want to keep it honest. Yes, we have strengths, but we also have areas where we’re still figuring it out...

Transcribed - Published: 17 November 2025

Today we’re welcoming Claire Lerner back to the podcast! Claire specializes in helping parents understand and support big reactors—kids whose emotions and reactions tend to run higher and deeper than most. Our first episode with Claire was one of our most popular, so we knew we had to bring her back for round two. If you’re parenting a child with a sensitive temperament, this episode will leave you feeling seen and equipped with real strategies to help your family thrive. In this conversation...

Transcribed - Published: 10 November 2025

Today’s episode looks a little different—Abby is solo behind the mic to share something that’s been weighing on her heart: the tug-of-war between loving motherhood and missing freedom. Freedom has always been one of Abby’s top core values, but motherhood changes everything. Overnight, the spontaneity disappears, replaced by structure, schedules, and responsibility. As much as we love our children, there’s this deep ache for autonomy—time to just be without worrying about what someone else nee...

Transcribed - Published: 3 November 2025

You already know we’re open books around here, so when we sat down to record an episode of things you might not know about us, we quickly realized… this was harder than it sounded! We share so much on this podcast, but we did manage to find a few fun and unexpected things that even our most loyal listeners may not have heard before. Amy kicks things off by sharing one about Abby—let’s just say Abby sometimes thinks the rules don’t apply to her. If she doesn’t agree with a rule, she’s not like...

Transcribed - Published: 27 October 2025

In a world of all kinds of parenting information Abby and Amy have really honed in on what their true core values are when it comes to raising their kids. In today’s episode they dive into their core parenting pillars. In this episode, you’ll hear heartfelt stories and practical parenting tips centered around defining family values, embracing differences, and fostering inclusion. The conversation covers how both families value the importance of safety measures like wearing helmets, promoting ...

Transcribed - Published: 20 October 2025

The subject of in-laws is one that hits home for many of us—and today’s conversation with Dr. Tracy D goes deep. One of our most downloaded episodes ever featured her, and we knew we had to bring her back to talk about what’s changed, what hasn’t, and how to navigate these tricky family patterns in new seasons of life. You didn’t just marry your partner—you married into their family’s patterns. Where’s the line between accepting those patterns and creating healthy boundaries? Dr. Tracy helps ...

Transcribed - Published: 13 October 2025

Aging has been on our minds a lot lately. At 39, we’re standing on the edge of a new decade, and with that, we continue to have more conversations around perimenopause, energy levels, and taking care of our bodies. In this episode, we’re opening up about what aging looks and feels like for us right now—the struggles, the science, accepting it, and the ways we’re finding strength in this next chapter. Abby shares her personal journey with hormone replacement therapy (HRT) after her docto...

Transcribed - Published: 6 October 2025

Parenting school-age kids comes with a unique set of challenges—from overflowing backpacks and sports schedules to snacks, lunches, uniforms, and the endless drop-offs and pick-ups. It’s a lot to manage, and the truth is: no one can do it all alone. We open up about what it looks like in our households to share the parenting load and how we’ve learned to find balance with our partners over the last 10 years. You’ll hear the different ways our families divide responsibilities—whether it’s one ...

Transcribed - Published: 29 September 2025

Have you ever caught yourself sounding just like your parents? Today we reflect on the lessons—both spoken and unspoken—that our parents, coaches, and role models left with us, and how they’ve shaped the women and moms we are today. From confidence and community to money and independence, these life lessons are now the ones we’re passing down to our own kids. Amy shares how her mom’s approach to appearance built her confidence from the inside out, while Abby opens up about her mom’s influence...

Transcribed - Published: 22 September 2025

Marriage is a constant journey of learning, growth, and reminding ourselves of the basics—especially during stressful seasons. In this week’s episode, we’re taking you behind the scenes of our own marriages to share the top three lessons we’ve each learned with our spouses over the years. We kick things off with a little chit chat (thanks to Colin for the idea!) about what we’ve been reading and watching lately before diving into the heart of the episode: the relationship lessons that continu...

Transcribed - Published: 15 September 2025

Conflict is a natural part of every relationship—whether it’s in marriage, friendship, family, or work. In this week’s episode, we’re diving into the 5 different conflict styles (the accommodator, the avoider, the compromiser, the competitor, and the collaborator) and exploring how they show up in our lives. We share personal stories and examples of how conflict plays out differently in our marriages versus our friendships. Abby opens up about realizing her conflict style might not be what sh...

Transcribed - Published: 8 September 2025

Since it’s a holiday here in the U.S., we’re bringing back one of our most downloaded and loved episodes of all time—with none other than the incredible Shrink Chicks, Emmalee and Jennifer, co-founders of The Therapy Group. These two women are experts in relationships, and in this conversation, we dig deep into what happens after kids enter the picture. From navigating conflict and working through small disagreements to building healthier communication patterns, this episode is packed with st...

Transcribed - Published: 1 September 2025

As moms, we know every season brings new challenges, and summer can be one of the hardest to navigate. In this week’s episode, we share an honest summer recap—the wins, the struggles, and the lessons we’re carrying into fall and beyond. From childcare challenges to balancing marriage and motherhood, we open up about the good, the bad, and the messy parts of parenting during the summer months. Childcare struggles & solutions: Amy shares what she learned when their nanny left for college in...

Transcribed - Published: 25 August 2025

Happiness. For some, the word sparks joy. For others, it feels complicated. In this episode, we’re unpacking what happiness truly means — and why our own perspectives on the word itself are surprisingly different. Inspired by research from a UC Berkeley professor who studies happiness, we explore three key factors proven to boost your well-being: Human connection — why in-person connection is essential for joy. Expressing gratitude — how appreciation shifts your mindset. Volunteering — th...

Transcribed - Published: 18 August 2025

In this episode, we're answering your questions—everything from serious parenting dilemmas to fun, rapid-fire get-to-know-you questions. We kick things off by digging into thoughtful, vulnerable topics like: How to help kids develop a tolerance for discomfort. What to do when someone you care about is in a toxic relationship. How to respond when family members ignore birthday invitations. Parenting children with developmental delays. When to let go of a long-term friendship. How to ...

Transcribed - Published: 11 August 2025

If you're raising a child who feels everything deeply and expresses it loudly, this episode is for you. Today, we’re diving into a topic that sparked our biggest listener response ever—first explored in Episode 157 with Claire Lerner—and it’s all about parenting children with big reactions. Both of us are moms to what we lovingly call “big reactors.” These are the kids whose emotional outbursts and transitions hit differently. They're intense. They're spirited. And traditional parenting advic...

Transcribed - Published: 4 August 2025

Is sibling fighting driving you up the wall lately? You’re not alone—and this episode is straight from the heart of our community’s requests. In this conversation, we're diving into real-life strategies to help parents navigate sibling conflicts with more confidence and less chaos. First things first: sibling fighting is normal! In fact, sibling relationships are the training ground for learning how to navigate friendships, handle conflict, and set boundaries. The goal isn’t to eliminate figh...

Transcribed - Published: 28 July 2025

Are youth sports taking over your calendar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we—two moms raising three kids each in a sports-loving community—open up about the challenges and joys of navigating youth sports with kids aged 9, 7, 6, and 4.5. We get real about what it means to be a sports family, how our own upbringings shape our decisions, and why it’s okay to press pause and ask: “Is this still working for our family?” You’ll hear: Why your childhood experience with sports might be influenc...

Transcribed - Published: 21 July 2025

Heads up: This episode contains adult content—pop in your earbuds if the kids are around! We are excited to dive into a topic we haven’t discussed in a while: intimacy. Whether you're newly postpartum or deep in the trenches of parenting, we know that maintaining a healthy sex life with your partner can feel complicated—and sometimes like just another thing on your to-do list. We’re sharing what has worked for us personally, how our sex lives have shifted through different seasons of motherho...

Transcribed - Published: 14 July 2025