Larry Miller Show

Dear listeners, welcome to the last episode of The Larry Miller Show! We have really enjoyed bringing the show to you and being part of this fun with all of you. For the grand finale, since it is December, we have decided to go out with our annual holiday tradition of Larry re-telling his story, "Does He Drink Coffee?" Plus, Larry does a big tribute to the late, great Sean Connery. Also, Larry tells his favorite joke of all time and recites his favorite Robert Frost poem from memory. As you may have noticed, we haven't had a new episode in a few months. We've been unable to find a way to produce the show safely in these difficult times, as pre-production largely consists of Larry and his producer Colonel Jeff sitting in a small room for half a day, drinking decaf and talking. They talk mostly about Wagon Train, as if that's productive somehow. But that's the process. So, we've decided it's time to roll up the old circus tent. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for all of the yuks you've given us. It's really been a lot of fun bringing you the show and getting to know so many of you for the last 11 seasons. You're a good group! Keep up the good work. And as always, nominum quid geminus?

Transcribed - Published: 2 December 2020

Larry talks about how much he loves station wagons and Chevelles! Plus crashing his parents' station wagon and buying himself a brand new Mercury Colony Park wagon! Then hear about Larry's friend didn't know he was on fire. Speaking of cars, Larry recounts a great scene from the classic Steve McQueen movie "The Getaway."And now, with further ado. http://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "But he didn't know he was on fire."

Transcribed - Published: 1 August 2020

Hear about the time Larry hitchhiked to college in western Massachusetts. Did he live to tell the tale? Tune in and find out! Then Larry knocks over tent poles in his family car. And find out what to do if a bully kicks sand in your face at the beach! Finally, we hear about the classic musical "Fiddler on the Roof" and Larry recites the poem " When You Are Old" by Yeats. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

Transcribed - Published: 25 July 2020

It's too hot to be happy. That's all there is to it. Yet, Larry makes mirth with tales of some of the hottest and coldest days of his life. In honor of the scorching sun, Larry recites "Summer Sun" by Robert Louis Stevenson. And he talks about the great World War II movie "They Were Expendable." https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "It's a-hot out there."

Transcribed - Published: 18 July 2020

Larry tells the story of how he almost had to wear William Conrad's pants during his first appearance on The Tonight Show. Then he talks about his favorite scene from the classic movie "Gentleman Jim." And in honor of the heat wave that's gripping the nation, he recites "I Know I Am But Summer To Your Heart" by Edna St. Vincent Millay. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Let's talk about this. Can we turn the cameras off?"

Transcribed - Published: 11 July 2020

Larry can make a duplicate key by eye, but somehow can't identify his own car. Plus a tribute to Alfred E. Newman and Butterfly McQueen. Then Larry talks about the great war movie "Kelly's Heroes" and recites the poem "A Boy And His Dad" by Edgar Albert Guest. Quote of the week: "Martians could land and say, "German?"

Transcribed - Published: 4 July 2020

Larry summons Momus, the god of laughter to find out if Mercury is in Uranus. Then Larry talks about the Marx Brothers movie "Room Service" and asks for YOUR help in picking out a wedding present. http://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "They can look at a table leg for seven hours."

Transcribed - Published: 27 June 2020

Larry gets the perfect present for a dead head's Father's Day! Also in tribute to Dads, Larry recites "Fathers" by Edgar Albert Guest. And we hear a little bit about Larry's time on the set of "Ten Things I Hate About You." http://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Every Year: Old Spice"

Transcribed - Published: 20 June 2020

Larry comments on the sad deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, and does a solemn reading of the poem "Despair" by Percy Bysshe Shelley that you won't want to miss. Then he talks about the Clint Eastwood classic "Heartbreak Ridge." Also, he muses on the greatness of naps and wonders if cavemen had time for them. Quote of the week: "We need portholes."

Transcribed - Published: 13 June 2020

Larry gets a new air conditioner and guess who installed it! Ahem, not him. The we find out if Playboy ever did a "Women of Milleronia" issue. Also, two different waiters tell Larry's he's crazy for asking for herring -- but for opposite reasons. On Magic Movie Moment, Larry talks about the Scarlett Johannsen movie "Lucy." And he recites "A Summer Afternoon" by James Whitcomb Riley. Quote of the week: "This guy really put the wazoo on me." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 7 June 2020

Larry tells about the many drinking holidays dedicated to him on his remote, secret volcano island. Plus, we hear about Larry's excitement about his family all being under one roof for the summer. Then he talks about the great Henry Fonda movie "The Grapes Of Wrath" and recites the poem "Nature, The Gentlest Mother" by Emily Dickinson. Quote of the week: "I'd just never seen them smile."

Transcribed - Published: 31 May 2020

When hookers took over Larry's neighborhood in NYC, he didn't even notice. The neighborhood kids definitely noticed and you won't believe what they did! Also hear about Larry's trip to visit his son in Boulder, plus Larry's other son, the Marine, says a quick hello on the air! Then Larry talks about the great William Holden classic movie, "Stalag 17," directed by Billy Wilder. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "I didn't notice any hookers, isn't that stupid?"

Transcribed - Published: 24 May 2020

Here's a little secret about guys -- we don't know what we're doing. Yes, Larry recounts his uneventful prom night and uneventful (apparently) romantic encounters during his college years. Then we hear about the great Sam Peckinpah movie "The Wild Bunch." Plus, Larry recites "Come Walk With Me" by Emily Jane Bronte! Quote of the week: "I enjoyed not knowing. Does that make sense?" http://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 16 May 2020

Larry gets in line with all of the dumb husbands for Mother's Day. And Larry recites the moving Melville poem "Gettysburg." Then Larry does a loving tribute the classic musical movie "Showboat." Quote of the Week: "Every Father was a chubby comedy writer." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 10 May 2020

Larry discusses all things donuts after Colonel Jeff's return from his donut expedition to South Florida. And Larry gives a recipe for Milleronia-styled charred kale salad! Is it good? You figure it out. Quote of the week: "I nearly did a chimp flip in my seat."

Transcribed - Published: 3 May 2020

In tribute to the passing of Bruno Sammartino, Larry talks of his love of wrestling and helping Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart recover from a late night of mirth on the streets of New Orleans! Plus his personal encounters with wrestling legends Hulk Hogan and The Fabulous Moolah. On Magic Movie Moment, Larry talks about the classic "Requiem For A Heavyweight" with Anthony Quinn. Then he recites the poem, "Carpe Diem" by Robert Frost. Quote of the week: "Hey Moolah! Come on up here and get your lunch!" https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 26 April 2020

Hear about the booze / fire alarm in Larry's old frat. Plus tributes to Harry "The Hat" Anderson, Barbara Bush and R. Lee Ermey. Of course, Larry talks about his favorite parts of Full Metal Jacket. He also recites a poem by Harlem Renaissance writer Claude McKay. http://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Ahhh. Ice cold."

Transcribed - Published: 19 April 2020

Find out why Larry was happy about getting stuffed into a coffin, covered in gunk and left out in the freezing cold! Surprise, it involves a fraternity. Plus lots of love for Grace Kelly as Larry discusses the movies "High Noon" and a little bit of "Rear Window." And how come nobody puts records on cereal boxes anymore? https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "I'd fly her out to Monaco, too. And I've never been to Monaco."

Transcribed - Published: 12 April 2020

Larry is almost run over by aggro cyclists and long boats at a regatta in Long Beach! In keeping with the nautical theme, Larry recites, "On The Sea" by John Keats and in keeping with the recent Passover, he talks about the classic movie "The Ten Commandments." Finally, keeping with nothing in particular, he tells a joke about a fainting nun. Quote of the week: "Wow, wow and yikes."

Transcribed - Published: 5 April 2020

Larry tells us why strippers and comedians get along so well and why Seattle really is the best. And, are there any drive-in movie theaters left? Also, Larry discusses what Soylent Green is made of and recites the lovely poem Paris In Spring by Sara Teasdale. Quote of the week: "I've gotta zip up more."

Transcribed - Published: 29 March 2020

Larry has a curious dream about his Dad. He tells stories of his Dad trying to get crooks to go straight and an innocent young Larry believing that transistor radios really do fall off the back of trucks. And speaking of dreams, Larry recites "A Dream" by Edgar Allan Poe. Then he talks about the movie "Charlie Wilson's War." Quote of the week: "He made Luca Brasi look like Pat Boone." http://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 23 March 2020

Larry has a bonding moment with a street guy -- or something? We're not sure what happened. Then Larry finds the one minimall with no bathrooms whatsoever and is also ribbed for being "the doorman" who can't operate an elevator. And he recites "Spring" by William Blake and talks about the classic '60s movie "Easy Rider." LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "I've been 17 minutes late for 12 years."

Transcribed - Published: 15 March 2020

Larry is straight up stumped about what presents to buy for his family. Then he talks about the best scene from the Rat Pack classic "Ocean's Eleven" and recites "Swallows Travel To and Fro" by Robert Louis Stevenson. Quote of the week: "I want to put a hat on just so I can take it off to them."

Transcribed - Published: 8 March 2020

Larry talks about how much he enjoyed his low-key anniversary. No madcap antics or zany hijinks this year! Then Larry recites "A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty" by Ogden Nash and talks about the movie "To Sir With Love." Quote of the week: "If it doesn't work out. I'll kill you." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 28 February 2020

If someone pees out of a tree in the forest and nobody hears it, is it still hilarious? Find out, as Larry talks about time spent drinking beer while sitting in a tree. And hear what it means that Larry got dead air from his proctologist. Larry also talks about the classic western comedy "Cat Ballou," and recites the Robert Frost poemt [sic] "The Sound Of Trees." Quote of the week: "That's without dinner and a movie?" https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 23 February 2020

How hard should husbands and boyfriends try on Valentine's Day? Really hard, you knuckleheads! Larry overcomes his own knuckleheadedness to find a good Valentine present. Hear about the sheiks of oil jewelry store and the history of Valentine's Day. And Larry talks about the movie "Shakespeare in Love" and recites the poem "Two Valentines" by Eugene Field. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "27 thousand dollars for a thing?"

Transcribed - Published: 14 February 2020

Larry tries to figure out why he dressed up for his eye doctor appointment. Who is he trying to impress? And we hear why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12. Plus, Larry talks about the movie "An Officer and A Gentleman," and recites the poem "Courage" by Robert William Service. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "It's wiser and smarter than I ever gave you credit for."

Transcribed - Published: 9 February 2020

Larry shuffles all around the mall in an attempt to find decent presents. Will he have any luck? Also, he explains who Tom Mix is and why is is on the mountain. Then Larry recites the poem "As Long As Your Eyes Are Blue" by Banjo Paterson and talks about the classic WWII movie "The Longest Day." Quote of the week: Maybe he had it coming." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 1 February 2020

Larry talks about his unsuccessful campaign to be voted Fall Festival Queen and his short-lived career as a kiddie protester. Then we hear about the great chariot scene from "Ben Hur" and Larry recites "Sand Dunes" by Robert Frost. Quote of the week: "Don't just smoke an L&M. Vote for one!" https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 25 January 2020

Inspired by the movie "The Big Easy," Larry recalls some fond memories of working in that great American city, New Orleans. Larry also gives a tip of the hat to the late Buck Henry and recites the poem "Change" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Three fingers of whiskey in a number four washtub."

Transcribed - Published: 18 January 2020

It never rains on Milleronia, but it's raining like crazy in Southern California! Larry talks about the big rain and how people lose their minds during it. https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 11 January 2020

With the holiday season afoot, Larry continues his annual tradition of re-telling his classic story, "Does He Drink Coffee?" Also, Larry reluctantly allows some holiday cheer on his volcano island. From Larry, all of the staff for The Larry Miller Show and the scientists who maintain Larry's weather control machine, thanks for listening and we'll see you in the new year! https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "When did it become December?"

Transcribed - Published: 23 December 2019

Larry's friend decides to run for office. Will Larry get the public service bug as well? Getting in the holiday way, Larry recites the poem "Christmas Bells" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Then he talks about a magic movie moment from the classic "Our Man Godfrey." https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. What's he do, sell insurance?"

Transcribed - Published: 15 December 2019

Larry recaps his fantastic Thanksgiving, including the can of Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce that his wife bought just to make him happy. And Larry talks about his favorite scene from Starship Troopers, then recites "Acquainted With The Night" by the great Robert Frost. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Well, half of that I like a lot."

Transcribed - Published: 7 December 2019

A special episode to listen to while driving to Thanksgiving at Grandma's house, or while hiding from your family in the basement. Larry has a run-in with a little old lady who just doesn't like Thanksgiving. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Our house must have looked like a brothel in Texas."

Transcribed - Published: 28 November 2019

Larry tells you all you need to know about Thanksgiving. "Just put a sock in it and toss in a turkey. It's not a vegetable holiday, anyway." Then he gives a sturdy defense of Pluto and recites the Robert Frost poem "Stars." https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Yes it is comma stupid."

Transcribed - Published: 24 November 2019

Fans of the show will know that "the hamper situation" has long been the Alsace-Lorraine of stately Miller Manner. Domestic tranquility is finally achieved, as the best hamper in the world is finally found! (See it and buy it here! https://amzn.to/378fsSp). Then Larry talks about what an "actor's moment" is, and discusses a great one in the Steve McQueen classic "The Cincinnati Kid." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 16 November 2019

In honor of the upcoming holiday, Larry tells the tragic story of the last man to die in WWI. Then Larry recites the poem "Dirge For Two Veterans" by Walt Whitman and talks about the famous Russian roulette scene from "The Deer Hunter." http://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 10 November 2019

Larry is hassled by a parking enforcement attendant and talks about the "next time guys" -- those people who wag their finger at you, but say they won't cut you any slack "the next time." Then Larry recounts a few favorite moments from the classic '80s action film "Commando" and also gives a tip of his hat to Hulk Hogan, who he worked with on the movie "Suburban Commando." Finally, a recital of the poem "Fear No More" by the great William Shakespeare. Quote of the week: "Nevermind the happy ending, there's always a happy beginning." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 2 November 2019

Larry celebrates his birthday at a nostalgic dinner with an old friend. The restaurant was so fancy, it had tablecloths even! And Larry sings the virtues of the birthday nap. Then we hear about the classic movie "Friendly Persuasion," and Larry recites the poem "Pilgrims" by Robert William Service. Quote of the week: "I like cotton. I just like cotton." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 28 October 2019

Who wants to annoy a doctor? Larry does. Or at least it works out that way. Hear how Larry's crabby day turned into a chance to make someone else happy. Then Larry talks about the Hitchcock classic "Rear Window." And for Poetry Corner, Larry recites another one for OctPOEber, "To One Departed" by Poe. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "I'm not complaining about that. I can if you want."

Transcribed - Published: 19 October 2019

Larry gives advice for the upcoming Halloween season. Just be a hero and let them have candy. We also hear about the fun of buying Santa Claus a drink and the goofballs at the United Nations. Then Larry talks about the Walter Matthau classic "Hopscotch" and recites the poem "Love's Labour Lost." https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "I don't like demons. I don't like devils. I don't like being afraid."

Transcribed - Published: 13 October 2019

Larry tries to suppress his crankiness as he endures a nearly comical string of wacky hotel rooms in Seattle. Then Larry recites "A Very Short Song" by Dorothy Parker and talks about the great John Wayne movie "The Searchers." Quote of the week: "I'm happy. I always am except when I'm really cranky." LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 5 October 2019

Larry has peaceful and nearly spiritual experience at the supermarket and tries to understand why and how to make it happen again. Then, Larry talks about a great scene from the movie "Miller's Crossing" and recites the Shakespeare Sonnet "So Are You To My Thoughts As Food To Life." http://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "Sonnet 75, that wasn't the first one he wrote. There were 74 before that."

Transcribed - Published: 29 September 2019

Larry is reverse stalked by a woman at Ralphs while he searches for oregano. Then he recites "Nurse's Song" by William Blake, and talks about the movie "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World." And if you want, he'll bring you a banana for your monkey. Quote of the week: "He kicked the bucket." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 21 September 2019

Larry goes skiing, crashes and wakes up thinking he's an Eisenhower. Also, he recites the poem "Destiny" by Emma Lazarus and then talks about the classic movie "Dead End." Quote of the week: "One of your singers here just hit a parked snow plow."

Transcribed - Published: 15 September 2019

Larry's been to a bunch of Yankees games, but the best game he ever saw was far, far away from a big stadium. Hear about that and "the baseball clap." Also, Larry is flummoxed by what he's supposed to do on Labor Day. Then he recites the poem "Comfort" by the great William Service and talks about the movie "The Final Season" starring... Larry Miller? https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 8 September 2019

Larry gives a tribute to John McCain and Neil Simon. Then he talks about being in "The Odd Couple" in high school, and later meeting Neil Simon and starring in one of his plays on Broadway! We also hear about Larry's new doctor and a very gracious parking attendant. And Larry talks about the Clint Eastwood classic "Sudden Impact" and recites "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep" by Mary Elizabeth Frye. https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "It's going to look like you wrote with your foot."

Transcribed - Published: 31 August 2019

Larry likes watching the Rifleman and taking a shower more than going to the beach. In his 30 years in Southern California, he's only been to the beach twice. Find out why. Then Larry talks about the classic movie "The Westerners" and recites "A Thing Of Beauty By John Keats." Quote of the week: "It was like the Washington Monument with stairs." https://LarryMillerShow.com

Transcribed - Published: 25 August 2019

Never follow an animal act and you can't hide a body in the back of smart of a car. These are a few of the pearls of wisdom imparted by Larry on this week's show. Larry also recites "The Outlaws" by Rudyard Kipling and talks about a great moment from the classic spaghetti western "Once Upon A Time In The West." https://LarryMillerShow.com Quote of the week: "It's Latin for OK, if we have to."

Transcribed - Published: 18 August 2019