Most relationships start with a spark, a strong desire for sexual connection with the other. But as the years pass by the spark often fizzles, and our partners can start to feel like coworkers as our focus shifts to managing schedules, balancing budgets, and keeping up with the kids. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins host EmyLee McIntyre of the Limitless Female podcast to discuss how we can keep the spark in our marriages ALIVE amidst the responsibilities and drudgery of adulthood, and how sexuality doesn't just belong in the margins of our lives, but can be woven into the day to day in the way we connect with and relate to ourselves and our partner. This episode isn't just about getting the spark back, it's about transforming how you see and experience intimacy in your marriage. Listen to learn more about: - Intimacy beyond intercourse - The impact of anxiety / depression (including medication) on desire  - Agency and choice in sexuality - "Fighting Fair" in marriage - Prioritizing partnership In the episode, EmyLee mentions how much she loves the Room for Two podcast. You can learn more about the podcast HERE. **Join us in St. George for the Strengthening Your Relationship couples' retreat! Learn more HERE!**
Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2025
Despite their reactions to our attempts to discuss it, our children are looking to us to help them make sense of their sexuality. And while the prospect of talking to kids about sex can feel daunting, these conversations—no matter how imperfect—make it clear to our children that we care about them, are invested in their wellbeing, and can handle discussing difficult topics with them. During this 2024 Restore presentation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife shares valuable insights on how parents can foster an ongoing, healthy, and honest dialogue with their children about sex and how doing so will empower them to make informed, confident, and integrity-driven choices around sexuality. For a deeper exploration on these topics, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's recently updated How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex course! **Through 1/31/25 you can SAVE $200 on The Art of Desire Retreat w/code EARLYBIRD**
Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2025
Last chance to join us for the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Webinar - Click HERE for details! Many of us received messages about our bodies, modesty, and sexuality that were driven by fear and the idea that our sexual impulses are stronger than we are. For many of us, those fear-based messages made it difficult to feel at peace with our bodies and our sexual nature. If we want to teach about these important topics in a healthier way, it's imperative to focus on the good -- that our bodies and sexuality are God-given and an important part of who we are. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the hosts of Saints Unscripted for an important discussion about modesty. They talk about the impact that cultural misunderstandings about modesty have had and how we can rethink what it means to be modest. They also discuss how we can teach our children about modesty in a way that is less about restrictions and guidelines and more about protecting and valuing the incredible gift of their sexuality. **Join us for the Strengthening Your Relationship Retreat!**
Transcribed - Published: 14 January 2025
**Learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Intimate Deception mini-course HERE** Navigating the aftermath of a disclosure or discovery of intimate deception (including emotional or physical infidelity, pornography use, financial deception, etc.) is a painful and complicated process. In this Q&A session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife addresses audience questions about emotional and sexual infidelity and gives guidance on what is required for couples to rebuild trust and connection after there has been a breach of trust in the marriage.
Transcribed - Published: 8 January 2025
**Join us for the Strengthening Your Relationship Retreat!** One of our most challenging tasks as parents is to keep track of what our responsibilities are as our children grow. Stepping back as they mature and allowing them the space to sort out their own lives and path can be incredibly difficult, especially if you are concerned that their choices will have a negative impact on their well-being. In our fear and worry for them, it can be easy to mistake manipulation with love. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tina Gosney of the "Coaching Your Family Relationships" podcast to discuss some of the challenges that parents face when their child steps away from family faith traditions and how parents can best support and love their children, even when their worldviews diverge.
Transcribed - Published: 1 January 2025
In this special Christmas edition Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions from her audience about difficult family dynamics, communication difficulties, and other relational difficulties that tend to come to the fore during the holidays. THIS WEEKEND ONLY you can enter to win a FREE Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Webinar ticket (a $595 value!) by purchasing any full-length online course (all 20% off for Christmas!)! The lucky winner will be notified on December 23rd. And don't forget--Room for Two is on sale THIS WEEKEND ONLY with code Jolly. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Transcribed - Published: 21 December 2024
**CHRISTMAS SALE | LAST DAY FOR FREE EXPEDITED SHIPPING!** When you’ve been betrayed, it can be instinctive to distance yourself from sexuality altogether. But what we need most in the aftermath of betrayal is deeper strength within ourselves, and this internal strength is developed by coming to peace with ourselves, including our bodies and our sexual nature. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Ashlyn Mitchell of the This Is Ashlynn podcast to discuss the obstacles and anxieties that many women face as they move forward in the aftermath of betrayal and what resources are available to them as they do the difficult work of understanding and reclaiming their relationship to themselves and their sexuality. You can watch the recording of this episode HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 18 December 2024
**Join us for the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Webinar -- click HERE for ticket information** During this Q&A Discussion, Dr. Jennifer addresses questions from her audience about various issues related to low sexual desire (particularly in men). She highlights the importance of understanding the biological, psychological, and relational factors that impact sexual desire and offers input on how couples can address their sexual anxieties and improve their sexual dynamic. If you would like to learn more about how to address the difficulties in your sexual relationship, consider enrolling in the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course or joining us for the upcoming Enhancing Sexual Intimacy webinar. You can watch the recording of this discussion HERE.
Transcribed - Published: 11 December 2024
The ability to self-author is a crucial developmental milestone—one that many adults struggle to achieve. To self-author is to develop an inner moral compass. It is to develop the self-trust that can guide us in making principled, honest choices in the face of life’s challenges without dependency on others to tell us who to be or what is true. The ability to self-author is important in being able to create solid, close relationships.  And because it matters for our happiness, it is especially important for parents to foster this ability in their teenagers. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Christi Davis [host of the “Liking the People You Love” podcast] to explore how parents can support teens through their turbulent transition into adulthood. They discuss how parents can create thoughtful, value-based guidelines around sexuality—particularly on topics like modesty and masturbation—that prioritize the child’s well-being. And how parents can foster their teen’s ability to make self-directed decisions driven by their highest values rather than fear, shame, or conformity.
Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2024
Our bodies are incredibly wise. Our limbic system in particular is very effective at keeping us safe from immediate danger. But while this protective mechanism serves an important purpose, it can also create lasting challenges when it remains vigilant and intrusive long after the real danger has passed. For those who have experienced sexual trauma, a common and intuitive response is to distance ourselves from sexuality or even shut it down entirely to protect against further harm. While this reaction is understandable, it can create a deep disconnection from a core part of who we are. This disconnection not only disrupts our sense of peace and ease in our own bodies, it can also impact our capacity for intimacy–both emotional and sexual. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers audience questions about the impact of sexual trauma on relationships and well-being. She explores the body’s self-protective response, the impact on our sense of self, and how those who have experienced trauma can move toward healing. Resources mentioned in the episode: "Living at the Bottom of the Ocean" [Dr. Schnarch's final manuscript] * The Body Keeps the Score * Brain Talk * Subscribe to Room for Two! *Dr. Finlayson-Fife earns a small commission when products are purchased through these linksÂ
Transcribed - Published: 20 November 2024
**Join us on Friday, November 15th at 11 AM MT for a FREE Facebook Live on Sexuality After Trauma | Click HERE to Reserve Your Spot!** In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jen Banks and Sarah Ziroll of The Best Birth Podcast to discuss the impact that pregnancy and postpartum can have on sexual desire and intimacy. This period of intense emotional and physical transition can often be challenging, but Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches how with self-regulation, compassion, and understanding couples can actually use this period as an opportunity to grow closer together. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * The importance of self-compassion * What resentment is trying to teach us * Body image during pregnancy You can watch the recording of this conversation on our YouTube channel HERE.
Transcribed - Published: 13 November 2024
When you or your loved ones' relationship to faith shifts, it can feel as though the world is collapsing beneath you. Because, in a very real sense, it is. When we are early in our development (which most of us are) our primary concern is feeling a sense of safety and then belonging in our social groups. So when our thinking no longer aligns with our faith community (or family, or spouse), it pushes on the very question of who we are and whether or not we still belong in our group. These are uncomfortable questions but ones that are fundamental to our moral and spiritual growth. When we are courageous enough to sort out our own relationship with faith and God we can forge a better internal compass and a deeper relationship to our own integrity. It is in our willingness to live honestly, even when we risk disappointing others, that we can develop a faith robust enough to withstand the complexities of living and loving in an imperfect world. During this hopeful discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife addressed questions from her audience about faith development, how to find peace when our thinking doesn't align with our group, and how our understanding of faith and relationship to spirituality can change over the course of a lifetime. You can watch the recording of this discussion HERE.
Transcribed - Published: 6 November 2024
Save $100 on The Art of Loving Retreat! This week, we are rereleasing one of our most popular episodes of all time! In the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Steve and James of the Unashamed Unafraid Podcast for a deep dive into the complexities of relationships, particularly those in which there has been dishonesty or infidelity in the past. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Dishonesty in marriage * Rebuilding trust after betrayal * Understanding compulsive sexual behavior * Honesty and accountability in relationships * Male sexuality * The problem with perfectionism
Transcribed - Published: 24 October 2024
**Join us for our 2024 Couples' Retreat! Save $200 with code JFF!** Dr. Finlayson-Fife was invited by Mormon Women for Ethical Government (MWEG)Â to speak on how we can maintain hope and foster healthy relationships during a time of deep political polarization. In the presentation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how we can bridge divides with those who think differently by showing genuine care, listening with humility, and seeking to understand others' experiences, using their perspectives to broaden our own. Dr. Finlayson-Fife emphasizes that, while we cannot make people think the way we think, we CAN care about each other despite our differences. This connection not only expands our own understanding, but strengthens our ability to work to solve our shared challenges, which is key to thriving in our families, communities, and society
Transcribed - Published: 17 October 2024
**Save $100 on any of our upcoming 2024 events with code LIVE** When we get married, most of us imagine a life full of connection and companionship. But when you feel overlooked, unchosen, or disappointed by how your spouse shows up emotionally or sexually, marriage can start to feel lonely and isolating. In this hour-long Q&A session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers questions from those feeling unchosen, isolated, and disconnected in their most important relationship. Listen in as Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers the following: * Is loneliness a normal part of marriage? * What are reasonable expectations for emotional connection with a spouse? * How can I create more connection when my spouse doesn’t make any efforts? * Can an "okay" marriage ever become a passionate one? * What can I do if I feel unseen, unliked, unappreciated, and unchosen in my marriage? You can watch the recording of this Q&A session HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2024
**JOIN US FOR OUR 2024 COUPLES' RETREAT!** Too often, we enter marriage with expectations of what it will provide for us, without fully understanding the promise we are actually making—to love someone who is dramatically different from us. When we first fall in love, this seems easy enough, but as we face the difficulties that come when two individuals start the real work of creating a life together, resentment, anger, and even hostility can creep in. In this NEW episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On! podcast to answer the question of what it means to really cherish a spouse. Dr. Finlayson-Fife's answer leads to a beautiful discussion on the importance of gratitude, what love is and what it is not, and the impact that deliberate cherishing has in our lives and in our relationships. The episode offers practical advice on how to live in gratitude, be more present in relationships, and navigate conflicts with integrity and love. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: The difference between needing, wanting, and cherishing a spouse How marriage reveals our own immaturities Why cherishing requires courage How to move beyond feelings of resentment and entitlement What it means to actively choose your partnerÂ
Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2024
In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rachel Nielsen of the 3 in 30 podcast to discuss three actionable takeaways to help couples become better partners and strengthen their marriages. The discussion covers the important role of self-confrontation in happy relationships, the importance of staying kind and constructive when facing disappointments and differences, and the vital role that sexuality plays in a marital partnership. Whether you’re struggling in your relationship or simply looking to deepen your connection with your partner, this episode offers valuable perspectives that, when applied, will make a meaningful impact on the way you show up in your marriage. This powerful conversation just skims the surface on how couples can create a more honest and loving relationship, for a deeper dive, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Strengthening Your Relationship course. Or, better yet, join us for our upcoming couples' retreat!Â
Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2024
**Straddling / Indecision is one of the new losing strategies introduced in the 2024 Strengthening Your Relationship course update! Learn more HERE!** When the path ahead is uncertain, taking a step forward can feel daunting. So much so that in the face of a difficult choice, many of us become paralyzed with indecision. We delude ourselves into thinking that with more time or with more information we will make the “right” decision. The one that won’t be painful. The one that won’t lead to regret. While gathering information is an important part of the decision making process, refusing to choose is, paradoxically a choice, and one that is driven by fear, not courage. In this powerful Q&A session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions from her audience about indecision / straddling. The discussion that followed was a beautiful exploration of vulnerability, fear, finitude, and the importance of claiming our choices in life and in marriage.
Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2024
We've got a lot of incredible events on the calendar, click HERE to learn more (and SAVE $200 on the Art of Desire Retreat w/code DESIRE)! In this episode (originally published in 2022), Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kattie Mount to discuss the different types of events she offers, and why these events can be so transformative, even for those who have already taken the online courses. If you've been curious about what it is like to attend one of Dr. Jennifer's in-person events, you don't want to miss this episode of Marriage on a Tightrope! Listen to learn more about: * Why in-person events are such a powerful way to learn the principles taught by Dr. Finlayson-Fife * What you can expect if you attend an in-person retreat alone or with your spouse * If retreats are appropriate for post-Mormons and couples in mixed-faith marriages * A breakdown of the material covered during each of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's upcoming retreats * The stages of sexual development (and why sex gets better with age!)
Transcribed - Published: 3 September 2024
LABOR DAY SALE - ALL COURSES B1G150% OFF The all encompassing nature of motherhood makes it difficult for many women to stay connected to their identity outside of that role. But when we lose touch with ourselves and our individual desires, we disconnect from an important source of internal strength, one that can sustain us throughout even the most difficult periods of motherhood. In this NEW episode of Moving Thru Momlife, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins host Lindsey Taylor to discuss how women can stay connected to their bodies, desires, and sexuality throughout every age and stage of motherhood and how maintaining this important connection will provide them with a much-needed source of strength. If you enjoyed this episode, you would LOVE Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Desire Retreat -- we still have a few tickets left! Click HERE for more information.
Transcribed - Published: 28 August 2024
Despite their reactions to our attempts to discuss it, our children are looking to us to help them make sense of their sexuality.  And while the prospect of talking to kids about sex can feel daunting, these conversations—no matter how imperfect—make it clear to our children that we care about them, are invested in their wellbeing, and can handle discussing difficult topics with them. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Andee Martineau of the Connect Method Parenting Podcast to share valuable insights on how parents can foster an ongoing, healthy, and honest dialogue with their children about sex and how doing so will empower them to make informed, confident, and integrity-driven choices around sexuality. For a deeper exploration on these topics, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's recently updated How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex course!  Dr. Finlayson-Fife will also be discussing this topic at the upcoming Restore Conference-- CLICK HERE and use code RESTORE20 to save!
Transcribed - Published: 20 August 2024
**JOIN US for the 2024 Art of Desire Retreat!** You can’t change what you can’t see. And Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s Art of Desire course was created to help women SEE and understand the cultural messaging that has shaped their relationships to themselves, their sexuality, and to God in both positive and negative ways. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kattie Mount of the Marriage on a Tightrope Podcast to discuss the upcoming Safely Gathered Retreat, where she will be addressing some of the limiting messages that many women have received and offering a new and expansive perspective, one that invites them to create a stronger, more sustaining relationship with themselves, their desires, and their sexuality. **Join us for a FULL DAY of learning from Dr. Finlayson-Fife on September 5th at the Safely Gathered Retreat -- Get your ticket HERE and save $10 with code JFF10!**
Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2024
**JOIN US for the 2024 Art of Desire Retreat!** You can’t change what you can’t see. And Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s Art of Desire course was created to help women SEE and understand the cultural messaging that has shaped their relationships to themselves, their sexuality, and to God in both positive and negative ways. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kattie Mount of the Marriage on a Tightrope Podcast to discuss the upcoming Safely Gathered Retreat, where she will be addressing some of the limiting messages that many women have received and offering a new and expansive perspective, one that invites them to create a stronger, more sustaining relationship with themselves, their desires, and their sexuality. **Join us for a FULL DAY of learning from Dr. Finlayson-Fife on September 5th at the Safely Gathered Retreat -- Get your ticket HERE and save $10 with code JFF10!**
Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2024
Join us for Restore 2024! Get your Ticket HERE. [Save 20% with code: RESTORE20] _____________ Last year, Dr. Finlayson-Fife gave an unforgettable presentation on Eros and the Light of Christ. Today we are releasing that presentation in podcast form for all to enjoy! During the presentation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife explores the connection between spirituality and sexuality, and explains how eros energy (the root of romantic love) invites us to transcend ourselves and grow in our spiritual and relational capacity, even in the face of disappointment and uncertainty. Toward the end of the podcast episode, you will hear the audio of a short film about Geniel Fife (Jennifer's mother), you can watch the full film HERE. We hope to see you this year at Restore!
Transcribed - Published: 30 July 2024
Want to hear the FULL episode? Subscribe to Room for Two! _____ After twenty years in a difficult marriage, Jack asked Diane for a divorce. Diane felt conflicted in response. Part of her was devastated. She had committed to Jack and took that commitment seriously. Never a quitter, she had been determined to stay the course in their marriage, despite the difficulty. But part of her also felt relief at the idea. Their marriage had been an exhausting one, and the thought of stepping away from a decades-long struggle was liberating. After the initial disorganization of the request, Diane settled herself and realized that, even if the marriage ended, her life would go on. She would be okay. But, as empowering as this realization was, it was in facing the real possibility of losing the marriage that she recognized just how much she actually wanted to CHOOSE the marriage. To choose Jack. As difficult as their relationship had been, Diane was waking up to just how much she wanted to work out a life WITH Jack. With renewed commitment, Jack and Diane have been making progress in recent months. Jack has been more open and honest, and Diane has been working to untangle her thoughts from Jack's and to clarify her own desires. Both Jack and Diane want a better sexual relationship, but Diane worries that their differing definitions of "better" might be a dealbreaker for Jack. In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Jack and Diane explore and better understand their sexual dynamic. They discuss Diane’s initial excitement about sex, how their honeymoon’s brief difficulties fractured her perception of her sexual self, and how her initial self criticism has continued to impact their sexual dynamic. Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps Diane see that despite her recent growth, her continued focus on pleasing Jack is standing in the way of her actually loving him. Dr. Finlayson-Fife teaches that the key to moving forward is for Diane to decide who she wants to be in her life and marriage, independent of the expectations of others.Â
Transcribed - Published: 27 July 2024
Learning that your spouse has been keeping important truths from you is extraordinarily disruptive. It can be difficult for couples to know how to navigate forward in the aftermath of a disclosure or discovery of this type of deception, but Dr. Finlayson-Fife has stabilizing resources available to help. During this Q&A session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife addressed questions from her audience on the topic of intimate deception (including emotional or physical infidelity, pornography use, financial deception, etc.). If you are interested in learning more about this topic, consider purchasing Dr. Finlayson-Fife's newest mini-course Understanding Intimate Deception.
Transcribed - Published: 16 July 2024
**JOIN Dr. Finlayson-Fife at the 2024 Restore Conference -- Get Your Ticket HERE!** We are all pretty open books, whether or not we want to be. Those around us, including our children, have an incredible ability to map our minds. They “track” our actions, body language, facial expressions, and tone to understand our emotions, beliefs, and values, including our investment in them. In fact, the majority of our communication happens at this non-verbal level. What we say matters, of course, but the meaning of what we are saying comes from far more than just the words we speak. In this new episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Heidi Benjaminson of the Confidence Coaching podcast to discuss mind mapping in parent-child relationships. They explore what our kids are mapping about us, how these mapped messages influence their perceptions and behaviors, and what we can do if course correction is needed.
Transcribed - Published: 25 June 2024
**FATHER'S DAY SALE! | Save 20% on The Art of Loving** In celebration of Father's Day, we are re-releasing this popular episode from the archive! During this Q&A discussion, Dr. Jennifer discusses the complexities of men's sexuality, particularly within the context of LDS cultural dynamics. The discussion, driven by questions submitted by our Facebook Group members, highlights the pressures and expectations men face, the importance of seeing men's sexuality as a positive force rather than a problematic one, and how couples can create real intimacy in their marriages. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Masculine and Feminine Energies * Sexuality and Morality * Intimacy in Marriage * Challenges in Emotional Connection * Navigating Sexual Desire Discrepancies * The Impact of Pornography on Relationships *Self-Respect and Intimacy If you found this podcast episode helpful, you would LOVE taking Dr. Finlayson-Fife's The Art of Loving course for men! In this course, Dr. Finlayson-Fife will be unpacking the damaging messages our culture has offered to men about masculinity and sexuality and then discussing how men can move forward and create a healthier relationship with themselves, a more balanced relationship with their sexuality, and a more fulfilling sexual connection with their spouse. You can learn more about this course HERE. To participate in future Q&A sessions, join our Facebook Group HERE. Want to come and learn The Art of Loving in person? Join us in St. George this fall! Click HERE for information.
Transcribed - Published: 14 June 2024
 In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from her Facebook Group members on the nuanced and delicate topic of loss of attraction in marriage. In the discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how habituation, boredom, and resentment can undermine attraction, and how gratitude, appreciation, and novelty can foster it. She also expertly responds to questions like: * What can I do if I was never attracted to my spouse? * My spouse has developed self-destructive habits that are impacting my attraction, how can I address this? * I am disappointed by certain aspects of my spouse's appearance, what can I do? * I am physically attracted to my spouse, but their personality is unappealing, what can I do? * My spouse is apathetic about their health / hygeine, how can I address this? * Can I rekindle the attraction for my spouse that I once had? You can watch the recording of this conversation HERE!
Transcribed - Published: 11 June 2024
In this conversation, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Julie Hanks to discuss her dissertation research, the ways that church culture has shaped women's sexuality, and how women can create a healthier relationship with desire, embodiment, and sexuality (no matter what stage of life they are in). Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * The importance of agency and self-definition in sexual relationships * Characteristics of fulfilling sexual relationships * Balancing personal desires with cultural expectations *The relationship between agency and desire * Encouraging self-definition in our children * The effects of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality If you would like to learn more about these topics, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Desire course for women! You can watch the video of this conversation HERE.
Transcribed - Published: 4 June 2024
It’s tempting for us to use our children’s successes or failures to measure OUR success as parents. But tangling ourselves up with our children this way is not only a recipe for disappointment and frustration (on both sides), it also stands in the way of REALLY loving and accepting our children for who they are. The sooner we recognize how little control we actually have over our children, the sooner we can let go of the fantasy that they prove or disprove our sufficiency (and the sooner we can get to work ACTUALLY loving them). To love our children is to see and value them for the unique individuals they are and offer our best to them. As humbling and refining of a practice parenting is, it is even more so for those who face the unique challenges and gifts of raising a child with special needs. In this NEW episode of Navigating the Spectrum, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Michelle Portlock to discuss her personal experience with parenting a neurodivergent child. The discussion covers the importance of compassion (for yourself, your spouse, your child, and your circumstances), and thoughts about how parents can work together to reduce anxiety / stress, improve communication, and foster a nurturing, supportive relationship with each other and their child(ren). **You can learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk To Your Kids About Sex Course HERE**
Transcribed - Published: 21 May 2024
In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Finlayson-Fife uses questions from her Facebook Group members to drive an important discussion about emotional infidelity. During the conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife explains why emotional affairs are so compelling, the impact they have on relationships, and how those who have experienced emotional infidelity can navigate forward wisely. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Â * Intimacy Avoidance * Self-Deception * Intimacy vs Closeness * Important considerations post-disclosure * Trust vs Trustworthiness If you are interested in learning more about this topic, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's newest mini-course Understanding Intimate Deception.
Transcribed - Published: 14 May 2024
Meaningful connection with others is what gives us an important network of support and sustenance throughout our lives; however, creating and maintaining this type of connection isn't always easy. And these days it is easier than ever to avoid the work of connection by distracting ourselves with screens. Access to the entire world in the palms of our hands has tremendous benefits, of course, but all too often we use technology as a way to escape our lives and relationships. As nice as it sounds to not face difficult realities head-on, when we avoid, we limit our growth and ability to connect with others. It’s very challenging to find the middle ground—to use technology to enrich and expand our lives, but to not be indulgent with it. And, as difficult as it is to manage this balance for ourselves, it is even more challenging to help our teens achieve a balanced, informed, and beneficial relationship with screens. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses with Crystal (@theparenting coach) how parents can help their children navigate the complicated online world. She discusses the key to empowering teens to make wise decisions lies in facilitating our children’s self-authoring – of thinking about the lives they want to create and assessing whether their actions are in line with the person they hope to become. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * The impact of pornography, social media, and screen use on the developing brain, relationships, and self-esteem * The importance of normalizing sexual development (especially the draw of sexual imagery) *  Tools for creating and maintaining healthy screen habits (for teens and parents!) * How parental coddling limits development * Tips for approaching difficult conversations without fear and shame. * Discussing healthy sexuality with teens  in a shame-free and productive way For a deeper dive on this topic on self-authoring and healthy sexuality, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex Course! This powerful course helps parents know how to foster their child’s ability to self-author throughout every age and stage of development!
Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2024
Making mistakes is a fundamental part of human development. Many of us were taught that if we followed the rules we could avoid the pain and frustration of making mistakes. And while it is true that leaning on the wisdom of others and making wise decisions can prevent suffering, none of us are exempt from the mistake-making process. Because making mistakes isn’t an aberration from the plan, it is a process that is foundational to it. Mistakes, by design, are how we learn. As with all growth, mistake-making is an uncomfortable process. When our choices result in pain and suffering for ourselves or others, we can use the experience to learn and increase our wisdom or we can stay stuck in unproductive regret or simmering resentment. In this powerful discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife teases out the difference between regret, resentment, and remorse and offers clarity on what these unpleasant emotions can teach us about ourselves and the way we are showing up in our lives and relationships. You can watch the recording of conversation HERE. You can learn more about Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife's couples' coaching podcast, HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 9 April 2024
**Learn more about Dr. Jennifer's How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex Course HERE** When we need the validation of our spouse, we severely limit our ability to be collaborative partners and parents. Growth and collaboration require a willingness to set our egos aside enough to consider differing perspectives and uncomfortable truths about ourselves. When our ego runs the show, we care more about proving we are right than working together to find a shared solution. In this NEW conversation with Crystal of The Parenting Coach Podcast, Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how we can create healthier, more collaborative partnerships even when our partner is not invested in creating positive change. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Resentment and what it can teach us * The power of gratitude * Navigating disagreements with wisdom and maturity *The problem with validation seeking * Improving relationships unilaterally * How to talk to children about sexuality / pornography You can learn more about Crystal HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 2 April 2024
TJ and Ashley’s story is a familiar one for many. Their marriage started out happily enough. They were young college students and enjoyed each other a lot during their first few years together. But things changed when TJ started graduate school during an economic downturn. TJ felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about his financial future, given the dim prospects for most students at the time. Competition was fierce and in TJ’s determination to ensure his family’s economic stability, he dedicated himself to his studies, leaving little time or emotional bandwidth for anything else, including Ashley. This period of limited connection was difficult for Ashley, and it persisted long after graduate school and into TJ’s high-demand career. While disappointed at first, eventually Ashley shifted her focus away from the marriage and created a comfortable, happy, and fulfilling life as a friend and mother. To the outsider, TJ and Ashley’s relationship may look idyllic–TJ excelling professionally, Ashley busily involved with friends and her community, both invested and caring parents– but their marriage is much more brittle than meets the eye. Resentment and hostility have been simmering under the surface for more than a decade with TJ feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged for the sacrifices he has made to provide for his family and Ashley feeling neglected and unnoticed (except when TJ is wanting sexual attention). In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps the couple think through the long term trajectory of their marriage and how they are undermining their current and future happiness by functioning in such a non-collaborative way. She helps Ashley see the rejection that permeates her interactions with TJ and teaches that the path forward is to stop walling and avoiding and to start looking honestly at herself, her real desires for the relationship, and her role in the lack of intimacy in the marriage. Be sure to subscribe to Room for Two TODAY to listen to the full episode!Â
Transcribed - Published: 20 March 2024
The process of developing our psychological muscles isn’t all that different from the process of developing our physical muscles. Both are difficult. Both involve discomfort. Both require time, persistence, and patience. And both are easiest when we have a motivation that propels us through the discomfort. Fear, self-hatred, and compliance with external expectations are poor motivators. Living according to our higher selves and striving to embody what we value are much stronger motivators! Our ability to grow, develop, and live in line with our higher selves hinges upon our willingness to look truthfully at ourselves and our circumstances, and make choices from a deeper internal authority. In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Amber Brueseke of Biceps After Babies Radio to discuss the important role that self-honesty and self-definition play in our relationship to our bodies as well as in our emotional, spiritual, and relational development.Â
Transcribed - Published: 12 March 2024
In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from her audience about desire dynamics and the unique challenges faced by both the higher-desire spouse and the lower-desire spouse. In the discussion Dr. Finlayson-Fife discusses how couples can work together to create a more collaborative dynamic and what to do if only one spouse is interested in addressing the desire discrepancy. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Difficult Conversations * Dealing with Disappointment * Accommodation vs Choosing * Power Struggles in Marriage * The Pursuer / Distancer dynamic * Addressing conflict with honesty and compassion If you would like to learn more about this topic, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!
Transcribed - Published: 5 March 2024
It has been said that our brains are our most important sexual organs and, it's true--the meanings that are playing out in our minds either consciously or under the surface have a big impact on our sexual experiences. Meanings that expand our sense of self and make us feel alive (like freedom and choice) increase our desire, while meanings that constrict us (like obligation and shame) shut down our desire and kill any chance of us having a passionate, fulfilling experience. Recently, I joined Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast to discuss the meanings that keep many of us from fully experiencing the joy of our sexuality and what we can do to shift these common, but problematic meaning frames and create something better. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Reconciling spirituality and sexuality * The importance of freedom and choice * Problematic meaning frames * The art of surrender / receiving For a deeper dive on working through problematic meanings around sexuality, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!
Transcribed - Published: 13 February 2024
Choosing to love with your whole heart means accepting the risk of disappointment, loss, and grief. These difficult realities come in many forms throughout a lifetime—unmet expectations, unfulfilled hopes and dreams, shifts in belief, broken promises, illness, and ultimately, death. Facing acute loss is a harrowing and sobering experience, in part because it wakes us up to just how little control we have over our circumstances. But being compassionate towards ourselves in the process and finding the courage to keep moving forward, even when the path is riddled with uncertainty and vulnerability, is a beautiful form of faith. When we take the disappointment and loss that life hands us and use our difficult experiences to become kinder, more compassionate people, we increase our ability to deeply cherish the good around us, and we increase our capacity for joy. This NEW episode is the audio from a Q&A session that Dr. Finlayson-Fife hosted on the topic of loss and grief. During the conversation, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions about all different types of losses including miscarriage, death, broken promises, and frustrated expectations. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Intimacy after loss * Mixed-faith marriages * Intimacy after miscarriage * Finding the courage to reinvest in life after loss You can watch the full recording of this Q&A session HERE. You can learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's new mini-courses HERE. Â
Transcribed - Published: 1 February 2024
We have a cultural stereotype about masculinity that can often make us blind to the challenges and self-doubt that many men grapple with in regards to their sexuality. While men and women may express their anxieties about sexuality differently, the truth is that men have just as difficult of a time coming to peace with their sexuality as women do. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast for a discussion on masculinity and how our cultural messaging has impacted men’s ability to accept themselves as sexual beings. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Sexual shame * Performance anxiety * Desire discrepancies * Masturbation and Pornography * Erectile dysfunction * Being tolerated vs. being received sexually * Creating more intimate relationships If you found this episode helpful and want to learn more, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Art of Loving course for men!Â
Transcribed - Published: 16 January 2024
Conflict is a natural outgrowth of two people trying to forge a life together and it presents a remarkable opportunity for growth if we allow it. When we disagree with our spouse, we often go to behaviors that lead to hurt and frustration rather than making a concerted effort to engage often counter-intuitive, but more productive and collaborative responses. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins relationship coach Anne Nelson to discuss how relationships can grow and flourish, even in the face of conflict and difference. Listen to the episode to learn more about: * The losing strategies we instinctively use in our relationships * The growth opportunity provided through conflict in marriage * How to handle differences with greater maturity and wisdom This interview is also available on our YouTube channel HERE. Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Strengthening Your Relationship teaches strategies for growing into deeper integrity, deeper honesty, and deeper courage in your life and relationship. The principles in the course will help you address conflict more constructively and show you how to create a marriage where two people can thrive both together and independently. You can learn more about this marriage-revolutionizing course HERE.
Transcribed - Published: 9 January 2024
Feeling united in marriage is a big deal, and when your worldview has too little overlap with your spouse’s, it can create a sense of loneliness and even despair. The temptation in this scenario is to try to convince your spouse to see things the “right” way (i.e., your way!). But, when we do this, we set ourselves up for a lifelong power struggle and a relationship unlikely to find common ground.  On the other hand, earnestly seeking to understand your spouse’s point of view–how they see the world and why it makes sense to them–is an essential practice. Rather than demand validation of your own beliefs, seeking first to genuinely understand is a powerful skill.  It opens both partners up to deeper understanding of each other and even if there isn’t “agreement” there is at a minimum more ability to work more collaboratively with differing views. I recently joined Elisa Fucci of the Elisa Fucci Show to discuss how couples can navigate their differences with wisdom and maturity, and how doing so can lead to not only finding common ground in a mixed-faith marriage, but finding higher ground. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Creating a collaborative marriage * Losing strategies and how they keep us stuck in frustrating dynamics * The gift of dual perspectives * Staying connected during disagreements * Parenting in a mixed-faith family
Transcribed - Published: 2 January 2024
🌲**Don't Miss Our CHRISTMAS SALE--Save 20% (OR MORE) on ALL of Dr. Finlayson-Fife's full-length online courses!**🌲 Several weeks ago, Dr. Finlayson-Fife invited Thomas McConkie to join her and Room for Two annual subscribers for an interactive discussion about embodiment, vulnerability, and the power of mindfulness. This week, we are publishing the recording of this rich and meaningful conversation for ALL to enjoy. Thomas McConkie is an author, developmental researcher, and mindfulness teacher. He is the founder of the Lower Lights School of Wisdom, a supportive and vibrant community focused on adult development and healing divisions through bridging religious/secular divides. Thomas has a passion for the world's Wisdom traditions, was raised as a Latter-day Saint, and has a deep Christian faith infused with nearly 25 years of Buddhist practice. Thomas's newly released book, At-ONE-Ment, offers a beautiful exploration of ancient and modern approaches to awakening the mind, purifying the heart, and healing the body. You can learn more about Thomas and his work by clicking HERE. If you would like to take part in future live discussions like this one, subscribe to Room for Two today!Â
Transcribed - Published: 19 December 2023
**We have lots of exciting announcements (including 2024 event tickets), read all about them HERE** Egodystonic. Enmeshment. Sense-of-self. Differentiation. These words and the ideas they represent can be unfamiliar and even downright intimidating when you first start listening to Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s podcasts and courses--it can sometimes feel like learning an entirely new language! But, as with learning any new language, the more you immerse yourself by listening and learning, the more clear these transformative concepts will become. In this NEW podcast episode, Sherrae Phelps interviews Dr. Finlayson-Fife about her unique approach to coaching and what sets this approach apart from others. Throughout the episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife breaks down many of the phrases and concepts that are central to differentiation theory and her work, and goes on to discuss why these concepts are so powerful and effective for those looking to grow in their capacity to love. Whether you are new to her content or have been here a while, this episode is a helpful listen for anyone who wants a more concrete understanding of differentiation theory and the uncomfortable process of human development and relational change.
Transcribed - Published: 12 December 2023
**Download the Finlayson-Fife App HERE!** As distressing as midlife can feel sometimes, it's a season full of potential. It’s the time when, if all goes well, we start to realize that our attempts to earn our value and prove our lovability to others have been not only been exhausting, but also fruitless. It’s the time when we shift our focus from pleasing others to living in alignment with what we actually believe is best. And as a result, we make greater efforts to live in a way where we can feel at peace with ourselves, our choices, and the impact that our actions have on those around us. When we can see midlife for what it is, a period of soul-stretching and important growth, we will be able to better tolerate the inevitable ups and downs that come along with it. This NEW podcast episode is the recording of a live Q&A that Dr. Finlayson-Fife held for members of her Facebook Community. During the discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions from the group about midlife and how we can navigate these often disillusioning middle years with clarity, wisdom, and hope. This conversation is also available on YouTube, you can watch it HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 21 November 2023
As parents, we are hardwired to focus on our child’s wellbeing. Early on, this inclination serves our children well but, as they grow, if our relationship with them doesn’t evolve to make room for their emerging autonomy, we will keep them from developing the capacities they need to flourish in adulthood and navigate the increasingly complex world around them. As scary as it is to step back and watch as our children take more ownership of their lives and choices, and as hard as it is to watch their inevitable missteps along the way, doing so is fundamental to their growth and development. In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tom Telford, Liza Telford, and Preston Niederhauser, hosts of the BrainSTOKE podcast, to give parents helpful guidance on how they can be loving, wise mentors as their children stumble through the sometimes turbulent transition into adulthood. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: *  Fostering your child’s capacity to self-author *  Fitting in vs belonging *  Establishing guardrails for our kids and knowing when and how to adjust those guardrails *  Overcoming resentment about our own lack of self-authoring
Transcribed - Published: 14 November 2023
**Room for Two HALLOWEEN SALE | Click HERE for $79 subscriptions!** In this special Halloween episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jeff & Cathy of the LILY POD podcast to discuss why intimacy can be so terrifying, how we can overcome these fears, and the benefits that await those who are courageous enough to really care, know, and understand themselves and others. Jeff & Cathy are co-authors of the Amazon best-seller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress, and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Together they founded Love in Later Years (LILY) which serves and supports single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and each hold Bachelors' degrees in Family & Human Development.
Transcribed - Published: 31 October 2023
Last month, Dr. Adam Miller joined Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Room for Two subscribers for an interactive discussion about love and loss. The conversation was simply too incredible to keep contained on the Room for Two podcast, so we are releasing it here today on Conversations with Dr. Jennifer for EVERYONE to enjoy. This beautiful exchange of ideas between Dr. Finlayson-Fife and Dr. Miller will change the way you think about love in the best possible way. Dr. Adam Miller is a professor of philosophy at Collin College in McKinney, Texas. He earned a BA in Comparative Literature from Brigham Young University and an MA and PhD in Philosophy from Villanova University. He is the author of over ten books, including “Letters to a Young Mormon” and “Original Grace”, he serves as the current director of the Mormon Theology seminar. You can learn more about Adam and his work HERE. If you would like to take part in future conversations like this one, consider subscribing to Room for Two! This podcast episode discusses the Zack and Kelly series, found on Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast. You can listen to a portion of the first episode of the series without a subscription HERE.Â
Transcribed - Published: 24 October 2023
Bumping up against the limits of our time, energy, and resources is one of life’s greatest frustrations. As noble as our intentions and aspirations may be, we all are forced to prioritize how we will spend our finite time and resources in the face of limitless demands and opportunities. Recognizing our personal and professional limitations and being deliberate in the choices we make, allows us to bring our best selves to our careers, families, and lives in general. In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Dave and Ashley of the On Call with Dr. Dave podcast to talk through the impact of high-demand careers on relationships and the important role that self-awareness, honest communication, and conscious choosing play in keeping resentment and entitlement at bay. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: Collaboration and partnership Important factors to discuss before pursuing a high-demand career while in a relationship Combating entitlement and resentment Keeping play and eroticism alive in marriage **Click HERE to learn more about Room for Two!**
Transcribed - Published: 10 October 2023
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