Sober Friends

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the disease model of alcoholism—not as an excuse, but as a way to understand why alcohol affected them differently than it does other people. The conversation starts with the idea of “getting better and leaving,” and turns into a deeper look at why staying connected still matters, even after years of sobriety. They discuss personal responsibility, AA, the “built-in forgetter,” and the strange reality of still noticing alcohol in ways...

Transcribed - Published: 2 June 2026

Send us Fan Mail Getting sober does not automatically make the voice in your head disappear. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about the part of the mind that used to minimize drinking — you’re not that bad, other people drink more, you’re overreacting — and how that same voice can show up later in sobriety as doubt, fear, or the feeling that you don’t deserve what you have. Matt shares how anxiety led his brain to start filling in the blanks with stories: that his work did not matter, tha...

Transcribed - Published: 26 May 2026

Send us Fan Mail There’s a weird part of sobriety where nothing is technically wrong, but you still feel uncomfortable in your own skin. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about what happens when alcohol is gone, but the restlessness, anxiety, expectations, and urge to escape are still there. They get into why discomfort does not always mean something is wrong, how ordinary life can still feel hard sober, and why learning to sit with yourself is not the same as isolating or forcing yourself...

Transcribed - Published: 19 May 2026

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve talk about acceptance in sobriety — not as approval, not as giving up, and not as pretending everything is fine. It is about getting honest with reality instead of wasting energy trying to control people, outcomes, feelings, or the past. They dig into why acceptance can feel so uncomfortable for newcomers, especially when it sounds passive or weak. The conversation gets into control, resentment, asking for help, and the simple but difficult pra...

Transcribed - Published: 10 May 2026

Send us Fan Mail Matt and Steve talk about what happens when old alcoholic thinking shows up without the alcohol. Matt shares what it has been like tapering off medication, including the dark, isolating feeling that reaching out would not help — even when he knows connection usually does. They also get into emotional overreactions, escape fantasies, family stress, broken phones, sponsor avoidance, and the uncomfortable truth that recovery still asks for action long after the drinking stops. T...

Transcribed - Published: 5 May 2026

Send us Fan Mail A 13-year-old goes to Six Flags and comes back with a story—she could tell right away that another parent had been drinking. No one told her. She just knew. That moment turns into a bigger conversation about what kids actually pick up on, how early they figure things out, and what it means when you think you’re hiding your drinking—but you’re not. Matt and Steve talk about being that parent, how relationships with kids quietly slip over time, and what changes when you’re fina...

Transcribed - Published: 28 April 2026

Send us Fan Mail Ever know exactly what you should do… and still can’t make yourself do it? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about the kind of overwhelm that doesn’t show up as a crisis — it just builds quietly until everything feels heavy. The to-do list grows, your brain won’t shut off, and even simple things start to feel harder than they should. They get into: Why there’s a gap between knowing and doingHow “keep it simple” can help — or become a trapWhat i...

Transcribed - Published: 21 April 2026

Send us Fan Mail Ever feel like you’re doing everything right… and it still blows up anyway? That’s what this episode is about. This week, Matt and Steve talk about those moments when life hits hard even when you’re showing up, doing the work, and trying to stay on track. The kind of setbacks that make you question what the point is—and whether any of it is actually working. They get into: Why doing the “right things” doesn’t guarantee smooth outcomesHow to deal with frustration when things f...

Transcribed - Published: 14 April 2026

Send us Fan Mail A lot of people in AA have a Big Book. Fewer people know how to actually use it. Matt was one of those people for a long time — and he's willing to admit it. In this episode Matt and Steve dig into what the Big Book actually is and what it isn't. It's not a memoir. It's not a devotional. It's not a loose collection of Bill Wilson's thoughts. It's a textbook — sequential by design, with chapters that build on each other deliberately. Read it out of order, rush through it, or t...

Transcribed - Published: 7 April 2026

Send us Fan Mail Nobody gets sober because they want to stop drinking. They get sober because their life isn't working — and somewhere along the way, someone handed them a set of instructions that actually helped. Matt and Steve call it the recipe. Not a rulebook, not a religious text, not a list of suggestions. A recipe. Follow the steps enough times and something unexpected happens — it stops being something you do and starts being how you live. In this episode they dig into what sobriety a...

Transcribed - Published: 31 March 2026

Send us Fan Mail What does recovery actually mean? If you've ever measured your sobriety by days and wondered if there was more to it than that, this episode is for you. Matt sits down with Dr. Adi Jaffe — psychologist, neuroscientist, UCLA researcher, and author of The Abstinence Myth and Unhooked — for one of the most honest and wide-ranging conversations Sober Friends has ever had. Dr. Jaffe went from meth-addicted drug dealer with nine felonies to earning his PhD and building one of the m...

Transcribed - Published: 24 March 2026

Send us Fan Mail That's the part nobody wants to say out loud. Alcohol wasn't just a bad habit — for a lot of us, it was a solution. It fixed the social anxiety. It fixed the noise. It fixed the feeling of not fitting in. The problem wasn't that it didn't work. The problem was everything it cost. Matt shares a moment from a recent trip to Boston — walking past the warm lights of a hotel bar, depleted and exhausted, and feeling the whisper. He wasn't in danger. But he heard it. And that's exac...

Transcribed - Published: 17 March 2026

Send us Fan Mail You've heard it a thousand times in the rooms — take what you like and leave the rest. But what does that actually mean? Matt and Steve dig into one of recovery's most repeated phrases and ask the question nobody wants to answer: are you using it as a doorway into the program, or a loophole out of it? From the opinions of the old-timer who never shuts up to skipping Step 4 because it makes you uncomfortable — there's a real difference between leaving what doesn't belong to th...

Transcribed - Published: 3 March 2026

Send us Fan Mail "Carrying the message" doesn't mean becoming Mr. AA or giving speeches at speaker meetings. It's not about recruiting, arguing on Facebook, or diagnosing strangers. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what carrying the message actually looks like — and why it has nothing to do with preaching. Steve shares the story of his first AA meeting: lost, confused, and terrified. Then someone reached out with a simple handshake and said, "Hey, I'm Mike. How you doing to...

Transcribed - Published: 17 February 2026

Send us Fan Mail Matt and Steve dive deep into Dr. Silkworth's groundbreaking work on alcoholism and why understanding the medical nature of addiction changes everything. They explore a fascinating discovery: Silkworth published his "allergy theory" in a 1937 medical journal—two years before the Big Book—challenging the common AA legend about why he initially hesitated to put his name in print. The hosts discuss why the Doctor's Opinion matters less for its 1939 medical accuracy and more for ...

Transcribed - Published: 10 February 2026

Send us Fan Mail Service work in AA recovery isn't about giving back - it's about belonging, commitment, and staying sober. "I don't even drink coffee." "That's fine. You haven't been nominated to drink coffee. You've been nominated to make coffee." Steve heard this exchange at his Thursday night men's meeting, and it might be the greatest line about service work ever spoken. Because that's exactly what service work is - doing something that isn't about you, that gets you connected, tha...

Transcribed - Published: 3 February 2026

Send us Fan Mail "I love to do things that will give me temporary comfort, that will make me very uncomfortable somewhere down the road." A woman with 30+ years of sobriety shared this in Steve's Wednesday meeting, and it hit hard. Because that's exactly what drinking was - temporary relief that created long-term pain. But here's the real question: when you quit drinking, what are you actually missing? In this episode, Matt and Steve dig into what happens when you remove alcohol but don't rep...

Transcribed - Published: 27 January 2026

Send us Fan Mail Ever feel like you're doing everything "right" in recovery but still find yourself pissed off when things don't go your way? Steve opens up about his biggest struggle even after 15+ years sober: the control freak mindset that gets shit done but also sets him up for resentment, anxiety, and dangerous thinking patterns. In this episode, we dig into the difference between being outcome-focused (expecting specific results because you did the work) versus journey-focused (trusting...

Transcribed - Published: 20 January 2026

Send us Fan Mail It’s mid-January, the "Pink Cloud" of New Year’s resolutions has evaporated, and for many in the Northeast, we are staring down a "marathon of dark, cold, and gloomy days". In this episode, Matt and Steve get honest about the "January Gloom" and a phenomenon many newcomers face but rarely understand: Anhedonia. If you feel numb, bored, or like life has lost its "charm" since the holidays ended, you aren't doing recovery wrong—your brain is simply healing. We discuss why tryin...

Transcribed - Published: 13 January 2026

Send us Fan Mail You can be sober and still have bad days — and that doesn’t mean you’re doing recovery wrong. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what it looks like to stay sober through anxiety, physical pain, holidays, and emotional discomfort. Matt shares his experience recovering from surgery, navigating anxiety, and using prescribed pain medication safely without triggering old behaviors. Steve reflects on how holidays and stress at home can still bring up difficult feel...

Transcribed - Published: 6 January 2026

Send us Fan Mail Have you ever been at a party, wedding, or holiday gathering holding a soda and felt like everyone noticed you weren’t drinking? In this episode of Sober Friends, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what it’s like to be the only sober person in the room—especially early on. They dig into why sobriety can feel uncomfortable in social settings, why it’s not really about the alcohol, and how losing that “social lubricant” can make everything feel louder and more exposed. They exp...

Transcribed - Published: 30 December 2025

Send us Fan Mail Pete Axthelm once said he tried to quit drinking for three days — and couldn’t cope. He died at 47, convinced that life without alcohol wasn’t survivable. That sentence stopped me cold, because for many of us, it’s painfully familiar. In this episode, Steve and I talk about why quitting alcohol feels less like a choice and more like standing at the edge of a cliff. We explore the uncomfortable truth that for many alcoholics, alcohol wasn’t just the problem — it was the soluti...

Transcribed - Published: 23 December 2025

Send us Fan Mail There’s no such thing as perfect sobriety. In this episode, Matt and Steve explore why learning from mistakes is part of the process — not a failure. They talk about comparison in recovery, changing needs over time, and how wanting things to “click faster” can quietly work against us. This is an honest conversation about patience, humility, and staying willing — even when you realize you’re still a present-day alcoholic doing the work one day at a time. Support the show 📫 Get...

Transcribed - Published: 16 December 2025

Send us Fan Mail What does “rock bottom” actually look like — and do you really have to hit it before you get sober? In this episode, Matt and Steve break down the biggest myth in recovery: that you need a dramatic collapse, a lost job, a destroyed marriage, or a trip to the ER to justify getting help. We talk about how comparison keeps people stuck (“my story isn’t as bad as theirs”), why so many of us lie to ourselves about how bad things really are, and how easy it is to miss the quieter s...

Transcribed - Published: 9 December 2025

Send us Fan Mail What happens when the picture-perfect life hides a private hell? In this episode of the Sober Friends Podcast, Matt J sits down with Emily Redondo, author of Wife Mother Drunk: An Intergenerational Memoir of Loss and Love. Emily takes us inside her raw and unfiltered journey through addiction, motherhood, and the generational trauma that shaped her story. From pumping and dumping breast milk in rehab to uncovering family secrets that spanned decades, Emily shares what it’s li...

Transcribed - Published: 2 December 2025

Send us Fan Mail What do you do when your body forces you to slow down — and your mind wants to fight it? In this week’s episode, Matt and Steve dive into the real-life struggle of acceptance after Matt was sidelined by Lyme disease. No gym, no long walks, barely enough energy to get through the grocery store. It felt like life was slipping by… and the only way forward was accepting what is. Acceptance is one of the core tools of recovery. But it’s also one of the hardest. It can feel like su...

Transcribed - Published: 25 November 2025

Send us Fan Mail Turning 50 has Matt thinking about milestones — in life, in recovery, and in all the small moments that really shape who we become. In this episode, the guys dig into what “milestones” truly mean once you’ve been around a while. Sure, the chips and anniversaries matter, but the real growth often happens in the quiet, everyday wins: making an amends, showing up for someone you love, or just staying sober for another five minutes. Matt and Steve swap stories about turning point...

Transcribed - Published: 11 November 2025

Send us Fan Mail It’s Gratitude Month — but what if you don’t feel grateful? Matt and Steve talk about the kind of week that tests your patience, your sobriety, and your sanity. From corporate layoffs and sleepless nights to plumbing issues and family stress, it was one of those weeks. But a TikTok from a man recovering from cancer shifted Matt’s perspective — a reminder that gratitude isn’t about ignoring the mess, it’s about finding peace inside it. Join the guys as they explore how gratitu...

Transcribed - Published: 4 November 2025

Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Matt and Steve take a hard look at We Agnostics, one of the most debated chapters in the AA Big Book. Matt admits he’s developing a resentment toward Bill W.’s logic — from comparing God to electricity to invoking Columbus and the flat Earth. Are these inspired metaphors or just sales tactics to get the drunk to believe? The guys talk about where Bill’s arguments fall apart, why intent might matter more than accuracy, and how the idea of “contempt before inve...

Transcribed - Published: 28 October 2025

Send us Fan Mail ver tell yourself, “I can’t be an alcoholic — I still have a job, a house, and a family”? This week, Matt and Steve dive into the myth of the high-functioning drinker — the person who looks like they have it all together, but is quietly falling apart on the inside. We talk about how easy it is to compare our messy insides to other people’s polished outsides, why you don’t have to hit “rock bottom” to have a problem, and how the slow decline of high-functioning drinking erod...

Transcribed - Published: 21 October 2025

Send us Fan Mail It’s one of the most awkward moments in sobriety when someone offers you a drink and you are not sure what to say. Do you tell the truth, make an excuse, or try to explain yourself? Matt and Steve talk about those everyday situations where being sober still feels weird, like barbecues, work events, neighbors, and family get-togethers. They share their own stories, what to say and what not to say, how to keep it simple, and why most people do not care as much as we think they ...

Transcribed - Published: 14 October 2025

Send us Fan Mail Sometimes forgiveness feels impossible, especially when you’re sure the other person doesn’t deserve it. In this episode, Matt and Steve dive into the messy, uncomfortable work of letting go of resentment and learning to “love on” the people who have wronged us. Inspired by CHiPs star Larry Wilcox’s story about forgiving Erik Estrada after years of bitterness, the guys talk about what forgiveness really means in recovery and how it connects to humility, prayer, and emotional ...

Transcribed - Published: 7 October 2025

Send us Fan Mail Rebecca calls herself a “textbook alcoholic,” but her recovery journey is anything but ordinary. In this episode, she opens up about chasing the next big thing, hitting bottom, and finding freedom in sobriety. From navigating early recovery with overachiever energy (yes, she read the entire Big Book cover to cover) to surviving a literal hurricane without picking up a drink, Rebecca shares the lessons, struggles, and surprising gifts of staying sober. We talk about the myth o...

Transcribed - Published: 30 September 2025

Send us Fan Mail At the Big E, one of the biggest fairs in the country, I couldn’t help but notice how quickly things turned sloppy once the drinks started flowing. Being surrounded by that chaos didn’t just make me uncomfortable—it brought me back to the unpredictability and abuse I grew up with around alcohol. In this episode, Steve and I dig into why being around drunk crowds can feel so unsettling in sobriety, how our pasts shape those reactions, and the strategies we use to stay safe whe...

Transcribed - Published: 23 September 2025

Send us Fan Mail Some weeks, the world feels like too much. Shocking news, painful anniversaries, and even everyday moments can stir up old fears and anxieties. For those of us in recovery, those feelings used to send us straight to a drink or a destructive behavior. In this episode, Matt and Steve talk honestly about what it’s like when the news cycle, memories of 9/11, and even walking into a school can trigger fear, stress, and overwhelm. We explore how Steps 6 and 7 — and other tools from...

Transcribed - Published: 16 September 2025

Send us Fan Mail What really keeps people sober: faith, science, or a mix of both? In this episode of the Sober Friends Podcast, Matt and Steve dive into the tension—and surprising overlap—between faith-based recovery in AA and evidence-based approaches like therapy, medication, and new medical research. Matt shares a personal struggle with restless legs and sleep issues, along with his journey using weight loss medication, which sparks a bigger conversation: Can science offer the same kind o...

Transcribed - Published: 9 September 2025

Send us Fan Mail The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous was originally designed to be a sponsor in your pocket when there were no meetings to attend. So why do Matt J and Steve insist you shouldn't read it solo? In this honest conversation, they explore why this 1939 "textbook" hits different when you share it with others. From sponsor relationships to Big Book meetings, discover why interpretation matters and how hearing someone else's take on a passage can crack open meanings you've missed fo...

Transcribed - Published: 2 September 2025

Send us Fan Mail In this episode of the Sober Friends Podcast, Matt and Steve dig into Step 12 of the program: carrying the message and practicing the principles in all areas of life. They share personal stories of being welcomed into meetings, what it felt like to get help in those first shaky days, and why giving back to newcomers is essential for staying sober. From answering hotline calls to simply saying “welcome” at a meeting, Step 12 isn’t about preaching — it’s about showing up, shari...

Transcribed - Published: 26 August 2025

Send us Fan Mail We say alcohol is the problem — but for me, alcohol was the solution to something deeper. In this episode, I share my story of living with ADHD and a new diagnosis of Level 1 autism, and how both shaped my drinking and recovery. From masking in social situations to battling boredom, anxiety, and racing thoughts, I talk about why alcohol became my coping tool and what I’ve learned in sobriety about finding healthier solutions. Support the show 📫 Get more honest conversations...

Transcribed - Published: 19 August 2025

Send us Fan Mail Alcohol was just the symptom. Matt and Steve talk about childhood wounds, confidence, and why lasting sobriety can take more than AA. From therapy to medical care, they share the tools that keep them sober—and why it’s okay to build your own recovery path. Support the show 📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-fre...

Transcribed - Published: 12 August 2025

Send us Fan Mail You’re out to celebrate—a birthday dinner at the hibachi grill, maybe a wedding, or just a backyard barbecue. Then it happens. Someone hands you a drink, squirts sake at your face, or serves food soaked in booze… and you didn’t even realize it until it was too late. In this episode, Matt and Steve share their real-life stories of accidentally consuming alcohol in social situations and how those moments impacted their sobriety. They dive deep into the difference between intent...

Transcribed - Published: 5 August 2025

Send us Fan Mail Is it really that bad—or are you just starting to wonder? In this episode of the Sober Friends podcast, we talk about that quiet question many of us ask ourselves: “Do I actually have a problem with alcohol?” You don’t need to lose everything to get sober. We explore what a “high bottom” looks like, how addiction can quietly damage your life long before rock bottom hits, and why questioning your drinking might be the biggest red flag of all. Whether you’re 18 or 58, your mome...

Transcribed - Published: 29 July 2025

Send us Fan Mail What if the person you love isn’t broken—just buried under addiction? In this powerful episode, I sit down with addiction counselor and YouTube creator Amber Hollingsworth of Put The Shovel Down to talk about something we don’t hear enough in recovery: how to actually help a loved one struggling with addiction—without enabling or playing the villain. Amber shares insight from two decades of working with addicts and their families, including: Why tough love often backfiresThe ...

Transcribed - Published: 22 July 2025

Send us Fan Mail In this episode of The Sober Friends Podcast, Matt and Steve get real about something that challenges many of us in sobriety—asking for help and, even harder, accepting it. Whether it’s a neighbor offering to help with yard work or a sponsor helping you through a relapse, support doesn’t always show up the way we expect. And sometimes pride, fear, or shame can keep us from accepting what we truly need. From stories of burnout and Cadillac problems to lessons learned through t...

Transcribed - Published: 15 July 2025

Send us Fan Mail Getting out of your comfort zone is hard — especially in sobriety. In this episode, Matt and Steve dive into the real-life anxiety of leaving the safe routines of recovery to go on vacation. From travel stress to the fear of asking for help, they unpack how discomfort shows up, how to plan ahead, and why pushing through it can actually strengthen your sobriety. Matt’s heading to Orlando with his family, and spoiler alert: he really doesn’t want to go — but he’s doing it sober...

Transcribed - Published: 8 July 2025

Send us Fan Mail In early sobriety, everything feels possible. You’re sleeping better, your skin looks great, and the world seems full of hope—that’s the “pink cloud.” But what happens when that high starts to fade? In this episode of the Sober Friends podcast, Matt and Steve dive into the emotional crash that can come after the early euphoria wears off. We talk about why it happens (hello, brain chemistry), how to prepare for it, and what tools you’ll need to stay sober when life gets messy ...

Transcribed - Published: 1 July 2025

Send us Fan Mail What happens when the wine stops working—and you’re left alone with yourself? In this raw and powerful episode, Marcy R. shares how her drinking escalated during the isolation of COVID, and how that stillness forced her to confront the truth. From growing up with addiction in the family, navigating single motherhood, living with undiagnosed ADHD, and surviving a toxic relationship—Marcy opens up about the moment it all clicked: “I’m not in the wrong 12-step room. I’m an alcoh...

Transcribed - Published: 24 June 2025

Send us Fan Mail It’s Matt, and I’m flying solo this week with a raw and personal episode about stress, burnout, and trying to hold it all together—without picking up a drink. From battling insurance over Wegovy, to my daughter’s knee injury, to the financial hit of back-to-back sports trips, everything has been hitting at once. I’m feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and, honestly, kind of crispy around the edges. But here’s the thing: I’m still sober. And that’s a miracle. This episode is about...

Transcribed - Published: 10 June 2025

Send us Fan Mail Summer’s here—and with it comes road trips, cookouts, sports tournaments, and beach vacations. For those of us in recovery, that can mean a lot of triggers packed into a short season. In this episode, we dive into the real-life challenges of staying sober during summer travel, from boozy parents at soccer games to the loneliness of hotel rooms. We share personal stories of what’s worked, what hasn’t, and why having a plan (and a backup plan) can make all the difference. Wheth...

Transcribed - Published: 3 June 2025

Send us Fan Mail In this episode of the Sober Friends Podcast, we’re diving into what it really takes to stay sober during the summer—starting with Memorial Day weekend. From cookouts and weddings to long weekends and family parties, the warm-weather season brings all kinds of drinking triggers. Matt, Steve, and John share personal stories and practical strategies for navigating these challenges alcohol-free. Whether you’re newly sober or have a few summers under your belt, this conversation ...

Transcribed - Published: 27 May 2025