Bare Marriage

Send us a text In this season finale of the Bare Marriage Podcast, Rebecca, Joanna, Connor, and Josiah discuss the powerful benefits of reading fiction for personal growth, empathy development, and critical thinking. They share their personal journeys back to reading after University & adult life interrupted their childhood love of books, explore scientific research on how fiction affects the brain, and provide practical advice for getting back into reading. The episode concludes with an ...

Transcribed - Published: 26 June 2025

Send us a text Is sex is a human need within marriage? Let's address the tension between those who see "need" language as potentially coercive and those who feel legitimate sexual desires shouldn't be shamed. Psychological research does classify sex as a human need, but the real issue is how couples can co-create a reality for a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Rather than pressuring reluctant partners, couples should focus on building marriages where both people genuinely want and en...

Transcribed - Published: 19 June 2025

Send us a text In this episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, I am talking with Biblical Greek scholar Marg Mowczko about the true meaning of "headship" in the Bible. Marg reveals that the Greek word "kephale" (head) doesn't typically mean "leader" or "authority" in ancient literature, and that no verse actually commands men to lead their wives. Instead, head-body metaphors are used in Scripture to describe unity and mutual care and as a picture of growing into the likeness of Chri...

Transcribed - Published: 12 June 2025

Send us a text After a recent social media AMA, we noticed a ton of you wanted us to tackle dating - red flags, green flags, how to choose a great partner. Rebecca and I have been avoiding this topic since we both married young and have limited adult dating experience, but we DO have evidence-based research to share. We're addressing why we need to stop telling singles "God is just teaching you patience" (it's a numbers game!), the "Burn the Haystack Method" for online dating, why some might ...

Transcribed - Published: 5 June 2025

Send us a text “Soul ties” refers to the belief that when you have sex with someone, you are now joined in the spiritual realm, and that “tie” impedes your ability to ever experience freedom if you marry someone else. Often people claim you have to go through a specific prayer to break the tie, or an exorcism. But is this idea biblical? And does it help or hurt? Today Joanna Sawatsky shares our results of believing in soul ties, and we discuss different ways to talk about heartache and trauma...

Transcribed - Published: 29 May 2025

Send us a text Let's take a close look at the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley! Bethany Jantzi and Ngina Otiende join me to look at some of the things that we find problematic about the book--and explain why evangelicalism needs better resources! RESOURCES: Get our one-sheet download on His Needs, Her Needs TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bo...

Transcribed - Published: 22 May 2025

Send us a text What happens when church doesn’t seem safe? Or when, in retrospect, you realize it wasn’t, even if you threw yourself into it at the time? Today Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to talk about his new book Safe Church, and then Rebecca and Sheila read reader’s stories about how the church stole their sex lives—and what we can do about it. TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support G...

Transcribed - Published: 15 May 2025

Send us a text It's time to walk through some super interesting studies that have recently been published--and see what they say about the intersection of infidelity and beliefs in male hierarchy. Keith joins Sheila to react to the studies! OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us towards true community based on vulnerability and safety. Aimee Byrd points the way! TO SUPPORT US: Join ou...

Transcribed - Published: 8 May 2025

Send us a text It's an Ask Me Anything episode! Keith and I open talking about the viral video where a woman claims that she felt called by God to iron her husband's clothes before he left for the weekend to be with his mistress. And then Rebecca and I answer your questions about drawing boundaries, dating, protecting kids from abuse in church, and more! OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, Zondervan and the book Saving Face. The church needs to get away from harmful tropes, and call us tow...

Transcribed - Published: 1 May 2025

Send us a text The Love Dare, based on the movie Fireproof, has been a huge best-selling marriage book for two decades. But does it actually contain good advice? Today on episode 280 of the Bare Marriage podcast, we show how The Love Dare simply regurgitates all the typical harmful evangelical marriage advice, telling women to make themselves smaller; never bring up issues; paper over problems; and, of course, never divorce, even if you’re being abused. OUR SPONSOR: Thank you to our sponsor, ...

Transcribed - Published: 24 April 2025

Send us a text What if vulnerability and authenticity are vital for true community? And what if we can never truly know God, and each other, until we know ourselves? It's episode 279 of the Bare Marriage podcast, featuring Aimee Byrd talking about her new book! Aimee Byrd's Book Saving Face Aimee Byrd's Substack TO SUPPORT US: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bos...

Transcribed - Published: 17 April 2025

Send us a text Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, recently did a podcast bemoaning the fact that young women, unlike young men, are giving up on the "creation order" and abandoning marriage. But he distorts the argument, and misses the main problem: Women want to get married, but too many of the men available don't make good partners. WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replace...

Transcribed - Published: 10 April 2025

Send us a text So many evangelical pastors teach that men are rational while women are emotional. But is this true? And if women are more emotionally mature than men, then doesn't that mean that men need to learn from women? Listen in as Keith and Sheila dissect several clips from Josh Howerton, Emerson Eggerichs, Josh McPherson, and Matt Walsh. WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a W...

Transcribed - Published: 3 April 2025

Send us a text We know watching porn is wrong--but are romance novels just as bad? We've often heard that comparison made: Sure, guys watch porn, but remember that women read novels! Today Rebecca and I talk about when the comparison may be fair, and when it isn't. And we ask: how should we see romance novels or erotic novels? Listen in and see what you think--as we try to reason it through! WITH THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR: Beth Allison Barr's insightful and important new book Becoming the Pastor'...

Transcribed - Published: 27 March 2025

Send us a text What if marriage replaced ordination as a woman's path to ministry? What if we've systematically erased the stories of women ministering in the past, and in so doing silenced women's voices and removed opportunities to serve Jesus? Today Beth Allison Barr joins us to talk about her new book Becoming the Pastor's Wife! REGISTER FOR OUR FREE WEBINAR Join Beth Allison Barr, Sheila, and Karen Swallow Prior on Thursday, March 27 at 9 pm for a FREE webinar (recording will be availabl...

Transcribed - Published: 20 March 2025

Send us a text The Marriage You Want is LIVE! Our book launched this week, and in this week's podcast we take a broad, investigative look into the state of evangelical marriage publishing, and why there has very little change in the top 10 books in decades. Plus what it means to have SAFE and HEALTHY marriage advice! Come celebrate with us in episode 274 of Bare Marriage! THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Order it on AmazonOther places to buy! TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a m...

Transcribed - Published: 13 March 2025

Send us a text It's episode 273 of the Bare Marriage podcast! We found that certain beliefs are correlated most with emotional immaturity--passive aggressiveness; outbursts of anger; emotional dysregulation. In our research for our book The Marriage You Want, we found that when couples believe the husband should have the tie breaking vote, they score lower on maturity. Is this because emotionally immature people are drawn to these beliefs? Or do these beliefs hamper maturity? Today we ...

Transcribed - Published: 6 March 2025

Send us a text What if the "acts of service" love language is masking something else--the totally unequal division of labor that many couples have, and Gary Chapman ignores? Plus does the "physical touch" love language mask something wrong in the bedroom? ALL NEW BONUS STATS today! Some of them aren't even in the new book! PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Pre-Order on AmazonGet other links to Pre-OrderSend in your preorder receipt to [email protected] SUPPORT US Join our Patreon...

Transcribed - Published: 27 February 2025

Send us a text PREODER THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Pre-Order on AmazonGet other links to Pre-OrderSend in your preorder receipt to [email protected] SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check out our Merch, or any of our courses!Join our email list!Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com! And her FACEBOOK PAGE has been HACKED--so please join ...

Transcribed - Published: 20 February 2025

Send us a text Prioritizing your marriage can be tough. How do we spend enough time together? Do we need more date nights? And MOMS—don’t forget to be a wife first and a mom second! But in all this talk, are we missing the bigger point? If we’re functioning as a team, doing life together, then affection will grow. But if you see your kids as threats to your marriage, or think you can connect with a date night when you haven’t been in the trenches together all week, you’re not going to feel cl...

Transcribed - Published: 13 February 2025

Send us a text Ever tried to find a compromise when you’re having an argument—but even the compromise doesn’t seem fair? In today’s podcast we explain why—using what we call The Marriage Hierarchy of Needs. We talk about this in our new book The Marriage You Want! Basically, compromise only works if you both start off on equal footing. But if one of you is already doing more than their fair share, compromise just makes it even more unequal. So let’s talk about foundation vs. frills, how to ov...

Transcribed - Published: 6 February 2025

Send us a textWhat is the biggest key to a great marriage? Teamwork! Let’s talk about how teamwork is associated with all the good outcomes we want for marriage—better sex; feeling close; resolving conflict—everything! But complementarianism, on the other hand, is associated with all the bad outcomes. Good outcomes and bad outcomes tend to travel together—and complementarianism travels with the bad stuff! Hear about all our new data from our new book The Marriage You Want! LINKSPREODER THE MA...

Transcribed - Published: 30 January 2025

Send us a textIn our research looking at marital and sexual satisfaction among evangelicals, we’ve found that over and over again our best-selling books, and our megachurch pastors, teach things that are shown to lead to worse outcomes. Why? What’s going on? In today’s podcast we share the faulty premise that is at the heart of evangelical marriage advice, and the four toxic teachings that flow from that false premise. But when we fix that first premise—then our advice can finally get healthy...

Transcribed - Published: 23 January 2025

Send us a textThe idea that men need respect while women need love has been treated as gospel truth in the evangelical world. Best-sellers have been written based on it; it informs almost every marriage sermon. What if it’s not true? Using data from our marriage survey of 7000 people, we show how reality is very different—and what this means for how we should talk about marriage! TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U...

Transcribed - Published: 16 January 2025

Send us a textSo many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again! TO SUP...

Transcribed - Published: 9 January 2025

Send us a textSo many of us got sucked into believing toxic stuff about marriage and sex in the evangelical church! But unless we figured out WHY we believed that, we’re likely to get suckered in again to toxic stuff—just DIFFERENT toxic stuff. So today, Rebecca and I are doing a postmortem, looking at what it is about church that leaves us vulnerable to believing things that are toxic and rather easy to see through. Let’s become critical thinkers, so we don’t get sucked in again! TO SUP...

Transcribed - Published: 9 January 2025

Send us a textOur big announcement: We’re peer-reviewed! Our dataset for The Great Sex Rescue has now appeared in the November 2024 Sociology of Religion Journal. So let’s talk about what we found, but also ask: why are evangelicals so quick to dismiss science, but at the same time cling to bad interpretations of data if it suits their agenda? Can we become better critical thinkers? COMING IN 2025Pre-Order The Marriage You WantJoin our email list to be notified about the launch teamTO SUPPORT...

Transcribed - Published: 19 December 2024

Send us a textAdvent is normally a time of hopeful expectation. But what does it mean when our hopes have been dashed in the past? Stephanie Duncan Smith shares her stories of miscarriages and losses—as well as great celebrations, and what it means to embrace a life that is really messy. And we look at how we can celebrate the Incarnation by being Jesus’ hands and feet, seeing the work fighting sex trafficking that The Well House is doing. It’s the Christmas season, everyone! Stocking Stuffer...

Transcribed - Published: 12 December 2024

Send us a textJimmy Evans started XO Marriage over 30 years ago, and his book Marriage on the Rock became a best-seller. He leads marriage conferences around the country. But for years he also Mark Driscoll on his leadership team. He got his start at Gateway Church under Robert Morris, who has been accused of grooming and sexually abusing a teen girl, starting when she was 12. And more recently audio of Evans’ bullying behavior has dropped. So let’s examine his book Marriage on the Rock—and w...

Transcribed - Published: 5 December 2024

Ever feel like your body is a stranger to you? Like you’re plagued with insecurity, can’t find peace in your relationships? What if it’s because we’re running away from part of who we are, and we haven’t been able to honor who God made us to be? Christy Bauman, a licensed therapist, noticed in her counseling that her clients often didn’t have a clear identity or were able to articulate who they were. So she invites us on a journey of recovering rites of passage—where we honor sacred moments i...

Transcribed - Published: 27 November 2024

Gisele Pelicot famously said that "shame must switch sides"--and I think that applies to the evangelical church! Over and over again over the last few years ,when male teachers have presented a pornified view of sex and women have said "no", women have been accused of being prudes. But it is okay to reject objectification. A close look at Josh Butler, Gary Thomas coercing women into sending nude photos, and more--all of whom called us ashamed of sex for saying no.SPECIAL: The Great Sex Rescue...

Transcribed - Published: 21 November 2024

Do you find yourself in constant power struggles with your kids? Do you feel like your kids too often set the terms of their cooperation? Or are you worried that you are too hard and demanding on them? Well today I talk with Wendy Snyder, a positive parenting coach, as we get into the nitty gritty of how to find that balance between being authoritarian and overly permissive. Cut the drama, cut the power struggles, and learn how to thrive as a family!SIGN UP for our FREE Parenting Webinar with...

Transcribed - Published: 14 November 2024

Why are writers for The Gospel Coalition coming after the dad in the cartoon series Bluey? He’s an involved dad who loves his kids. Why are they so offended? Rick Pidcock joins Rebecca and Connor Lindenbach for a deep dive—and then Rebecca and Connor talk more about our anemic view of fatherhood. TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check o...

Transcribed - Published: 7 November 2024

Christa Brown was sexually assaulted dozens of times by her youth pastor when she was 15. She was made to repent and apologize to his wife. The pastor just got moved around from church to church for decades. When Christa’s daughter reached the same age Christa was when she was assaulted, she went public—and started the movement to push the SBC towards accountability for the sexual abuse crisis in their midst. She’s written a memoir called BaptistLand, and today we talk about Christa’s fight—a...

Transcribed - Published: 31 October 2024

Talking to your kids about sex & puberty is awkward! And over the years the church has made some big mistakes. Today we talk about how to avoid the biggest ones--and some encouragement for how to do this with as little awkwardness as possible.OUR SEX AND PUBERTY COURSE:Check out our revamped version of The Whole Story--our sex and puberty course for parents to share with kids. It's video-based, and it makes covering all the info much easier. It's on sale until Monday, October 28 at midnig...

Transcribed - Published: 24 October 2024

We aren’t going to fix the abuse crisis in the church until we deal with the underlying beliefs that actually enable abuse. Today Kristin Kobes Du Mez joins us to talk about her new documentary For Our Daughters, which shows how beliefs about gender, power and politics that are rampant in the church actually contribute to abuse. And Pastor Trey Ferguson joins us to comment on a recent article he wrote explaining how evangelicalism’s views of sex, which ignore intimacy, contribute to abuse too...

Transcribed - Published: 17 October 2024

We know purity culture hurt so many of us. But how do we actually move on and recover from purity culture? Today Dr. Camden Morgante joins us to look at the 5 myths of purity culture, and how to heal and get to the other side!OUR FREE WEBINAR!Join Rebecca and me as we host Camden for a FREE webinar looking more into these myths, where we find them, and where we go from here! It'll be a super fun hour with some prizes, games, and lots of inside scoop!Monday, October 14, 8 pm EST. Sign up hereT...

Transcribed - Published: 10 October 2024

Ever heard the stat from “a recent study” that found that, when a husband comes to Christ first, in 93% of cases the wife and kids follow, but when the wife comes to Christ first, it’s only 17%? Today Beth Allison Barr and Miranda Zapor Cruz, both academics looking into gender relations in church, join me to try to track down the source. Spoiler alert: People seem to have made this up about 30 years ago—and they keep quoting it! We look at what happens when churches assume this stat is true.O...

Transcribed - Published: 3 October 2024

We're all about healthy advice for marriage and sex. But what if evangelical teachings around parenting have also been messed up? And how can we parent in a healthy way? David and Amanda Erickson join us to talk about their new book The Flourishing Family, based on Scripture, brain science, attachment theory, and more. THIS is how we should parent! OUR SPONSOREver, AJ: Uniquely crafted vegan leather Bible cases. These Bible Cases are GORGEOUS and FUNCTIONAL! Use it as a traditional case, or y...

Transcribed - Published: 26 September 2024

The evangelical world has an orgasm gap of 47 points between husbands and wives. Only 48% of women orgasm almost always or always, and 33% orgasm never or rarely. The good news is that if you're in that 33%--you can still get to the 48%!Today Rebecca and I look back at all the other episodes we've talked about orgasms, and have a great time discussing how we can learn to help couples prioritize her pleasure!THE ORGASM COURSEIt's on sale until Monday, September 23 at midnight! When you purchas...

Transcribed - Published: 19 September 2024

We know it’s not all men who are predators. But it’s far too many. And a recent horrible court case in France is reminding women all over the world that far too many men are willing and eager to do the unthinkable. The only way to tell who is safe is to look at their words and their actions. And the words of far too many evangelical leaders and authors and pastors are straight up rape culture. After what happened to Gisele Pelicot, I’m not willing to put up with it anymore. No more Every Man’...

Transcribed - Published: 12 September 2024

It’s a complete therapy session—in one book and one podcast! Dr. Merry Lin joins us to explain why we so often feel stuck—and how to move forward. If you’ve been confused by terms like trauma, attachment theory, the Stone Age brain, and more, Dr. Merry Lin joins us for a primer that can help us get unstuck—and rebecome who we were meant to be!TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiati...

Transcribed - Published: 5 September 2024

It’s a complete therapy session—in one book and one podcast! Dr. Merry Lin joins us to explain why we so often feel stuck—and how to move forward. If you’ve been confused by terms like trauma, attachment theory, the Stone Age brain, and more, Dr. Merry Lin joins us for a primer that can help us get unstuck—and rebecome who we were meant to be!TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiati...

Transcribed - Published: 5 September 2024

What does it look like to actually grow like Christ? Like, not from a sermon, or not from some lofty retreat, but just in the here and now? Can we actually grow “holier”? A beautiful conversation with Karen Stiller, author of the book Holiness Here. We tackle envy, joy, contentment—and even grief, as she shares about processing the death of her husband. TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fru...

Transcribed - Published: 29 August 2024

Sheila and Rebecca are answering your questions today! We covered how to find a new church when you feel like church has let you down; how to start your sex life well; what to do when people don’t think purity culture was harmful; and so much more! And we throw data and nuance into the mix too.HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING!Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGEIf you see a Facebook page called Endlessly Stories with weird images—that is our old page. Please report it!OUR SPONSORIt's the Bible th...

Transcribed - Published: 22 August 2024

What if you discovered that marriage books like The Excellent Wife actually follows Steve Hassan's BITE model of cult indoctrination? And what if these marriage books were giving advice that mirrored coercive control?Bare Marriage podcast, episode 246, featuring Bethany Jantzi. Bethany did her thesis on coercive control, and today she shows us how these books use methods like: diminishing/devaluing personhood; undermining autonomy; creating psychological dependency; using a fear-based system ...

Transcribed - Published: 15 August 2024

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace sells like hotcakes in biblical counseling/ fundamentalist/ homeschooling circles, and even though it seems like a “fringe” book, it’s affecting tens of thousands of women. Today Marissa Burt and Tia Levings and I sit down to talk about the problems with this book that tells women they must obey their husbands and submit—no matter what.Our Sponsor:It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in the story! The Kingdom Girls Bible from Zonderkidz--with profil...

Transcribed - Published: 8 August 2024

She went to a flagship SBC church. She wasn’t supposed to get sucked into fundamentalism. But Tia ended up being stuck in an abusive marriage, trying to fix things by following advice from Gothard and more. It made her sick. It made her hopeless. But finally she realized, no one else is going to rescue us. I have to do this for me and the kids. And she did. Her story is riveting, touching, and relevant. Listen to a Well-Trained Wife!Our Sponsor:It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in...

Transcribed - Published: 1 August 2024

She went to a flagship SBC church. She wasn’t supposed to get sucked into fundamentalism. But Tia ended up being stuck in an abusive marriage, trying to fix things by following advice from Gothard and more. It made her sick. It made her hopeless. But finally she realized, no one else is going to rescue us. I have to do this for me and the kids. And she did. Her story is riveting, touching, and relevant. Listen to a Well-Trained Wife!Our Sponsor:(Put the Kingdom Girl’s Bible in from last week,...

Transcribed - Published: 31 July 2024

The evangelical church spends a lot of time giving modesty messages to girls. But we hardly ever talk about vanity--even though the Bible condemns it. Could it be that in all our talk about modesty, we're inadvertently promoting vanity? And perhaps we can't call out vanity, because our messages to boys essentially enable vanity. Join Rebecca and Sheila as we hash this one out!With thanks to our sponsor:If church was your place of deepest hurt, can you find peace and healing with Christ? Check...

Transcribed - Published: 25 July 2024