Shrink For The Shy Guy

Welcome to today’s powerful episode of the show — where we expose one of the most common, invisible lies holding you back from confidence, boldness, and a fully alive life. What’s the lie? Just five words: “I can’t because I’m scared.” It sounds reasonable — even factual. But what if that story is not only false… it’s also the very thing keeping you stuck? Dr. Aziz dives deep into how this belief quietly controls your behavior, limits your growth, and keeps you from taking even small steps toward what you want — whether in social situations, your career, or your relationships. You’ll discover why fear and ability are not causally linked, and how separating discomfort from impossibility is the first step to reclaiming your freedom. This isn’t about pushing you into the deep end — it’s about compassionate, consistent progress. With the right tools, mindset, and willingness to be temporarily uncomfortable, you can create extraordinary transformation. 🔥 If you're ready to challenge your limits and step into more boldness, this episode is for you. Tune in now and take the brakes off your confidence. -------------------------------- How often do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”? Or perhaps you quietly suppress your own needs, thinking that if you just accommodate others, everything will be fine. If you've ever struggled with this, you're not alone. In this post, we'll explore why it's so difficult to ask for what you want in your relationships and how embracing your true needs can transform your life—socially, professionally, and personally. Why Do We Struggle with Asking for What We Want? We all have wants and needs, but somehow, the act of asking for them can feel overwhelming. Maybe you're afraid of being seen as "too needy," or you worry about pushing others away. This fear often stems from a deep-seated belief that we’re not enough as we are—that our desires aren't worth voicing or that others will reject us if we express them. Take it from my own experience. In my 20s, I struggled with boundaries in romantic relationships. While I could confidently approach women and start dating, once the relationship progressed, I found myself wanting to pull away. I couldn’t figure out why, until I realized that I had a hard time navigating the balance of wanting something and expressing that need openly. In fact, the issue wasn’t my ability to connect or the person I was dating—it was my inability to articulate what I wanted or needed, especially once I was in a more intimate dynamic. The "Nice Person" Trap: How Suppressing Your Needs Hurts You Many of us fall into the “nice person” trap, a pattern where we suppress our desires to keep the peace. This behavior often originates from the belief that we aren’t lovable or worthy of attention just as we are. We may think, If I don’t ask for anything, if I’m flexible and accommodating enough, then maybe they’ll like me and want to be around me. However, this doesn’t lead to healthy relationships. The more you deny your own needs, the more resentful and disconnected you may feel over time. If you're constantly accommodating others and never speaking up for what you truly want, you might end up feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or even disconnected from your own desires. A Simple Question That Will Change Your Relationships: “What Do I Want?” The key to shifting this dynamic is simple: start asking yourself, “What do I want?” This can seem like a small question, but it holds tremendous power. Whether you're deciding what to do with a friend, negotiating in the workplace, or navigating a romantic relationship, giving yourself permission to ask what you want is the first step toward creating healthier, more fulfilling connections. Let’s take a real-life example. My wife was planning a hike with a friend, but at the last minute, her friend couldn’t keep up due to a knee injury. They ended up hanging out instead. When we reflected on it later, my wife realized that while she valued the time with her friend, what she really wanted was to go on a hike. The key here was that my wife was able to reflect on her desires and communicate them clearly, leading to a healthier way of handling future situations. The Action Step: Practicing Healthy Self-Advocacy Now, it’s your turn. Here’s the action step I encourage you to take: Ask yourself what you want in every situation—whether it’s deciding how to spend your Saturday afternoon, navigating a work challenge, or addressing an issue with a partner. It’s not about being selfish or dismissing others; it’s about becoming aware of your own needs and learning how to express them in a healthy, productive way. When you start honoring your desires, your relationships will transform, as will your sense of self-worth. So, the next time you’re in a situation where you feel uncertain or overwhelmed, ask yourself: What do I want? By starting this simple practice, you’ll gradually develop the confidence to express your needs, build healthier connections, and embrace your worth. Embrace Your Worth, Live Authentically The journey to overcoming social anxiety and becoming more assertive in your relationships is not about perfection. It’s about being willing to show up as your authentic self and advocate for your needs with confidence. As you develop this practice, remember: you deserve to be seen, heard, and valued as much as anyone else. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, I invite you to check out my books and resources. Start taking those small steps today—ask yourself, “What do I want?”—and see how it transforms your relationships and your life. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are, and know deep down that you are awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 12 August 2025

Today’s episode is all about you—what you want and need in your life and in your relationships. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a friend, a coworker, or a family member, you are constantly navigating wants, needs, and boundaries. But how do you even know what you want—let alone ask for it without guilt, fear, or discomfort? That’s exactly what we’re going to explore together. If you've ever struggled with people-pleasing, over-accommodating, or avoiding conflict, this episode will be deeply liberating. Dr. Aziz shares personal stories—from relationship challenges to parenting decisions—to reveal how easy it is to lose ourselves in the name of being “nice.” He breaks down the roots of this pattern and teaches you how to reconnect with your desires, give yourself permission to express them, and advocate for what truly matters to you. You’ll also learn the MVP question that changes everything: What do I want? When you start asking this regularly, your confidence, clarity, and sense of freedom will grow. This episode is your invitation to step out of niceness and into a more powerful, authentic version of you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------   Have you ever found yourself bending over backwards in relationships, doing everything for others, and yet feeling like you're not getting what you need? Whether it's with a romantic partner, a friend, or even at work, the challenge of asking for what you want is something we all face. But here's the truth: without skillfully advocating for yourself, you’ll continue to miss out on the connection, respect, and fulfillment you deserve. In this blog post, we’re going to dive into how to understand what you truly want in relationships, why it’s often so hard to ask for it, and how to start changing that dynamic today. What Do You Really Want? In every relationship, there are things you want and things you need. This could be in a romantic relationship, with your family, or in your work life. We all have desires—things we want to feel seen, heard, and valued. But often, due to fear of being “too demanding” or not wanting to burden others, we suppress those needs. So, how do you know the difference between a need and a want? The key is understanding that your desires are just as valid as anyone else’s, and it's okay to ask for what you want. You don’t have to be the “nice person” who always sacrifices their own needs for the sake of others. Your feelings, wants, and needs matter too. The Dangerous "Nice Person" Trap Here’s a powerful insight that comes from my own experience: I used to be a nice guy. I wanted everyone to like me, avoid conflict, and always say "yes" to everyone. In fact, I spent a lot of time in my 20s in romantic relationships where I’d show up full of excitement, but the moment things got more serious, I felt suffocated. I couldn’t figure out why I was pushing people away—until I realized that my fear of setting boundaries was the real culprit. The issue wasn’t that I didn’t like the person I was dating—it was that I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted, or even recognize what I needed in a relationship. I couldn’t express my feelings and desires in a healthy, constructive way. And so, the anxiety about disappointing others, or being rejected, took over. How the "Nice Person" Trap Impacts You This might sound familiar. Maybe you constantly say "yes" when you really want to say "no." You accommodate others, avoid conflict, and overextend yourself, only to end up feeling drained, frustrated, and misunderstood. This behavior stems from the belief that you're "not enough" as you are, and so you strive to be what others want, even at the cost of your own well-being. But here's the truth: You have the right to want things. In fact, wanting and asking for things is the foundation of healthy, balanced relationships. When you deny yourself the ability to express your desires, it leads to resentment, burnout, and confusion. What’s The Solution? It starts with asking yourself a powerful question: What do I want? This simple but profound question will help you reconnect with your true desires. Whether it’s standing up for yourself at work, expressing your needs in a friendship, or asking for more in a romantic relationship, it’s about starting with self-awareness. Here’s a small example from my own life: not too long ago, my wife and I were in a situation where we had to decide how to handle our son’s bedtime routine. He was having trouble sleeping on his own, which meant she was constantly having to lie with him in his bed. Eventually, I had to ask myself, “What do I really want here?” I realized I wanted to spend more time with my wife and not be in a constant state of tension around this issue. So, I expressed my feelings, setting boundaries while also acknowledging her needs. The conversation was challenging but ultimately brought us closer together, and our relationship grew stronger because we were both able to share what we truly wanted. Final Thoughts: Start Asking for What You Want Here’s the liberating truth: It’s okay to want things. And it’s even more important to ask for them. If you’re ready to stop the cycle of people-pleasing and start showing up as your true, authentic self, it begins with claiming your wants and needs as valid and important. Remember, your desires are not burdensome; they are part of your humanity. The more you can ask for what you want, the more confident you’ll feel in your relationships, and the healthier those connections will be. So, start today by asking yourself: What do I want? Keep asking this question throughout the day in different situations. With practice, you’ll start to see how this small shift can create a massive transformation in your relationships. Until next time, have the courage to be who you are and know, on a deep level, that you’re awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 5 August 2025

Do you feel stuck trying to be "nice" all the time? Always avoiding conflict, worrying what others will think, and saying yes when you mean no? In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden cost of people-pleasing—and why it’s one of the most dangerous habits you can have. From parenting to relationships to work decisions, this pattern can quietly lead you into situations that drain your time, money, confidence, and joy. With humor and real-life examples, Dr. Aziz shows how the gentle current of niceness can pull you far off course. You’ll hear stories from his own life—including a recent run-in with a pushy salesman—that bring this dynamic to life in vivid detail. Most importantly, he helps you recognize where this pattern shows up in your world so you can start making new, empowered choices. If you’re ready to stop being the “good boy” or “good girl” and start being you—bold, real, and powerful—this episode is your invitation. Listen now and take the first step toward more confidence, freedom, and self-respect. ---------------------------------------------   Welcome to another episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, where we tackle the challenges of social anxiety, people-pleasing, and self-doubt to help you confidently show up as your true self. Today’s episode is about breaking free from the crippling grip of anxiety—specifically, how the need to control your environment can intensify your feelings of anxiety and hold you back. Why Do We Feel Anxious? Anxiety is an uncomfortable and unsettling feeling, often accompanied by thoughts of worry or fear. It's that nagging voice in your head telling you that something bad is going to happen, causing your body to feel on edge, frantic, or even panicked. Anxiety can show up anywhere—whether it’s in social situations, at work, or in personal relationships. But what if I told you that the key to reducing anxiety isn’t about finding a quick fix or a silver bullet, but about changing how you relate to the anxiety itself? The Need for Control: The Root Cause of Anxiety Here’s the truth: Anxiety often stems from the need to control. When we feel like we need something to happen a certain way—whether it’s for people to like us, to be successful, or to avoid discomfort—we trigger anxiety. We think, "If I don’t control this, something bad will happen." For example, consider the anxiety we feel about sleep. Maybe you're stressed about getting enough rest, but the more you stress about it, the harder it becomes to fall asleep. This is a perfect example of how our need to control a situation causes the anxiety itself. The more we believe that we need to control the outcome, the more anxiety we create. Stand-out Quote: "Anxiety comes from the need to control. The more you try to control something, the more anxiety you create." Shifting Your Relationship with Anxiety So, how do we break free from the grip of anxiety and control? The solution isn’t a magic pill or a one-time fix. It’s about awareness and practice. Acknowledge the need to control: The first step in breaking the cycle is recognizing when you’re trying to control something. Notice how your thoughts tell you, “I need this to go right, or else.” Sit with discomfort: Instead of avoiding discomfort or trying to control it, choose to face it. Anxiety will always be present when we try to control our emotions or outcomes. By allowing yourself to feel the discomfort without attaching a need to control it, you can start to decrease its power over you. Let go of the “or else”: Remind yourself that even if things don’t go as planned, you will be okay. By choosing to stop controlling and embracing uncertainty, you take back your power. The Long-Term Solution: Training Yourself to Think Differently The real liberation from anxiety comes when you train yourself over time to think and act differently. Just like building muscle at the gym, overcoming anxiety takes consistent practice. The more you practice letting go of the need to control, the less anxiety will dictate your actions. It’s not about never feeling anxious again. It’s about learning to respond differently to anxiety when it arises. You can train your nervous system to become more regulated, even in the face of discomfort. The more you practice this, the stronger your sense of confidence becomes. You Have the Power to Change If you’re ready to break the avoidance cycle and take control of your anxiety, the first step is acknowledging the need to control and learning how to let go. This may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember—you don’t have to do this alone. You can train yourself over time to build lasting confidence and handle life’s challenges without anxiety taking the lead. Action Step: Today, notice when you’re trying to control something. Whether it’s a conversation, your schedule, or how others perceive you, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that it's okay not to control everything. Let go, and see what happens. Remember, the path to confidence is built one step at a time, and you are capable of taking that first step today. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and know on a deep level that you’re awesome.  

Transcribed - Published: 28 July 2025

🌊 Are you caught in the gentle current of people-pleasing? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down the hidden dangers of being “too nice”—how it shows up in everyday decisions, subtly steers your life off course, and costs you more than you realize. With real-life stories (including a surprising run-in with a John Deere salesman), Dr. Aziz shows how saying “yes” when you mean “no” drains your power—and how to reclaim it. 🎧 Listen now to stop living for others’ approval and start living as the real you.  ---------------------------------------------------------- Do you feel like you're stuck in a cycle of social anxiety and avoidance? You're not alone. Many people struggle with this exact pattern, and if you're ready to break free from it, you're in the right place. In today’s blog post, we’re diving into the Avoidance Cycle—why it keeps you stuck, how it plays out in your life, and most importantly, how you can break free and build lasting confidence. Let’s uncover the truth behind this cycle and discover how you can shift from avoidance to confidence. What is the Avoidance Cycle? The avoidance cycle begins when you face discomfort. Whether it’s approaching someone you’re attracted to, speaking up in a meeting, or sending that important email you’ve been putting off, discomfort creeps in. It could be mild anxiety, fear of rejection, or dread of confrontation. In response, the brain seeks relief and takes the easy route: avoidance. But here’s the kicker—avoiding the discomfort reinforces the cycle. Instead of growing through it, you take the easier, more comfortable path, but that path leads to stagnation. Over time, the avoidance habit gets stronger, not just in big situations, but in smaller moments too. You start avoiding more and more, even when the discomfort is mild. Stand-out Quote: “Confidence cannot be built while we’re in the avoidance cycle. The key is breaking the pattern of avoidance and facing discomfort head-on.” Why Avoidance Holds You Back Avoidance seems harmless, right? After all, who doesn’t want to avoid the discomfort of awkward situations? But here’s the problem: The more you avoid, the weaker you become in dealing with discomfort. Just like if you avoid physical exercise, your body becomes weaker. Avoidance works the same way. The more you avoid social situations, challenging conversations, or opportunities to assert yourself, the more anxious and disconnected you become. This is exactly why social anxiety doesn’t just go away by waiting for the “right moment” to feel ready. You’ve got to choose discomfort. Only when you face the discomfort consistently do you start building confidence. How to Break Free from the Cycle So, what does it take to break this cycle and start building real confidence? The first step is acknowledging that you’re in the cycle. Once you realize that avoidance is keeping you stuck, you can make a conscious decision to face discomfort instead of running from it. Here are the key steps to breaking the avoidance cycle: Recognize the discomfort – Whether it’s social anxiety, fear of rejection, or self-doubt, acknowledge that these feelings are normal but not the truth about your abilities. Choose discomfort – When you’re faced with an uncomfortable situation, commit to facing it. The discomfort is temporary, but the growth and confidence you’ll gain last much longer. Practice consistently – Building confidence requires regular action. Start with small steps, like initiating a conversation or speaking up in a meeting. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the stronger your confidence becomes. Stand-out Quote: “Confidence is a byproduct of action—the action that’s outside your comfort zone, the action that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared.” Breaking the Cycle Is Possible Here’s the truth: You have the power to break the avoidance cycle. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be instantaneous, but with consistent practice and a willingness to face discomfort, you’ll begin to feel more confident, more alive, and more capable than ever before. Remember, confidence doesn’t come from reading one book or watching one video. It comes from showing up, taking action, and choosing discomfort over and over again. An Inspiring Message of Hope If you’re ready to shift from avoidance to action, know this: change is absolutely possible. The more you practice stepping into discomfort, the more confident you’ll become. So, take that first step today. Choose discomfort. Break the cycle. Build the life you’ve always wanted—one step at a time. Action Step: What’s one uncomfortable action you can take today to challenge the avoidance cycle? Share it in the comments below, and let’s start building lasting confidence together! Until next time, remember to be who you truly are, and know deep down that you're awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 15 July 2025

Are you caught in the gentle current of people-pleasing? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down the hidden dangers of being “too nice”—how it shows up in everyday decisions, subtly steers your life off course, and costs you more than you realize. With real-life stories (including a surprising run-in with a John Deere salesman), Dr. Aziz shows how saying “yes” when you mean “no” drains your power—and how to reclaim it. 🎧 Listen now to stop living for others’ approval and start living as the real you. ------------------------------------------------------- People-pleasing—sounds harmless, right? After all, isn't it just about being a nice person, accommodating others, and making sure no one gets upset? But here's the reality: people-pleasing is a dangerous game that subtly chips away at your confidence and can lead to big, negative consequences over time. Whether it's in your personal relationships, your career, or even your finances, playing nice can backfire, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected. In today’s episode, I’m going to break down the hidden dangers of people-pleasing and share powerful insights on how to start stepping into your authentic self, without the need to please others at the expense of your own well-being. If you’ve ever found yourself overcommitting or avoiding necessary conflicts just to keep others happy, this episode is for you. The Cost of People-Pleasing We all know that one person—maybe it’s you—who just can’t say no. Whether it’s lending money to friends and family, accommodating people’s demands at work, or giving up your personal time to make someone else happy, these behaviors seem harmless at first but can lead to resentment, burnout, and feeling like you’re not truly living for yourself. A big part of this people-pleasing pattern is avoiding conflict. The idea is to keep everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs. But this constant accommodation keeps you from making decisions that are right for you. Over time, this gives rise to feelings of frustration, unfulfillment, and even emotional exhaustion. The Hidden Signs of Low Confidence People-pleasing doesn’t just affect how you feel about yourself—it also impacts how others see you. One of the first signs of low confidence is subtle body language: avoiding eye contact, slouching, or adopting a posture that makes you appear smaller. These small actions communicate a lack of self-assurance, and while they may seem harmless, they reinforce the idea that you’re not worthy of standing tall in your own life. Another hidden sign is hesitancy in your voice tone. When you’re uncertain of yourself, you might end your sentences with a rising tone, almost as if you’re asking a question instead of making a statement. This lack of certainty can make others feel uncertain about you too, undermining your confidence and credibility. The Freedom of Saying “No” What if you could embrace the power of saying “no” without guilt or fear? That’s right—by breaking free from the need to please everyone, you start to reclaim your personal power. Imagine not having to justify yourself every time you set a boundary or choose to do what’s best for you. Setting boundaries is not only healthy but necessary for building real confidence. For example, when I tell my kids they can only play on their iPad for an hour, they might protest. They may call me “mean,” but it’s my responsibility as a parent to set limits for their benefit. It’s the same in all areas of life: saying “no” when needed shows you’re taking ownership of your decisions, and that is what builds true confidence. Step into Your True Power People-pleasing may feel safe and familiar, but it ultimately holds you back from becoming the confident, authentic person you’re meant to be. The key to breaking free from this cycle is to start saying no, setting boundaries, and practicing direct communication—even when it feels uncomfortable. Your confidence will grow as you take ownership of your life, make decisions based on your values, and stop trying to please everyone around you. The more you practice being authentic, the more you will step into the powerful version of yourself that’s always been waiting to emerge. Take Action Now So, what’s the first step? Start by reflecting on the costs of people-pleasing in your life. Think about the situations where you’ve sacrificed your needs to make someone else happy. What impact has this had on you? The more you see the true cost of constantly trying to please others, the more you’ll realize that this is not the life you want to lead. Remember, saying “no” isn’t just about rejecting others—it’s about choosing yourself. And when you start making choices that honor your needs, your confidence will naturally follow. You are worthy of being your true self, and it's time to stop letting people-pleasing stand in the way of your authentic, powerful life. As always, until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you truly are, and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 8 July 2025

In this empowering episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz sits down with sales expert Colin Yearwood, who helps coaches and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of sales—without manipulation or pressure. Colin shares his powerful journey from avoiding sales entirely to embracing it as a vehicle for freedom, purpose, and service. You’ll hear how he overcame the fear of rejection, stopped giving his services away for free, and discovered how sales can be one of the most selfless things you do when done with heart. Whether you’re a coach, creative, or just someone who wants to feel more empowered asking for what you want in life, this conversation will give you the tools to stop fearing sales—and start seeing it as a way to help others. Listen now and discover how changing your mindset around selling can transform your business, your confidence, and your life. ------------------------------------------------------------- In this engaging episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz is joined by Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who helps coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of sales. Colin shares his fascinating journey from hating sales to embracing it as one of the most important tools for helping others—and for creating a life of freedom and purpose. Are You Afraid of Selling? You're Not Alone For many, the thought of selling is fraught with fear and discomfort. Colin confesses that he used to despise selling, even going so far as to give away his services for free. But that changed when a mentor pushed him to confront his resistance. He learned that selling isn't about convincing or manipulating others—it's about serving and guiding people to the resources they need to improve their lives. Why Selling Can Be a Force for Good Colin explains that selling isn't about pushing products or services on people who don't need them. Instead, it’s about helping others get the solutions they’re looking for—solutions that could make a meaningful difference in their lives. He says, "Selling is one of the best things you can do if you want to make a difference in the world." Through sales, you can reframe people’s thinking, offer them clarity, and help them bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be. The Key to Sales: Confidence and Detachment One of the core lessons Colin teaches is the importance of being unattached to the outcome of a sales conversation. He encourages people to shift from a place of neediness—where the focus is all on getting the sale—to a place of serving, where the focus is on genuinely helping the person you're talking to. This mindset shift not only makes you more confident, but it also makes the sales process more authentic and less stressful. The Real Story Behind Rejection A common fear in sales (and life) is the fear of rejection. Many people take it personally when someone says no. Colin dispels this myth by reminding us that rejection isn't about you—it's about the offer. He explains, "They’re not saying no to you. They’re saying no to the offer, not the person." This shift in perspective can make a huge difference in how you approach sales conversations and navigate the inevitable no's. What Mindset Helps You Succeed in Sales? Colin shares that his mindset going into any sales conversation is one of curiosity, empathy, and openness. Instead of focusing solely on closing the deal, he focuses on understanding the person he's talking to—what their needs are, what their challenges are, and how he can help them overcome them. This approach leads to better sales outcomes and deeper connections with potential clients. Sales Is Just Another Way to Build Connections At the heart of sales is connection. Colin points out that the best salespeople are those who approach every conversation with an open heart and a genuine interest in helping others. This means showing up authentically, being willing to listen, and not getting caught up in the fear of rejection or the need to make a sale. When you focus on connection, the sales process becomes much more natural—and far less intimidating. Takeaways: The Power of Sales and Service For anyone struggling with the fear of selling or worrying that they’re being “too pushy,” Colin’s advice is simple but profound: "Selling is about service. It's about helping people get what they need." By embracing this mindset, you can shift your approach to sales—and life—away from fear and manipulation, and towards authenticity, connection, and genuine support. Get Out of Your Own Way Colin reminds us that the key to success in sales (and life) is showing up as the best version of yourself. The more you invest in your personal growth, the more naturally your sales skills will improve. And even if you're not a natural-born salesperson, with the right mindset and the willingness to learn, you can succeed and make a meaningful impact on others. Listen Now for More Sales Wisdom This episode is packed with invaluable insights for anyone looking to overcome their fear of selling and build a successful business based on serving others. Whether you're in sales, entrepreneurship, or just looking to improve your confidence in life, Colin’s story and expertise will inspire you to shift your mindset, embrace the process, and start showing up with confidence. Final Thought: Selling doesn’t have to be about manipulation or pushiness. It can be about connection, service, and helping people make a positive change in their lives. By embracing this mindset, you’ll not only improve your sales skills—you’ll also create deeper, more authentic relationships and open doors to greater success and fulfillment. Listen to the full episode for more practical tips and powerful advice on overcoming fear and rejection in sales and turning your fear into confidence.

Transcribed - Published: 25 June 2025

In this revealing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz takes you deep beneath the surface of people-pleasing to uncover the root cause of "nice" behavior—and how to break free from it once and for all. Whether it’s avoiding conflict, constantly agreeing, or feeling guilty for asserting yourself, these behaviors are all symptoms of one deeper fear. Dr. Aziz shows you how to stop managing a dozen surface habits and instead zero in on the core emotional driver that keeps you stuck in patterns of approval-seeking and guilt. You’ll learn why the real path to confidence and freedom isn’t about “trying harder” to be assertive—it’s about upgrading your internal rules and learning how to handle the uncomfortable feelings you’re trying to avoid. 🎧 If you’ve ever felt trapped by niceness or frustrated by your inability to speak up, this episode is your roadmap out. Tune in now and start stepping into your bold, authentic self. ----------------------------- Sales often gets a bad rap. It’s seen as manipulative, transactional, and something that “pushy” people do. But what if sales could be a tool for good? What if it was about helping others, building real connections, and empowering them to make decisions that could transform their lives? In today’s episode, I’m sitting down with Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who has helped countless coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs navigate the world of sales with confidence and integrity. Colin’s journey into sales wasn’t a straightforward one—he was a self-described “late bloomer.” For years, he hated selling and avoided it, offering discounted work and even giving away services for free. But when he realized that in order to grow his business and help people, he had to get comfortable with selling, everything shifted. Through a combination of personal development and sales strategy, Colin transformed his mindset and his approach. Now, he sees selling as one of the most powerful tools for creating meaningful change in people’s lives. The Heart of Sales: Serving, Not Manipulating A common fear many people have when it comes to sales is that it’s manipulative. The idea of convincing someone to buy something they don’t need feels icky. But Colin explains that the problem isn’t selling—it’s how you sell. If you approach sales with the mindset of serving others, listening to their concerns, and finding the best solution for them, then you’re not manipulating, you’re helping. One of the biggest shifts Colin experienced was moving away from desperation. When you need the sale to feel worthy or successful, your energy will shift, and people will sense that. Instead, Colin encourages focusing on what’s best for the person you’re speaking with. Being unattached to the outcome of the sale frees you up to show up authentically and let the conversation unfold naturally. Stand-out Quote: “When you show up centered and focused on the other person, not on making the sale, that’s when the magic happens.” The Fear of Rejection: How to Embrace ‘No’ Sales, like dating, involves rejection. And let’s be honest—nobody likes it. But rejection doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Colin explains that a “no” from someone doesn’t mean you’re unworthy—it simply means your offer wasn’t the right fit for them at that time. The key is not to take rejection personally. When you stop seeing rejection as a reflection of your worth, it becomes easier to navigate and move forward. To get better at handling rejection, Colin recommends focusing on learning from the conversation rather than obsessing over what went wrong. After every sales call or interaction, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. This practice allows you to build on your successes and grow from your mistakes, creating a continuous cycle of improvement and confidence. Stand-out Quote: “When you get a ‘no,’ see it as an opportunity to learn and refine your approach, not a sign of failure.” The Power of Curiosity and Energy in Sales Conversations Sales isn’t about talking someone into something they don’t need; it’s about listening to their needs, understanding their challenges, and offering a solution. Colin emphasizes the importance of curiosity. Instead of just following a script, be genuinely curious about the person you’re talking to. Ask questions that dig deeper, and truly listen to their responses. This allows you to align your offer with what they truly need. One of the most powerful things Colin does before a sales call is get himself into the right mindset. He spends time grounding himself, setting intentions, and reminding himself that the conversation is about serving, not just closing a deal. This preparation helps him show up with confidence and clarity, and it shifts the energy of the conversation. Stand-out Quote: “The more curious you are, the more connected you’ll be to the person on the other side of the conversation.” Turning Sales into a Personal Growth Journey Colin’s approach to sales is more than just a strategy—it’s a mindset shift. By focusing on personal development, emotional intelligence, and being present in each conversation, you can transform the sales process into a tool for personal growth and meaningful connection. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. Action Step: Reflect on your own mindset around sales. Do you fear rejection? Do you feel like selling is manipulative? Shift your focus to the person you’re serving. What do they need? What can you offer that would genuinely improve their life or business? By approaching sales as an act of service, you’ll start to feel more confident and less attached to the outcome. If you want to learn more about Colin’s approach to sales and personal growth, be sure to check out his website ColinYearwood.com and explore the resources available to help you master the art of selling with authenticity and confidence. In Conclusion: Embrace the Journey Sales is a journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, and growth. The more you show up with authenticity, curiosity, and a servant’s heart, the more you’ll connect with others and create opportunities for meaningful success. Remember, it’s not about making the sale—it’s about making a difference. Are you ready to stop fearing rejection and start selling with confidence?

Transcribed - Published: 24 June 2025

Why do you avoid conflict, over-apologize, or say “yes” when you really mean “no”? In this powerful episode, Dr. Aziz unpacks the deeper reasons behind people-pleasing and “nice” behavior—and reveals what’s really driving it. You’ll discover that these habits aren’t just random quirks—they’re part of a system designed to keep you “safe” by earning approval and avoiding disapproval. But this comes at a huge cost: your authenticity, your confidence, and your freedom. Dr. Aziz shares key signs of hidden people-pleasing and offers a compelling invitation to look at what you’re really afraid to feel. Once you understand the emotional root of these patterns, you can start breaking free—not by fixing a dozen behaviors, but by going straight to the source. 🎧 Ready to reclaim your voice and stop living by invisible rules? Listen now to start your journey toward greater confidence and true self-expression. -------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever found yourself bending over backward to please others, saying yes when you really wanted to say no, or avoiding confrontation because you’re scared of what might happen if you speak your truth? If so, you’re not alone. People-pleasing behaviors can show up in many areas of life—from romantic relationships to work and even friendships. The good news? You don’t need to fix every single behavior. Instead, we’re going to dig into what’s really at the root of these patterns and how you can change them from the inside out. The Hidden Costs of People-Pleasing We often think of people-pleasing as just being “nice,” but the truth is, there’s a huge difference between being kind and being overly accommodating to the point where it harms your emotional well-being. People-pleasing behaviors are typically driven by an intense fear of rejection, disapproval, or conflict. You might find yourself avoiding conflict at all costs, smiling when you're upset, or agreeing with everything someone says—even if you don’t believe it. Stand-out Quote: “People-pleasing isn't about kindness—it's about seeking approval to feel safe and accepted.” Some of the most common signs of people-pleasing include: Avoiding conflict: You might avoid difficult conversations or disagreeing with others because you fear their reaction. Smiling when upset: Masking your true feelings with a smile or laugh, even when you’re uncomfortable. Excessive agreeing: You nod or say “yes” to everything, even when it’s not what you truly want, just to keep the peace. These behaviors might seem harmless at first, but over time, they can lead to a sense of being disconnected from your true self. You start to feel as though you're living for others and not for yourself, which can be emotionally exhausting and even leave you feeling resentful or invisible. What’s at the Root of People-Pleasing? When you break down the people-pleasing behaviors, you’ll find one thing at the core: fear. Fear of rejection, fear of upsetting someone, fear of being judged, and ultimately, fear that you won’t be good enough. It’s the fear that if you don’t follow the unspoken rules—like always agreeing with others or avoiding conflict—you won’t be loved, accepted, or valued. But here’s the key realization: You don’t need to keep playing by these rules. The rules are simply a collection of beliefs that you’ve internalized over the years. You don’t have to keep following them if they aren’t serving you. The Power of Feeling Your Feelings One of the most effective ways to break free from people-pleasing is to stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings. When you’re constantly trying to avoid upsetting people or making them feel uncomfortable, you’re also avoiding your own discomfort. This avoidance keeps the cycle going. Instead of running from the fear of rejection or conflict, feel it. Yes, it might be uncomfortable, but here’s the game-changer: Your ability to feel and tolerate discomfort is the key to breaking free. When you can sit with those emotions and still act authentically, you’ll find that you are not only stronger but also more aligned with your true self. Stand-out Quote: “When you break the rules of people-pleasing, you’re breaking free to become your true, authentic self.” The Path to Freedom: A Practical Step Here’s your action step for today: Pick one rule you’ve been living by—maybe it’s always saying yes when you mean no, or avoiding difficult conversations—and imagine breaking that rule. Picture yourself saying “no” when you usually say yes, or speaking up when you usually stay quiet. Ask yourself: What do you fear will happen? What’s the worst-case scenario? More often than not, the fear is exaggerated, and you’ll realize that you can handle the discomfort that comes with it. Take a moment to feel that discomfort fully. It’s not as bad as it seems, and the more you practice this, the easier it becomes. Remember, breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey, not a destination. With each step, you’ll feel more empowered, more authentic, and more connected to your true self. Embrace Your True Self People-pleasing doesn’t make you a good person—it makes you a person who is disconnected from their own truth. By starting to challenge the rules you’ve been following, you can begin the process of reclaiming your power. You can stop living for others and start living for yourself. You are worthy of love, respect, and connection just as you are. It’s time to embrace your authentic self—without the fear, the guilt, or the need to please anyone else. You are enough. Remember, it’s not about being “good” according to someone else’s standards—it’s about being true to yourself.

Transcribed - Published: 17 June 2025

Do you worry you're coming off as too needy—in dating, friendships, or business? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down what “neediness” really is, why it’s often just fear in disguise, and how to shift from anxious grasping to calm confidence. You’ll learn how to spot the difference between healthy desire and emotional urgency—and what to do when you feel that panicky “I need this to go right” energy. 🎧 Tune in now and discover how to feel more secure, grounded, and powerful—no matter the outcome. --------------------------------------- We’ve all experienced moments of feeling needy or desperate, whether in our romantic lives, friendships, or even at work. It’s uncomfortable, and the fear of being seen as desperate can be overwhelming. But is feeling needy always a bad thing? How can we distinguish between legitimate wants and a destructive need that can repel others? In today’s episode, we're diving deep into the question: Are you too needy? We’ll explore why you might feel desperate, how it shows up in your life, and, most importantly, how to break free from the cycle. Get ready for some powerful insights that will change the way you see your own behavior and give you the tools to navigate this tricky emotion with confidence. The Fine Line Between Wanting and Needing Have you ever felt like you absolutely needed someone or something to make you feel okay? Whether it’s a person responding to a text, a job offer coming through, or your partner’s approval, that shift from "I want" to "I need" can bring a lot of tension and anxiety. The moment you start thinking, “I need this,” you’re attaching your emotional well-being to something outside of yourself, which can lead to feelings of desperation. The key distinction here is that need often comes from a place of fear. It’s no longer just a passing desire; it’s become something that feels essential to your survival—emotionally speaking. That fear of not getting what you “need” creates a sense of urgency and tension, which can manifest in all areas of your life, from your personal relationships to your career. Stand-out Quote: “It’s not about what you want—it’s about how you’re attached to the outcome that makes all the difference.” The Real Danger of Neediness The issue with acting out neediness isn’t just that it feels uncomfortable for you—it can also push people away. Whether you’re desperately trying to make a sale or forcing a romantic connection, others can feel that desperation. No one likes to feel like they’re being used as a means to an emotional end. People can sense that kind of energy, even if it’s unspoken, and it can create resistance in the other person. As much as you may want to avoid being perceived as needy, the key is not to repress or ignore the feeling, but to understand it. It’s about getting to the root of why you feel the need for validation or approval, and ultimately learning to find that validation within yourself. The Power of Perspective and Detachment The first step in overcoming feelings of desperation is gaining perspective. Ask yourself, “What would happen if I didn’t get what I wanted?” In most cases, you’d be okay. You’d survive, and the world would keep turning. The difference lies in how much weight you put on the outcome. If you're feeling desperate, it’s crucial to step back and examine the root cause. Are you attaching your worth to someone else’s approval? Or are you relying on an external outcome to validate your emotions? By shifting your focus inward and recognizing your intrinsic value, you can begin to break free from the need for external validation. Instead of approaching the situation from a place of fear, approach it with confidence in who you are, regardless of the outcome. Practical Tips to Break Free from Desperation Here’s a powerful practice to help you navigate moments of neediness or desperation: Identify Your Emotional Urgency Take a moment to notice when you’re feeling desperate. On a scale from 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel the need for something external to happen in order for you to feel okay? Recognizing this urgency is the first step to loosening its grip on you. Create Space Around the Feeling Instead of acting on the impulse to “do something” about the situation, take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to feel the emotion fully. Give yourself the space to soften the intensity of the urgency. Shift Your Focus Reconnect with your values and your internal sense of worth. What is important to you? What do you value most in life? By focusing on what truly matters to you, rather than on the external outcome, you can release the pressure and operate from a place of strength. Embrace Freedom and Self-Worth It’s okay to feel needy at times—it’s a natural human emotion. But it’s crucial to recognize when neediness is coming from a place of fear or scarcity. When you learn to detach your emotional well-being from the external, you can build a deeper sense of confidence and freedom. Remember, the most powerful thing you can do is come from a place of want, not need. When you live with a clear sense of self-worth and confidence, you won’t be desperate for anyone else’s approval. You’ll be free to go after what you want without fear, and you’ll attract the right people and opportunities into your life. So, are you ready to let go of the desperation? Your confidence and authenticity are your greatest strengths. Start living from that place today and watch how your relationships and experiences shift.

Transcribed - Published: 10 June 2025

In this episode, we explore a truth that can completely transform your life: when you know who you are, everything changes. Confidence deepens. Fear fades. And your decisions start coming from clarity—not self-doubt. You'll discover how most people unknowingly build their lives around trying to prove, please, or avoid. But when you shift from chasing validation to standing in who you truly are, you unlock real confidence, peace, and power. This isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about remembering who you already are. The real you is calm, capable, and more than enough. 🎧 If you’ve ever felt like you have to earn your worth or constantly win others’ approval, this episode is for you. Tune in now and take a bold step toward freedom.       -----------------------------       Are you tired of feeling anxious, disconnected, or like you’re not living up to your full potential? If so, there’s a simple but powerful solution that can help you break free from the grip of fear and self-doubt: your values. In today’s episode, I’ll show you how reconnecting to your true essence and living in alignment with your values can unlock a goldmine of confidence, resilience, and personal power. "The Fear Isn’t Coming from the Outside, It’s Coming from Inside" Many of us believe that our fear comes from external situations—like a challenging meeting, an upcoming date, or a new career opportunity. But what if the real cause of your anxiety isn’t the outside world at all? What if it’s a disconnection from yourself and your true potential? When we’re disconnected from our values—what truly matters to us—our confidence takes a hit. We become anxious, unsure, and easily influenced by external pressures. But when we reconnect to our core values, everything changes. The same circumstances no longer feel as threatening because we’re grounded in who we truly are. How to Find the Root of Your Confidence The secret to overcoming fear and anxiety isn’t in changing the world around you—it’s in aligning your actions with your values. Here’s how to get started: Identify What Truly Matters to You Your values are the compass that guides your life. It’s not about what others expect from you or what you “should” care about—it’s about what drives you at your core. For some, it’s family. For others, it’s personal growth or adventure. When you identify your core values, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and what makes you tick. Clarify Your Top Values Your values provide a solid foundation in a constantly shifting world. Whether it’s love, contribution, achievement, or courage, knowing what matters most to you can help you make confident decisions and navigate challenges with greater ease. "The more you live by your values, the more confident you’ll feel, because your strength lies in living your truth." Align Your Actions with Your Values Living your values isn’t just a mental exercise—it’s about taking action. Each time you make a decision that aligns with your values, you reinforce your sense of self and build your confidence. This could mean taking bold steps in your career, standing up for yourself in relationships, or making time for self-care. Every action that reflects your values strengthens your resilience and reduces anxiety. Why This Matters for You Living your values is the key to unlocking your personal confidence goldmine. When you get clear on what matters to you and consistently live in alignment with those values, you build an unshakable foundation of confidence. This isn’t just about achieving goals or pleasing others—it’s about embracing who you are and living with purpose. Your Path to Confidence Starts Today The journey to lasting confidence starts with living in alignment with your values. What truly matters to you? What do you value most in life? Take a moment to identify your core values, and start living them every day. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow. Remember, your values are your superpower. When you embrace them and live authentically, you unlock a limitless source of strength. So take that first step today, and watch how living your values transforms your life. You’ve got this—your personal confidence goldmine is waiting

Transcribed - Published: 3 June 2025

In this powerful episode, Dr. Aziz is joined by Dr. Dave Tuck for a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation about identity, healing, and confidence. Together, they explore what happens when you truly know who you are—and how that clarity can radically shift your relationships, decisions, and sense of peace. You’ll hear how Dr. Tuck’s personal journey led him from people-pleasing and performance-based self-worth to a deeper connection with his true self. Through candid stories and practical wisdom, this episode invites you to question old roles and step into a more grounded, authentic version of yourself. 🎧 Ready for a breakthrough in how you see yourself and show up in the world? Tune in now. -----------------------------  Change can feel overwhelming, right? Whether it’s a new job, a breakup, a move, or the beginning of a new chapter, transitions stir up uncertainty, fear, and often, confusion. But what if you could see transitions not as roadblocks, but as opportunities to grow, evolve, and become more confident in yourself? In today’s post, we’re diving into why transitions are an inevitable part of life—and how embracing them can lead to profound personal growth. Dr. Dave Tucker, a chiropractor and self-mastery coach with over 30 years of experience, offers valuable insights on how to navigate life’s transitions effectively. The Inevitable Nature of Transitions Let’s face it—change is going to happen. From our first breath to our last, we’re constantly going through transitions. Some are big—graduating, changing careers, getting married—while others are more subtle, like shifting perspectives in relationships or facing health challenges. These transitions, while often uncomfortable, are vital to our personal evolution. Stand-out Quote: "Every transition is an opportunity for growth and wisdom." – Dr. Dave Tucker The real challenge isn’t the transition itself, but our resistance to it. Most of us tend to fight change, fearing the unknown, or fearing what we might lose. But it’s important to realize that fighting change only makes the transition harder and more painful. Instead, by learning how to embrace transitions, we allow ourselves to grow stronger and more resilient. Embrace Change to Overcome Fear As Dr. Dave explains, transitions often require us to shift our identity. This could mean letting go of an old way of thinking or confronting parts of ourselves that we’ve been avoiding. But instead of retreating or avoiding the discomfort, it’s crucial to embrace it. Stand-out Quote: "Embracing change isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s about learning to face it with confidence." This is where many people get stuck. When change comes, they panic, thinking it’s a sign that something is wrong. They try to avoid the discomfort by holding onto old patterns or identities. But what if we stopped resisting and, instead, saw discomfort as a sign that we are evolving into the next version of ourselves? The Power of Your Identity in Transitions One of the most important aspects of navigating transitions is understanding your identity. Dr. Dave shares that our identity is made up of three core elements: values, vision, and voice. These elements help guide us through life’s transitions, ensuring we stay aligned with who we are, no matter what changes come our way. Values: What’s most important to you in life? Your values act as the compass that keeps you grounded, especially in times of uncertainty. Vision: Where do you want to go in life? Having a clear vision helps you navigate transitions with purpose, ensuring that you are working toward something meaningful. Voice: Your voice is your authentic expression. When you’re clear on who you are and what you want, speaking your truth becomes easier, even in difficult situations. Stand-out Quote: "When you’re clear about your identity, decisions become much easier, and life flows with more confidence." – Dr. Dave Tucker Take Action: Build Confidence Through Transitions Embracing change and expanding your capacity to handle discomfort is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. Each transition is a chance to reinforce your identity, grow in confidence, and step into your true power. So, what action can you take today to start embracing transitions in your life? Whether it’s starting a new project, having a difficult conversation, or facing a fear that’s been holding you back, remember that discomfort is a sign of growth. Final Thought: As you navigate life’s transitions, don’t fear the discomfort. Lean into it, and you’ll discover new levels of strength and confidence. The key is to embrace each change as an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Transcribed - Published: 28 May 2025

In this powerful episode, Dr. Aziz is joined by Dr. Dave Tuck for a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation about identity, healing, and confidence. Together, they explore what happens when you truly know who you are—and how that clarity can radically shift your relationships, decisions, and sense of peace. You’ll hear how Dr. Tuck’s personal journey led him from people-pleasing and performance-based self-worth to a deeper connection with his true self. Through candid stories and practical wisdom, this episode invites you to question old roles and step into a more grounded, authentic version of yourself. 🎧 Ready for a breakthrough in how you see yourself and show up in the world? Tune in now. -----------------------------  Change can feel overwhelming, right? Whether it’s a new job, a breakup, a move, or the beginning of a new chapter, transitions stir up uncertainty, fear, and often, confusion. But what if you could see transitions not as roadblocks, but as opportunities to grow, evolve, and become more confident in yourself? In today’s post, we’re diving into why transitions are an inevitable part of life—and how embracing them can lead to profound personal growth. Dr. Dave Tucker, a chiropractor and self-mastery coach with over 30 years of experience, offers valuable insights on how to navigate life’s transitions effectively. The Inevitable Nature of Transitions Let’s face it—change is going to happen. From our first breath to our last, we’re constantly going through transitions. Some are big—graduating, changing careers, getting married—while others are more subtle, like shifting perspectives in relationships or facing health challenges. These transitions, while often uncomfortable, are vital to our personal evolution. Stand-out Quote: "Every transition is an opportunity for growth and wisdom." – Dr. Dave Tucker The real challenge isn’t the transition itself, but our resistance to it. Most of us tend to fight change, fearing the unknown, or fearing what we might lose. But it’s important to realize that fighting change only makes the transition harder and more painful. Instead, by learning how to embrace transitions, we allow ourselves to grow stronger and more resilient. Embrace Change to Overcome Fear As Dr. Dave explains, transitions often require us to shift our identity. This could mean letting go of an old way of thinking or confronting parts of ourselves that we’ve been avoiding. But instead of retreating or avoiding the discomfort, it’s crucial to embrace it. Stand-out Quote: "Embracing change isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s about learning to face it with confidence." This is where many people get stuck. When change comes, they panic, thinking it’s a sign that something is wrong. They try to avoid the discomfort by holding onto old patterns or identities. But what if we stopped resisting and, instead, saw discomfort as a sign that we are evolving into the next version of ourselves? The Power of Your Identity in Transitions One of the most important aspects of navigating transitions is understanding your identity. Dr. Dave shares that our identity is made up of three core elements: values, vision, and voice. These elements help guide us through life’s transitions, ensuring we stay aligned with who we are, no matter what changes come our way. Values: What’s most important to you in life? Your values act as the compass that keeps you grounded, especially in times of uncertainty. Vision: Where do you want to go in life? Having a clear vision helps you navigate transitions with purpose, ensuring that you are working toward something meaningful. Voice: Your voice is your authentic expression. When you’re clear on who you are and what you want, speaking your truth becomes easier, even in difficult situations. Stand-out Quote: "When you’re clear about your identity, decisions become much easier, and life flows with more confidence." – Dr. Dave Tucker Take Action: Build Confidence Through Transitions Embracing change and expanding your capacity to handle discomfort is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. Each transition is a chance to reinforce your identity, grow in confidence, and step into your true power. So, what action can you take today to start embracing transitions in your life? Whether it’s starting a new project, having a difficult conversation, or facing a fear that’s been holding you back, remember that discomfort is a sign of growth. Final Thought: As you navigate life’s transitions, don’t fear the discomfort. Lean into it, and you’ll discover new levels of strength and confidence. The key is to embrace each change as an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Transcribed - Published: 28 May 2025

In this eye-opening episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz introduces what might be the most underrated yet transformational key to building confidence and reducing social anxiety: expanding your capacity. It might not sound glamorous, but this principle is the real “magic juice” for lasting confidence. Dr. Aziz explains that every person has an emotional and psychological threshold for discomfort—whether it’s rejection, conflict, criticism, or awkwardness—and those with social anxiety often have a lower capacity in these areas. The breakthrough? Confidence grows not by avoiding discomfort, but by intentionally leaning into it. By reframing your experiences as opportunities to expand your capacity rather than threats to avoid, you open the door to extraordinary growth. Whether it’s speaking up at work, handling rejection in dating, or saying what you really think in a group—these are not scary “failures” to avoid but moments to train your emotional muscles. Dr. Aziz shares stories from real client breakthroughs, including one man who concluded after a single awkward phone call that he should “never talk to a woman on the phone again.” Through humor and insight, Dr. Aziz reveals how easily we draw limiting conclusions and how much power we reclaim when we choose to stay in the discomfort zone just long enough to grow. 🚀 Ready to build true inner strength and shatter the limits of what you think you can handle? Tune in now and discover how to expand your capacity—and your confidence—with every step you take outside your comfort zone. --------------------------------     Do you feel anxious or uncomfortable when you’re asked to speak in front of a group, or when someone rejects you or doesn’t respond to your message? Do you find yourself holding back in social situations, worried about disapproval or judgment? If so, you’re not alone. Social anxiety and people-pleasing are patterns many people experience, but there is a powerful way out. And it’s simpler than you think: expand your capacity. The Truth About Your Capacity When I say expand your capacity, it may not sound like an exciting breakthrough at first. But trust me, it's the key to overcoming your social anxiety and living the confident, authentic life you’ve always wanted. Here’s what I mean: we all have a certain threshold for what we can handle. This can apply to physical tasks (like lifting weights) or emotional experiences (like handling rejection or failure). Stand-out Quote: "The more you expand your capacity to handle difficult situations, the less power they have over you." The problem for many people struggling with social anxiety is that their capacity for handling discomfort—like conflict, rejection, or disapproval—is very low. This leads to avoidance, which only perpetuates the cycle of anxiety. But the good news is, you can expand your capacity. It’s not set in stone, and it’s not determined by your DNA. It’s a skill you can develop. Why We Avoid Discomfort Here’s the catch: when we feel discomfort—whether it’s someone disagreeing with us or receiving rejection—we naturally want to avoid it. We’re wired to seek safety, and discomfort feels like a threat. But the more you avoid these feelings, the more they control you. The way out is to gradually expose yourself to these discomforts in manageable doses, which allows you to build emotional resilience. Stand-out Quote: "The key to overcoming social anxiety is not avoiding discomfort, but learning to face it with confidence." For example, let’s say you’re scared of conflict. You avoid confrontation, even if it’s necessary for a healthy relationship. This avoidance keeps you trapped. But when you start practicing handling conflict—starting small, like speaking up in a meeting or expressing your true feelings to a friend—you expand your capacity to tolerate discomfort. Over time, the fear that once felt paralyzing will lose its power. How to Expand Your Capacity: The Steps Start Small: Identify the areas of your life where your capacity is stretched—whether it’s speaking up for yourself, handling rejection, or dealing with conflict—and start small. Practice speaking your truth, even in low-stakes situations, like with a friend or coworker. Embrace Discomfort: Instead of running from the discomfort of being judged or disliked, lean into it. Let yourself feel uncomfortable without panicking. When you experience disapproval, remind yourself that it’s temporary. It’s just part of life, not a reflection of your worth. Challenge Your Beliefs: Often, we avoid things because we think we can’t handle them. But the truth is, you can. The more you push yourself beyond your comfort zone, the more you’ll prove to yourself that you can handle discomfort. This builds your confidence in your ability to handle anything life throws at you. The Power of Gradual Exposure I’ve seen firsthand how powerful this strategy is for my clients. Take, for example, a client who once couldn’t talk to women without feeling overwhelmed with fear. After gradually building his confidence—starting with small conversations, then escalating to asking for phone numbers—he went from avoiding social situations to thriving in them. And you can do the same in your life. Stand-out Quote: "Expanding your capacity is the most effective way to break free from the shackles of social anxiety and people-pleasing." Action Step: What Will You Do to Expand Your Capacity? So, here’s your action step: Find something that stretches your capacity today. Whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, asking for what you need in a relationship, or handling rejection with grace, start expanding your limits. And remember, as you expand your capacity, the discomfort becomes manageable. With time, your confidence will grow, and you’ll feel more comfortable being your authentic self. The key to confidence isn’t avoiding discomfort—it’s embracing it. Final Thought: You’re not stuck in your current state. You can grow, change, and expand your capacity for handling life's challenges. Start small, be consistent, and soon you’ll notice a massive shift in your confidence and overall well-being. Take Action Now: What’s one thing you’re going to do today to expand your capacity? Share it in the comments below, and let’s support each other on this journey.

Transcribed - Published: 21 May 2025

In this refreshing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into a deceptively simple question with massive implications: “Are you apologizing too much?” Most people don’t even realize how often they say “sorry”—not just in words, but in their tone, posture, and energy. If you constantly feel responsible for other people’s reactions, discomfort, or expectations—even when you didn’t do anything wrong—you’re likely trapped in a loop of unconscious over-apologizing. And that loop isn’t just exhausting—it’s eroding your confidence and subtly reshaping your relationships. Dr. Aziz breaks down how unnecessary apologies stem from overactive guilt systems and people-pleasing conditioning, often developed in childhood. You’ll discover how to recognize the difference between healthy, empathy-based apologies and guilt-driven ones that actually weaken connection. Plus, you’ll learn a simple internal filter: before apologizing, pause and ask yourself, “Did I actually do something wrong?” Then, try this bonus lens—what would I tell a friend to do in this situation? 🚀 Ready to recalibrate your guilt and stop saying sorry for simply existing? Tune into this episode now and begin reclaiming your power, one conscious choice at a time. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you find yourself apologizing all the time, even when you haven't done anything wrong? Or maybe you don’t even realize you’re saying "sorry" until it’s out of your mouth. It's a common habit, especially for those of us who struggle with people-pleasing and self-criticism. But here's the question: When is it necessary to apologize, and when should you hold back? Apologies: A Natural Part of Relationships Let’s start by acknowledging that apologizing is an important part of healthy relationships. We all make mistakes. Whether it's a sharp tone, being late, or forgetting a commitment, it's natural to feel the need to apologize when our actions have hurt someone. This helps repair the rupture, rebuild trust, and show the other person that we care about their feelings. But where's the line between necessary apologies and over-apologizing? When Apologies Become a Habit For many, apologizing becomes an unconscious habit. You might say “sorry” when someone is upset, even if you haven’t actually done anything wrong. This can happen in situations like: Not meeting someone’s expectations when you never agreed to meet them in the first place. Being blamed for something that wasn’t your fault. Feeling guilty whenever someone else feels upset, as if it’s automatically your fault. This automatic response can lead to a feeling of powerlessness, as if you’re constantly trying to manage others' emotions, even when it’s not your responsibility. The Impact of Over-Apologizing Over-apologizing has a few significant consequences: Lack of Boundaries: If you're constantly apologizing, you may start to overextend yourself, saying yes to things you don't want to do or compromising your own values to avoid conflict. Unconscious Resentment: Deep down, you may start to feel resentment because you're not being true to yourself. Over-apologizing can be draining and lead to emotional burnout. Loss of Self-Respect: By constantly taking responsibility for things you didn’t do, you diminish your own sense of self-worth. You may start to believe that you’re always at fault, which erodes your confidence over time. The Power of Holding Your Ground So how can we shift out of this habit? It starts with getting clear on your boundaries and understanding that you don't always need to apologize. You don’t have to cater to every person’s expectation of you. If someone is upset because you didn’t text them back immediately, for example, it doesn’t automatically mean you have done something wrong. Try this: Instead of apologizing, acknowledge the other person's feelings. You can say, "I see that you're upset," or "I understand that this might be disappointing for you." This shows empathy without taking on unnecessary guilt. Real-Life Example: The Guilt Mechanism A client of mine was working on a contract with a friend who was also a contractor. When she noticed discrepancies in the agreement, she felt guilty for asking for changes—though it was entirely reasonable. She felt compelled to apologize, as if her request was an inconvenience. But when we looked at it from a different perspective, she realized there was no reason to apologize. She wasn’t doing anything wrong by ensuring the contract reflected what they had discussed. By switching her mindset, she was able to assert herself clearly: “I’d like to address these issues before signing.” No apology necessary. And the result? The contractor updated the contract with no issue. Recalibrating Your Guilt Mechanism When you feel the urge to apologize, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: "Did I actually do something wrong?" Often, you’ll find that the guilt you’re feeling is misplaced. By becoming more aware of this impulse, you can recalibrate your own guilt mechanism. Action Step: The next time you feel the urge to apologize, pause. Ask yourself if it’s necessary. If you didn’t do anything wrong, simply acknowledge the situation without taking responsibility for it. This will help you regain your power and set healthier boundaries. Final Thoughts: The Key to Confidence Over-apologizing is a sign that you're living by others' expectations instead of your own values. It’s time to stop apologizing for simply being yourself and start owning your space in the world. When you do this, you’ll feel more empowered, respected, and confident—in your relationships, your career, and your life. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect. You’re allowed to make mistakes, and you’re allowed to stand firm in who you are without always saying “sorry.” It’s time to reclaim your confidence and live more authentically. You've got this. No more unnecessary apologies.

Transcribed - Published: 13 May 2025

🌟 In this powerful episode of "Shrink for the Shy Guy," Dr. Aziz reveals one of the most effective—yet underused—tools for radically boosting confidence: massive action. Unlike cautious baby steps, massive action invites you to shift into a new gear, override hesitation, and start living instead of waiting. Whether it’s in relationships, career, or everyday interactions, the avoidance cycle keeps you stuck. But when you break that pattern and flood your nervous system with bold, repeated action, transformation happens fast. Through vivid stories, including a client who skyrocketed her confidence by shifting from one public talk a month to several a week, you’ll learn that confidence isn’t built by hoping or waiting—it’s built by doing. Dr. Aziz walks you through why this works, what resistance might show up, and how to overcome it. You don’t need to be fearless. You just need to take the leap. 🚀 Ready to finally stop avoiding and start becoming the confident, bold version of you? Tune in to this episode now and discover how to unlock the key you've already been holding. Your freedom starts here. ---------------------------------------------- Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a cage of social anxiety, self-doubt, or people-pleasing? It’s an all-too-common experience. But what if I told you that the key to breaking free and radically transforming your confidence is already in your hands? In this post, we’re diving into one of the most powerful tools you can use to break free from these limitations—and why many people aren’t using it. The Secret to Confidence: Massive Action When it comes to building confidence, the tool I’m about to share might sound simple, but it’s one of the most effective principles I’ve come across in my 20+ years of personal growth and helping others. It’s based on both real-life experience and research, and it’s been proven to work. So, what’s the tool? Massive action. Sounds pretty intense, right? But here’s the thing: the key to getting out of your comfort zone and into a place of true self-assurance is by moving towards what scares you with intensity and urgency. The more we avoid the things that scare us, the stronger our anxiety and self-doubt become. The more we step into those fears, the more our confidence grows. Why We Avoid: The Cycle of Self-Doubt We all know the feeling of wanting to avoid situations that make us anxious—whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, confronting someone in a relationship, or going after a big career opportunity. When we avoid, the anxiety increases, and we lose a little bit of our sense of power. This creates a negative cycle that only deepens the fear and self-doubt. We’re trapped. The other side of the equation is approach: moving towards the things that scare us. When we push through the fear and face it, we start to see that our negative predictions about the situation—“It’s going to go horribly”—are often not true. And with each small victory, we start building a new identity for ourselves: I can do this. I am capable. Why Massive Action Is the Answer Here’s where massive action comes in. You see, sometimes gradual steps just aren’t enough to create the breakthrough you need. If you’ve been tiptoeing around your fears for months, you might need to flip the script entirely. Massive action—doing things in larger, bolder doses—is what creates momentum. For example, let’s say you’re trying to overcome public speaking anxiety. Instead of signing up for one Toastmasters event every few weeks, what if you committed to speaking in front of an audience three times a week? I know, it sounds crazy, but the intensity of this action creates a level of momentum that gradual exposure just can’t match. You’ll short-circuit your fear and push yourself to the edge of what you thought was possible. The Energy Shift: Going from Defense to Offense When you move towards your fears with massive action, you shift from defense mode—where you’re guarding yourself against discomfort and uncertainty—to offense mode, where you’re actively creating the life you want. This energetic shift is what fuels confidence, and it’s what makes you attractive to others. It’s not about pretending you’re perfect or that you’ve got it all together. It’s about owning your value, showing up fully, and knowing that you’ve got what it takes to handle whatever comes your way. The Results of Massive Action Imagine the person who walks into a room with self-assurance—not because they’re the most polished or the most put-together, but because they’ve faced their fears, taken bold action, and no longer let the “I’m not enough” feeling control their life. Here’s the thing: The key to building confidence is taking action even when you don’t feel ready. That’s when the magic happens. You begin to see that the world doesn’t revolve around your fear of being “not enough”—it revolves around the action you’re willing to take, regardless of how you feel. Your Action Step: Choose Massive Action So, what’s next? It’s time to decide how you’re going to move forward. You have two options: Prepare for massive action: Take a few more small steps, build your momentum, and get ready to make a bigger leap. Take massive action now: If you feel ready, dive in headfirst and face your fears with urgency and intensity. The choice is yours, but know this: If you want to create the life you deserve, massive action is required. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up and taking bold steps toward your future. Final Thoughts: You Are Enough The biggest lie that holds people back is that they’re not enough. But the truth is, you are enough right now. What’s holding you back is the fear and the stories you’ve been telling yourself. Let’s break those stories and start taking massive action to create the life you’ve always wanted. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. You have the tools, the support, and the power to shift your life. It’s time to claim it.

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2025

Own Your Confidence: Be Unapologetically You! A glimpse from the latest episode of Get Your Sh*t Together Show with the special guest Dr. Aziz hosted by Amy Joy. Watch the full episode here.

Transcribed - Published: 29 April 2025

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz — and today we’re going straight into one of the most common, painful, and persistent feelings that quietly runs so many lives: 👉 “I’m not enough.” This episode is for you if you’ve ever: Felt like no matter how much you do, it’s never quite enough Believed you had to prove your worth through achievement or perfection Avoided risks, opportunities, or putting yourself out there because of self-doubt Collapsed into hopelessness or excuses just to protect yourself from trying 🎯 Dr. Aziz breaks down: Why this feeling of “not enough” is a universal part of being human Why trying to fix it through more doing never works (just ask Tony Robbins!) How to stop confusing this feeling with reality The truth about your self-worth that no accomplishment (or failure) can touch A simple mindset shift to help you show up fully — even when that insecure voice gets loud If you're ready to stop being controlled by this invisible wall of “not enough,” tune in now and take back your freedom. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ever catch yourself thinking, "I'm not good enough"? It's a common thought that can keep us stuck, whether we're pursuing relationships, career opportunities, or even personal growth. This persistent feeling of inadequacy can impact your confidence and stop you from taking bold actions. In this post, I'll share how to recognize this feeling, understand it, and break free from its grip, allowing you to create a life where you feel truly empowered and worthy. Understanding the "Not Enough" Feeling First things first: you are not alone. The feeling of “not enough” is a deeply human experience, and almost everyone grapples with it at some point in their lives. Whether it’s in relationships, career, or personal achievements, the fear of not being “enough” leads to a variety of behaviors and mindsets. So, what makes this feeling so powerful? It's rooted in the fear of loss—loss of love, connection, respect, or even survival. If I’m not enough, then I’ll lose something important, like love or worthiness. The key here is recognizing that this fear is not reality. It’s simply an emotional response to uncertainty, and once we understand that, we can begin to take control. Why "Proving Enough" Doesn't Work Most of us try to fix the “not enough” feeling by doing more. We hustle, work harder, or try to accumulate external symbols of success—titles, possessions, or achievements. The goal? To prove that we are worthy. But here’s the catch: doing more doesn’t make you enough. It’s an endless cycle. You can’t hustle your way to self-worth because the feeling of not being enough is never truly satisfied by external validation. Even once you achieve one goal, the sense of inadequacy may still linger. Real confidence doesn’t come from what you do; it comes from who you are. A Powerful Shift: Own Your Value What if you could break the cycle? The real secret to overcoming the “not enough” feeling is to own your value—not based on what you’ve done, but simply because you exist. Here’s the truth: Confidence comes from within. It’s about showing up with a mindset of abundance. When you believe that you are worthy, you stop feeling like you need to prove yourself to others. You begin to approach life with a healthy mindset, knowing that you are enough as you are. “Your energy is what makes you attractive—not your appearance, not your possessions, but the way you show up in the world.” — Dr. Aziz When you stop operating from a place of scarcity (like "I’m not good enough"), you become magnetic. You attract people, opportunities, and experiences because your energy exudes self-assurance and worth. The Power of Feeling Insecure (And Letting It Pass) One of the most powerful lessons you can learn is to feel your feelings instead of trying to avoid or suppress them. The feeling of “not enough” is simply a temporary emotional experience—it doesn’t define you. When you can create space for that feeling without needing to fix it, you break free from its control. Imagine a scenario where you feel insecure. Instead of getting caught in a loop of negative self-talk or trying to do more to prove yourself, allow yourself to feel the insecurity. Name it: “This is the feeling of insecurity.” Let it pass through you without clinging to it. Over time, this practice will reduce its power over you and make you more resilient. “The more you embrace feelings of insecurity, the more you free yourself from their control.” — Dr. Aziz Final Thoughts: You Are Enough The next time you feel like you’re not enough, remember: it’s just a feeling, not a reflection of your worth. By practicing self-awareness and embracing your emotions, you can overcome this limiting belief and step into your true confidence. Take a moment today to remind yourself: You are enough.

Transcribed - Published: 22 April 2025

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! We’re diving into one of the most universal — and often hidden — fears that drives social anxiety, people-pleasing, and holding back your authentic self: 👉 What if they don’t like me? Whether it shows up in your relationships, your inbox, at work, or stops you from sharing your ideas and creative work with the world — this fear can run your life if left unchecked. In this episode, you’ll discover: How fear of judgment and rejection hides behind stress, email anxiety, and overthinking Why being “thick-skinned” isn’t the answer (and what to do instead) A powerful metaphor to help you release other people’s negativity without taking it on The truth about being sensitive — and why it might actually be your superpower How to stop living in fear of upsetting others and start showing up fully you This one’s loaded with humor, honesty, and deep insights to help you finally break the spell of needing everyone to like you. Let’s get free. ----------------------------------------------------- Do you ever find yourself constantly worrying about what others think? Maybe you're hesitant to speak your mind or take action, fearing rejection or judgment. If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Many of us struggle with the desire to please others and avoid conflict, but the good news is, you can break free from this cycle and become the most authentic version of yourself. The People-Pleasing Trap One of the biggest obstacles to living authentically is the fear of being disliked or upsetting others. You may find yourself bending over backward to keep the peace, saying "yes" when you want to say "no," or avoiding difficult conversations altogether. But here's the truth: this constant effort to manage others' perceptions is draining, and it doesn't bring lasting peace or fulfillment. As Dr. Aziz shares, this behavior is often rooted in a fear of being rejected or disliked. Whether it's a colleague, a family member, or a stranger, the thought of someone not approving of us can cause anxiety and paralysis. And while it’s natural to care about what others think, letting this fear control you leads to missed opportunities for growth, connection, and authenticity. "You can’t live authentically if you’re constantly adjusting yourself to fit others' expectations." — Dr. Aziz Step 1: Recognize the Fear The first step to overcoming people-pleasing is to recognize the fear that’s driving your actions. Often, this fear isn’t obvious. It may show up as anxiety about a social interaction or a sense of dread about a potential conflict. You might feel this as tightness in your chest or a racing mind, trying to predict what others will think of you. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Are you worried that someone will be upset with you, or that they’ll think poorly of you? Getting clear on the root of your fear is key to dismantling it. Recognize that these fears are often exaggerated and not as harmful as they may seem in your mind. Step 2: Acknowledge Your Sensitivity One powerful insight Dr. Aziz shares is the importance of acknowledging your sensitivity. It’s easy to see sensitivity as a weakness, but the truth is, it’s a superpower. It allows you to connect deeply with others and perceive emotions and nuances that others might miss. For Dr. Aziz, recognizing his own sensitivity was a turning point in his journey toward authenticity. Once he embraced this part of himself, he found it easier to connect with others on a deeper level. By seeing sensitivity as a gift, not a burden, you can stop avoiding difficult situations or suppressing your true self. "Sensitivity is not a weakness. It’s a form of responsiveness to life and a superpower if you let it be." — Dr. Aziz Step 3: Let Go of the Need for Control Here’s the hardest part: you don’t need to control other people's feelings. This realization is freeing. Often, our desire to please comes from a deep need to control how others perceive us or how they feel in any given moment. But the truth is, you cannot control others' emotions or reactions. Dr. Aziz encourages us to imagine ourselves as a vapor—soft, fluid, and not attached to any one thing. When someone gets upset with you, instead of bracing yourself and trying to protect your identity, let the feeling pass through you. "Let it move right through. There’s nothing for it to hold on to." The Action Step: Practice Letting Go Your action step today is to practice letting go of the need to control how others feel. When you encounter a situation where you're worried about someone's reaction or judgment, visualize yourself as vapor, creating space around you. Let that feeling of discomfort move through you without holding on to it. This will help you become more present in the moment and less consumed by fear. Remember, every time you choose authenticity over people-pleasing, you're building confidence. Confidence doesn’t come from pretending to be someone you’re not; it comes from embracing who you truly are. The Key to True Freedom As Dr. Aziz says, confidence is a byproduct of action. When you take action—whether it’s in social situations, your career, or relationships—you’ll find that your confidence grows, naturally. You can stop worrying about pleasing others and start living life authentically. By acknowledging your fears, embracing your sensitivity, and letting go of the need to control how others feel, you’ll free yourself from the shackles of people-pleasing. It’s time to step into your true self and embrace the freedom that comes with being authentically you. You are worthy. You are enough. And you are awesome just as you are. Keep taking bold action and know that every step you take toward authenticity is a step toward true freedom.

Transcribed - Published: 15 April 2025

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! If you’ve ever felt stuck, procrastinated, or told yourself “I should…” but still didn’t follow through — this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals the three powerful secrets to breaking out of avoidance and finally taking the action you know will move your life forward. Whether it’s social confidence, career growth, health habits, or daily routines — it all comes back to one key truth: Confidence is a byproduct of action. In this episode, you’ll discover: Why resistance, groaning, and procrastination are totally normal (and how to break through them) The surprising way your identity story might be keeping you stuck How to use pain as powerful leverage (yes, really!) The missing piece that makes it way easier to follow through Why pleasure in the future is the key to taking action today Dr. Aziz also shares his personal story of emotional pain, transformation, and how one pivotal night in his 20s changed everything. If you're ready to overcome avoidance and create a life that energizes and fulfills you, this episode will give you both the mindset and momentum to start now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do you often find yourself stuck in the cycle of procrastination, avoiding tasks that you know could improve your life? Whether it's taking social risks, having difficult conversations, or simply getting things done, we all face moments when it feels impossible to take action. In this post, I’m going to reveal the three secrets to breaking free from inaction and boosting your confidence. Secret #1: Recognize the Pattern The first step in overcoming procrastination and avoidance is to recognize the cycle you’re in. It often starts with the feeling of fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of discomfort. You know you should act, but instead, you avoid the task. You tell yourself “I should,” but you don’t follow through. This internal tension leads to resistance, and eventually, you may find yourself stuck in a negative identity—thinking of yourself as someone who just can’t follow through or is too scared to act. The first secret is to notice this pattern. Acknowledge that you’re caught in it and make the decision to do something different. The more you notice it, the more you can break free from it and start acting from a place of empowerment, not fear. "Confidence is a byproduct of action. You won’t feel confident until you take action." — Dr. Aziz Secret #2: Use Pain as Leverage Pain is one of the most powerful motivators for action. In fact, research shows that we are twice as motivated by pain as we are by pleasure. The key is to leverage pain in a constructive way. Ask yourself: What is the cost of inaction? If you keep avoiding something, where will it take you? In the case of social anxiety, it might be loneliness or missed career opportunities. By focusing on the pain of staying stuck, you can create a sense of urgency and motivate yourself to act. However, it's essential to not get lost in despair when reflecting on this pain. Instead, take ownership of the situation and realize that you can change things. When the pain of staying where you are exceeds the fear of the unknown, you’ll finally take the leap. Secret #3: Focus on the Pleasure of Action While pain can push you to act, pleasure is what will keep you going. We often resist action because we focus on the discomfort of getting started, but if you shift your focus to the benefits of taking action, you’ll find yourself motivated. For example, if you’re avoiding a workout because it feels hard to start, remind yourself of how good you’ll feel afterward—the energy, the sense of accomplishment, the pride in doing something for yourself. By training your mind to see the pleasure on the other side, you’ll feel more compelled to take action. "Are you willing to be uncomfortable now to experience the extraordinary in your life?" — Dr. Aziz Taking Action: Your Next Step Now that you know the three secrets to taking action, it’s time to put them into practice. Start by recognizing the patterns that hold you back, use pain and pleasure to motivate yourself, and take action even when it feels uncomfortable. If you want to make real progress in your life, the key is consistent action. The more you act, the more confidence you’ll build. It’s time to break free from the cycle of procrastination and start living boldly. Remember, confidence comes from doing—not waiting for the perfect moment or feeling ready. Take action today, and watch your confidence grow! You are capable of so much more than you realize. Keep going, and you'll soon be amazed at how far you can go.

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2025

In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the hidden cycle that fuels your worry and anxiety—especially when it comes to social situations, work, dating, money, health, and more. If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety keeps coming back despite trying tools like affirmations, meditation, or even medication, this episode is for you. You’ll discover: The 5-part anxiety loop that drives your fear and fuels the need to control everything Why the real issue isn’t the fear itself, but how you relate to it How to spot where you are in the cycle so you can break free in real time The power of self-awareness and softening, instead of resistance and control One simple but powerful action step to find relief—starting today Dr. Aziz reveals how recognizing this cycle (Fear → Urge to Do → Prevent the Bad → Avoid Pain → More Fear) can unlock lasting freedom and peace. Tune in now and take the first step toward living with more presence, ease, and inner confidence. 🎧 Ready to finally stop fighting anxiety and start living? Press play now. ------------------------------------------   Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of worry and anxiety? Maybe you're overthinking conversations, feeling uneasy about upcoming events, or imagining worst-case scenarios. This constant cycle of fear and worry can feel overwhelming, but there’s a way out. In today’s post, we’re diving deep into how anxiety works and, more importantly, how you can start breaking free from it. Let’s explore how to stop worrying, be more present, and create lasting peace of mind. The Anxiety Cycle: Fear, Action, and Pain It all starts with fear—the feeling we all know too well. When we feel anxious, whether it’s about a social situation, work stress, or personal struggles, we experience fear. It’s that tightness in your chest, the flutter in your stomach, or the constant, buzzing thoughts in your head. The immediate reaction to this fear is often the urge to do something—anything to make it stop. We might try to control the situation, over-prepare, or replay conversations in our minds, trying to plan every possible outcome. This urgency to act comes from the desire to avoid pain. Whether it’s the emotional pain of rejection, embarrassment, or failure, we act to prevent those outcomes. But the irony is, the more we try to control and avoid pain, the more we trap ourselves in this cycle. "Fear leads to the urge to do something, which is often about preventing bad outcomes. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain." What Happens Next? Once we’ve acted or worried about acting, we eventually arrive at the one thing we’ve been trying to avoid—pain. It could be the pain of failure, rejection, or even just the discomfort of uncertainty. And here’s the twist: we’re so afraid of pain that we spend most of our energy trying to protect ourselves from it. But what if we stopped trying to avoid pain altogether? What if, instead of controlling, we embraced impermanence and allowed ourselves to experience life’s inevitable ups and downs? As Buddhist teachings remind us, everything in life changes, including pain. The pain we fear is often temporary, and yet, we treat it like a permanent threat. "The fear of pain keeps us stuck in a cycle of worry and control. But what if we embraced the fact that pain, like everything else, is temporary?" Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Observation So how do we break this cycle? It starts with observation. The first step is noticing where you are in the cycle of anxiety. Are you stuck in fear, urgently trying to do something? Are you trying to protect yourself from pain or a bad outcome? By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to step out of the cycle. Next, try to soften the need for control. Recognize that, while some things in life are out of your hands, this doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You don’t need to control every outcome to feel okay. You can still act, but from a place of inspiration, not fear. Start practicing this mindset shift by simply observing your thoughts and reactions when anxiety arises. "By observing the cycle of fear, action, and pain, we can break free from the need to control and start embracing life's natural flow." The Action Step: Embrace the Impermanence of Pain As your action step today, when you notice anxiety or worry creeping in, pause and ask yourself: “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to prevent pain or avoid something that might not even happen?” Recognize that life is full of ups and downs, and some of the pain we fear is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we can’t navigate it with peace and resilience. Instead of reacting out of fear, act from a place of acceptance and curiosity. It’s okay to feel discomfort or uncertainty. By embracing this, you’ll free yourself from the constant cycle of worry and begin to live more fully in the present.

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2025

In today’s episode, we continue the powerful conversation on overcoming the illusion that you’re "not where you should be" in life. Dr. Aziz shares the fundamental error that keeps you stuck in feelings of inadequacy and pressure—and reveals a new way to free yourself from that cycle. You'll discover: -Why your circumstances don’t have to define your happiness -The key shift that allows you to feel fulfilled now instead of waiting for external success -A powerful action step to release the pressure and step into self-compassion This episode is about reclaiming your confidence, finding peace in the present, and fueling sustainable success from a place of self-acceptance. ---------------------------------------------------  Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, endlessly comparing yourself to others, convinced you’re not where you should be in life? If so, you're not alone. In this episode, Dr. Aziz shares some life-changing insights that will help you stop feeling inadequate and reclaim your peace of mind. The Illusion of "Where You Should Be" Many of us are burdened by a feeling that we’re not living up to some societal standard. You might think: “I should be in a relationship by now,” or “I should have more money, a better job, a better house.” These thoughts weigh heavily on your self-esteem, leading you to feel less than, inadequate, and even ashamed. Dr. Aziz calls this the “fundamental error”: thinking that in order to feel okay, something in your life circumstances must change. “The solution is not in the circumstances. It's not out there. It's inside you.” This erroneous belief that something outside of us needs to change before we can feel peace is a major source of unnecessary suffering. When you feel like you're not enough as you are, you either shut down or try desperately to change everything all at once—and it still doesn't bring the fulfillment you seek. The Real Problem: Self-Gaslighting You might not even realize it, but when you feel like you're not where you should be in life, you're often gaslighting yourself. Dr. Aziz describes this as a cycle of comparing yourself to others and convincing yourself that you’re not enough. Your inner “safety police” tells you to stay small to avoid risk—fear of failure, rejection, or criticism keeps you paralyzed. “I need something to be different right now in order to feel okay. But what if you don’t?” This thought trap is designed to keep you from taking risks and living authentically. The truth is, nothing will change in a lasting way until you shift your inner dialogue and stop waiting for circumstances to be perfect before you feel okay. The Answer: Self-Compassion and Present Awareness How can you break free from this cycle? The solution lies in self-compassion. It’s essential to start being kind to yourself and slow down. Take a moment to tune into the feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or longing—and be curious about them rather than trying to eliminate them. “Move towards the pain with curiosity and compassion. That’s the key to healing.” When you can sit with your discomfort without judgment, you begin to fill the inner void that you’ve been desperately trying to fill with external circumstances. It’s about becoming your own best friend, your own inner champion. The Action Step: Challenge the Stories Here’s your action step for today: Start noticing the stories you tell yourself about what you need in order to feel okay. Ask yourself, “Is it true that I need this specific thing in my life to feel happy?” What if, just for today, you let go of the need for perfection and simply embraced where you are? By practicing this, you will slowly dismantle the false belief that you need something external to feel worthy or fulfilled. And when you do this consistently, you'll start to feel empowered to take action from a place of self-acceptance, rather than desperation. Final Thoughts: Freedom Awaits You don’t have to wait for the perfect life circumstances to feel at peace. When you practice self-compassion and shift your mindset, you open the door to greater confidence and the ability to create the life you desire. You are already worthy. Start taking small steps today, and before you know it, you’ll be well on your way to living the life you deserve. Remember: You’re awesome just as you are.

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2025

Do you ever feel like you're behind in life? Like you're not where you should be? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the unconscious programming that fuels this feeling and how to break free from it. You'll learn: Why we constantly feel like we’re falling short How societal and personal conditioning shape our expectations The key to shifting your mindset so you can feel good right now—without waiting for external success This episode is all about reclaiming control over your life, challenging the "drummer in the back of the bus," and finding joy before you reach the next milestone.   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------       Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be in life? Like there's a destination you're supposed to reach, but no matter how hard you try, it feels out of your grasp? You’re not alone. Many of us have faced these feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, or frustration when we feel that we haven't achieved everything we thought we would by a certain age or stage in life. In this episode, we’ll explore why that happens and how to break free from these limiting beliefs to get to where you want to be—both in life and in your inner world. The Unconscious Forces at Play We often think we’re in control of our lives. After all, we make decisions, set goals, and take action. But have you ever caught yourself doing something you didn’t plan to do? Maybe eating something late at night you didn’t even want, or acting out of frustration when you didn’t mean to? If you’ve experienced this, you’ve been influenced by unconscious forces that are driving your behavior without you even realizing it. Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This means that the patterns, beliefs, and conditioning we’ve developed throughout our lives are often controlling us, guiding us in ways that might not be aligned with our true desires. The Drummer in the Back of the Bus Think of your life as a bus, and you are the driver. But here’s the catch: you're not driving alone. There's a whole group of characters in the back of the bus, influencing your decisions. These characters are your unconscious programming—the messages you've absorbed from society, family, and past experiences. Some of these voices might tell you that you're not good enough, not successful enough, or that you’re falling behind in life. Imagine one of the voices on the bus is the "drummer"—the voice that constantly beats the rhythm of what's wrong, what's missing, and what you should have done by now. It’s the voice that says, "You should have achieved more by now" or "You need to be in a relationship to be happy." The problem is, these unconscious voices drive us to make decisions based on fear and inadequacy. We feel the pressure to be perfect and chase after what society says we should want, but often, these desires are culturally conditioned and not entirely our own. Shifting from Fear to Freedom How do you break free from the constant chatter of this internal drummer? The first step is awareness. You need to listen to the voices that tell you you’re not where you should be, and ask them questions. What do you want me to do? Why do I need to achieve this specific thing to feel okay? By bringing attention to these voices, you start to question whether they are truly yours, or if they're just a product of your upbringing or societal expectations. Once you understand these voices are not the truth of who you are, you can begin to quiet them. And here's the key: true freedom comes when you recognize that you don’t need to achieve or have everything in place to be happy. The pressure to be perfect, to meet certain external standards, is what keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and frustration. Your Action Step This week, take some time to listen to the drummer in the back of your bus. Pay attention to the voice that tells you you're not enough. Write down what it says. Then, question it. Challenge its validity. Is it really true? Can you still be happy without meeting those external standards? The more you do this, the more you’ll create space for your true self to emerge. You don’t need to meet every external expectation to feel worthy. True growth comes from aligning with your authentic desires, not from chasing what others expect of you. In the next episode, we’ll explore how to liberate yourself from this inner conflict and step into a life filled with joy and authenticity. Stay tuned for more!

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2025

Are you constantly worried about hurting other people’s feelings? Does this fear keep you from speaking up, setting boundaries, or asking for what you really want? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down how this pattern of over-cautiousness can actually be harming you—and how to shift into a healthier, more authentic way of being. You’ll learn the crucial difference between hurting and harming others, how to release unnecessary guilt, and why disappointing people is a normal and necessary part of life. If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, this episode is your invitation to break free.   --------------------------------------------------   Today, we’re diving into a fear that many of us struggle with: the fear of hurting others. Whether it’s in relationships, work, or social settings, many people worry about causing discomfort for others, and in doing so, end up hurting themselves. Let’s explore how this fear works and how to break free from it to become more authentically you. The Difference Between Hurting and Harming It’s natural to care about how others feel and want to avoid causing harm, but we often confuse hurting someone with harming them. Hurting is an emotional reaction—someone might feel upset or disappointed by something we say or do. Harming, on the other hand, is when we intentionally cause damage, like bullying or being cruel on purpose. For example, in a situation where someone misses a deadline at work, saying something like, “You were supposed to get this to me by Thursday. It's now Friday, and it’s not up to standard,” might cause them to feel hurt, but it’s not harmful. It’s an honest expression of what happened. But many of us avoid doing this because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. The Fear That Holds Us Back The real issue comes when we fear causing any discomfort or disappointment in others. We avoid honest conversations because we think it might hurt someone’s feelings, and in the process, we become stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing. This happens often in romantic relationships. You might avoid telling your partner what you truly want to do on the weekend because you don’t want to disappoint them. Maybe you say yes to something you don’t want to do just to keep the peace. But in the long run, this doesn’t serve anyone. You’re suffocating your own needs while sacrificing your well-being to avoid a moment of discomfort for the other person. The Myth of Perfection in Relationships A significant part of this fear is rooted in the belief that we must always keep others happy. This stems from an unrealistic expectation that we should never disappoint or upset anyone. However, the reality is that healthy relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—are built on honesty and boundaries, not on never causing anyone any discomfort. I once had a client who feared expressing his needs to his spouse because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. This fear ultimately hurt him and their relationship. He wasn’t able to share his preferences and, in turn, felt like he wasn’t being true to himself. And the irony is that when we deny ourselves, it doesn’t lead to harmony—it creates inner resentment and can damage relationships in the long run. Shifting Your Perspective Here’s the truth: you don’t need to be afraid of causing discomfort. Discomfort is a natural part of any relationship. It’s a signal that we are growing, evolving, and being real with each other. Instead of fearing it, we need to embrace it. When you stop overthinking and start being honest, you allow space for true connection and authenticity to thrive. Your Action Step: Embrace Discomfort Your action step is to start small. Identify one thing you’ve been holding back—something you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid it might hurt someone’s feelings. Maybe it’s a boundary you need to set or a desire you haven’t expressed. Whatever it is, take that step today. If guilt arises, that’s okay. Remember, you’re not trying to harm anyone. You’re simply honoring your own needs and feelings. The more you practice this, the more natural it will become. You'll begin to realize that it's not about being mean; it’s about being true to yourself, and this leads to stronger, more authentic relationships.   By shifting your mindset and embracing your true self, you’ll create deeper, more meaningful connections and start living with freedom. You’re allowed to take up space, express your needs, and set boundaries without feeling guilty. Start today and watch the transformation unfold.  

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2025

Feeling stuck, frustrated, or like nothing you're doing is working? Discouragement is part of every growth journey—but how you handle it determines whether you break through or give up. In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden reasons why we feel discouraged and how your mind is wired to shut you down when challenges arise. Learn the powerful questions you must ask yourself to shift from discouraged to determined and keep making progress toward your goals. If you've ever felt like giving up, listen now—this episode could change everything.   ------------------   We’ve all been there: feeling excited, optimistic, and ready to take on the world, only to face moments of discouragement. The truth is, on any growth journey, there will be highs and lows. The key to lasting success lies not in avoiding those lows but in how you handle them when they come. The Power of Staying in the Game Just like in investing, success in confidence-building isn’t about timing the market—it's about time in the market. In other words, consistency is what matters. If you’re committed to growing your confidence, it’s not about doing something quickly and checking it off your list. It’s about staying in the process, even when things get tough. But here’s the catch: the more action you take, the more likely you are to face discouragement. That’s by design. When you start actively putting yourself out there—whether it’s in dating, your career, or speaking up more in meetings—you open yourself up to setbacks. And when those setbacks happen, that discouragement can feel like a ton of bricks. Why Does Discouragement Hit So Hard? Discouragement hits hardest when you start to face your fears and take risks. When you’re playing it safe, like I did in my own life during my battle with social anxiety, you can avoid discouragement. But once you start stepping up, putting yourself out there, and truly engaging in the process, discouragement is inevitable. Why? Because there’s a part of you—the safety police—that wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. When you try something new, especially if it’s a risk, that part of you freaks out and says, Whoa, stop, stay small, stay safe. That’s when the discouragement feels so intense. It’s designed to make you stop, retreat, and never try again. Shifting Your Response to Discouragement Here’s the crucial point: How you respond to discouragement will determine how far you go on your confidence journey. If you give in to it and retreat, you’ll never see the growth you want. But if you can push through and keep going, that’s when the real transformation happens. To break through discouragement, here’s what you need to do: Name What’s Happening: When you feel discouraged, recognize it for what it is. Acknowledge that the discouragement is real but doesn’t define you. It's just part of the process. Get Compassionate with Yourself: Take a moment to connect with yourself. Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and take deep breaths. Acknowledge the discouragement with compassion—Yeah, it feels tough right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. Then, shift your focus. Ask the Key Questions: Why do I want this? How bad do I want it? Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve it? The power of answering these questions lies in the fact that when you connect with your deeper values and purpose, your discouragement fades into determination. Your Action Step If you're feeling discouraged right now, perfect timing—this is exactly when you can apply these tools. Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s a goal I really care about? Answer the questions above honestly. The more connected you are to your “why,” the stronger your resolve will be to push through challenges. If you’re not feeling discouraged at the moment, think of a goal you’ve been working on, and run yourself through the same process. You’ll be amazed at how clarity and determination come flooding back.   The road to confidence isn’t always easy, but when you stay in the game and choose to keep going, you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. Keep going, and don’t give up—you’re building something extraordinary.

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2025

What if the way you talk to yourself is the biggest factor in your confidence? In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals powerful self-talk strategies to transform how you feel about yourself and how you show up in the world. Learn how to shift from toxic, self-critical thoughts to an empowering, unstoppable mindset. Discover the key to steering your inner dialogue and why the words you choose—both in your head and out loud—can radically impact your confidence, success, and relationships. If you’re ready to upgrade your self-talk and unlock high confidence, listen now!   ----------------------------------------------------------   Have you ever felt that rush of confidence, only to have it fade away when you stop doing the things that made you feel good? Maybe you’re sleeping better, eating right, exercising, and suddenly—boom—you feel great! But then, when you let those healthy habits slip, your energy dips, and you wonder why you feel worse. The same thing can happen with one of the most powerful tools for confidence: self-talk. Today, we’re diving into a simple but game-changing tool that many people forget to use or fail to use consistently. Ready to take control of your confidence? Let’s get started. What Is Self-Talk and Why Does It Matter for Confidence? Self-talk is the internal conversation you have with yourself. It’s what you say in your head when you face challenges, make mistakes, or take risks. Most of us experience this as a continuous stream of thoughts, some positive, but many negative, critical, and judgmental. The issue? Our self-talk shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in the world. Negative self-talk—like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed”—leads to insecurity and low confidence. But here’s the catch: You can shift this conversation. “The way you talk to yourself has a direct impact on your nervous system and your body. If you want more confidence, you have to talk to yourself differently.” When you replace negative self-talk with positive, encouraging thoughts, you’ll start to feel more empowered. It’s like having a personal coach who cheers you on every step of the way. And the best part? You have the power to be that coach for yourself. Why Do We Talk to Ourselves This Way? Have you noticed that most of the time, our self-talk is critical, especially when we're nervous or insecure? If you're about to speak up in a meeting, go on a date, or make a big decision, you might hear thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “What if they don’t like me?” This negative loop is common, but it’s not real. It’s just your mind trying to protect you from potential failure or rejection. But here's the problem: that self-criticism doesn’t protect you. It holds you back. It makes you play small and prevents you from taking risks or stepping into your full potential. The Power of Shifting Your Self-Talk The real magic happens when you consciously choose to shift your self-talk. Instead of listening to that harsh, toxic coach in your head, you get to take control and start cheering yourself on. “The only way to change your confidence is to change your internal narrative.” Here’s how you can do it: Notice the toxic self-talk. Catch yourself when you’re being overly critical. Challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, Is this true? and How would I speak to a friend who was feeling the same way? Replace it with positive, empowering self-talk. Say things like, I’ve got this. I am enough. I am capable of handling this. The more you practice this, the more natural it will feel. It’s like training a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Take Action: The Key to Building Confidence Here’s your action step: Pick a situation in your life where you feel insecure or lack confidence. Maybe it’s a work presentation, a social event, or a tough conversation with a colleague. Step 1: Write down the default self-talk you have in that situation. What are you telling yourself? Step 2: Now, write down the optimal self-talk you’d like to have. What would a supportive coach or a good friend say to you? Step 3: Start repeating that new self-talk to yourself before and during the situation. Watch how your confidence starts to shift. The more you practice this, the more you’ll notice a radical shift in how you show up in the world. Your confidence will increase, and you’ll feel empowered to take on new challenges and opportunities. A Final Thought: You Are Your Best Coach You don’t need to wait for someone else to validate you. You can be your own biggest cheerleader. Start speaking to yourself in a way that builds you up, and you’ll start seeing powerful results in your life. Remember, confidence isn’t about waiting for everything to be perfect. It’s about taking action despite the doubts and fears. You’ve got this.

Transcribed - Published: 19 February 2025

What if the way you see yourself—incapable, unworthy, not enough—isn’t actually real? In this episode, Dr. Aziz exposes the greatest deception holding you back: the false identity you’ve been playing for years. Discover why you unconsciously cling to this limiting self-perception and how it’s keeping you stuck in fear, self-doubt, and hesitation. More importantly, learn how to break free and start showing up as the confident, bold version of yourself—starting today. If you’re ready to challenge the biggest lie you’ve been telling yourself and finally step into your power, tune in now!   ------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Maybe it's in your career, in relationships, or even in social situations. That nagging voice in your head tells you you're not attractive enough, not successful enough, not worthy enough. What if I told you that this “not enough” story is a huge lie—and you’re the one telling it to yourself? In this post, I’ll reveal the biggest deception you’ve been playing on yourself for years, and how to break free from it to create a life where you show up boldly, confidently, and authentically. The “Not Enough” Trap: A Story You’ve Been Telling Yourself If you’ve ever felt like you're not enough—whether that’s in terms of attractiveness, success, or social worth—you're not alone. Many of us have an internal narrative that says, “I’m not good enough, and I never will be.” This belief can show up in many areas: “I’m not good enough to be in a relationship,” or “I’ll never be successful, so why bother trying?” I used to believe this story myself. As a young man, I thought, “I’m unattractive, and no one will want to date me.” I even told myself that I couldn’t possibly be successful because I wasn’t the kind of person who achieved big things. But here’s the secret: That story was never true. It was a character I was playing in my mind, but it wasn’t who I truly was. “You are convincing yourself that you are small, incapable, and not enough. And the truth is, that story isn’t real.” Why We Keep Playing Small The big lie that keeps us stuck is that we need to believe we’re not enough because it feels safe. If we can convince ourselves we’re incapable, then we never have to take the risks that could challenge that belief. We avoid uncertainty and stick to the comfort of our “small self” identity. This is why many people avoid going after their dreams or speaking up in a room full of people. If you believe you’re not worthy, you won’t try to start that business, ask someone out, or create the content that could change the world. You stay small to protect yourself from failure and rejection. “The illusion of stability comes from avoiding uncertainty, but it’s not real. It’s only a safe feeling until it isn’t.” How to Break Free from the “Not Enough” Story Here’s the truth: The “not enough” story isn’t serving you—it’s keeping you from the life you’re truly capable of living. To change this, you need to stop playing the character of small, incapable you. Instead, ask yourself: What would I do today if I truly believed I was enough? Let’s say you believe you’re not attractive enough. What would you do if you knew you were attractive and worthy of love? You’d put yourself out there more, right? You’d take more chances, go on dates, make new friends. You’d show up fully as yourself. That’s the power of shifting your belief. “When you stop believing in the lie of not being enough, you’ll start doing the things that prove you are enough.” A Call to Action: Start Living the Truth If you’ve been stuck in the “not enough” story for too long, it’s time to rewrite it. Your action step is simple: Pick one area of your life where you’ve been holding back because you believe you’re not enough. Then, ask yourself, If I truly believed I was enough in this area, what would I do differently today? Maybe it’s stepping up in a meeting, asking someone out, or starting a project you’ve been putting off. Whatever it is, take that step. The more you do, the more you’ll prove to yourself that the story isn’t true—and the more confident you’ll become. The truth is, you are enough. And it’s time to start living like it.

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2025

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? We've all heard the phrase, nice guys finish last, but is it really true? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into the hidden costs of being too nice—how people-pleasing can hold you back in relationships, career, and life. But don’t worry, the solution isn’t to become a jerk. Instead, you’ll discover the real opposite of nice: authenticity. Learn how to express yourself boldly, set boundaries without guilt, and step out of the nice cage so you can stop finishing last and start living fully. If you’re ready to break free from the fear of upsetting others and claim your confidence, tune in now!   --------------------------------------------------------------- You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” But is it really true? What does it mean for you? Are you doomed if you’re too nice? Isn’t being nice a good thing? If you’ve ever wondered about the impact of people-pleasing on your life, you’re in the right place. In today’s post, we’ll dive deep into the origins of this phrase and, more importantly, how being overly nice may actually be holding you back in life. I’ll share with you some powerful insights and actionable steps to stop pleasing others at the expense of your own happiness, so you can start living more boldly and authentically. The Real Cost of Being "Nice" Being nice might sound like a virtue, but when it’s rooted in fear of rejection and disapproval, it can actually harm your relationships, career, and even your health. Niceness isn’t the same as kindness. Kindness is about genuinely caring for others, but niceness is driven by a desire to avoid conflict or rejection at any cost. This people-pleasing behavior can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, burned out, and ultimately, overlooked by others. “Niceness is not kindness; it’s fear. Fear of being rejected, judged, or abandoned. When you live in fear, you end up losing yourself.” If you’ve ever said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,” you know exactly what I mean. This habit of putting others’ needs above your own comes at a price — one that often leads to frustration, resentment, and even physical symptoms like burnout. The Myth of "Nice Guys Finish Last" The phrase “nice guys finish last” originated in the world of sports, when Leo Durocher, a baseball manager, claimed that being overly nice was detrimental to success. The idea was simple: in competitive environments, the nicest person is often the one who gets passed over or overlooked. But what does that mean for you in your everyday life? Being nice out of fear doesn’t just hurt you in sports; it’s a pattern that shows up in every part of life. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in social situations, excessive niceness can make you feel like you’re finishing last. You might be overlooked, undervalued, or even taken advantage of because you haven’t learned to assert your needs, wants, and boundaries. Breaking Free from the "Nice" Cage Here’s the good news: You can break free. The opposite of being nice isn’t about becoming a jerk or a narcissist; it’s about being authentically you. It’s about expressing your true thoughts, setting boundaries, and confidently saying “no” when you need to. “The opposite of being nice isn’t being mean, it’s being authentic. You don’t need to please everyone to win in life. You need to please yourself first.” In my upcoming event, Not Nice Live, we’ll dive into how you can shed the pattern of people-pleasing and start living in alignment with who you truly are. We’ll explore powerful tools and practices to help you break free from the cage of niceness. You’ll gain clarity on why you’ve fallen into this pattern, how it impacts you, and most importantly, how to start shifting it during the event — and carry those changes forward into your life. The Permission to Be Bold Imagine a life where you confidently say no when you need to, ask for what you truly want, and express your feelings without fear of judgment. That’s the power of reclaiming your authenticity. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with consistent practice and the right support, you’ll start to feel a sense of freedom and empowerment. “The true cost of staying nice is the regret of not living fully. The cost is a life that’s out of alignment with who you are meant to be.” I know it may sound like a far-off dream, but this is within your reach. You can step out of the shadows of people-pleasing and step into the light of being unapologetically yourself. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone. Action Step: Start Reclaiming Your Rights Today As a first step, start by giving yourself permission to do one thing you’ve been holding back on. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an invitation you don’t want to accept, or expressing your true feelings about something that’s been bothering you. Write it down, say it aloud, and practice it every day until it feels natural. The more you practice, the more you’ll internalize this new way of being. And I promise you, it will change your life. Remember, it’s not about being rude or inconsiderate; it’s about showing up as your true self, without fear of judgment. If you're ready to take your boldness to the next level, I invite you to join me for Not Nice Live in March. The event is virtual, so you can attend from anywhere in the world, and we’re offering a special early-bird price right now. Don’t miss out — this is your chance to step into the life you truly want, without the guilt.

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2025

How much influence do you really have over your life? More than you think. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores the direct connection between your confidence and the results you create. Whether it’s in social interactions, your career, or personal growth, hesitation and fear hold you back while boldness and self-trust open doors. Through a powerful real-life example, you’ll see how the way you think shapes your experiences and the hidden ways self-doubt limits your success. Are you playing to win, or just trying not to fail? Tune in to discover how shifting your mindset can radically change your results.   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   What if I told you that the key to changing your life, whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal goals, lies in how you show up with confidence? No, I’m not suggesting that you can control everything or that if you just get your confidence “right,” you’ll always get what you want. But here’s the truth: Your confidence has more power over your outcomes than you realize. Let’s break down why this is, how it works, and how you can start taking control of your life right now. The Fear That Holds You Back Here’s what most people don’t want to admit: Confidence is a choice, and often, we choose to avoid it. Why? Because of fear. We fear that we’re not enough—not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough. And when we operate from this place of fear, we avoid the things that challenge us, we make excuses, and we often stay stuck in our comfort zones. You may have told yourself stories like, “I don’t want to talk to that person; they probably won’t like me anyway,” or “I shouldn’t try that because I might fail and look stupid.” These stories might feel real, but they’re just that—stories. And they keep you from stepping into your true power and potential. How Confidence Shapes Your Actions Let me share a story to illustrate this. Recently, I watched my son play his first basketball game of the season. He’s a tall, scrappy 11-year-old who loves the game and plays with enthusiasm at home. But when he got to the game, he froze. His body language said it all—his shoulders were slumped, his arms hung low, and he wasn’t trying to make plays. He was paralyzed by the fear of missing shots or messing up. I asked him what was going on, and through tears, he admitted, “No one passes to me.” The truth was, his inner critic—his own “Poopy Coach”—was running the show. His body was unconsciously signaling that he wasn’t ready to play, and as a result, his teammates avoided passing him the ball. This is the same pattern that happens in life when we let our inner critic take over. When you play it safe and avoid risk, you’re not just holding back in one area of life—you’re restricting yourself in every area. The more you fear judgment, failure, or rejection, the more you limit the outcomes you could achieve. The Key to Transforming Your Confidence Now, here’s where things get interesting: confidence isn’t about eliminating fear—it’s about being willing to take action despite it. It’s about saying, “Yes, I’m scared. But I’m still going to try.” For my son, I helped him see that missing a shot doesn’t define him. I suggested that he try to take more shots in the next game, even if they didn’t go in. The goal wasn’t to make every shot; the goal was to get comfortable with failure—because each time he takes a shot, win or lose, his confidence grows. This is where you can start to make the same shift in your life. Stop focusing on avoiding failure and start focusing on making progress. It's not about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing your best. Take More Shots in Your Life So, here’s your action step: What shots can you take this week? What risks are you avoiding? Is it speaking up in a meeting? Is it reaching out to someone you’ve been afraid to talk to? Is it stepping up and taking charge of your career or relationships? The next time you feel the urge to hold back, ask yourself, “What would I do if I had the confidence to act?” Then, take that action—even if it’s uncomfortable. Your confidence grows each time you act despite fear. And most importantly, remember: If you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re learning. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about embracing the journey and trusting that with each step, you’re getting better, stronger, and more capable. Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Take Control The truth is that your confidence is the key to your success. It’s not a magic fix, and it’s not about avoiding discomfort. But if you’re willing to show up, take the shots, and keep going, you’ll find that the outcomes you want in life are closer than you think. So, step up. Own your confidence. And watch as you start to control the outcomes in your life. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know deep down, that you are awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 28 January 2025

Have you ever felt trapped by self-doubt or overwhelmed by negative thoughts about yourself? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores how our minds play tricks on us, creating distorted beliefs that undermine our confidence. But what if you could flip the script? Learn why these mental patterns exist, how they hold you back, and what you can do to reclaim your confidence. Whether you’re navigating social anxiety, professional insecurity, or just want to feel more self-assured in your day-to-day life, this episode offers insights that will shift your perspective and help you step into your best self. Tune in now! ----------------------------------------------------   Confidence can seem elusive at times, especially when you’re constantly battling inner doubts and self-criticism. But what if I told you that you can trick yourself into feeling high confidence? Now, I know this might sound strange at first. "Tricking yourself?" you might wonder. Isn't that just being fake? Well, let's take a deeper look at how this actually works—and how it can help you break free from the cycle of self-doubt. The Power of "Tricking" Yourself The concept of "tricking yourself" isn't about being dishonest or pretending to be something you're not. Instead, it's about flipping the negative, distorted thoughts you have about yourself and intentionally replacing them with a more positive, empowering narrative. Think of it as a fun little game, where you reprogram your brain to believe in your capabilities, even when your inner critic tells you otherwise. If you’re skeptical about this approach, consider this: We’re already tricking ourselves every day. Most of us are walking around with an internal narrative that tells us we’re inadequate, unlikable, or just not good enough. These thoughts aren't grounded in reality—they're just distorted beliefs we’ve bought into. So why not "trick" yourself into the opposite? Why We Do It: The Safety Police There’s a part of us that keeps us safe from discomfort—the "safety police" inside. It wants to protect us from potential pain and failure, so it distorts our reality to prevent us from taking risks. This is why we might assume that we're awkward, unworthy, or destined to fail in social situations. The safety police uses this distorted thinking to keep us from putting ourselves out there. But by tricking ourselves into believing that we are worthy and capable, we bypass this fear and begin to act with confidence. Real-Life Example: The Power of Perception Let me share a story from one of my clients. He and his friends were at a club, dancing, and he felt extremely self-conscious. He imagined that everyone around him thought he was awkward and uncomfortable. But after the night ended, he casually asked someone he had danced with if they thought it was awkward. To his surprise, she said it was great! That moment clicked for him. All the negative thoughts he’d had were simply made-up stories, and once he let go of those fears, he could enjoy the moment without the burden of self-doubt. This is how our minds work: we create stories, usually negative ones, about our abilities and how others perceive us. The trick is to flip the script and start making up positive, empowering stories instead. How to Put It Into Action Identify a Negative Story: Think about a situation where you typically feel insecure or self-conscious—maybe it’s speaking up at meetings, going on a date, or trying something new. Flip the Script: Now, reframe that situation. Instead of imagining how awkward or unlikable you are, make up a story where everything goes smoothly. For example, instead of thinking, "I’ll probably mess this up," tell yourself, "I’m confident and capable. I’m going to do great!" Practice It Regularly: The more you practice this technique, the easier it will become to automatically think in a positive, empowering way. Eventually, you’ll find that these new beliefs start to feel just as true as the old, negative ones. The Takeaway: It’s All Made Up Anyway Here’s the thing: We are always telling ourselves stories—about ourselves and the world around us. Most of the time, those stories are negative, but there’s no rule saying they have to be. You have the power to reframe your inner narrative and make up something that serves you, not something that holds you back. So next time you’re faced with a situation that triggers your self-doubt, remember: It’s all made up anyway. Why not make up a story that helps you feel confident, capable, and worthy of success? You might be surprised at how powerful this simple shift in thinking can be. You can start today. Trick yourself into believing that you are awesome—and watch how quickly your confidence follows.

Transcribed - Published: 21 January 2025

Feeling self-conscious or insecure often feels like an unavoidable part of life, but it doesn't have to be. In today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising way to feel less insecure and unlock your confidence: shift your focus outward. When you're insecure, your attention collapses inward, creating a loop of self-criticism and hyper-awareness. Instead of helping, this fixation often amplifies discomfort and reduces your ability to connect or perform. The secret? Focus less on yourself and more on others. Observe their actions, ask questions, or notice details like their interests or even their clothing. This simple practice can break the cycle of self-focus, reducing anxiety and creating natural, authentic connection. "Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present," says Dr. Aziz. By shifting your attention from "me" to "we," you'll not only feel more grounded, but you'll also realize how little your perceived flaws matter. Start small today: pick one thing to notice about the people you interact with, such as their eye color or what excites them. The more you practice this, the more your insecurities fade into the background, leaving room for true confidence to grow.   ---------------------------------------------   Do you often find yourself feeling insecure or overly self-conscious? You’re not alone. In fact, many people, even the most successful, capable, and attractive individuals, experience these feelings. But what if I told you that your insecurity might not have anything to do with your actual abilities or how others see you? Instead, it could be about where your focus is going. Let's explore how you can feel less insecure by simply shifting your attention. Insecurity Doesn’t Reflect Your Value Most people think insecurity comes from a place of lack—that something is missing in their personality, appearance, or skills. Maybe you’ve felt this way too. You might think, “I’m not smart enough, attractive enough, or worthy enough for this situation.” But here’s the liberating truth: insecurity and self-consciousness are often completely disconnected from how others perceive you. They’re more about your own internal narrative. "Your insecurity doesn’t equal others looking down on you. It’s all an internal experience, often not visible to those around you." So, when you feel insecure or self-conscious, remember—it’s a feeling you’re having, not a reflection of how others see you. You might be assuming others are thinking something negative about you when, in reality, they may not even be paying attention to you the way you think they are. The Focus of Insecurity: It’s All About You When you’re feeling insecure, where does your attention go? That’s right—you start hyper-focusing on yourself. “Am I doing this right? Did I say the wrong thing? Does my voice sound shaky? Are they judging me?” Insecurity creates a loop where you become obsessed with how others perceive you. The more you focus on yourself, the more you feel anxious. In fact, the more you try to control or perfect every aspect of yourself to avoid judgment, the worse it gets. Ironically, this self-obsession often leads to performance anxiety and stress, making your presentation, conversation, or interaction even less effective. "The more you try to perfect yourself, the more you create performance anxiety, which decreases your effectiveness and amplifies insecurity." The Secret to Freedom: Focus on Others Here’s the twist: The solution to your insecurity is to stop focusing on yourself. When you expand your focus outward, you release the pressure to be perfect and open yourself up to real, meaningful connections. This shift from self-absorption to genuine curiosity about others is the key to overcoming self-consciousness. I worked with a client who often felt insecure in social situations. His self-focus was so intense that he couldn’t fully engage with others. So, I suggested he try something different: observe and focus on other people, particularly on their clothing choices, their body language, and their interests. The more he did this, the less he focused on himself and the more relaxed he felt. "When you focus on others, you free yourself from self-judgment and open up to deeper connections." Putting It Into Action: Your Step Toward Confidence Here’s your action step for today: Practice focusing on others. Whether it’s noticing the details of people’s clothing or listening deeply to their stories, consciously direct your attention outward. This simple shift will make you feel less self-conscious and more connected. The more you practice, the more your insecurities will fade into the background. Remember, you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present with others. As you do this, your self-consciousness will shrink, and your confidence will grow. "By focusing on others, you can stop policing yourself and start living authentically." Try this out today and see how it feels. You’ll be amazed at how much more relaxed and confident you can be when you stop obsessing over yourself and start connecting with others            

Transcribed - Published: 14 January 2025

True self-confidence doesn’t come from looking perfect, saying the right things, or playing a role—it comes from letting yourself be truly seen. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising magic ingredient to building lasting confidence: authentic sharing. When you allow yourself to share what’s real—your thoughts, feelings, and experiences—you break down the barriers of fear and self-doubt. Instead of hiding behind a mask, you show up as your true self, and in doing so, you create genuine connection and trust with others. This level of vulnerability isn’t always easy, but it’s where real confidence lives. Start small: share 5% more of your authentic self in your next conversation and notice the difference. If you're ready to claim 2025 as the year you show up fully and boldly, tune in and discover how unveiling yourself can transform your confidence forever.   ----------------------------------------------------------   Are you struggling with self-confidence? It might surprise you to know that the magic ingredient isn’t about changing your appearance, gaining more knowledge, or getting a perfect track record. In fact, it’s something far more powerful—and it’s not about you at all. I’m Dr. Aziz, and in today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, I’ll reveal the counterintuitive secret to building true self-confidence in 2025. The best part? You can start practicing it right now. The Key to True Confidence: Letting Yourself Be Seen The secret to true self-confidence isn’t more self-help tools or tricks. It’s about one thing: sharing. Not just sharing your favorite hobbies or where you’re from, but allowing yourself to be seen and known as you are right now. This means being authentically yourself, even in moments when it feels uncomfortable. I call it “unveiling yourself,” and it’s the key to breaking down barriers in your social life and relationships. When you let others see who you really are, the magic of confidence starts to build, because confidence is not about pretending to be someone else—it’s about fully showing up as the person you truly are. “Intimacy is not about sex. It’s about being seen for who you truly are.” Why We Hide Ourselves—and How to Stop For many, opening up and sharing who we truly are can feel risky. We worry that we’ll be judged, rejected, or misunderstood. Maybe you’ve tried to fit in by playing a role or saying the things you think people want to hear. But here's the truth: playing a role doesn’t build confidence—it breeds anxiety. True confidence comes from showing up authentically and letting people see the real you. When you “unveil” yourself, it’s about being honest about what you’re feeling in the moment. Whether it's vulnerability, anxiety, or joy, when you share that openly, you invite deeper connection. And that’s the essence of confidence. Intimacy is Key A common misconception about intimacy is that it’s tied only to romantic relationships. But intimacy is about true connection, whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or even a stranger. Intimacy comes when you allow someone to see into you, and you do the same for them. Most people aren’t comfortable with this level of intimacy. It’s risky, and it’s not always easy. But the beauty of intimacy is that it strengthens relationships and deepens bonds in a way that surface-level small talk never can. “The more you share, the stronger your connection becomes, and your self-confidence builds with every real interaction.” The Power of Vulnerability When I met my wife Candace, I decided to do things differently. I didn’t want to hide behind any role or act. I wanted to be real, even if it meant feeling vulnerable. Instead of asking what I should say to impress her, I focused on what was true for me and shared that. What I found was shocking: Being vulnerable didn’t push her away. Instead, it drew us closer and built a deeper connection. And, as a bonus, it boosted my confidence because I no longer had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. Your Action Step for Today It’s time for you to practice unveiling yourself. Start small—pick one relationship in your life and share a little bit more than you normally would. Let yourself be seen and known for who you really are, even if it’s just 5% more than usual. As you practice, you’ll notice something amazing: Not only will your relationships deepen, but your confidence will grow. And the best part? You’re going to feel more authentic and connected than ever before. “When you let go of the need to hide and share your true self, you unlock a powerful, unshakable confidence.” So, are you ready to claim 2025 as the year you step into your authentic self? Practice unveiling yourself, and watch your self-confidence soar. Let me know how it goes!

Transcribed - Published: 7 January 2025

In this first episode of 2025, Dr. Aziz kicks off the year with a powerful question: Is 2025 going to be your year? While the future holds uncertainty, Dr. Aziz emphasizes that you can still claim this year as yours—not because you can predict every outcome, but because of how you choose to show up in every moment. With humor, insight, and a touch of personal vulnerability, he explores how our mindset, attitude, and willingness to embrace both patience and bold action determine the quality of our experiences, regardless of circumstances. Dr. Aziz shares reflections on the power of claiming your path, leaning into challenges, and adopting a sense of certainty that transcends momentary setbacks. He introduces the concept of being “guided by your future self,” a perspective inspired by his studies with Donny Epstein, the creator of Network Chiropractic. Whether it’s adopting patience, cultivating resilience, or committing to bold actions, Dr. Aziz encourages listeners to anchor themselves in a powerful intention for the year ahead. To wrap up, he invites you to declare aloud (or in your mind, if you’re surrounded by people), “2025 is going to be my year because…” Fill in that blank with your truth, your vision, and your commitment. As challenges inevitably arise, this declaration serves as your north star, keeping you focused and aligned with your goals. Welcome to 2025—let’s make it your year.   --------------------------------------------------------------------------   Welcome to 2025! As we dive into the new year, you might be wondering, Will this year be your year? The truth is, while none of us can predict exactly what the future holds, there’s one thing we can control—how we approach it. I’m Dr. Aziz, and in this episode, I’m challenging you to stop waiting for perfect circumstances and start claiming your power. The truth is, confidence is not about waiting for everything to align perfectly. It’s about choosing to stand strong no matter what life throws your way. The Power of Claiming Your Year You might wonder, how can you say 2025 is going to be your year when you don’t even know what’s coming? Here’s the secret: You don’t need to know. When we let life passively happen to us—waiting for good things to come or trying to avoid bad ones—we’re giving away our power. In this episode, I break down why life is full of uncertainty, and why that can either hold you back or drive you forward. Instead of letting uncertainty create anxiety, use it to fuel your confidence. Instead of seeing challenges as obstacles, see them as opportunities for growth. What if everything that happens, good or bad, could be part of your greater plan? The key is to claim your year by focusing on what you’re going to create and how you’re going to show up. Your Confidence is an Inside Job So, how do you make 2025 your year? The first step is realizing that your confidence doesn’t come from external events or circumstances. It’s an inside job. If you tie your sense of worth and happiness to things outside of you—like recognition, success, or approval—you’ll always be at the mercy of external forces. But when you realize that your worth is inherent, that you don’t need others’ approval to validate your existence, everything changes. That’s how you build unshakeable confidence. So, ask yourself: What would 2025 look like if you fully owned your value, no matter what’s happening in the world around you? Adversity is Part of the Journey The reality is, adversity will come. Challenges are inevitable. And just like I learned in my own life and through working with countless others, how you respond to adversity is what defines your success. Instead of viewing setbacks as something to fear or avoid, I encourage you to see them as part of the process. As I shared in my upcoming book Doubtless, uncertainty is not something to fear but to embrace. It’s where all growth and transformation happen. Here’s a powerful action step for you: Take a moment to say out loud, “2025 is going to be my year because...” Let the words flow from you. Maybe it’s because you’re going to show up with more courage. Maybe it’s because you’re going to take bold actions, practice patience, or trust yourself like never before. 2025 is going to be your year—not because the circumstances will be perfect, but because you’re choosing to take control of your response. You’re choosing confidence over fear. You’re choosing to show up no matter what. And that, my friend, is the true key to success. Claim Your Year Now As you move forward into 2025, take it one day at a time. Know that challenges will arise, but you have the tools to face them. With every step you take, no matter how small, you’re moving closer to a more confident version of yourself. In the words of my mentor Donnie Epstein, you are already who you need to be. The future you’re aiming for is already there; it’s just a matter of stepping into it. Embrace that power, and let’s make this your year of confidence and success. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are and know, deep down, that you're awesome. Let’s make 2025 a year to remember.

Transcribed - Published: 31 December 2024

This reflective holiday episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy dives into the idea of giving yourself a profound, transformative gift this season—the gift of being on your own side. Dr. Aziz begins by acknowledging the universal concept of gift-giving during this time of year and how it ties into deeper self-reflection. Whether you celebrate Christmas, another holiday, or simply embrace the season as a time for rest and connection, this episode explores a different kind of gift—a gift that directly impacts your confidence and sense of self-worth. Dr. Aziz shares a touching client story to illustrate how distorted self-perceptions often hold people back, despite external evidence of their worth and capabilities. He emphasizes that confidence is an inside job, urging listeners to shift their internal dialogue and challenge toxic self-perceptions. Through practical advice, he highlights the importance of offering yourself the love, praise, and acknowledgment you may have been withholding. With humor and insight, Dr. Aziz leaves listeners with a powerful action step: identify the praise and recognition you long to hear from others and begin to offer it to yourself. This holiday season, take the opportunity to become your own biggest supporter and transform your confidence from within. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Greatest Gift You Can Give Yourself This Holiday Season It’s the season for giving, and if you celebrate Christmas, you’re probably thinking about what gifts to give others. Whether it’s the perfect present for a loved one or a thoughtful gesture, giving is a big part of this time of year. But here’s the twist: What if the best gift you could give isn’t something you wrap up for someone else—it’s something you give yourself? In this episode, we’re not talking about bubble baths or new gadgets (though those are nice, too). We’re diving into the profound gift of self-love and self-acceptance—the gift that can transform your confidence and your entire experience of life. The Inside Job: Confidence Comes From Within One of the most powerful insights I’ve learned in my 20 years of personal growth is that confidence is an inside job. It’s never about the external circumstances—your paycheck, appearance, or recognition from others. Sure, those things can give you a temporary boost, but real, lasting confidence comes from how you see yourself on the inside. And yet, so many people struggle with this. I recently spoke with a client, a beautiful and capable woman, who scored incredibly low on a confidence assessment I use. Despite her many strengths, she couldn’t see herself the way others did. She felt unworthy, unattractive, and not enough. And even though she intellectually acknowledged that her perception was distorted, it still felt true. This is where the gift comes in. If you can begin to shift your perception of yourself, that’s the real transformation. But how? Stop Starving Yourself of Self-Love What if you stopped waiting for external validation? What if you gave yourself the gift of love, approval, and acceptance right now, without needing anyone else’s permission? For years, my client had been withholding these gifts from herself. She had been stuck in a pattern of self-criticism, not allowing herself to feel worthy or confident. And this had created a painful, long-standing “starvation” of self-love. But here’s the thing: You don’t have to wait another decade to feel good about yourself. You can start today by choosing to be on your own side. Instead of looking to others for validation, start practicing self-acknowledgment. See the beauty, strength, and positive qualities in yourself. Challenge the negative stories you’ve been telling yourself. When you realize that confidence comes from within, you stop relying on external sources to tell you who you are. You get to define it. Your Action Step: Give Yourself the Gift of Praise Here’s a powerful action step to help you give yourself this gift: Think about the kind of praise or recognition you crave. What would you love to hear from someone important in your life? A loved one, a boss, a friend—what would make your heart swell if they said, “You’re amazing because….” Write down those things. Don’t just let this exercise pass by. If you feel resistance, take note of it. That’s your inner critic trying to stop you from feeling good about yourself. Instead, sit with it and write out five things you would love to hear. These are the words that you need to give yourself, today. Confidence is Yours for the Taking Confidence is not something you have to wait for. It’s something you can choose to cultivate. It’s about stepping into your own power, taking ownership of how you see yourself, and practicing the gift of self-love, every single day. So this holiday season, give yourself the gift of being on your own side. Stop starving yourself of love and approval, and instead, fill yourself up with positive affirmations, praise, and belief in your own worth. It will change everything. Happy holidays, and may 2025 be the year you step into the most confident, bold, and authentic version of yourself!

Transcribed - Published: 24 December 2024

n this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz delves into a universal and thought-provoking question: Do you talk yourself out of being authentic? Spoiler alert—most of us do. He explores how fear, doubt, and social conditioning can often lead us to hold back who we truly are, whether it's in how we express ourselves, the choices we make, or how we connect with others. Authenticity, as Dr. Aziz explains, isn’t just a feel-good buzzword; it’s a dynamic and evolving practice of aligning with who you are in the minutiae of daily life, in interpersonal relationships, and on a larger, soul-level path. Dr. Aziz shares personal stories, including how he confronted his own hesitations and fears, such as being vulnerable with his father or owning his unique interests and quirks. Through relatable examples, he illustrates the subtle ways we can hold ourselves back—whether by worrying about what others might think, fearing conflict, or simply dismissing the value of sharing ourselves. With warmth and humor, Dr. Aziz offers practical insights into identifying and defying these inner stories, encouraging listeners to step into their authentic selves and take bold, liberating actions that lead to greater self-connection and fulfillment. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How to Stop Talking Yourself Out of Being Authentic Do you talk yourself out of being authentic? Do you often hold back what you really think, feel, or want to say? If so, you're not alone. Most of us have been there at one point or another. In fact, for many of us, it can become a habitual response to avoid discomfort or judgment from others. But here's the thing: living authentically is one of the most empowering things you can do. And yet, it’s something we often talk ourselves out of. In this post, I’m going to share the common ways we talk ourselves out of authenticity, and how you can shift that habit to step into a more powerful, true version of yourself. Why Authenticity Feels So Good (But Also Scary) Being authentic sounds great in theory, right? The idea of showing up as your true self, without pretending to be something you're not, is incredibly freeing. When you’re truly authentic, you don’t have to hide or put on a mask to gain approval. There’s a sense of freedom that comes with just being you. But authenticity isn't always easy. Sometimes, it feels like a massive risk. It's not just about the small things—like how you dress or what you say. Authenticity also involves living in alignment with your values, making bold decisions in your career or relationships, and even letting go of things that no longer serve you. And to do that, you have to confront your fears head-on. How We Talk Ourselves Out of Being Authentic We all have those moments where we pull back from being our true selves. And it’s often driven by the fear of judgment. Here are a few ways we talk ourselves out of authenticity: Fear of What Others Will Think This is the biggest one. Whether it’s a conversation with friends, coworkers, or family, the question often lingers: What will they think of me if I say this or do that? You might want to wear a certain outfit, express a unique opinion, or share a vulnerable moment, but the fear of judgment holds you back. In some cases, it might even be about people from your past—friends from high school, or a critical family member who still influences your decisions, even though they’re not in your life anymore. Worrying About Disapproval Another way we talk ourselves out of authenticity is by worrying about how we’ll affect others. Maybe you want to share a disagreement, voice a different opinion, or express your true feelings, but you worry it will upset the other person. You might fear that you’ll destabilize the relationship, so you choose to stay quiet instead. This fear of conflict or disapproval can keep you trapped in inauthenticity. Believing It’s Not Worth It Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of authenticity because we think there’s no point. For example, maybe you want to have a deeper conversation with a loved one about your feelings, but you tell yourself, What’s the point? Maybe they won’t understand, or it might cause unnecessary stress. It’s easy to hold back because you don’t think it will make a difference. But this is often just a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability. The Power of Defying These Stories Here’s the thing: when you challenge these fears, when you defy the stories you tell yourself, you reclaim your power. It's about recognizing when you’re holding yourself back and deciding to do the opposite—whether that’s wearing what you want to wear, sharing an authentic opinion, or stepping into a decision that scares you. Action Step: Start by identifying when you’re talking yourself out of being authentic. Pay attention to the moments when you hold back—whether it's in a conversation, with a friend, or in your day-to-day choices. Then, choose to defy those stories. Take the risk. You might feel vulnerable at first, but over time, you’ll discover the strength that comes with being fully yourself. It’s Worth It: Even if someone judges you or the outcome is uncomfortable, living authentically will always feel better in the long run. You’ll feel more alive, more empowered, and more at peace with who you are. And that’s a life worth living. You Can Be Authentic You don’t have to be perfect at it, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But if you consistently choose to live authentically, you will experience a deeper connection to yourself and others. Start with small steps. Express your opinions. Wear what you want. Share your feelings. And as you do, you'll step into your full potential. Remember, authenticity is a moving target—it evolves with you as you grow. So, keep embracing it, and trust that each step you take is bringing you closer to the real, powerful version of yourself.

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2024

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the concept of social freedom—the ability to be your most authentic self in social situations without fear or inhibition. Social freedom isn’t about achieving one final destination but embracing an ongoing journey of self-expression and courage. Dr. Aziz highlights how shedding the "cage" of social anxiety or niceness allows you to fully express your thoughts, feelings, and individuality in every interaction, from casual conversations to meaningful connections. Dr. Aziz breaks down two distinct paths to achieve social freedom: the 3% Path and the Jump-In Path. The 3% Path focuses on incremental, manageable growth—leaning into your edge by making small, consistent changes, like sharing one more authentic sentence or showing a bit more boldness in each interaction. On the other hand, the Jump-In Path is for those ready to dive headfirst into risk, shedding personas and embracing full authenticity in a powerful leap. Both methods, whether gradual or transformative, guide you toward becoming more expressive, authentic, and unapologetically you. Listen in to discover which approach resonates with your journey and how to set actionable steps to implement these transformative practices in your life.   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Are you ready to break free from the grip of fear, self-doubt, and social anxiety? Imagine waking up tomorrow with the confidence to be completely yourself, no matter who you’re around. It’s not just a dream—it’s something you can achieve, and today, I’m going to share two powerful paths to get you there. In this episode, we’re diving into social freedom—the ability to express who you truly are in any situation without fear of judgment or rejection. Whether it’s speaking your truth at work, sharing your thoughts with friends, or simply wearing what feels good to you, social freedom means you get to be you, unapologetically. What Is Social Freedom? Social freedom is all about being yourself in any social context. It's about feeling free to express your thoughts, your ideas, and even your emotions without the constant worry of being judged or rejected. It’s not just about “acting” confident—social freedom comes from truly owning who you are. To give you a simple example, my son, who was nervous about reading his story aloud, almost held back his creativity out of fear. But after a little support and encouragement, he shared his story, and it was a beautiful moment of connection. That’s what social freedom looks like: letting yourself share and fully express who you are. Two Paths to Achieving Social Freedom Now that you know what social freedom is, how do you get there? There are two distinct paths, and each offers a different approach to help you break free from the shackles of social anxiety. 1. The 3% Path: Small but Powerful Steps The 3% path is about gradually expanding your comfort zone by committing to just 3% more authenticity each time you interact. This could mean sharing one more thought, asking for something you normally wouldn’t, or letting your true feelings show in a conversation. The beauty of this path is that it’s manageable and gradual. A 3% shift is small enough to be manageable but impactful enough to create change over time. It’s the power of consistent, incremental progress. Imagine making one small change in every social interaction—over time, these changes will compound, and before you know it, you’ll be in a totally different place socially. 2. The Jump-Off-the-Dock Path: Dive Right In The second path is more drastic—just dive in. This is the “eff it” path. You decide to fully express yourself without holding back, even if it feels uncomfortable. Instead of approaching each interaction with caution and calculation, you just let go and say what’s on your mind. You stop worrying about pleasing everyone and simply focus on being true to yourself. This path requires boldness. It’s like jumping off a dock into the unknown. The first few jumps will be terrifying, but the rewards are immense: freedom, authenticity, and a sense of relief from constantly holding yourself back. You’ll experience more of your true self, and the social anxiety that once held you back will begin to melt away. Which Path Is Right for You? Both paths will lead you to social freedom, but the key is choosing which one resonates most with you right now. The 3% path is great for those who want a slow and steady approach, while the “jump off the dock” path works best for those ready to make a big shift in a shorter time frame. Remember, there’s no wrong way to go about this. What matters most is your willingness to take action, whether it’s small steps or bold leaps. Take Action Now So, which path will you choose? If you’re ready to take action, set a clear intention for how you want to move forward. Will you start small with the 3% path, or are you ready to dive in headfirst? The most important thing is to start. Lean into the discomfort. That’s where the magic happens. If you’re looking for more support on your journey to social freedom, be sure to check out my Mastermind program coming in early 2025. But until then, embrace who you are and know that your true self is enough. You’ve got this!

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2024

In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz delves into the fourth principle of sanity and victory: Almost Always On My Own Side (AMOS). Building on the previous principles—taking ownership, surrendering to life's flow, and embracing the process—AMOS introduces the idea of being consistently compassionate and supportive toward yourself. Dr. Aziz explores the concept of self-compassion as a transformative tool, helping you to let go of self-criticism and cultivate a nurturing relationship with yourself. He draws on both personal experience and years of clinical research, illustrating how shifting from self-attack to self-support can profoundly impact your confidence and overall well-being. Dr. Aziz emphasizes that being on your own side is not just about boosting self-esteem or acknowledging your worth when things go well. Instead, it's about offering yourself kindness and empathy, especially when you face setbacks or challenges. He provides actionable steps to practice AMOS in daily life, including simple yet powerful questions like, “What would I do or say if I were truly on my own side right now?” Whether you’re new to the concept or already practicing it, this episode offers fresh insights and practical tools to deepen your self-compassion and unlock greater confidence. Tune in to discover how to step into a more aligned and supportive relationship with yourself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------   Welcome to today’s episode, where we dive deep into the fourth principle of sanity and victory—a concept that can truly transform your confidence. If you’ve been following along, you already know the first three principles: I am the captain of my ship—taking full ownership of your life. Surrender is the ultimate life skill—accepting that you can’t control everything, but you can control how you respond. The process is the purpose—embracing the journey rather than obsessing over the end goal. If you’re feeling intrigued, then the next principle will change the way you see yourself, forever. It’s called Almost Always On My Own Side (OMOS). What Does "Almost Always" Mean? At its core, this principle is about learning to be on your own side. It’s about treating yourself as you would a close friend—compassionately, with understanding, and without judgment. You’re probably familiar with the term "self-esteem," which refers to how much you value yourself. High self-esteem is about believing you bring value to the world; low self-esteem, on the other hand, is when you feel like you have nothing to offer. But what happens when you don’t feel valuable, especially after making a mistake or when you’re in the process of learning something new? This is where self-compassion comes in. Unlike self-esteem, which is dependent on how well you perform, self-compassion is unconditional. It’s not about being perfect or achieving greatness; it’s about acknowledging your struggles and treating yourself with kindness, regardless of the outcome. What Happens When You're Not On Your Own Side? Imagine being constantly followed around by someone who critiques everything you do. They point out every mistake, call you stupid, and tell you that you're not good enough. You wouldn’t tolerate this behavior from someone else, so why do we allow this internal critic to rule our lives? For many of us, this critic becomes our default mode. We spend our days beating ourselves up, never allowing room for compassion or understanding. The truth is, this is insanity—it’s a toxic pattern that drains our energy and holds us back from living fully. But when we practice being on our own side, we begin to shift from self-attack to self-support. We stop judging ourselves harshly and start lifting ourselves up with compassion, understanding that we are enough just as we are. The Power of Practicing OMOS When you begin to practice being on your own side, something amazing happens: You start to shift how you approach life’s challenges. Instead of hiding from difficulties, you embrace them as opportunities for growth. This change in perspective is incredibly freeing, and it can radically alter your confidence. Why This Principle Is Key to Your Confidence So why is being on your own side so essential for building confidence? Because confidence isn’t about being perfect; it’s about embracing your humanity, mistakes and all. You need the courage to face your fears and take risks, even when things don’t go perfectly. When you’re on your own side, you develop the strength to keep moving forward—no matter how many setbacks you face. Take Action Today Now that you understand the power of being on your own side, it’s time to put this principle into action. Start by asking yourself: How on my own side am I today? Can you treat yourself with kindness and compassion, even in moments of struggle? To take it a step further, think about one area of your life where you’ve been critical of yourself. Maybe it's your work, your appearance, or your relationships. Now, instead of criticizing yourself, show compassion. Acknowledge your struggles, give yourself some grace, and move forward with kindness. If you're ready for more transformation and support in this journey, check out my Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, where we take principles like OMOS and apply them to real-life challenges, helping you build lasting, unshakable confidence. Remember, you’re awesome, and you deserve to be on your own side. Start practicing today, and watch how your life begins to transform.

Transcribed - Published: 4 December 2024

In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals three essential truths about transforming your confidence and breaking free from limitations. First, he emphasizes that transformation is possible no matter how long you've struggled. Confidence is not an unattainable dream; it’s a skill you can develop with the right mindset and actions. This belief is the foundation for any meaningful change. Second, Dr. Aziz highlights that building confidence requires action. Lasting change doesn’t come from waiting or hoping—it comes from consistent, intentional practice. Whether it’s stepping into uncomfortable situations or taking small, bold actions, you must invest effort to see results. Finally, he explains that while transformation can happen faster than you think, it may take longer than you want. True confidence isn’t a finish line; it’s a way of being that grows through embracing the process over time. Dr. Aziz shares practical steps you can take now to accelerate your growth, along with inspiring examples of radical change from his clients. If you’re ready to step into greater confidence, don’t miss this episode—and consider exploring his Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind for deeper support in your journey.   ----------------------------------------------------------------   Do you feel stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, constantly striving for more but never quite reaching the confidence you desire? If you've been battling social anxiety, people-pleasing, or simply struggling to find the courage to be yourself, this post is for you. Today, I’m going to share three essential truths about transforming your confidence and why it's not just possible—but inevitable—if you follow these principles. 1. Transformation is Possible for YOU The first—and most important—step in transforming your confidence is believing it’s possible. Now, I know this might sound like a given, but it’s more complex than you might think. The reality is, many of us hold onto a belief that our struggles with social anxiety or low self-esteem are permanent. You might think, "This is just who I am, I can't change." But I'm here to tell you, that belief is a lie. When I first started my journey, I was just as unsure about my ability to change as you might be now. But through consistent effort, I not only overcame my own struggles, but I've helped countless others do the same. The key to transforming your confidence is realizing that it’s possible for you—no matter how stuck you feel right now. The shift from feeling helpless to realizing the potential for change is a game-changer. It starts with your belief that transformation is achievable. 2. Confidence Requires Action and Commitment The second truth is a simple but often overlooked one: building confidence requires something from you. You can't expect to build lasting confidence without putting in the effort. Just like getting fit or learning a new skill, confidence is a muscle that needs consistent practice. Here’s an example: imagine you want to be more confident in social situations. You can’t just think about it or read books about it—you need to take action. Start small. Practice greeting strangers at the supermarket or starting conversations with colleagues. You’ll notice that the more you push yourself past the discomfort, the more you begin to strengthen your confidence. Remember: confidence doesn’t grow without discomfort. It’s the willingness to step into those uncomfortable moments and push through them that will make the difference in your journey. Yes, it’s uncomfortable at first, but that’s how you grow. 3. Confidence Can Happen Faster Than You Think—but it Takes Time The final truth is a bit of a paradox: confidence can happen faster than you think, but it will likely take longer than you want. Let me explain. Transformation is not an overnight success story, but you can experience significant breakthroughs in a short period. If you’re committed and consistent, you can have “wow” moments of progress in just a few weeks. However, building true confidence requires ongoing effort. It's not a one-time fix. Over time, as you practice and push through your fears, you'll build momentum. But don't be discouraged by setbacks—they’re part of the process. As you build confidence, you’ll learn to embrace the journey and not just the destination. Take Action Now: It’s Time for You to Transform If you take nothing else away from this post, let it be this: confidence is a journey, not a destination. The first step is believing that transformation is possible for you. Then, take action and commit to practicing consistently, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. And finally, embrace the fact that progress might take longer than you want, but you will get there. Are you ready to take the first step toward a confident, empowered life? Start small. Take one action today that scares you just a little, and watch how it changes everything. Remember: You are capable of more than you think. Keep pushing, keep practicing, and soon you’ll look back and marvel at how far you've come. You’ve got this!

Transcribed - Published: 27 November 2024

Welcome back to part two of Taking the Sting Out of Rejection! In this episode, Aziz guides you through a transformative process to deflate the drama around rejection and reconnect with a deep sense of okayness within yourself. Learn how to shift rejection from a source of shame and self-doubt to neutral information, while embracing a powerful truth: you don’t need any one person or situation to feel whole. With a guided practice, Aziz helps you find safety and peace within your body, letting go of the grasping and fear that rejection often triggers. This episode offers a hands-on approach to healing and liberation from rejection’s sting. Stay tuned until the end for a deeply grounding exercise. And if you haven’t yet listened to part one, make sure to start there for the full experience! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   If you haven’t yet listened to Part One of this series, stop right here and go back to that episode. It's essential for fully grasping what we're going to explore today. In Part One, we uncovered the automatic reactions you have when you face rejection, and we talked about why those reactions happen. Now, in Part Two, we're going to shift the focus to how you can take the sting out of rejection and move forward with confidence and peace. Rejection is Information, Not a Reflection of Your Worth The first key takeaway is to see rejection as information, not as a judgment on who you are. When someone says "no" or doesn’t respond, it’s easy to spiral into thoughts like "I’m not good enough" or "I’ll never be successful." But the truth is, a no is just a no — it doesn’t define you or your value. Whether it's a small no, like someone turning down your invitation, or a big no, like a breakup after years of dating, the feeling of rejection activates our default emotional patterns, which often involve self-criticism and despair. These patterns are automatic, but they are not the truth. The Drama We Add to Rejection When we face rejection, we often turn the experience into a dramatic story. The first step in reducing the sting is to acknowledge the drama we add to it. Often, when we hear "no," our minds jump to conclusions: “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll never be successful.” “Bad things will happen because of this rejection.” These thoughts create a lot of emotional turmoil, but they are just our personal drama. Confidence is the ability to act without adding drama. It’s not about pretending to be invincible but about moving forward without letting the emotional charge of rejection take over. Let Go of the Need for Rejection to Go Your Way One of the most powerful ways to deflate the drama is to let go of the intense need for rejection to go a certain way. Rejection often hurts because we attach so much need to the outcome. For example, when you reach out to someone to be your friend or to date, you might think: “I need this person to like me” or “I need them to say yes, or else I’m unworthy.” But the truth is, you are okay whether they say yes or no. When you feel the need for a certain outcome, it creates anxiety and desperation, which is felt by others and can create an aversion response. Instead, shift to a place of emotional neutrality — you want the connection, but you don’t need it to be okay. Reframing Rejection with Compassion To truly heal from rejection, you have to meet it with compassion. When you experience the sting of rejection, instead of beating yourself up, offer yourself deep empathy. For example, when you feel rejected, acknowledge the discomfort with self-compassion: "I know it feels like I need this connection right now." "But I can also be okay without it." By practicing this, you’ll start to realize that your worth doesn’t depend on getting a "yes." In fact, you are enough just as you are, whether someone accepts you or not. Practical Steps for Moving Through Rejection Here’s a simple practice to help you move through rejection: Focus on your body. When you feel rejection, check in with where you feel the tension in your body (it might be in your chest, stomach, or solar plexus). Breathe into that tension. Gently place your hand on the tight spot and breathe deeply, softening the area. Acknowledge the need. “I know it feels like I need this.” And then soften it with the truth: “But the deeper truth is, I’ll be okay either way.” This practice can help you shift your emotional state and return to a place of peace and self-assurance. You're More Than Rejection Rejection doesn’t define your worth. You have the power to transform how you respond to rejection. The more you practice seeing rejection as neutral information, without adding drama or attaching your value to it, the more confident you’ll become in navigating life's ups and downs. Remember: You are okay, no matter what happens. Keep practicing, keep softening, and embrace each “no” as an opportunity to become more comfortable with yourself. In doing so, you’ll find that you’re not just surviving rejection, but thriving in your own emotional strength and resilience.

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2024

Rejection—it’s the sting we all dread. Whether you’re battling social anxiety, people-pleasing, or simply trying to navigate life’s challenges, the fear of rejection can keep you trapped. But what if you could take the sting out of rejection for good? In this episode, we explore the hidden patterns behind our fear of rejection, why it feels so painful, and how it secretly shapes our lives. Aziz shares key insights from his recent virtual event, guiding you to uncover your default rejection pattern (DERP). This is the first step toward transforming your relationship with rejection and unlocking true freedom. Stay tuned for part two, where we’ll dive into actionable tools to help you thrive in the face of rejection. Don’t miss this chance to reclaim your power and live boldly! ------------------------------------------------------------ Do you find yourself going to great lengths to avoid rejection? You may have learned, like many people with social anxiety, to keep a low profile—avoiding speaking up, not drawing attention to yourself, and staying under the radar just to avoid feeling rejected. But here's the truth: by avoiding rejection, you’re not really protecting yourself—you’re limiting your life. Today, let’s talk about how to take the sting out of rejection so you can move past the fear and boldly live your life, no matter what. The Hidden Cost of Avoiding Rejection When you’ve got social anxiety or you struggle with people-pleasing, the fear of rejection often controls your decisions. It’s not about actively getting rejected—it’s about keeping your life small so that rejection never happens. But here’s the problem: while you may be successfully avoiding outright rejection, you’re still feeling rejected on a deeper, emotional level. You might feel unworthy, invisible, disconnected, or as if you’re missing out on life’s opportunities—even when no one has actually rejected you. This is the hidden cost of constantly avoiding rejection. It creates an emotional cage where you’re safe from the outward pain of rejection, but the inner pain of feeling unworthy or disconnected becomes your constant companion. The Path Forward: Move Toward Rejection, Not Away From It So, how do you break free from this trap? The key is to stop running away from rejection and instead move toward it. This doesn’t mean you should seek rejection on purpose, but it means you need to take the actions that align with your true desires—even if some rejection might happen along the way. As hard as it is to hear, the reality is that rejection is inevitable if you want to truly live your life. The more you stretch out of your comfort zone—whether that’s putting yourself out there socially, expressing your opinion, or going after a career opportunity—the more likely you are to face some form of rejection. And that’s okay. How to Take the Sting Out of Rejection: A Mindset Shift To truly take the sting out of rejection, you have to change your relationship with it. It’s not about eliminating the bad feelings that come with rejection; it’s about understanding where those feelings come from and how you can respond to them differently. Recognize the Default Pattern: When you face rejection, what’s your first reaction? For many, it’s an overwhelming sense of failure. You might think, “I’m unworthy,” or “This means I’ll never be good enough.” But these thoughts are part of a default pattern—a learned response that you’ve created over time. Pause and Reflect: When you get rejected, instead of reacting with shame or self-criticism, take a moment to slow down. Reflect on your emotional response. What are you telling yourself about this rejection? Are you internalizing it as proof that you’re not good enough? Use the Pain as a Reminder: Instead of letting rejection crush you, see it as a reminder to practice a new way of thinking. Just like I use physical pain as a reminder to practice self-care for my body, emotional pain from rejection can be a reminder to practice self-compassion. It's not about running away from the pain—it's about responding to it with care and understanding. The Power of Persistence One of the most powerful tools for overcoming the sting of rejection is gentle persistence. This means learning to persist after receiving a “no” without pushing past someone’s boundaries. Instead of quitting when you face rejection, take a moment to reframe the situation and ask, “What can I learn from this?” Maybe the rejection wasn’t personal. Maybe it wasn’t the right timing. But by persistently staying true to yourself and your desires, you’ll increase your chances of future success. Take Action Now If you're ready to start shifting your relationship with rejection, your action step today is simple: study your default response. When you experience rejection, what thoughts and feelings come up? Is there a story you tell yourself about your worth? Start writing down these responses and look for patterns. The more you study them, the less power they will have over you. This self-awareness is the first step toward freeing yourself from the sting of rejection. Closing Thoughts: You Are Worthy Remember, rejection doesn’t define your worth. It’s not about how others perceive you—it’s about how you perceive yourself. You have the power to change the way you respond to rejection, and by doing so, you’ll unlock a life full of connection, confidence, and courage. Keep practicing, and you’ll find that rejection doesn’t sting nearly as much as it used to. You’ve got this.

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2024

Welcome back to Shrink for the Shy Guy! In today’s episode, we dive into the third principle of sanity and victory: The Process is the Purpose. We often chase outcomes, believing they’ll bring lasting happiness, but what if the true magic lies in the journey itself? Whether it's fitness goals, career achievements, or personal growth, embracing the process can transform your life. In this episode, I’ll share personal stories of striving and thriving, and reveal how shifting your focus from results to growth can lead to greater joy, peace, and success. Discover how to reframe your goals, find purpose in the present, and become the person you’re meant to be—one step at a time. Let’s reclaim sanity and achieve victory together. --------------------------------------------------------------------------   Welcome to Today’s Episode: The Process is the Purpose Hey there! I'm excited to continue our exploration of the eight principles of sanity and victory. Today, we’re diving into the third principle: The Process is the Purpose. Recap of Previous Principles Before we get into this principle, let's quickly recap the first two: I Am the Captain of My Ship: This principle emphasizes taking ownership of your life and choices instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances. Surrender is the Ultimate Life Skill: This is about letting go of control and aligning with the flow of life, accepting that while we can take action, we don’t control everything. The Process is the Purpose Now, let's unpack the third principle. Here’s the little text I wrote to remind myself about this principle: The outcome is the carrot the divine uses to inspire. It is not the true purpose and it will not bring the permanent happiness you imbue it with. Withdraw the glamour from that fantasy and fully embrace the process. The process is the magic alchemy that transforms you into the next version you're meant to be. Seek out the discomfort, savor the victories, and feast on your life today. Understanding the Principle At its core, this principle is about shifting your focus from outcomes to the experiences and lessons found in the process. While we all have goals—be it personal, professional, or relational—focusing solely on the end result can lead to frustration, anxiety, and a sense of unfulfillment. The Pitfalls of Outcome Obsession When we become too fixated on the results we want, we risk losing sight of the joy and growth available in our day-to-day experiences. This can lead to stress, overwhelm, and even burnout. You may find yourself striving for a particular outcome, believing that once you achieve it, you will feel permanently happy. However, this is often an illusion. A Personal Example Let me illustrate this with my own experiences. In 2018, after overcoming chronic pain, I got back into physical fitness and strength training. I set a goal to get a specific physique, thinking that achieving a certain look would bring me happiness. I meticulously tracked my calories and macros, constantly worrying about whether I was on track. This mindset led me to a place of tension and stress. I labeled that time in my life “The Summer of Striving.” I was so fixated on the outcome that I missed out on the joy of the process. Conversely, during a recent training period, I shifted my perspective. I realized that the joy of working out wasn’t just in the end result but in how strong and capable I felt each day. I focused on the process of becoming fitter and stronger rather than obsessing over the specific outcome. This mindset transformed my experience into something enjoyable and rewarding. The Importance of Embracing the Process So how can you apply this principle in your life? It starts by recognizing that the process itself—everything you learn and experience along the way—is the true reward. Embrace the discomfort and challenges that come with growth. Instead of rushing towards the finish line, find ways to appreciate the journey. Action Step: Shift Your Focus Your action step for this week is to identify an area in your life where you’re overly focused on the outcome. Take a moment to reflect on what you can appreciate about the process itself. Whether it's a hobby, a personal project, or a fitness goal, find joy in the everyday actions that lead you toward your aspirations. Remember, life is about the journey, not just the destination. Embrace the process, savor the victories, and recognize that who you become along the way is just as important, if not more so, than the results you achieve. Thank you for joining me today! I’m looking forward to exploring the next principle with you in our upcoming episodes. Until next time, embrace the journey and trust in the process!

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2024

Are you ready to learn the strange secret to becoming truly likable? We’re diving deep into what really draws people to you—and it has nothing to do with techniques or tricks. It's not about "doing" anything specific but about "being" a more open and authentic version of yourself. Forget feeling like you have to go on a big self-improvement quest just to be liked. We’ll explore why you don’t need to be more interesting, successful, or good-looking to create meaningful connections. Instead, the key is in letting people see the real you—letting go of control and being vulnerable. I’ll share stories and insights on how being transparent and letting yourself be known can radically change the way others see you. Whether you’re struggling with social anxiety, self-doubt, or just want to build deeper connections, this episode will show you how simple, authentic changes in how you show up can make you instantly more likable. Join me as we uncover the real pathway to connection and likability!   ---------------------------------------------------------   Let’s start by reflecting on how you see yourself. Do you think you’re likable? Some people may feel generally positive, while others might think, “No, I’m awkward or unlikable.” Some may say, “It depends,” especially based on who they’re with. If you’re around someone you find attractive or intimidating, you may feel less likable. The root of this often lies in your self-identity. If you perceive yourself as unlikable, it can be challenging to connect with others. And when you’re in situations where you want to impress someone, that anxiety can lead to trying to control how others perceive you, which ironically makes you less likable. The Trap of Control When we feel we need someone’s approval to feel okay, we’re likely to tense up or even act in ways that are not true to ourselves. We may hold back or even overshare in a bid to win someone over. This need for control can create barriers to genuine connection. The Secret to Being Likable So what’s the strange secret to being likable? It boils down to this: let yourself be seen and known by others. This means embracing vulnerability and authenticity. When you let others in—showing who you truly are—you create space for connection. Practical Examples of Vulnerability Being Honest About Your Feelings: If you’re feeling nervous or excited in a new situation, acknowledge it. Sharing your feelings can help others relate to you. Engaging in Meaningful Conversations: Instead of playing it safe, be willing to share a bit about your life or ask deeper questions. Vulnerability fosters connection. Accepting Imperfections: Share your quirks and flaws. People are often drawn to authenticity, not perfection. Learning from Experience I recently hosted a retreat for participants in my year-long mastermind program, where we focused on creating connections through vulnerability. During our sessions, people shared their fears and insecurities, leading to powerful moments of connection. One participant expressed her struggles with comparing herself to her successful brother. When she bravely shared her feelings, it opened the door for deeper understanding and connection, enhancing their relationship. The Journey to Authenticity I remember a pivotal moment in my life when a mentor told me that people don’t like you for being perfect; they like you for being real. It took me years to embrace this lesson fully. The journey to being genuine and transparent is ongoing, but it’s incredibly rewarding. Action Step: Embrace Transparency Your action step this week is to practice transparency. Look for an opportunity to reveal something about yourself that you wouldn’t normally share. This could be a challenge you’re facing, a goal you’re pursuing, or simply how you feel in the moment. Choose someone you trust and feel comfortable with to share this vulnerability. Closing Thoughts Remember, becoming more likable is about embracing your true self and allowing others to see you. When you let go of the need for approval and allow your authentic self to shine, you invite deeper connections and richer relationships. Thank you for joining me today. Until next time, may you have the courage to be yourself and recognize the inherent awesomeness within you!

Transcribed - Published: 30 October 2024

I'm excited to share with you the second principle of sanity and victory—a concept that can help you feel more free from anxiety, stress, and worrying about what others think. These principles are designed to bring you a sense of peace while empowering you to create the life you want, which is the ultimate victory. In this episode, we dive into the power of surrender. What does it mean to surrender, and how can it become the ultimate life skill for you? I'll explain the meaning behind this principle and how it helps you flow with life, free yourself from unnecessary suffering, and stay calm, even in challenging circumstances. I'll also show you how to avoid the trap of thinking you need everything to go a certain way to feel okay, and how to let go of that need for control. If you're looking to feel less weighed down by life's demands and more empowered, this episode is for you. So, let's explore how surrender can bring you more freedom and joy, and set you up for victory.   ---------------------------------------------------------------   As a reminder, sanity, in this context, refers to a sense of peace and the ability to flow with life without sabotaging your well-being. Victory, on the other hand, is about breaking through challenges and becoming who you are truly meant to be. These principles are here to guide you towards both. Principle #2: Surrender Is the Ultimate Life Skill "Surrender to the divine flow is the ultimate life skill. Not my will, but thy will. I remember the fundamental error that I need something out there to be exactly a certain way in order to feel okay in here. Peace is available right now. I'm okay either way. All I need is within me now. I accept the current painting as it is and calmly walk into an entirely different room." Unpacking the Principle Surrender vs. Giving Up: When we hear the word "surrender," it’s common to associate it with defeat. However, true surrender means submitting to a greater force, allowing life to unfold without forcing our will upon it. It’s about trusting the process and recognizing that we don’t always need to control every aspect of our lives. The Divine Flow: This principle encourages you to connect with the divine flow—whether that’s a spiritual belief, the universe, or simply the natural progression of life. Understanding that life is happening for you, not to you, can alleviate the burden of needing everything to go your way. Accepting Reality: One of the biggest challenges we face is the belief that we need certain outcomes to feel okay. This fundamental error leads to suffering. We often say, “If only this person liked me,” or “If only I had that job,” then I would be happy. This attachment to specific outcomes traps us in a cycle of anxiety. Finding Peace Now: The statement "peace is available right now" reminds us that we can find calm within ourselves regardless of external circumstances. By shifting our focus inward and acknowledging that our worth does not depend on external validation, we can cultivate a sense of peace. Accepting the Current Painting: Imagine your life as a gallery filled with paintings representing different aspects of your existence. Instead of fixating on the ones you dislike, accept them as they are and choose to explore other rooms in your gallery. This metaphor illustrates the importance of recognizing your current circumstances without being bogged down by them. Applying the Principle in Your Life Now that we’ve unpacked this principle, let’s explore how you can integrate it into your daily routine. Time for Action: Embrace Surrender Your action step today is to practice surrender. Here’s how you can do this: Reflect on Your Attachments: Identify areas in your life where you feel anxious or stressed. Ask yourself what specific outcomes you’re attached to and how they affect your emotional state. Practice Acceptance: Take a moment to sit quietly and breathe deeply. Repeat the mantra, “I am okay either way.” Feel the weight of your attachments lifting as you accept your current circumstances. Engage with the Present: Each day, find a small moment to consciously surrender. This could be letting go of a minor annoyance or frustration. Notice how this shift affects your overall mood and well-being. Utilize Guided Resources: Consider listening to the guided audio exercises mentioned in previous episodes. These resources can help reinforce your practice of surrender and acceptance. As we conclude this episode, remember that surrendering to the divine flow doesn’t mean giving up on your goals. It means embracing the journey and allowing life to unfold as it should. By practicing this principle, you can cultivate a deeper sense of peace and freedom, empowering you to navigate life with grace and confidence.Join me next time as we continue our exploration of the Eight Principles of Sanity and Victory. Until then, may you have the courage to surrender and embrace the flow of life, knowing that all you need is within you now. Thank you for being here!

Transcribed - Published: 23 October 2024

Join Dr. Aziz as he shares powerful tools, insights, and practical steps he's discovered over 15+ years of helping people conquer their fears and embrace their bold, authentic selves. In this special series, you’ll dive into the "Eight Principles of Sanity and Victory," designed to help you master your mindset, reclaim control, and thrive in all areas of your life. Each episode breaks down one principle, packed with real-life examples, action steps, and practical strategies you can apply immediately. Whether you're battling self-doubt, fear of rejection, or just want to feel more in control of your life, you’ll find inspiration, guidance, and encouragement here. You are the captain of your ship, and it’s time to steer it toward the life you truly deserve. Let's do this!   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Hello and welcome! I’m thrilled to have you here today as we embark on an exciting journey over the next few episodes. We’ll be exploring the Eight Principles of Sanity and Victory—powerful tools designed to help you reclaim your life and build a profound sense of confidence. So, whether you’re seeking to overcome anxiety, enhance your relationships, or find greater purpose, you’re in the right place. The Journey Begins Before we dive into the first principle, I want to take a moment to share the purpose behind this series. My mission—Operation Divine Liberation—is to empower as many people as possible to live fully and authentically. It’s about moving beyond survival mode and into a life of thriving, where you don’t just survive to the end, but truly experience every moment as rich and fulfilling. A Call for Support Now, I need to ask you for a small favor. If you’re finding value in this podcast, I would greatly appreciate it if you could leave a review. Your feedback helps me reach more people and spread this mission further. Thank you for your support! Introducing the Eight Principles Today, we’ll kick off our exploration with the first of the Eight Principles of Sanity and Victory. This principle emerged from my journey of self-reflection, especially as I approached 43 years of age. It’s a reminder that as we navigate life’s challenges, we can choose to steer our own ship rather than be tossed around by the waves of circumstance. Principle #1: I Am the Captain of My Ship "My suffering isn't in my circumstances, but in how I'm steering. I alone am responsible for my state." This principle is foundational for several reasons: Personal Responsibility: It reminds us that we have the power to choose our responses to life’s events. Whether you’re facing rejection, failure, or feelings of inadequacy, you can control how you navigate those emotions. Perspective Shift: When we claim our role as the captain, we start to see our challenges not as burdens but as opportunities for growth. It allows us to step back and realize that our suffering often comes from our reactions rather than our circumstances. Empowerment: Acknowledging that we are in charge of our lives is liberating. It frees us from the narrative that we are victims of our situations, allowing us to take proactive steps toward change. Navigating the Waves of Life Let’s break this down further. When faced with failure or rejection, it’s easy to slip into a negative mindset and view ourselves as inadequate. You might find yourself saying, “I’m not enough” or “I’ll never succeed.” These thoughts can feel overwhelming, but it’s crucial to remember that they are just thoughts—not facts. What to Do Instead: Recognize Your Feelings: Acknowledge the feelings of inadequacy when they arise, but don’t let them define you. It’s okay to feel this way; what matters is how you respond to those feelings. Take Ownership: Instead of blaming external factors, take a moment to reflect on your actions and choices. Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How can I steer my ship differently next time?” Set Your Course: Establish a vision for where you want to go. Your goals and aspirations can serve as the guiding stars for your journey. With clarity of purpose, you can navigate through life’s storms with greater confidence. Your Action Step: Claim Your Choice To solidify this principle in your life, I encourage you to take action today. Repeat this mantra to yourself: “I am the captain of my ship.” Say it out loud, write it down, and remind yourself daily. This simple act can serve as a powerful reminder of your agency and strength. Closing Thoughts As we wrap up this episode, remember that you have the power to steer your life in the direction you desire. Embrace the challenges as opportunities for growth, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support along the way. Together, we can navigate through life’s complexities with courage and grace. Join me in the next episode as we continue exploring the Eight Principles of Sanity and Victory. Until then, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are enough. Thank you for tuning in!

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2024

Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy! You are brave for clicking on this one because today we're tackling the gruesome three—failure, rejection, and not-enoughness. As we approach Halloween, it's time for some real horror stories—those emotions we avoid like the plague, yet they shape so much of our lives. Forget the bat-like creatures from horror movies; the fear of failure, rejection, and feeling like you're not enough are way scarier and far more avoided. But you're here, and that’s already a bold step. This episode will shed light on these dreaded feelings, helping you realize that you're not alone and that the experience isn't as terrible as it seems when we look at it together. We're diving deep into how personalizing these feelings makes them so much worse and how to shift your perspective to make them more manageable. These emotions—failure, rejection, and not-enoughness—are what hold so many of us back from living the life we truly want. The good news? They don’t have to. Let's dig into these feelings, challenge them, and see what’s really going on beneath the surface. Thanks for joining me on this brave journey! Visit DrAziz.com to learn more and register for my upcoming virtual event, End Social Anxiety Now.   ------------------------------------------------   You’re brave. You clicked on this episode, even though the title probably made you wince: Failure, Rejection, and Not Enoughness. These aren’t just abstract concepts; they’re feelings we all try to avoid. But if you’re listening today, that means you’re ready to face them, and that takes courage.Halloween might be around the corner, but forget about spooky movies with bat-like creatures jumping out to scare you. The real horror? Facing failure, rejection, and that sinking feeling of not being enough. People will line up to watch a horror movie, but when it comes to willingly diving into their fears of failure or rejection, that’s a different story.So, let’s dive into these “Gruesome Three.” By the end of this post, you’ll not only understand why they have such a hold over you, but also how to soften their grip and start living more freely. When Was the Last Time You Felt One of These? For many, it’s probably quite recent. Maybe it’s happening right now as you’re reading this. These feelings don’t need dramatic events to show up. You can feel like a failure just by not checking off everything on your to-do list. Rejection can come from someone taking too long to text you back. And not enoughness? That can hit just from looking in the mirror.For some, these feelings come and go, but for others, they can be a constant, suffocating presence. I know, because I lived there. When I had severe social anxiety, it was like living in a soup of failure, rejection, and not enoughness. And the worst part? The more I avoided those feelings, the more power they gained. The Insanity of Avoidance Most people’s unspoken life plan is to avoid failure, rejection, and the feeling of not being enough. Seems logical, right? But here’s the catch: these feelings find a way to creep back in. Even if you don’t get rejected by someone because you avoid social situations, that feeling of not being enough might sneak in when you see someone else confidently talking to others.So we think, “Well, if I avoid these feelings, I’ll be fine.” But avoidance isn’t freedom. It’s a life lived in fear. The Insane Setup We Create We’ve set ourselves up with impossible expectations: Every action I take should go exactly as I want. Every person I interact with should respond the way I want them to. If not, I’m a failure and I need to feel awful about myself.It’s an insane setup. We’re demanding perfection from ourselves and others, and when that doesn’t happen, we slide down into a pit of shame and self-criticism. But here’s the key: it doesn’t have to be that way. A New Way Forward Instead of avoiding these feelings or allowing them to tear us down, what if we approached them differently? What if we didn’t personalize every failure, rejection, or moment of not enoughness? What if we saw them as part of the human experience, something that doesn’t define our worth?Here’s a shift you can start making today: the action is the win. The fact that you’re putting yourself out there, trying something, speaking up—that’s the victory. Whether or not it turns out the way you want doesn’t define your success.Zoom out. Look at the bigger picture of your life. Failure, rejection, and not enoughness are momentary blips in a much larger process of growth and learning. Your Action Step: Who’s Making You Feel Not Enough? Here’s the big question for today: Who’s making you feel not enough?We tend to think these feelings just happen to us, like rain falling from the sky. But that’s not true. These feelings come from patterns of thinking that we’ve been practicing, often without even realizing it. You have the power to change those patterns.So the next time you feel that sting of not being enough, ask yourself: Who’s doing this? How am I creating this feeling?This simple awareness can start to unravel the grip these feelings have over you. Reclaim Your Power Failure, rejection, and not enoughness don’t have to be terrifying, all-consuming monsters. By understanding them, seeing their roots, and changing your perspective, you can reclaim your power and live more freely.Until we speak again, remember: you are enough, just as you are. And you have the courage to create the life you want.If you want to dive deeper into breaking free from these patterns, join me for my upcoming virtual event. We’re going to deconstruct rejection and give you tools to handle it in a whole new way. Head over to draziz.com to register. Let’s replace that acid pit with a trampoline that bounces you right back into life!

Transcribed - Published: 9 October 2024

Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy! Are you ready to discover the one obstacle standing between you and extraordinary confidence? It might feel like there's a mountain of things in your way, but today, we're breaking it down to just one. Once you understand this obstacle, you'll see how to overcome it and create the confidence you've always wanted. In this episode, Dr. Aziz explores the root of what's truly holding you back—your own perception of what's possible for you. He'll help you challenge the beliefs and feelings that make confidence seem out of reach, and guide you towards taking the actions that will transform your life. Plus, learn more about the upcoming virtual event, End Social Anxiety Now, where you can immerse yourself in powerful strategies to accelerate your confidence journey. If you're ready to break free from discouragement and build the bold, confident life you deserve, this episode is for you. Let’s dive in and uncover what’s really possible for you! Visit DrAziz.com to learn more and register for the virtual event.   -----------------------------------------------------   I’m excited to share something that might surprise you: there’s only one obstacle standing in the way of you building an extraordinary level of confidence. That’s right, just one.  While it might seem like there are countless reasons preventing you from feeling confident, the truth is, they all boil down to this one key thing. Stick with me, and by the end of this post, you’ll feel energized and empowered, ready to create the confidence you’ve always wanted. The Root of Your Confidence Struggles "Do you feel full, freely confident in every aspect of your life?" I’m talking about work, relationships, social situations, and dating. If your answer is anything less than "hell yes," it’s time to ask why. Often, when we ask ourselves this question, we don’t get a clear answer in words. Instead, it’s more of a feeling—a heavy, discouraged, or hopeless feeling. In psychology, this is known as learned helplessness. It’s the belief that no matter what you do, nothing will change, so you might as well give up. This hopelessness doesn’t have to be extreme to hold you back. Even a small amount can zap your energy, prevent you from taking action, and make every step toward confidence feel like an uphill battle. The Real Obstacle: Your Perception of What's Possible The only thing truly blocking your confidence is your perception of what’s possible for you. If you believe that building confidence is impossible, or that it will take too long, you’ll inevitably undermine your efforts. Every setback will feel like proof that you’re incapable, and every rejection will reinforce the idea that you’re just not good enough. But here’s the truth: the issue isn’t your appearance, your social skills, your upbringing, or your personality. The real problem is your belief that those things define what’s possible for you. As long as you hold onto that limiting belief, you’ll be stuck in a cycle of inaction and discouragement. Shifting Your Perspective to Unlock Your Confidence To break free from learned helplessness, you must change your perception. Start by asking yourself: Do I believe that it’s possible for me to create an extraordinary level of confidence? Not just in theory, but for you. This isn’t about whether others can do it—can you?If your honest answer is no, it’s time to challenge that belief. There’s someone out there with your exact challenges who has achieved what you desire. Someone with your height, your upbringing, your experience level, or whatever other limitation you think is holding you back. So why not you? The secret to building confidence is simple: take action, even if it’s uncomfortable. Confidence isn’t something that appears out of thin air—it’s built through doing. Lean into those small, uncomfortable actions. Whether it’s saying hi to a stranger, sharing your thoughts in a meeting, or putting yourself out there in any way, every step you take builds the muscle of confidence. Reclaim Your Power Today "Do you really want to change your perception of yourself?" This is a crucial question because holding onto your limiting beliefs comes with hidden benefits. It might allow you to avoid rejection, escape discomfort, or protect yourself from potential failure. But in reality, those are just excuses that keep you stuck. You have the power to choose a different perspective. Reclaim your belief in yourself and be willing to take the necessary actions, even if they’re challenging. Confidence is possible for you, and you can create it—one step at a time. Take Action Now Think about an area in your life where you feel discouraged or hopeless. Bring your attention to that feeling, and start questioning it. Do I want something different here? What benefits am I getting from keeping things as they are? Once you identify these patterns, you can begin to challenge them. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know, on a deep level, that you’re truly awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 2 October 2024

In today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, we dive deep into the origins of social anxiety and why understanding its roots is crucial for breaking free. Have you ever wondered when and why your social fears started? Whether it began in middle school or as a teenager, this episode unpacks how key moments from the past shape our present behaviors and anxieties. Dr. Aziz also shares personal insights on his journey with social anxiety and offers guidance on how to shift those limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. Plus, you're invited to a special free masterclass, Three Golden Keys to Solve Social Anxiety, where you can discover practical steps to overcome these fears and start creating a radically different 2025. If you're ready to stop letting social anxiety define you, this episode is for you! Don't forget to visit DrAziz.com to sign up for the masterclass and continue your journey to confidence. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Yes, it's absolutely possible to build your confidence quickly if you approach it the right way. But most people trying to boost their confidence on their own often make a few common mistakes that end up holding them back. As a result, they conclude: “I guess confidence just isn’t for me” or “I’m hopeless.” This leads to them shelving their dreams of being confident and settling for a life of discomfort and self-doubt. As someone who spent 15 years struggling with low confidence, I’m here to show you the way out. Let’s dive into the three biggest mistakes you might be making—and how to fix them. 1. Avoiding Discomfort One of the most common mistakes is avoiding discomfort. Many people think that building confidence is just about positive thinking or motivational talk. While that can help, there’s only one surefire way to grow your confidence—facing discomfort head-on. Confidence grows through action, particularly the kind of action that feels uncomfortable. It’s like building physical fitness: just as lifting heavier weights challenges your muscles to grow stronger, doing things that make you nervous will expand your comfort zone and your confidence. “Avoiding discomfort shrinks your confidence, while taking action—no matter how small—builds it.” If you avoid taking risks, like speaking up in a meeting or introducing yourself to someone new, your confidence will stagnate. But by embracing gradual exposure to these challenges, you can grow stronger bit by bit. 2. Relying on Harsh Self-Criticism The second major mistake people make is trying to motivate themselves through harsh self-talk. You may be familiar with the inner critic, the voice that tells you things like “That wasn’t good enough” or “You’re going to fail.” Many people mistakenly believe that berating themselves will somehow push them to be better. But the truth is, you can’t beat yourself into confidence. Harsh criticism leads to avoidance and demotivation. Instead, you need to motivate yourself through self-compassion and celebration of small wins. Even if a conversation or task doesn’t go perfectly, it’s essential to acknowledge the effort you put in and the progress you’ve made. “You can’t beat yourself into confidence. Celebrate your wins, even the small ones.” 3. Lack of Consistency The final mistake is expecting instant results and then giving up when things don’t change overnight. Confidence isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a skill you need to practice consistently. Just like you wouldn’t expect to get fit after one or two workouts, you can’t expect lasting confidence after a few attempts. Aim to lean into discomfort at least three times a week. Whether it’s starting a conversation, sharing your ideas, or speaking up at work, taking regular action over time will make all the difference. “Consistency is key. You don’t need extreme efforts—just a little progress, again and again.” A Path Forward: Embrace Gradual, Sustainable Growth The key to lasting confidence is to be patient with yourself and stick with it over time. Make gradual exposure part of your routine, motivate yourself with self-compassion, and remain consistent in taking small, courageous steps toward growth. If you want to dive deeper into this process and have a proven roadmap, check out Confidence University. It provides a step-by-step guide, action plans, and support to help you build the confidence you deserve. Remember: you are not alone on this journey. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are truly awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2024

Are you stuck in a cycle of social anxiety, feeling like it's just part of who you are? In today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, we dive deep into the concept of your "social anxiety identity." How much of your identity is wrapped up in social anxiety? Dr. Aziz breaks down how this hidden identity can control your interactions, limit your relationships, and ultimately hold you back in life. Through real-life examples and actionable steps, you'll learn how to uncover the stories you've been telling yourself and begin to rewrite your identity into one of confidence and ease. Social anxiety doesn’t have to define you or your future. Also, Dr. Aziz shares details about his upcoming virtual event, End Social Anxiety Now (November 1-3), where you can dive deeper into breaking free from the grip of social anxiety and set yourself up for a radically different 2025. Don’t miss out on early bird pricing! Listen in, and get ready to challenge your identity and take action toward lasting change.   ------------------------------------   Do you feel like social anxiety defines who you are? It’s easy to believe that social discomfort is just a part of your personality, but what if that’s not true? What if you’ve unknowingly wrapped your identity around social anxiety, limiting yourself in ways you don’t even realize? In this podcast, we’ll explore how social anxiety can become part of your identity, why it holds you back, and most importantly, how to break free from it. Does Social Anxiety Define You? You might not think about it, but the way you see yourself—your identity—determines much of your behavior. If you have social anxiety, part of your identity might be tied to beliefs like "I’m awkward," or "People don’t want to connect with me." These beliefs are part of what I call a social anxiety identity, and they limit your ability to confidently interact with others. "The more your identity is one of social anxiety, the more it’s going to affect you and limit your life." By holding onto this identity, you might avoid social interactions, feel more self-conscious in conversations, and ultimately reinforce the very fear that holds you back. How Social Anxiety Becomes an Identity At the root of social anxiety is often a deep belief that something is inherently wrong with you. Maybe you think, “I’m awkward,” or “I’m not good at small talk.” These beliefs fuel the idea that you are more rejectable than others, making social situations feel risky and dangerous. This identity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you believe you’re socially awkward, you tend to avoid interactions. And when you avoid interactions, you miss the chance to practice and improve, which reinforces the belief that you’re not good at socializing. "Your identity is the lens through which you see yourself, and ultimately, how you see the world." Breaking Free from the Social Anxiety Identity The good news? This identity is not fixed. You can break free from it with conscious effort and action. Here’s how: Identify Your Limiting Beliefs Write down three key beliefs that define your social anxiety. For example, “I’m not interesting,” or “People don’t want to talk to me.” These are the stories you’ve been telling yourself, often unconsciously. Create New Identity Statements Challenge those limiting beliefs by creating new identity statements that counter them. If you’ve been telling yourself “I’m boring,” create a new belief like “I’m a fascinating person.” At first, this might feel strange or even untrue, but that’s okay—changing your identity starts with challenging your old one. Take Action to Reinforce Your New Identity Once you’ve identified your new beliefs, put them into action. Start small: say hello to someone in a social setting or ask a question in a group meeting. These small steps will help you practice your new identity and build confidence over time. The Path to Social Freedom Your social anxiety doesn’t have to define you. With the right mindset and actions, you can start to shift your identity and break free from the limitations of fear and self-doubt. Remember, the more you challenge your old identity, the more space you create for a confident, free version of yourself. "This pattern can change faster than you think." As you begin this journey, keep reminding yourself that social anxiety is not who you are—it’s just a pattern. And like any pattern, it can be changed. You deserve to live a life filled with connection, confidence, and authenticity. Ready to make the shift? You’ve got this.

Transcribed - Published: 18 September 2024

In this empowering episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz tackles one of the most challenging emotions—discouragement. Whether you're feeling stuck, hopeless, or weighed down by anxiety and pessimism, this episode is your guide to transforming those heavy emotions instantly. Dr. Aziz shares practical tools to shift your perspective and move from a place of helplessness to one of action and empowerment. Discover how to turn your discouragement into motivation, why taking action is the key to finding hope, and how you can start seeing the possibilities in your life right now. Plus, get a sneak peek into Dr. Aziz's upcoming virtual event, End Social Anxiety Now, where you'll dive deeper into these strategies and more. This episode is packed with actionable steps to help you break free from negative thinking and take control of your life. Tune in and start your journey towards a more confident, empowered you.   -------------------------------- Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or hopeless? You’re not alone. For many, these feelings of discouragement can spiral into anxiety or depression, making it seem like nothing will ever change. But what if I told you that you could shift this feeling instantly? In this blog post, we'll dive into how you can start turning things around today. Breaking the Cycle of Hopelessness Hopelessness isn’t just a feeling—it’s a perspective, a story you’ve convinced yourself is true. Thoughts like, "I can't change this" or "It’s too hard" hold you back. Over time, these thoughts grow stronger, creating a mental prison of discouragement. You may find yourself thinking, Why even try? Nothing will change. "The perspective that creates discouragement and hopelessness is one that tells you ‘I can’t change this,’ but that’s just a story you’re telling yourself. It’s not the truth." But the truth is, you can change things. The key to breaking free from hopelessness is to stop waiting for motivation and instead take action first. You see, action generates motivation, not the other way around. It’s a simple concept but one that many overlook when they feel stuck. Take Action First, Motivation Follows Most people wait until they feel motivated to act. They think, Once I feel ready, I’ll take that first step. But when you’re feeling hopeless or discouraged, waiting for motivation is the last thing you should do. The secret to shifting your perspective is by going on offense in your life. This means taking proactive steps, even when you don’t feel like it. Action brings clarity, momentum, and the confidence to keep moving forward. Waiting for motivation? That’s backward. You need to create motivation through action. "You have to go on offense in your life. Action generates motivation, just like confidence is a byproduct of action." The Instant Shift: A Simple Process Here’s a step-by-step process to instantly shift your mindset from hopelessness to empowerment: Acknowledge the Situation: Write down what’s happening in your life. Instead of letting thoughts swirl in your head, put them on paper. This helps you see things as they are, without the emotional weight attached to them. Set a Clear Goal: What do you want to change? Be specific. Maybe you want to overcome social anxiety, build meaningful relationships, or simply feel more confident. Make sure your goal is clear and resonates with you. Connect to Your Why: Why is this goal important? What will achieving it bring you? Be honest with yourself. The deeper you connect with your why, the more emotional energy you’ll have to move forward. Brainstorm Actions: Write down 10 things you could do to achieve your goal. Don’t overthink it—just brainstorm. The more ideas, the better. Take Immediate Action: Pick one simple thing from your list and do it right away. This breaks the cycle of inaction and sets the stage for momentum. Why This Works When you’re in a state of discouragement, your brain convinces you that change is impossible. The more time you spend in this state, the deeper you sink. But when you take action, even small steps, you start to see opportunities rather than roadblocks. "That story in your head about what’s impossible is not true." By shifting your perspective through action, you’re actively moving yourself out of the hopeless mindset and into one of possibility. You’ll start to feel more empowered, and before you know it, your outlook on life will begin to shift. Final Thoughts: Every Problem Has a Solution The path to overcoming social anxiety, low confidence, or any challenge in your life isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely possible. It starts with shifting your mindset, taking action, and building momentum. No matter how long you’ve felt stuck, change is within your reach. If you’re ready to dive deeper into these strategies and take bold steps to end social anxiety, join me for the End Social Anxiety Now virtual event from November 1st-3rd. It’s designed to give you the tools, support, and immersion needed to make real progress. And remember, every problem has a solution. You just need to take the first step. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 11 September 2024

In this empowering episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz tackles one of the most challenging emotions—discouragement. Whether you're feeling stuck, hopeless, or weighed down by anxiety and pessimism, this episode is your guide to transforming those heavy emotions instantly. Dr. Aziz shares practical tools to shift your perspective and move from a place of helplessness to one of action and empowerment. Discover how to turn your discouragement into motivation, why taking action is the key to finding hope, and how you can start seeing the possibilities in your life right now. Plus, get a sneak peek into Dr. Aziz's upcoming virtual event, End Social Anxiety Now, where you'll dive deeper into these strategies and more. This episode is packed with actionable steps to help you break free from negative thinking and take control of your life. Tune in and start your journey towards a more confident, empowered you.   -----------------------------------------------------------------   Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like nothing will ever change? You’re not alone. Many people battling social anxiety, low self-esteem, and people-pleasing habits experience discouragement and even hopelessness. These feelings can manifest as chronic anxiety or a heavy sense of pessimism, making it seem like there’s no way out. But what if I told you that these feelings can be transformed instantly? Yes, it’s possible, and in this post, I’m going to show you how. The Burden of Discouragement When discouragement sets in, it often brings along a companion: a negative story about your life. You might think, “I’ll never overcome this,” or “What’s the point of trying?” These thoughts don’t just create a bleak outlook on the future—they also reflect a dismal view of yourself. This mindset can spiral into shame, anxiety, or even depression, leaving you feeling stuck and powerless. “The perspective that creates discouragement and hopelessness is one that tells you ‘I can’t change this,’ but that’s just a story you’re telling yourself. It’s not the truth.” The Instant Shift The good news is that these feelings are not permanent. In fact, they can be shifted instantly because they’re rooted in perspective, not reality. Unlike physical wounds that take time to heal, the mental and emotional states of discouragement and hopelessness are based on how you’re choosing to see your situation. And the best part? You can change that perspective in a moment. Take Action, Generate Motivation One of the biggest mistakes people make when they’re feeling down is waiting for motivation to strike before taking action. But as Dr. Aziz points out, this approach is backward. Motivation isn’t a prerequisite for action—it’s a byproduct of it. When you take action, no matter how small, you begin to generate the motivation and confidence you need to keep moving forward. “You have to go on offense in your life. Action generates motivation, just like confidence is a byproduct of action.” A Simple Process to Break Free Here’s a step-by-step process to transform your state of discouragement into one of hope and possibility: Acknowledge the Situation: Start by writing down what’s really happening in your life. This helps you see things as they are, not through the dramatic lens of your mind. Identify What You Want: Set a clear, specific goal. It could be something like “I want to feel more comfortable in social situations” or “I want to make new friends.” Make sure it’s something that truly resonates with you. Connect to Your Why: Ask yourself why this goal is important to you. What will achieving it bring into your life? This is where you tap into the emotional energy that will drive you forward. Brainstorm Actions: Force yourself to come up with 10 actions you could take to move towards your goal. Don’t worry about whether they’re perfect or doable—just get them down on paper. Take Immediate Action: Choose one of the easiest actions on your list and do it right away. This will kickstart your momentum and begin to shift your perspective. Moving Forward with Confidence By following this process, you’ll notice an immediate change in how you feel. You’ll start to see possibilities where there were none, and you’ll begin to believe in your ability to create change in your life. The key is to keep moving forward, taking one action at a time, and allowing that momentum to build. “If you follow this process, you’ll find that you naturally start to sit taller, breathe deeper, and feel more empowered. That’s what offense feels like in your life.” An Invitation to Go Deeper If you’re ready to take your journey even further, consider joining Dr. Aziz for his upcoming virtual event, “End Social Anxiety Now,” happening November 1-3. This immersive experience will dive deep into the strategies and tools you need to transform your social anxiety into social confidence. You’ll learn how to free yourself from the burdens of discouragement and step into a life of connection, authenticity, and freedom. Remember, every problem has a solution. Your feelings of hopelessness are not the end of the road—they’re just the beginning of a new chapter where you can write your own story. Until next time, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

Transcribed - Published: 2 September 2024

In today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz invites his good friend and colleague, Ben Gibson, for a deep and insightful conversation about a different kind of confidence: spiritual confidence, or divine confidence. While we often discuss self-confidence and overcoming personal doubts, this episode dives into something deeper—trusting in life, the universe, or something bigger than ourselves. Together, Dr. Aziz and Ben explore what it means to have faith in the unknown, to trust that there’s a solution to every problem, even when the path is unclear. Whether you come from a religious background, consider yourself spiritual, or identify as an atheist, this episode is for you. It’s about embracing faith and trust, not in a prescribed way, but in a way that feels accessible to everyone. Join them as they share personal stories, practical insights, and real experiences to help you cultivate faith in yourself, others, and life itself. If you’re looking for a way to build both self-confidence and a deeper spiritual connection, this episode offers powerful tools to guide you. Tune in, reflect, and start cultivating your divine confidence today!   --------------------------   Unlocking Spiritual Confidence: Trusting in Life Beyond Self Are you struggling with social anxiety, people-pleasing, or a crippling fear of rejection? Perhaps you’re longing to live more authentically, to speak up boldly, and to not be paralyzed by what others might think. If so, you're not alone—and there’s a powerful shift you can make today that goes beyond simply “working on your confidence.” In a recent episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz Gazipura dives deep into a dimension of confidence that is often overlooked but is crucial for true inner freedom: spiritual confidence. Joined by his colleague Ben Gibson, Dr. Aziz explores how trusting in something bigger than yourself—whether you call it life, the universe, or the divine—can elevate your confidence to new heights. The Limitations of Self-Confidence Self-confidence is important. It’s about believing in your ability to handle whatever life throws at you, to step into the unknown, and to take courageous actions. But, as Dr. Aziz points out, self-confidence alone has its limits. No matter how much you build yourself up, there will always be moments where life feels overwhelming, uncertain, or even terrifying. This is where spiritual confidence comes into play. “There’s always something in the unknown that can make it seem threatening or scary until we develop this other side of things—spiritual confidence.” What Is Spiritual Confidence? Spiritual confidence is the trust in something beyond yourself. It's the faith that, even when things don’t go according to plan or when life throws unexpected challenges your way, there is a larger process at work. This isn’t about subscribing to a particular religion; it’s about finding a deep, personal connection to something bigger. Ben Gibson shares how, in his journey, this trust has become a crucial part of navigating life’s trials. “Faith is the belief in something that I don’t see. It’s not just a hope; it’s a deep inner knowing.” The Role of Faith in Handling Life’s Challenges Faith doesn’t mean you’ll be shielded from all pain or that life will always be smooth. In fact, it’s often through life’s most challenging moments that our faith—and by extension, our spiritual confidence—is forged. Ben and Dr. Aziz discuss how pain, loss, and uncertainty are not just obstacles to be avoided, but essential experiences that help us grow and ultimately, trust more deeply. Embrace the Process, Not Just the Outcome One of the key takeaways from this conversation is the importance of embracing the process. Just like an apple tree must go through the phases of blossoming, growing, and ripening, we too must trust the journey of our own growth—even when it feels uncomfortable or uncertain. “There’s something beyond the thing that might have been great and even functional up until this point. When it falls away, it just means there’s a bigger process happening.” Action Step: Examine Your Perspective As you go about your day, pause and ask yourself: How am I perceiving myself, life, and whatever you might consider divine? Just observing your current lens can be the first step toward shifting it. This simple awareness can open up a pathway to greater spiritual confidence, helping you to face life’s challenges with a deeper sense of peace and trust. Remember, every moment of your life is a new one, and with the right perspective, you can move forward with confidence—not just in yourself, but in the life that unfolds before you.

Transcribed - Published: 28 August 2024