Soul Gum

See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back. WHERE TO FIND ME:MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 7 September 2025

Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If you’re curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love)03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love)07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on love 07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Plato’s The Symposium)09:03 Socrates’ ladder of love 13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on love 13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau)13:58 Rousseau’s two types of self love 15:22 How self love affects how you love others17:31 The humanity formula (Kant)   19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant)22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer)24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer)24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer)26:06 Existentialists on love26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre)27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre)30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s non-monogamous love story 31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir) 33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir) 36:54 Kierkegaard’s Works of Love 37:22 Unreasonable standards in love (Kierkegaard)42:24 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEPlato, The Symposium (c. 385–370 BCE)Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract (1762)Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797)Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation (1818)Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love (1847)Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground (1864)Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (1944)Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)Gordon Marino, The Existentialist’s Survival Guide (2018) MY LINKSMAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 24 August 2025

Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists)03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”)11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act)14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship)20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes)25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law)30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett)34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter)37:57 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE • Plato, The Republic • Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity (2022 and 2025)• Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being • Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe • Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience • Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett • Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice• Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear  MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 17 August 2025

What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of)08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus)30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice)33:53 What “god” means to me now 35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you?36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus)36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson)38:14 Lightning round recap  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE  Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849)Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction StoryBlaise Pascal, Pensées (1670)St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE)Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE)Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023)Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016) MY LINKS • ⁠Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify • ⁠Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  RESOURCES  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Chat with a Trevor Project counselor now ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ANAD helpline ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• 988 lifeline

Transcribed - Published: 10 August 2025

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts26:14 Confrontation dos26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships26:53 Bids for attention27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts32:09 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) MY LINKS​ ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 3 August 2025

Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations18:30 3. Asking more questions25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality 33:27 Lightning round recap 36:19 Challenge  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Simulacra and Simulation, Jean Baudrillard (1981)TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (2025)

Transcribed - Published: 27 July 2025

Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:53 You’re stuck because…05:00 1. You’re free 05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre)07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath)13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience 13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson)22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka) 26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places27:04 The Trial (Kafka)35:14 5. You think nothing matters 35:24 Mechanical life (Camus)36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus)37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus) 40:08 Lightning round recap  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  On Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard (1844)Being and Nothingness, Jean Paul Sartre (1943)The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath (1963)The Big Secret, Deepak Chopra (2008)Epiphenomenal Qualia, Frank Jackson (1982) The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (1915)The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925)The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus (1942)

Transcribed - Published: 20 July 2025

19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro06:34 The camel spirit 11:32 The lion spirit 17:25 The child spirit 25:40 Lightning round recap 26:43 Challenge MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 13 July 2025

Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more.  EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro02:14 1. Take notes  06:57 2. Write by hand08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect 14:54 5. Change your conversation norms18:08 6. Practice hard attention21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule22:33 8. Chew your brain food23:54 9. Show what you don’t know26:20 Newsletter recs 27:41 Philosophy podcast recs28:08 Poetry recs29:40 Lightning round recap 

Transcribed - Published: 6 July 2025

So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  03:35 How to follow your intuition 06:38 How to know the right choice10:50 The effect of your ego14:10 The impact of who you keep close 19:27 The importance of confrontation23:21 The impact of tiny choices 26:40 How to shift into the next chapter 28:59 Hard versus wrong  SOURCES Smoke filled room study Balloon study bell hooks, all about love Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and ActionChurning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata 

Transcribed - Published: 29 June 2025

How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life.  EPISODE OUTLINE 04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority”25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 31:59 Dharma37:22 My weekly routine MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 22 June 2025

The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is  it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 16:07 3. You should care what some people think 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually26:21 6. You don’t know what people think30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good39:27 Lightning round recap42:29 Challenge EPISODE LINKS • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir• The Art of Living by Epictetus • Spotlight Effect Study • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness  MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 25 May 2025

Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro05:49 Sigmund Freud09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE) 14:38 The masks vs. the Self15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man17:15 Using logic to hide from passion 17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions 21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith 24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class 26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial 31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection 34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self 37:17 Does everyone have a calling?38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions  41:50 Lightning round recap  EPISODE LINKS • Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  

Transcribed - Published: 18 May 2025

In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro 02:00 My “what now?” rut06:46 Roadmap out of your rut 08:06 1. Get your story straight08:29 You haven’t ruined your life 09:48 My bar exam story15:48 You are not alone16:26 Lifequakes17:55 You are not lazy 18:54 Are you burnt out?20:44 The classic existential crash out 22:14 Are you in functional freeze?23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle26:31 2. Make a plan 26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)30:01 Smallest possible actions 32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it33:43 The photography class experiment 38:13 3. Have grace for yourself 38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?39:20 What you have to give right now is enough39:53 Lightning round recap  MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  

Transcribed - Published: 11 May 2025

What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability? In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you. A few things we dive into: A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)The role of the “spark” in attractionThe psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20sThe stigma of being singleThe commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship) Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:51 The formula for attraction 04:21 1. Proximity 07:10 2. Similarity 11:43 3. Familiarity 14:03 The 3 month rule 16:55 The curse of comfort 19:31 The sunk cost fallacy 21:06 The fear of starting over 22:37 4. Reciprocity 23:13 The harm of playing games 26:36 5. A spark 27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls 27:31 1. Repetition compulsion 31:04 2. The stigma of being single 36:45 3. Situationships 38:23 The commitment-readiness scale 40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <3 42:09 Lightning round recap 43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESS If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today! PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!

Transcribed - Published: 4 May 2025

What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro01:23 1. The likability paradox 03:12 2. The paradox of choice06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge 06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect08:22 4. The paradox of failure 09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper) 11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree 12:20 6. The paradox of moving on 12:46 Ironic process theory 14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness 17:07 The dopamine trap 18:03 8. The paradox of freedom18:33 Self-determination theory 20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung) 22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone 24:46 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 27 April 2025

Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback03:22 1. Believing you're behind06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too 14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why14:47 Nietzsche's will to power15:20 Chasing superficial whys 17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear) 21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche)23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now 24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start26:30 Hiding in the planning phase 26:51 The confidence-competence loop27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel 29:56 Lightning round recap30:56 Give yourself some credit EPISODE LINKSMichigan State Study on accountability⁠Mind Magic by Dr. James DotyStudy using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortexThe Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 20 April 2025

The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession03:45break06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder 06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash 11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems 12:39 Hemline index 13:36 Moral panics during recessions 13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation 16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other 16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor 21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever21:44 Lipstick index 22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator 23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions 23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator 24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal) 26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession26:42 1. Other people are not your competition27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems” 27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused 31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 13 April 2025

We all want to be happy—but so many of the ways we chase happiness actually leave us more disconnected, burnt out, or empty than before. In this episode, we’ll walk through five of the most common happiness traps: the things we do to feel better that often make us feel worse. Along the way, we’ll explore what Nietzsche, Marx, and modern Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek have to say about the pursuit of joy. Then, we’ll turn to one of the longest-running studies on happiness to ask the big question: when it comes to feeling good, what actually works? No one has the secret to happiness. But a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things that might help you feel better and access a little more joy. Let’s talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro01:18 Break03:22 5 happiness traps 03:27 1. Overconsumption 06:00 Overconsumption starts with scarcity programming07:11 Nietzsche & overconsumption as a way to fill the void 10:37 2. Chasing achievements 11:46 Slavoj Zizek and the duty to enjoy the grind13:26“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everyone wants this.”14:18 Superego injunction: “a million girls would kill to have this job”15:22 On using a lack of happiness as fuel to grind 15:56 3. Comparison 18:11 Downward social comparison 22:12 4. Self- and symptom-focused spiritual practices 22:55 Marx on how economic systems shape values 23:28 Self-centered spirituality in the West 24:41 Spirituality as a bandaid vs a root cause solution (Zizek)25:45 5. Isolation 27:03 The hyperindividualism crisis28:00 We owe each other stuff28:17 We want things from each other, and we should28:23 Harlow’s monkey study on attachment 30:13 We’re living in our own worlds31:28 So what DOES work? 31:57 Harvard happiness study 35:13 Challenge 36:19 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 6 April 2025

I’m thinking of someone. Guess who? They’re a trailblazing artist. LGBTQ-adjacent. A Gemini from Long Island. An artist trying to make sense of rapid technological change and political division. No, not Lady Gaga. Not RuPaul. Not Frank Ocean. Think older. Centuries older. Today we’re talking about the great American poet, Walt Whitman. Walt Whitman was born in 1819, but his world feels eerily familiar. His New York was reeling from technological change and caught in a web of political division. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore Whitman’s life—from his roots as a Brooklyn typesetter to his rise as the great American poet. We’ll unpack his most famous work, Leaves of Grass, and the ideas in it that scandalized entire towns. We’ll talk about the beauty of contradiction, the divinity of the mundane, and the radical interconnectedness of all things. We’ll ask: what does it mean to write about hope and unity at a Time Like This? If you’re questioning how your art (or your heart) fits into a collapsing society, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE  00:00 Intro 02:56 Life Update: Tour! USA Today Bestseller! Bali?05:32 Walt Whitman: a Long Island Gemini  06:03 1800s NY: Nationalism, populism, manifest destiny07:52 Sound familiar? 09:02 Walt Whitman’s early life10:11 Walt Whitman, the reluctant teacher11:05 Walt Whitman, the starving artist 12:27 Walt Whitman does a social media detox13:00 Walt Whitman emerges with a first draft13:14 Leaves of Grass: not like other girls 14:00 1855 Walt Whitman is giving Woodstock 14:14 Publication expert level: just like us 14:44 Walt Whitman gets left on read   14:48 Enter: Ralph Waldo Emerson15:54 Walt Whitman is his own cheerleader 17:47 Walt Whitman is as petty as the rest of us18:22 Leaves of Grass starts to get legs 18:41 Leaves of Grass gets smuttier 18:57 Walt Whitman is not an angel 21:02 The Civil War changes everything 22:21 Leaves of Grass, an OG banned book23:01 Walt Whitman’s legacy 24:03 Walt Whitman quotes that will change your brain chemistry24:18 1. “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you”25:07 My ego nap25:59 2. “I am large, I contain multitudes” 26:39 The categorification of the human experience27:10 you are not a cottagecore coastal grandma clean girl mob wife u are a spiritual being having a human experience  28:48 3. “The smallest sprout shows there really is no death”31:09 4. “Do you guess I have some intricate purpose?”   EPISODE LINKS • Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman• Stuff You Missed in History Class episode• Comedy by Bo Burnham• My Writer’s Digest article on writing about hope MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  

Transcribed - Published: 31 March 2025

When was the last time you felt genuine awe? Not just happiness, not “that’s cool,” but deep, childlike wonder? In this episode, we explore 7 five-minutes-or-less practices that can help you feel more present, more alive, and more connected to the quiet magic all around you.  EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:28 MAKE BELIEVE is out now02:50 Come hang with me on tour?   03:51 7 tiny ways to cultivate awe03:54 1. Look closely at ordinary nature04:20 The goggles of habit 04:41 Walt Whitman: what is the grass?05:27 Thich Nhat Hanh’s tangerine meditation07:31 Rumi & the blurriness of separation 09:14 2. Look up10:00 The benefits of tree gazing10:29 Mary Oliver’s When I Am Among the Trees11:48 3. Unitask music 11:55 Music used to be the main course13:06 One song no multitasking challenge13:29 Make an awe playlist 13:40 4. Make unsmall small talk 14:19 Martin Buber’s I-Thou vs I-It15:50 Challenge: be aware during small talk16:17 The sacred ground of connection16:50 5. Remember pale blue dot 17:08 The Voyager photo17:36 Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot 19:10 Pondering our tininess 21:04 6. Make an awe signal22:21 7. Keep an awe list 22:43 The Zeigarnik Effect24:53 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS • @boywaif post on the goggles of habit• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman• Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh• Sometimes & When I Am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver• Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot• I and Thou by Martin Buber• Rumi (Coleman Bark’s Essential Rumi) • The Zeigarnick Effect  MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 23 March 2025

We romanticize big life changes—quitting the job, moving to the dream city, chasing the thing we’ve always wanted. But big changes have big side effects. And if you don’t see them coming, they might just send you running back to the life you were trying to leave behind. In this episode, we’re breaking down six warnings I wish someone had told me before I changed everything. If you’re craving a big shift, let’s make sure you’re ready for it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:45 Life update + tour!  05:52 6 warnings about changing your life 06:14 1. It will not automatically make you happy07:44 Harvard happiness study08:34 The hedonic treadmill 9:54 2. You will have an identity crisis  10:12 Ship of Theseus 11:40 3. You’ll probably feel stuck12:04 Diamond Example 13:12 Change happens at tipping points 15:31 4. It never stops feeling vulnerable15:55 Asch conformity study 17:18 The neuroscience of fear & hope19:43 It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed22:33 5. There’s no magic pill 24:32 6. You’ll feel torn between who you were and who you’re becoming 24:52 Janus, the Roman god of transitions27:18 Lightning round recap MY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠• Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  EPISODE LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Ship of Theseus ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Harvard happiness study⁠⁠⁠⁠• The hedonic treadmill ⁠⁠⁠⁠• Digging for diamonds cartoon⁠⁠⁠⁠• Janus: the god of doors, gates and transitions

Transcribed - Published: 16 March 2025

Don’t press play unless you’re ready for big change. This isn’t a normal  podcast episode—it’s a guided practice designed to help you step into the next chapter of you with clarity and intention. Maybe you’re on the brink of a big life change. Or maybe you feel stuck and just know it's time for a shift. This episode will walk you through the five-step practice that completely changed my life. In it, we'll learn about the neuroscience of manifestation, do a guided meditation, journal, and come on the other side of the episode with a clear plan routing towards our dreams. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro08:13 Agenda09:25 Plato's Cave Allegory13:22 The neuroscience of manifestation16:14 The reflection practice that changed my life 16:36 Step 1: Define your current chapter20:37 Step 2: Define your next chapter22:53 Step 3: Guided visualization meditation37:32 Step 4: Journaling38:26 4a. Reflect on the chapter that’s ending40:56 4b. Set intentions for your next chapter 43:29 4c. Set SMAAART* goals 47:33 4d. Plan your trust-building week 52:23 Step 5: Believing MY LINKS⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠Let’s hang on tour!!⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 9 March 2025

Admit it: you’re still thinking about that cringey thing you did 6 years ago. Maybe it was something you said. Something you did. Something that haunts you at 2 AM when your brain decides to rerun its most humiliating blooper reel. Today, we’re breaking down exactly how to move past an embarrassing moment in 5 steps. We’ll talk about why your brain refuses to let things go, how the spotlight effect makes you think people care way more than they actually do, and the five fastest ways to shake off the cringe and move on with your life. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 02:06 Preorder Make Believe! Come see me on tour!02:44 Why do we feel embarrassment? 03:50 Embarrassment scale 03:57 Tier 1: slight cringe05:07 Tier 2: mild cringe07:07 Tier 3: proper humiliation 11:09 Tier 4: deep humiliation 13:29 Tier 5: existential humiliation15:45 Jean Paul Sartre’s the gaze 17:50 The spotlight effect18:44 Social media and the spotlight effect19:30 5 tips for navigating embarrassing moments19:3 6 Break - Book! Bali! Tour! 25:25 1. Remember the spotlight is not real29:51 2. Call it out as it’s happening 32:49 3. Tell someone 34:27 4. Figure out the root35:58 5. Own it and then move on 40:07 Challenge  MY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let’s hang on tour!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  EPISODE LINKSSpotlight Effect Study Spotlight Effect and Social Media Study Jean Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness 

Transcribed - Published: 2 March 2025

Creatives, I’m looking at you. In today’s episode, I walk you through exactly how I lost my creative spark in the Internet’s sea of opinions and how I got it back. When did we forget that art is supposed to make us clutch our pearls? And how do we remember? If you want to stop praying to the altar of the comment section, this episode is for you. We’ll walk through 4 things that helped me start making chewy, brave art again.  You owe it to yourself to stop sanitizing your art. This episode is a messy, raw field guide on how to do that—from another creative climbing out of the same boat.  00:00 Intro 02:09 Preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Let’s hang on tour!02:44 Are vulnerability and nuance needed for good art?03:13 Did video kill the radio star? Will IG poetry kill literary poetry?04:04 Taylor Swift’s quill, fountain pen, glitter gel pen buckets of art 04:40 Sugarcoated self love: helpful or hurtful? 05:28 Should we think about the audience when we make art?05:42 Rick Rubin & “the audience eats last”06:20 Is social media tainting our intentions as artists? 08:13 Art as an offering vs. art as an outlet  08:33 How to gut your art of meaning 09:20 My own experience navigating this, good and bad11:47 Should artists care about views and engagement?12:27 Microwaving our art to keep pace with the algorithm13:52 Having no haters is not a badge of honor 14:45 “Bad takes” vs “good takes” and the erasure of nuance  15:10 Moral imposter syndrome and curated vulnerability16:55 The big, messy mistakes we don’t hear about17:33 Stop sanitizing your art 17:57 Ellen Bass & art that makes you clutch your pearls 18:31 Relax by Ellen Bass 19:11 Art for likes versus art for thought 19:36 So how do we take our brains back? 19:59 Break - with a big surprise! 23:47 4 ways to take our creative spark back23:57 1. Notice the voices in your head 24:57 2. Temper vulnerability with respect for your privacy26:07 3. Create art with urgency 26:21 A Little Life & commodified art vs art for art’s sake28:42 Mary Oliver on getting distracted from your art30:55 4. Get off your phone 32:00 How to start a fire, literally & creatively33:57 Your art misses you 35:34 I ♡ your thoughts 36:27 Challenge: make something scary this week 37:14 You are not out of good ideas MY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let’s hang on tour!! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  EPISODE LINKS ⁠Joy Sullivan’s poetry masterclass⁠⁠ - brought up so much thought and a big breakthrough for me. Dives into what it means to make vulnerable, surprising art.  ⁠⁠Taylor Swift accepting Songwriter-Artist of the Decade at the Nashville Songwriter Awards⁠⁠, discussing her quill, fountain pen and glitter gel pen lyric categories  ⁠⁠The Creative Act by Rick Rubin⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert⁠⁠ - two of my favorite books on the creative process, both talked about in this episode ⁠⁠Relax by Ellen Bass⁠⁠ - one of my many favorite poems by Ellen Bass, who IMO is the blueprint for writing gutsy, gritty poems. Could not recommend her books⁠⁠ Like a Begger, Mules of Love, and Indigo⁠⁠ more.  ⁠⁠A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara⁠⁠ - the novel with the passage I read about commodified art vs art for art’s sake.  ⁠⁠Upstream by Mary Oliver⁠⁠ - the book with the passage I read about getting distracted. If you need a reminder of the cost of hiding from your truth, read chapter 3.

Transcribed - Published: 23 February 2025

Confidence isn’t just something you have—it’s something you do. Today, we’re breaking down 8 small but powerful shifts that will instantly change how others see you and how you feel about yourself. These aren’t generic “believe in yourself” tips. These are super specific, research-backed tips that will instantly improve your confidence. We’re diving into original sources ranging from Plato’s the Republic to HBO’s Euphoria to ask: what does it mean to be a confident person? And how do you become one? If you want to show up in the next conversation you have as most magnetic, grounded, and comfy-in-your-skin version of yourself—this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro03:42 The philosophy of confidence 03:55 Plato’s virtue of the mean05:30 Maddy from Euphoria on confidence06:49 8 shifts for instant confidence 07:18 Break - with a surprise for you! 11:12 1. The power of the pause 13:35 2. Watch overactive listening 16:02 3. Open body language18:29 4. Handshakes are hot 20:34 5. Rephrase mirrored questions24:04 6. Slow blink rate 26:43 7. Watch upspeak 29:22 8. Call them by their name32:32 Lightning round recap MY LINKS ⁠⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠  EPISODE LINKS ⁠On nonverbal dominance⁠ ⁠How open body language makes us more attractive⁠ ⁠The calming effect of physical touch⁠ ⁠The power of handshakes⁠ ⁠TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Allison Woods Brooks⁠ ⁠Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman⁠ ⁠The body language of the eyes (re: blink rate)⁠ ⁠The neuroscience of calling people by their name

Transcribed - Published: 16 February 2025

We live in an age of seemingly infinite options. The internet has thousands of pages of search results for that thing you need to buy. Endless entertainment awaits on streaming platforms and social media. Dating apps offer a never-ending scroll of potential partners. So why does it feel impossible to find what we need? Why can’t you pick a movie to watch? Why is it harder than ever to find someone to love?  This episodes discusses the paradox of choice: the idea that more choices often make us less happy. Is more less when it comes to choices? If so, how can we live happily in an age of infinite options? Let's talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 01:51 What is the paradox of choice? 02:37 Stanford jam study 06:12 Dating apps 07:10 Decision paralysis 08:53 Opportunity costs 09:13 Sylvia Plath's fig tree allegory 12:08 Expectation inflation 15:05 So what do we do about it? 15:57 Break 21:01 Kierkegaard's leap of faith 22:10 The Midnight Library by Matt Haig 24:17 Nietzsche's amor fati 27:49 Satisficing 30:00 The next right thing MY LINKS: ⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠ ⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠ 

Transcribed - Published: 2 February 2025

Friend breakups hit different. They’re messy, heartbreaking, and rarely come with closure. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down five of the most common types of friendship breakups, why they happen, and how to survive them without losing your mind (or your faith in humanity). If you’ve ever mourned a friendship like it was a death, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro  03:21 1. The Mutual Drift 04:18 Aristotle’s utility, pleasure and virtue friendships 06:46 Dunbar’s number: how many friendships can we maintain at once? 08:25 Carl Jung & making friends while wearing a mask 09:40 Mollenhorst’s social pruning study 10:06 Getting through a mutual drift 11:51 Break - with a surprise!  15:23 2. The One-Sided Slow Fade 17:00 How to get through it on the receiving end  19:09 What if you’re the one who’s fading away from a friend?  21:22 3. The Formal Breakup  23:38 How to break up with a friend ethically 24:47 Getting through a friend breaking up with you  25:34 4. The Blow Up  26:42 Sartre & conflict as a mirror of the self   27:44 Getting through a friendship blowing up  28:21 Hegel & conflict as an engine for growth 29:26 5. The Sudden Ghost  30:23 Getting through being ghosted by a friend 32:06 Lightning round recap  32:39 The peak-end rule  34:02 Journaling prompts for processing a friendship breakup  34:33 Poem: To Strangers I Used to Know MY LINKS ⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more⁠ ⁠Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE!⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠

Transcribed - Published: 26 January 2025

Your attention is sacred. It’s also for sale.  Maybe the reason you can’t get off your phone or stop wasting your Saturdays streaming a show you’ll forget the moment you finish the last episode or do what you say you will isn’t because you’re lazy. It’s not because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s not because you haven’t locked in. Maybe the reason you can’t focus is bigger than you entirely.  Today’s episode dives into the hidden reason we distract ourselves from our own lives and leaves you with 5 bite-sized ways to reclaim your brain. My fellow doomscrollers, rotters, and TikTok ban mourners: this one’s for you.  EPISODE OUTLINE: 02:18 The spiritual source of distraction 02:29 I. Nietzsche: staring into the abyss     03:43 II. Kierkegaard: sickness unto death 04:46 III. Victor Frankl: the search for meaning 08:04 IV. Kali yuga: the age of distraction  09:16 Enter: the attention economy  10:15 The Dorito theory  14:23 So what do we do about it? 14:31 5 steps to take back your focus 14:42 Break - with a surprise for you! 18:14 Step 1: the art of unitasking  23:05 Step 2: giving attention vs having it taken 25:14 Step 3: Dorito vs dinner list 26:48 Step 4: Dorito ritual  29:18 Step 5: Focus ritual 31:24 Lightning round recap MY LINKS: Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠ Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more Get the Believe Again yoga flow, guided meditation and mini-journal bundle free when you preorder MAKE BELIEVE! Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠ Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠ (if it ever gets un-banned...) SHOW LINKS: Dorito theory TikTok Slot machine dopamine study Study on the cognitive strain of multitasking

Transcribed - Published: 19 January 2025

This episode should be called ten HARD TO HEAR things about dating I wish I knew in my twenties because... oof. Buckle up. The dating scene in your twenties is the trenches. I wish I could go back in time and tell all this to younger me. It would save her so many hours and tears and good outfits on bad dates with people who don't like her. Instead, I'll tell you. I learned each of these lessons the hard way, but you don't have to! I present to you: 10 things I wish I knew about dating in my twenties. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro  01:20 Break 04:09 If they treat you like they don’t care, they don’t 06:41 Someone not liking you doesn't make them a catch 10:06 Running at the first sign of conflict isn’t a flex 13:21 If you’re attracted to games, you’re the problem 16:36 Stop seeking closure from your exes  19:05 Don’t date their potential 20:14 Being single rocks 23:05 Love is not all you need  23:36 You can’t make them stay if they want to go 30:58 You can’t scare away the right person 33:39 Lightning round recap LINKS: Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more! Join me in Bali June 1-7! Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok

Transcribed - Published: 12 January 2025

Feel like you’re meant for something more but can’t put your finger on what that “more” is? This episode is here to help. The bad news is: finding your purpose in a world full of distractions and expectations is hard. Like, super hard. The good news is: we’ve been struggling with this since the dawn of humanity, so lots of extremely smart people have piped up about it. Clues to your purpose are hiding in unexpected places. Today, we’ll explore 8 of those clues, as proposed by some of humanity’s greatest minds. Consider this episode a field guide out of your existential crisis. Brought to you by me: your friendly neighborhood lawyer-turned-creative, fresh out of the trenches of living someone else’s life.  SHOW OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 03:14 If you're looking for your purpose, look for... 03:42 1. What you loved as a kid (Nietzsche)06:31 2. What makes you jealous (Nietzsche)10:15 3. What puts you into flow state (Csikszentmihalyi)13:00 Break 15:56 4. What you see everywhere16:32 The Invisible Gorilla Experiment17:30 The Cocktail Party Effect 18:34 Attention as Devotion (Mary Oliver and Simone Weil)19:00 5. What makes you uncomfortable (Carl Jung) 20:56 6. What connects you to the world (Bhagavad Gita)23:30 7. What you want your purpose to be (Albert Camus) 26:36 8. Here and now (Alan Watts)30:07 Lightning Round Summary MY LINKS:​⁠⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠⁠​⁠⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more! ⁠⁠​⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠​⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠​⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠

Transcribed - Published: 5 January 2025

So you have a dream, huh? You're in the right place. You've probably heard this quote from the brilliant Brianna Wiest: Your new life will cost you your old one. Today we're diving into it. As someone who walked away from an old life for a new one this year, let me tell you - there are costs. In the past year, I have completely flipped my life on its head. I walked away from my job as an attorney to dive into the murky waters of creative work. This episode will discuss 10 things your new life will cost you. SHOW LINKS: Your Dreams Are For People Like You - listen to the episode of Shawna Krueger's podcast, Leadership and Yoga Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation, by James Doty, M.D. Visual representation of Plato's Cave Allegory MY LINKS: ⁠Preorder my poetry book MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow to get a free poem print and a personalized signed copy⁠ ⁠Preorder MAKE BELIEVE from Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, and more! ⁠ ⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠ ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠

Transcribed - Published: 29 December 2024

The floating rock mentality—nihilism with rose-colored glasses—is quickly becoming the zeitgeist of spiritually deconstructed young people. What is it? How did we get here? Cosmologically speaking, are we really just insignificant creatures on an insignificant floating rock? Is life meaningless? What are the pros and cons of believing that it is? Is optimistic nihilism going to turn you into Tyler Durden or Jobu Tupaki? What can we learn from Nietzsche, Albert Camus and Sisyphus? How do we find value in a potentially meaningless universe? Are spirituality and rationality mutually exclusive on this floating rock in space? JUMP AROUND I. intro II. disclaimers (2:37) III. floating rock mentality (6:48) a. what is it? (6:48) b. how did we get here? (9:37) c. is it true, literally & cosmologically speaking? (11:41) (ad break) IV. nietzsche and nihilist philosophy (21:24) a. sad early life (22:19) b. sad love life (23:58) c. nietzsche’s philosophical model (24:47) V. the pros of purposelessness (29:45) VI. the cons (35:27) a. will you turn into tyler durden/jobu tupaki? (36:57) b. volatile valuation of your own life (40:50) (ad break) V. finding value in a (possibly) meaningless universe (43:06) a. sisyphus (44:13) b. albert camus on sisyphus (absurdism) (44:47) VI. how does god fit into all of this? (50:25) a. pascal’s wager (51:22) b. choosing between purposelessness & spirituality (58:09) c. redefining spirituality (1:00:06) SOURCES & REFERENCES re: rise in disaffiliation from organized religion among Gen-Z and millennials: https://tinyurl.com/2p9d5474 re: size of the universe, super habitable planets, SETI Luyten B communications: https://tinyurl.com/3kmyy5av; https://tinyurl.com/3hdc8u8m; https://www.seti.org “Important” by Ian McConnell: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRGqbRHa/ Rhett McLoughlin spiritual deconstruction podcast episode: https://tinyurl.com/yytywu4c Re: biographical info about Nietzsche: https://tinyurl.com/ye28xbxe; https://tinyurl.com/2za4nsc4 Nietzsche referenced works: Human, All-too-Human (1878), The Gay Science (1882, second expanded edition 1887), On the Genealogy of Morality (1887) re: Lou Salome, Nietzsche’s love interest: https://tinyurl.com/5bvdymd7; https://tinyurl.com/5598dycu Fight Club (1999) directed by David Fincher; starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert; starring Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan and Stephanie Hsu The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus Pascal’s Wager: https://tinyurl.com/ftrrssth; https://tinyurl.com/7nkhw79b

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2023

Let’s talk about death, baby. Today we’re asking: Why are we so afraid to die? Are we 21st century humans any different than Gilgamesh (remember Gilgamesh)? Who’s the most afraid of death: baby boomers, millennials or Gen-Z? Should you freeze your brain in case future humans figure out how not to die? What’s death meditation? Can Victoria talk about her spiritual breakthrough without sounding unbearably woo woo? How do we get less afraid to die??? JUMP AROUND: I. disclaimers 0:37 II. what is death anxiety? 5:19 III. the paradox of being human (ernest becker) 8:09 IV. trying not to die across history (from gilgamesh to cryonics) 12:50 V. afterlife beliefs: then and now 17:13 ad break (are you proud of me or annoyed or both??) VI. demographic differences in fear of death 20:03 a. nationality 20:49 b. religion 24:15 c. age 26:27 VII. my experiences with death anxiety 30:37 a. fear of being buried alive 33:53 b. false memories related to death 37:22 c. fear of oblivion 39:02 d. spiritual crisis 41:51 ad break VIII. my experiences with death meditation 43:38 IX. my ego nap 51:44 SOURCES: definition of death anxiety: https://tinyurl.com/death-anxiety  Collett-Lester Fear Of Death Scale (CL-FODS): Cuniah M, Bréchon G, Bailly N. Validation of the Revised Collett-Lester Fear of Death Scale in a French Population. https://tinyurl.com/4sp6rh5k re: the paradox of being human: The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker re: trying not to die across history: The Epic of Gilgamesh; cryonics (https://tinyurl.com/yckp6jsf); monkey testicle transplant (https://tinyurl.com/3w3svbtm) re: gen Z attitudes towards death: https://tinyurl.com/bdf2u9yx re: nationality and religious divides in attitudes towards death https://tinyurl.com/m6f9mepx; the Multidimensional Fear of Death Scale (MFODS; Hoelter, 1979; Neimeyer & Moore, 1994), DePaola, Griffin, Young, and Neimeyer (2003); Duff and Hong (1995); Alvarado, Templer, Bresler, & Thomson-Dobson, 1995)

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2023

Is friendship harder than dating or are we all just a little gay? Who did friendship labels better, Aristotle or the Myspace Top 8? Was Alexander Hamilton bi or were we just more comfy with deep friend love back then? How do you make friends as an adult? Is the self care era making us bad friends? Can you love yourself well and love your friends well at the same time? EPISODE SUMMARY I. WHY IS MAKING FRIENDS SO HARD?(2:34) a. no clear labels (3:22) i. the myspace top 8 - a fleeting moment of clarity (5:47) ii. aristotle's take on friendship labels (8:00) b. no hallpass for jealousy (14:34) i. alexander hamilton: bisexual or just comfy with friend love? (15:55) c. no roadmap for initiating friendships (20:38) d. we're all a little gay nowadays (24:05) II. HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS AS AN ADULT? (27:25) a. using the internet (28:05) b. get okay with pleasure-based friendships (31:00) c. be patient (32:07) d. emotional openness (32:56) e. following through (34:53) III. IS THE SELF CARE ERA MAKING US BAD FRIENDS? (36:33) a. 2 stories about flakiness (37:53) b. the self care over everything era (43:57) c. how can we love ourselves and our friends well at the same time? (46:40) SOURCES Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics Glennon Doyle, Untamed article re: Alexander Hamilton being bi: https://tinyurl.com/53328d5d self care tweet by @kevinfarzad: https://tinyurl.com/yrddpaw6

Transcribed - Published: 30 October 2022

Is discipline a dirty word in your book? Hustle culture and diet culture have turned a lot of us against discipline. Should discipline have a place in our lives post-hustle culture? How do you redirect your discipline towards your passions instead of your body and your job? How do you unplug from hustle culture without quitting your job/school? How do you remember your passions post-burnout?  EPISODE SUMMARY:  I. WHAT IS DISCIPLINE? (4:19) II. THE #GIRLBOSS ERA (7:02) a. post-2008 recession: lean in or lose your job (8:09) b. 2010s: hustle culture and glorification of overworking (11:04) c. 2014: rise of the #girlboss (15:38) d. mounting pressure to have a side hustle: MLMs and beyond (17:35) e. meanwhile, diet culture reigns supreme (18:26) III. BUT I DON'T WANNA BE A GIRLBOSS - THE FALL OF HUSTLE CULTURE (20:58) a. COVID, the great resignation and mass burnout (24:10) b. growing anti-diet culture sentiment (25:55) c. “soft living" trend / rejection of discipline (27:34) IV. TAKING BACK DISCIPLINE (31:22) a. my experience with burnout & rejecting discipline (31:52) b. what life without discipline actually looks like (38:37) c. non-hustle-y examples of discipline + reframing discipline as devotion (42:03) d. but what if I can’t unplug from hustle culture? I have a job lol (44:19) e. what if I don’t even remember who I am outside of work/school? (50:29) SOURCES: Merriam Webster (definitions of discipline and self-control) Brittanica (definition of will power) Re: discipline in the Spartan military (https://tinyurl.com/htb6sfrz/) Re: hours spent on work and school in the US (https://tinyurl.com/bdhn7wz9; https://tinyurl.com/yeykvhdp; National Center for Education Statistics from September 2006) Re: diet culture in the 2010s (https://tinyurl.com/2p5cbr89) Re: weird habits of tech CEOs (https://tinyurl.com/4uw5tduh) Re: Michelle Obama criticizing Lean In (https://tinyurl.com/yxruv83j) "I don’t wanna be a girl boss” tiktok by @mjwritess (*corrected username) (https://tinyurl.com/jtbj4zc4) Elon musk tweets (https://tinyurl.com/5bc272kc)

Transcribed - Published: 30 October 2022