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Shrink For The Shy Guy

Not Where You "Should Be" In Life?

Shrink For The Shy Guy

Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach

Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Careers, Business, Self-improvement, Education

4.8649 Ratings

🗓️ 11 March 2025

⏱️ 23 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Do you ever feel like you're behind in life? Like you're not where you should be? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the unconscious programming that fuels this feeling and how to break free from it.

You'll learn:

  • Why we constantly feel like we’re falling short
  • How societal and personal conditioning shape our expectations
  • The key to shifting your mindset so you can feel good right now—without waiting for external success

This episode is all about reclaiming control over your life, challenging the "drummer in the back of the bus," and finding joy before you reach the next milestone.

 

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Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be in life? Like there's a destination you're supposed to reach, but no matter how hard you try, it feels out of your grasp? You’re not alone. Many of us have faced these feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, or frustration when we feel that we haven't achieved everything we thought we would by a certain age or stage in life. In this episode, we’ll explore why that happens and how to break free from these limiting beliefs to get to where you want to be—both in life and in your inner world.

The Unconscious Forces at Play

We often think we’re in control of our lives. After all, we make decisions, set goals, and take action. But have you ever caught yourself doing something you didn’t plan to do? Maybe eating something late at night you didn’t even want, or acting out of frustration when you didn’t mean to? If you’ve experienced this, you’ve been influenced by unconscious forces that are driving your behavior without you even realizing it.

Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This means that the patterns, beliefs, and conditioning we’ve developed throughout our lives are often controlling us, guiding us in ways that might not be aligned with our true desires.

The Drummer in the Back of the Bus

Think of your life as a bus, and you are the driver. But here’s the catch: you're not driving alone. There's a whole group of characters in the back of the bus, influencing your decisions. These characters are your unconscious programming—the messages you've absorbed from society, family, and past experiences. Some of these voices might tell you that you're not good enough, not successful enough, or that you’re falling behind in life.

Imagine one of the voices on the bus is the "drummer"—the voice that constantly beats the rhythm of what's wrong, what's missing, and what you should have done by now. It’s the voice that says, "You should have achieved more by now" or "You need to be in a relationship to be happy."

The problem is, these unconscious voices drive us to make decisions based on fear and inadequacy. We feel the pressure to be perfect and chase after what society says we should want, but often, these desires are culturally conditioned and not entirely our own.

Shifting from Fear to Freedom

How do you break free from the constant chatter of this internal drummer? The first step is awareness. You need to listen to the voices that tell you you’re not where you should be, and ask them questions.

What do you want me to do? Why do I need to achieve this specific thing to feel okay? By bringing attention to these voices, you start to question whether they are truly yours, or if they're just a product of your upbringing or societal expectations.

Once you understand these voices are not the truth of who you are, you can begin to quiet them. And here's the key: true freedom comes when you recognize that you don’t need to achieve or have everything in place to be happy. The pressure to be perfect, to meet certain external standards, is what keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and frustration.

Your Action Step

This week, take some time to listen to the drummer in the back of your bus. Pay attention to the voice that tells you you're not enough. Write down what it says. Then, question it. Challenge its validity. Is it really true? Can you still be happy without meeting those external standards?

The more you do this, the more you’ll create space for your true self to emerge. You don’t need to meet every external expectation to feel worthy. True growth comes from aligning with your authentic desires, not from chasing what others expect of you.

In the next episode, we’ll explore how to liberate yourself from this inner conflict and step into a life filled with joy and authenticity.

Stay tuned for more!

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy.

0:05.0

This is the show for you if you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self-doubt,

0:10.0

social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you.

0:15.0

I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my

0:21.9

journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every

0:28.5

single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them

0:33.1

in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you.

0:43.8

Welcome to today's episode of the show. It's good to be with you. Today we're going to be

0:48.9

talking about something I think it's going to be very powerful and helpful for you, which is the

0:53.2

feeling of, well, a whole host,

0:56.2

honestly, of negative feelings that can arise from one perception, which is that you are not

1:04.6

where you want to be in your life, and maybe it feels like you're not where you should be in your life. Is this something

1:14.8

you can relate to? If so, and first of all, you're not alone. If so, I think a huge amount of

1:19.2

people feel that. I've certainly felt that in my life. And I'm going to break down in today's

1:24.0

episode, what are some of the sources of that and how you can really shift

1:30.3

it? So you can ultimately get to what you want, which is not just to where you want to be in life, right?

1:38.3

That might be part of the agenda, but to feel better now, right?

1:45.0

And I think that's really the angle we're going to come at in today's episode.

1:50.0

Yes, there's things we can look at about how you can achieve more.

1:54.0

That's in the realm of productivity, performance, achieving your potential.

1:58.0

Confidence is a big part of that, right?

2:00.0

But there's no amount you can achieve.

...

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