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Shrink For The Shy Guy

Breaking The Anxiety Cycle

Shrink For The Shy Guy

Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach

Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Careers, Business, Self-improvement, Education

4.8649 Ratings

🗓️ 1 April 2025

⏱️ 20 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the hidden cycle that fuels your worry and anxiety—especially when it comes to social situations, work, dating, money, health, and more. If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety keeps coming back despite trying tools like affirmations, meditation, or even medication, this episode is for you.

You’ll discover:

  • The 5-part anxiety loop that drives your fear and fuels the need to control everything
  • Why the real issue isn’t the fear itself, but how you relate to it
  • How to spot where you are in the cycle so you can break free in real time
  • The power of self-awareness and softening, instead of resistance and control
  • One simple but powerful action step to find relief—starting today

Dr. Aziz reveals how recognizing this cycle (Fear → Urge to Do → Prevent the Bad → Avoid Pain → More Fear) can unlock lasting freedom and peace. Tune in now and take the first step toward living with more presence, ease, and inner confidence.

🎧 Ready to finally stop fighting anxiety and start living? Press play now.

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Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of worry and anxiety? Maybe you're overthinking conversations, feeling uneasy about upcoming events, or imagining worst-case scenarios. This constant cycle of fear and worry can feel overwhelming, but there’s a way out.

In today’s post, we’re diving deep into how anxiety works and, more importantly, how you can start breaking free from it. Let’s explore how to stop worrying, be more present, and create lasting peace of mind.


The Anxiety Cycle: Fear, Action, and Pain

It all starts with fear—the feeling we all know too well. When we feel anxious, whether it’s about a social situation, work stress, or personal struggles, we experience fear. It’s that tightness in your chest, the flutter in your stomach, or the constant, buzzing thoughts in your head. The immediate reaction to this fear is often the urge to do something—anything to make it stop. We might try to control the situation, over-prepare, or replay conversations in our minds, trying to plan every possible outcome.

This urgency to act comes from the desire to avoid pain. Whether it’s the emotional pain of rejection, embarrassment, or failure, we act to prevent those outcomes. But the irony is, the more we try to control and avoid pain, the more we trap ourselves in this cycle.

"Fear leads to the urge to do something, which is often about preventing bad outcomes. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain."

What Happens Next?

Once we’ve acted or worried about acting, we eventually arrive at the one thing we’ve been trying to avoid—pain. It could be the pain of failure, rejection, or even just the discomfort of uncertainty. And here’s the twist: we’re so afraid of pain that we spend most of our energy trying to protect ourselves from it.

But what if we stopped trying to avoid pain altogether? What if, instead of controlling, we embraced impermanence and allowed ourselves to experience life’s inevitable ups and downs? As Buddhist teachings remind us, everything in life changes, including pain. The pain we fear is often temporary, and yet, we treat it like a permanent threat.

"The fear of pain keeps us stuck in a cycle of worry and control. But what if we embraced the fact that pain, like everything else, is temporary?"

Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Observation

So how do we break this cycle? It starts with observation. The first step is noticing where you are in the cycle of anxiety. Are you stuck in fear, urgently trying to do something? Are you trying to protect yourself from pain or a bad outcome? By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to step out of the cycle.

Next, try to soften the need for control. Recognize that, while some things in life are out of your hands, this doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You don’t need to control every outcome to feel okay. You can still act, but from a place of inspiration, not fear. Start practicing this mindset shift by simply observing your thoughts and reactions when anxiety arises.

"By observing the cycle of fear, action, and pain, we can break free from the need to control and start embracing life's natural flow."


The Action Step: Embrace the Impermanence of Pain

As your action step today, when you notice anxiety or worry creeping in, pause and ask yourself: “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to prevent pain or avoid something that might not even happen?” Recognize that life is full of ups and downs, and some of the pain we fear is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we can’t navigate it with peace and resilience.

Instead of reacting out of fear, act from a place of acceptance and curiosity. It’s okay to feel discomfort or uncertainty. By embracing this, you’ll free yourself from the constant cycle of worry and begin to live more fully in the present.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy.

0:05.0

This is the show for you if you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self-doubt,

0:10.0

social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you.

0:15.0

I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey

0:22.3

to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person

0:29.2

that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now

0:34.1

so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you.

0:43.0

Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today I'm excited to share with you how you can

0:49.3

free yourself from worry and anxiety, which obviously can apply to any area of life.

0:54.5

We can worry about anything, but, you know, especially people that I'm working with,

0:58.5

we can tend to worry about social situations, upcoming things relating to other humans,

1:05.8

whether it's a experience at work, a conflict that we have to deal with, saying something we need to say,

1:13.6

something that's bothering us that we don't want to say, any sort of social experience,

1:19.5

dating experience, work experience. We can worry about all of that stuff, as well as the

1:25.2

big things in life that people tend to worry about, you know,

1:28.7

their money, their health, family members, that sort of thing too.

1:31.9

So there is no end to what we can have anxiety about.

1:36.8

And in this show, we often talk about social anxiety, but this applies to everything.

1:41.7

But I'm going to guess that if you're listening to this show, you experience some of the time, some sort of anxiety.

1:47.0

It's probably what drew you here, probably social anxiety or fear of being more direct or assertive with people.

1:53.0

So how do we deal with that anxiety?

1:56.0

How do we actually free ourselves from that anxiety?

...

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