Marriage Therapy Radio

Zach is joined by Darren and LaVerna Wilk to explore the journey of maintaining a thriving marriage through the transitions of parenting, fostering, and embracing the empty nest phase. With over 35 years of marriage and five daughters, they share insights on shifting from parenting to partnership, cultivating friendship, and keeping their relationship adventurous. They discuss planning intentional "midlife crises" to infuse novelty into their marriage, the importance of repair as a core practice, and how prioritizing their relationship has strengthened their family. Their experiences as foster parents and therapists provide a unique perspective on building resilience and connection in long-term relationships.Best Marriages Key Takeaways Embracing the Empty Nest: LaVerna reflects on finding joy and predictability in an empty house, and how her relationships with her daughters have flourished as they gained independence. Intentional Midlife Adventures: The Wilks share how planning shared adventures, like off-road Jeep trips, has brought excitement and growth to their marriage. The Power of Repair: They emphasize that conflict resolution is about building the muscle of repair, trusting that they can return to and resolve issues when ready. Marriage as the Foundation: Prioritizing their marriage, even when it meant disappointing their children, has been key to their enduring partnership. Reconnection Rituals: After time apart, they use intentional rituals to reconnect and realign emotionally, ensuring their bond remains strong. Darren Wilk, R.C.C., M.A., C.G.T. and LaVerna Wilk, R.C.C., M.C., C.G.T. Co-founders of Best Marriages Certified Gottman Therapist and Advanced Trainer Best Marriages Couples counseling center based in Langley, BC Offers Gottman Method therapy, workshops, and intensive sessions Visit Best Marriages Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 20 May 2025

In this concluding episode of the guest-host series, Desirae Ysasi and Zach dive into the art of reparenting, integration, and communication in relationships. They explore what it means to revisit your childhood self while also allowing your younger self to guide you through present challenges. Desirae opens up about the overwhelm of parenting through work stress, sharing how her daughter’s recent emotional outburst became a mirror for her own emotional state. Zach reflects on a recent conference experience, the power of being seen by your partner, and how receiving feedback can sometimes feel like being put under a microscope. They also discuss the five winning strategies for building intimacy, from speaking to make things better to cherishing what you have. Desirae explains her concept of “history-colored glasses,” a powerful metaphor for how our past influences our present reactions. Whether you’re struggling to communicate or trying to feel more connected to yourself and your partner, this episode is full of practical, reflective insights. Key Takeaways Reparenting the Inner Child Desirae explains that reparenting is about becoming the parent you needed as a child, addressing unresolved wounds, and learning to provide yourself with the nurturing and validation you may have missed. History-Colored Glasses The way we see the world is deeply influenced by our past experiences. If you grew up around loving, joyful yelling, loud voices will feel warm. If yelling was traumatic, it will feel threatening. The challenge is to rewrite those old scripts. Learning to Speak to Make Things Better Desirae emphasizes that many of us speak to unload or defend, not to improve the relationship dynamic. Shifting to a “speak to make things better” mindset can completely alter the tone of conflict. Cherishing as a Practice of Receiving Cherishing isn’t just about giving love—it’s also about receiving it. Desirae explains that learning to accept even small gestures from your partner can be just as transformative as grand gestures. Integration: Bringing All Parts of Yourself to the Table Zach reflects on his own experience of feeling fragmented, wondering how to integrate all parts of himself rather than prioritizing certain aspects and neglecting others. Desirae affirms that all parts have a place, even the wounded, anxious, or insecure ones. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 13 May 2025

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences. Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility. This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow. Key Takeaways  Curiosity Over CertaintyZach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences.  Self-Esteem as a Spiritual ConceptDesirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness.  Therapists are Still Learning, TooZach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity.  Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized BodyDesirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 6 May 2025

Zach welcomes Desirae Ysasi for her first appearance as a guest co-host—and what unfolds is a warm, insightful, and occasionally awkward conversation about parenting, marriage, culture, and therapist life. From Desirae’s daughter offering podcast advice (“don’t be weird”) to Zach’s reflections on parenting adult children, the two therapists pull back the curtain on their real lives. They explore how therapists experience their own relationships, what it means to “cherish” your partner, and why Desirae believes couples can still struggle with conflict even when they have all the tools. Their honesty and laughter make space for listeners to reflect on their own relationships—not from a place of performance, but of grace, learning, and genuine care. This episode is the first of a three-part series with Desirae, and it sets the tone beautifully: smart, soulful, and full of moments that might just help you feel softer toward yourself or your partner. Key Takeaways You Can Know the Tools and Still StruggleDesirae reveals that even as a couples therapist, conflict in her marriage doesn’t always look pretty—but what makes the difference is how she and her husband repair. Cherishing as a Daily PracticeCherishing isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about making sure your partner has tangible access to your love and affection—in everyday moments, through small actions. Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Disconnection IsDesirae shares that the hardest part of conflict is not being able to be generous. What matters is not just the argument, but whether you can still be open, kind, and connected during hard moments. Therapists are People, TooThe episode normalizes that even people trained to guide others through relationships have messy, human partnerships of their own—and that’s part of what makes the work so honest. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, trauma, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 29 April 2025

Zach sits down with Krystal and Dedric Polite, real estate entrepreneurs, parents, and partners who built their marriage and business with vision, honesty, and hustle. Known for their HGTV show and business Be Polite Properties, the Polites take listeners behind the scenes of their relationship — from their first date (which felt more like an interview) to their evolving partnership as co-parents and business owners. Krystal and Dedric share how intentionality, therapy, and shared values laid the foundation for their long-term success. Krystal’s bold, upfront approach is met with Dedric’s easygoing warmth, and together, they show how different strengths can complement each other when grounded in trust and aligned purpose. They talk about therapy, parenting, building generational wealth, and how they support each other’s dreams—and why Krystal believes “you have to find out early if your partner is a teammate or an opponent.” Key Takeaways Start How You Want to Finish Krystal approached their very first date with intentionality—talking credit scores, life goals, and values—because she knew she didn’t want to wait years to get to the heart of a relationship. Therapy From the Beginning Two months into their relationship, Krystal insisted on couples therapy—something Dedric initially resisted, but now credits as a major reason they’ve stayed strong. Teammates, Not Opponents Their philosophy of marriage centers on being on the same team. Krystal explains how many couples are unknowingly married to their opponent—and how to avoid that trap early. Unlearning “Too Much Strength” Raised by strong single mothers, both Krystal and Dedric had to unlearn old patterns—Krystal admits it took years to allow Dedric to help with parenting, and Dedric had to learn not to emotionally shut down. Support Each Other’s Dreams Their real estate business was Dedric’s dream—Krystal helped launch it. Their trampoline park franchise? That’s Krystal’s dream—and now Dedric is all in. Guest Links @bepoliteproperties HGTV’s 50/50 Flip (Krystal & Dedric’s show) bepoliteproperties.com (for speaking, investing, and media inquiries) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 22 April 2025

In this vulnerable and powerful episode, Zach is joined by Tarah and EJ Kerwin, a married therapist duo and co-founders of Relationship Renovation, a counseling center and podcast dedicated to helping couples reconnect and rebuild. With honesty, warmth, and even some tears, Tarah and EJ take us behind the scenes of their own marriage—from honeymoon bliss to total overwhelm, from avoidance and trauma to healing and deep emotional presence. They share how the birth of their twins shifted their entire dynamic, how ketamine-assisted therapy helped Tarah reconnect with forgotten trauma, and how they both committed to doing the inner work to stay together, grow together, and model safety for their blended family. This episode is a window into the real, raw, and redemptive process of building a resilient marriage, even when both partners are therapists. Key Takeaways The Before & After of Parenting Going from 0 to 4 kids (including twins with colic) rocked their nervous systems—and their connection. The honeymoon phase disappeared overnight, and they had to rebuild their emotional infrastructure from scratch. Healing Through Ketamine Therapy A supervised ketamine protocol opened the door for deep trauma processing, revealing forgotten abuse and emotional blockages. It became a turning point for compassion, communication, and reconnection in their marriage. Authenticity Over Perfection As therapists, they felt pressure to “walk the talk,” but real healing came when they dropped the performance and embraced their own messy growth. “The best marriages aren’t perfect—they’re honest and evolving.” Relearning Safety Together Tarah’s trauma responses affected their intimacy and communication, and EJ had to learn not to retreat during conflict. Over time, they created a marriage where all parts of themselves could show up and be seen. The Power of Staying Instead of giving up, they chose to double down—on themselves, their love, and their mission to help others. Their counseling center now helps hundreds of couples every week, born from the lessons of their hardest moments. Guest Info Tarah & EJ Kerwin Podcast: Relationship Renovation Website: relationshiprenovation.com Instagram: @relationship.renovation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 15 April 2025

Zach is joined by Dr. Brenna and Edmund Squires, a Florida-based couple navigating the complexities of marriage, faith, and long-term infertility. Married for nine years, Brenna—a psychologist and wellness consultant—and Edmund—a military veteran—share how their relationship has been shaped by both deep love and hard-fought resilience. Their conversation explores the emotional toll of unexplained infertility, how they’ve learned to support each other through grief and disappointment, and the importance of prioritizing their marriage above all else. They also discuss their faith and the role it plays in their decisions, and they open up about maintaining intimacy during a prolonged fertility journey—introducing the term "deliberate spontaneity" as a way to keep connection alive even amid stress. Whether you're navigating your own fertility challenges or simply working to grow stronger together, this episode is full of vulnerability, wisdom, and hope. Key Takeaways Infertility Is a Couple’s Issue, Not Just One Partner’s Burden Initially, Brenna bore the brunt of testing and treatment. They had a breakthrough moment where they decided to re-center as a team—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. "Deliberate Spontaneity" in the Bedroom Trying to conceive can quickly turn sex into a chore. They’ve adapted by planning spontaneity—romanticizing required intimacy so it stays emotionally fulfilling and connected. Open Communication as an Anchor Long conversations, emotional check-ins, and apologies are core practices in their marriage. Brenna's mental health training adds insight, but it's mutual vulnerability that creates safety and closeness. Supporting Others Through Their Story Out of their own experience, Brenna and Edmund have launched monthly webinars and resources for couples navigating infertility. Their goal: help couples strengthen their relationship first, so they’re not starting their family journey from a place of disconnect. Learn more about Dr. Brenna and Edmond Squires at https://www.encourageandempowerwellness.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 8 April 2025

Zach and Annie dive deep into the art of transition, emotional pacing, and connection in long-term relationships. With their signature mix of warmth, honesty, and thoughtful reflection, they explore how couples can move from emotional distance to reconnection—without overwhelming each other. The episode kicks off with banter about TikToks and volleyball, then shifts into the heart of the matter: how relationships evolve when we learn to slow down, name what's happening inside us, and give our nervous systems time to catch up. Annie introduces the concept of “titration”—a gentle, incremental approach to change—and explains how it can transform conflict, emotional intimacy, and even personal growth in marriage. They also unpack the meaning behind defensiveness, offer powerful metaphors like “two stump spouses” and “learning how to swim before diving into the deep end,” and share a profound story from Annie’s own marriage about grief, rage, and radical honesty.  Key Takeaways Titration: A Slow Path to Growth Just like IV fluid must enter the body slowly to avoid harm, emotional intimacy must also be introduced gently. In marriage, rushing change can overwhelm both partners. Learning to pace growth allows real connection to develop. Defensiveness Is a Signal, Not a Flaw Annie reframes defensiveness as the body’s way of saying, “Something in me needs defending.” This awareness transforms conflict into curiosity: What part of me (or my partner) is trying to stay safe right now? Marriage as a Long Game Cultural myths tell us that getting married is the destination. But marriage is actually the beginning of a lifelong practice. Zach poses the question: When does the future start? The answer? Now. The “Two Stumps” Metaphor Annie shares a client story: two spouses, emotionally worn down, feel like “stumps.” But even a stump can grow a new tree—if both people are willing to name where they are and choose to rebuild. Narrating the Inner World to Bridge Emotional Distance Instead of acting from emotion, Annie shares the power of narrating your internal dialogue to a partner. Her story of grief and rage during her father’s passing—and how naming it created immediate connection with her husband—is a masterclass in vulnerability. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 1 April 2025

Zach and Annie continue their deep dive into the complexities of relationships, trauma, and identity. After their last conversation, Annie had some lingering thoughts—so they reconvene to expand on the "divine setup" in marriage, the role of trauma in shaping our sense of self, and the ways we either grow or get stuck in our relational patterns. Annie shares powerful insights on why we choose the partners we do, explaining that we often marry someone who fills a need or answers a question we have at that time in our life. But what happens when that need is met, or the question shifts? Zach brings in his own experiences and observations from working with couples, exploring how marriage evolves not just once, but over and over again. They also tackle the difference between trauma and complex trauma, the ways we develop "superpowers" to protect ourselves, and the challenge of learning to let our partners be good for us when we've been wired to expect the opposite. Whether you’re interested in why your marriage looks the way it does, how past experiences shape present relationships, or how to create a new map for your future, this episode is full of thought-provoking and deeply personal wisdom. Key Takeaways The "Divine Setup" in Marriage We often choose partners who offer us something we were missing—whether it’s adventure, security, or stability. Trauma vs. Complex Trauma Trauma is often a single event with a clear "before and after." Complex trauma is long-term, shaping how we see ourselves and how safe we feel expressing our true identity. Annie explains that marriage can provide a corrective experience, but only if we recognize our ingrained patterns and choose to challenge them. The "Superpowers" That Protect Us—And Hold Us Back Many of our best traits are actually survival strategies we developed to stay safe in childhood. Zach and Annie discuss how intuition, flexibility, and people-pleasing can be strengths—but also barriers to real connection. The work in marriage (and therapy) is to identify what we’re protecting—and learn how to let our full selves be seen. Learning to Let Your Partner Be Good to You If someone has grown up in an unsafe environment, trusting a good partner can feel terrifying. Annie shares how she spent years interpreting Matt’s kindness as a trick, until she consciously changed the way she listened to him. Expanding the Map: How We Create a New Reality Our early relationships give us a "map" of how to do life—but that map can be outdated. Zach introduces a thought experiment: Can we imagine a different future for ourselves? If we can visualize a world where we are loved, safe, and free, we can start making choices that align with that future. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 March 2025

Zach reconnects with one of his oldest friends, Annie, for an intimate and reflective conversation about friendship, marriage, personal growth, and recovery. Having known each other since summer camp in 1992, Zach and Annie have shared decades of milestones—from witnessing each other's weddings to navigating major life transitions. Their conversation spans everything from early expectations of marriage to the reality of long-term relationships. Annie opens up about her experience with alcohol dependence, parenting struggles, and self-discovery, reflecting on the way her past shaped her approach to love and commitment. Zach brings his own experiences to the table, offering insights into how relationships evolve and the ways we set ourselves up—consciously or not—for specific relationship patterns. This episode is raw, deeply personal, and full of hard-won wisdom about love, identity, and change. Whether you’re in a long-term marriage, newly navigating relationships, or interested in the intersection of personal history and relationship dynamics, this episode is an honest look at how we grow and redefine love over time. Key Takeaways Friendships Can Be the Best Mirrors Zach and Annie have been in each other’s lives for decades, offering a unique perspective on each other’s growth, patterns, and blind spots. Having a long-term friendship means having someone who remembers who you were before you became who you are now. Marriage Often Reflects Our Deepest Patterns Annie discusses "the divine setup"—the idea that we marry someone who mirrors how we’ve always related to people. She explores how past trauma and chemistry influence partner selection, sometimes without us realizing it. How Recovery Changes Relationships Annie opens up about how quitting alcohol disrupted her marriage dynamic and forced both her and her husband to adjust to a new reality. Zach shares how personal health creates a gravitational pull, encouraging those around us to either adjust or resist. Redefining What It Means to Be a "Good" Parent Annie realized that her early definition of patience as a mom was actually just repressing her emotions. She discusses how learning to tolerate her children’s emotions without fixing everything transformed her relationship with them. Why Long-Term Marriages Keep Evolving Zach and Annie reflect on how their views on marriage have shifted from when they first got married to today. Annie shares a pivotal moment when she realized she had married someone who allowed her to relate the way she always had—but that didn’t mean she had to stay stuck in old patterns Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2025

Zach sits down with Kyle and Ariel, a married couple who have been together for over 12 years and now run a business together, Couplepreneur, where they coach entrepreneurial couples on growing their businesses without sacrificing their relationships. From meeting as middle school sweethearts to reconnecting later in life, their story is one of personal growth, ambition, and learning how to navigate both marriage and entrepreneurship. The conversation explores the challenges of working together as a couple, the power of open communication, and the critical role of setting boundaries between work and home life. Kyle and Ariel share personal experiences of overcoming emotional distance, embracing vulnerability, and making sure their relationship remains strong amid the demands of business. They also talk about the “before and after” moments in their marriage—key turning points that shaped who they are today. Whether you’re a couple in business together or simply trying to balance ambition and intimacy, this episode is full of actionable insights and heartfelt reflections on what it takes to grow together rather than apart. Key Takeaways Balancing Love and Business As entrepreneurs, Kyle and Ariel had to learn how to separate business discussions from personal time to protect their relationship. They created clear boundaries, including their Sacred Sundays—a full day dedicated to rest, connection, and quality time. Navigating Emotional Intimacy and Vulnerability Kyle shares how he once held back from discussing personal struggles out of fear of judgment, which led to emotional distance. Once he opened up, it deepened their connection and helped Ariel feel more secure and less anxious about their relationship. The Power of Clear Communication Many couples assume conflict is negative, but Kyle and Ariel emphasize that conflict, when handled well, leads to greater intimacy. Their approach? Check in regularly, communicate openly, and ask: “How can we both get what we want?” instead of compromising too soon. From Middle School Crush to Life Partners They first dated at 14 years old before parting ways, reconnecting years later as different people. What made their relationship work the second time? A foundation of friendship, playfulness, and mutual respect. Finding Purpose and Alignment in Life and Business Ariel’s past as a marine biologist and nonprofit leader and Kyle’s career as a rock band drummer and digital marketer led them to help other couples grow businesses together. They now run the largest Facebook group for entrepreneur couples and host an annual Couplepreneur Live event to support business-driven relationships. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2025

Zach sits down with Robin and Hector, a couple one year into their relationship, to explore the joys, challenges, and growth that come with navigating love in its early stages. Unlike many expert-driven episodes, this one offers a fresh, unfiltered look at a real couple figuring things out in real-time. Robin and Hector share how they met, how their past relationships shaped them, and what they’ve learned about vulnerability, communication, and emotional honesty in their first year together. They dive into the power of early boundaries, the difference between “healthy” and “unhealthy” tension, and how they navigate the complexities of blended family dynamics. Zach explores their philosophy on love, self-awareness, and conflict resolution, bringing in his own reflections on how early dating sets the stage for long-term success. Whether you’re in a new relationship or looking for insight into your own, this episode is a candid, engaging look at love in motion. Key Takeaways Saying “Yes” to Growth Hector reflects on his journey from introversion to embracing new experiences, both personally and in relationships. Robin shares how she admires his willingness to stretch himself, even in moments of discomfort. Meeting Online & The Hinge Effect The couple met on Hinge, but their connection was sparked by deeper qualities—gratitude, curiosity, and values—rather than just profiles. Robin shares how Hector’s thoughtful messages immediately stood out in a sea of online dating experiences. Navigating the First Year of a Relationship They discuss why vulnerability and emotional honesty played a key role in their fast-growing connection. Hector made a conscious decision to be fully himself from day one, sharing his struggles and past experiences early on. Blended Family Considerations Both coming from previous marriages, they are taking a slow, intentional approach to introducing their children to one another. Robin acknowledges that her past experiences have made her more protective of her kids’ emotional safety. How to Handle Early Relationship Challenges Robin shares how she pauses before reacting, checking whether an issue is truly about Hector or her own past experiences. They reflect on what it means to be truly honest while still speaking with care and emotional intelligence. Their “10/10” Relationship Mindset When asked to rate their relationship, they both confidently answered 10/10—not because they’re perfect, but because they are fully committed and intentional. They emphasize that a great relationship is built on gratitude, generosity, and self-awareness rather than perfection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2025

Zach sits down with Christa and Wes Hardin, founders of the Enneagram and Marriage platform https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/. Christa, a seasoned relationship coach with a Master's in Clinical Psychology, has spent nearly two decades helping couples build stronger connections. Alongside her husband Wes, a physician assistant in family practice, they explore how the Enneagram has transformed their 24-year marriage and parenting journey. The conversation dives into the dynamics of Christa as a Type 7 (The Enthusiast) and Wes as a Type 1 (The Reformer), exploring how their differences create both challenges and opportunities for growth. They discuss how personality-driven conflicts, like bedtime routines and parenting approaches, can either drive couples apart or deepen connection when handled with understanding and flexibility. Zach, Christa, and Wes also reflect on the evolution of marriage, the value of "practicing" in relationships, and what they'd tell their younger selves about love, commitment, and personal growth. Whether you're an Enneagram enthusiast or just curious about how personality influences relationships, this episode offers practical wisdom, laughter, and honest insights. Key Takeaways Enneagram as a Relationship Tool Christa explains how the Enneagram helps couples quickly identify strengths, shadows, and growth areas. Opposites Attract—and Complement As a structured, detail-oriented Type 1, Wes values routine and precision. Christa, as a free-spirited Type 7, thrives on spontaneity and joy. They share how understanding their core motivations has helped them balance health, fun, and family life. The Reality of “Practicing” Marriage Both emphasize that marriage is ongoing practice—not perfection. They discuss how "expansiveness practices" help them navigate everyday challenges, like differing bedtime preferences, while honoring each other’s needs. What They’d Tell Their Younger Selves Christa: "Don’t put your partner on a pedestal. Love them for who they are, not who you expect them to be." Wes: "Focus on what brings you joy together, and you'll naturally avoid much of the pain couples face." Parenting with Personality Awareness They share how understanding their children’s Enneagram types (a 4, 9, and 7/6) has transformed their parenting approach. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 February 2025

In this special Boat Night episode of Marriage Therapy Radio, Zach brings listeners into an intimate, long-standing tradition—conversations between close friends about relationships, personal growth, and the realities of marriage. Joined by longtime friends Sean and Greg, the three discuss the importance of having deep, open friendships where men can talk candidly about their relationships, struggles, and personal evolution. The conversation explores whether it's okay to vent about your partner, how relationships evolve through multiple “marriages” within the same partnership, and the role of death and rebirth in love—not just metaphorically, but through real-life transitions. They also reflect on the greatest love stories of all time, challenging traditional narratives and examining what makes a relationship stand the test of time. With humor, vulnerability, and philosophical insight, Zach, Sean, and Greg navigate topics ranging from romantic expectations to identity and care in relationships, offering listeners a rare glimpse into the kinds of conversations that deepen friendships and marriages alike. Key Takeaways The Importance of Male Friendships and Spaces for Honesty Boat Night is a long-standing tradition where male friends gather to talk candidly about their relationships, families, and personal struggles. Having a trusted space to process relationship challenges doesn’t mean bashing your partner—it means seeking perspective and growth. Are You Allowed to Vent About Your Partner? The difference between "talking sh*t" about your spouse and "talking honestly" about struggles is intention. Healthy venting involves seeking understanding, not just resentment or validation from others. The Reality of Multiple Marriages Within a Marriage Long-term relationships go through different “marriages”—seasons of deep change where partners must recommit to each other in new ways. “If you've been married four times to the same person, that means three marriages had to die.” The Greatest Love Stories of All Time Aren’t What You Think Traditional narratives like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde romanticize young, dramatic love, but real love stories are about long-term commitment, sacrifice, and growth. "In any love story, something has to die—fantasies, expectations, or parts of yourself—to make room for real love.” The Fear of Expressing Desire in Relationships Zach reflects on how he encourages couples to be direct about their needs, yet struggles with openly expressing his own. Many people hesitate to voice their desires because it makes them vulnerable to rejection—or because they’re unsure what they truly want. Who Cares for the Caregiver? As a therapist, Zach often supports others but wonders where he himself finds care and support. He wrestles with the tension between wanting to be strong for others and needing space to be vulnerable himself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 February 2025

Stepping into his new role as the solo host, setting the tone for a fresh era of the podcast Zach reflects on what’s ahead, expressing gratitude for listener support and outlining the exciting changes coming to the show. Zach is joined by Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman https://loveandpickleball.net/, co-authors of In a Pickle: How to Master Love and Pickleball and Not Kill Each Other https://amzn.to/3QdMYhZ. They dive into how pickleball, the fastest-growing sport in the U.S., serves as a fascinating metaphor for relationships. From communication styles to competitive dynamics, they share personal stories and practical takeaways that couples can apply—whether on the court or in everyday life. Even though Zach has never picked up a Pickleball paddle, he enjoys the conversation of how this sport fosters connection, builds emotional intelligence, and even teaches conflict resolution. Whether you’re a seasoned player or someone just curious about how play impacts relationships, this episode offers insight, laughter, and some surprising wisdom. Key Takeaways Pickleball as a Relationship Microcosm Dr. Stormy Hill and Teri Citterman discuss how playing together exposes key relationship dynamics, from communication to trust and teamwork. Couples often face “kitchen knife moments” (times of high frustration), but understanding emotional intelligence and boundaries can turn challenges into growth. Lessons in Play and Connection Playfulness is a vital component of a healthy relationship, and pickleball naturally fosters joy, teamwork, and lighthearted competition. Safe words like “pineapple” and “pumpernickel” (borrowed from intimacy practices) can help couples navigate tension both on and off the court. Avoiding Pickleball Divorces Many couples struggle when one partner is more competitive than the other, leading to frustration on the court. The first and second rules of pickleball? “Don’t be a dick.” Emotional intelligence matters more than skill—whether in pickleball or marriage. Applying Relationship Strategies from the Court Love languages, intention-setting, and non-verbal communication play a huge role in both sports and relationships. Understanding a partner’s strengths and weaknesses, just like in a doubles match, creates more harmony at home. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 11 February 2025

In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura sit down with renowned sex educator and author Dr. Emily Nagoski and her husband, Richard Stephens, to discuss how Emily’s expertise in sexuality and relationships intersects with their personal lives. Emily, known for her groundbreaking books Come As You Are and Burnout, introduces her latest work, Come Together, which focuses on sustaining sexual connection in long-term relationships. The conversation explores Emily and Richard’s journey as a couple, from their serendipitous meeting on OKCupid to navigating challenges such as perimenopause, long COVID, and the demands of collaborative intimacy. Emily shares insights into her “emotional floor plan” model, which maps how emotions like care, play, and lust interact in relationships, offering couples a practical framework for enhancing connection and pleasure. Richard provides a refreshingly candid and humorous perspective on life with a relationship expert, highlighting the importance of playfulness, empathy, and teamwork. Together, they normalize the struggles that even the most informed couples face, underscoring that expertise does not eliminate life’s challenges—it simply offers tools to address them. Whether you’re looking to deepen intimacy or better understand the dynamics of long-term relationships, this episode is packed with valuable lessons, heartfelt stories, and laughter. Episode Highlights: Emily and Richard’s Love Story: From meeting on OKCupid to their early days as a couple, they reflect on how their shared values and collaborative mindset laid the foundation for their relationship. The Emotional Floor Plan: Emily explains her innovative model for understanding how emotional states influence sexual connection and how couples can use this framework to foster intimacy. Navigating Life’s Challenges: The couple discusses the impact of perimenopause, chronic illness, and other life events on their relationship, sharing how teamwork and humor helped them persevere. Insights from Come Together: Emily introduces key concepts from her new book, emphasizing the importance of pleasure over desire and the role of collaboration in overcoming relational obstacles. Empathy and Playfulness in Relationships: Richard shares how his lighthearted approach complements Emily’s intensity, creating a dynamic that fosters connection and resilience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 4 February 2025

Zach and Laura interview Terry and Belinda Berman-Real, diving deep into their personal relationship dynamics and the lessons learned through years of couples therapy and individual healing. The conversation touches on themes of sobriety, trauma, recovery, and the power of relational healing. Zach starts by sharing his journey through recovery and how it has influenced his marriage, while Belinda and Terry provide insights into their own marriage, particularly how they overcame significant challenges stemming from trauma and emotional reactivity. They discuss the importance of repairing relationships through honest, sometimes painful, confrontation and how they’ve evolved from fighting for survival to fighting for love and connection. One of the major takeaways is Terry’s explanation of the concept of "harmony, disharmony, and repair," emphasizing that no relationship is free from conflict, but the key lies in learning how to repair after the inevitable disruptions. Belinda adds that their journey has been one of learning to regulate themselves and each other in ways that foster love and security, rather than reactivity and defense. They reflect on the impact of their trauma histories and how these experiences not only shaped their early relationship struggles but also led them to profound personal growth. Throughout the episode, Terry and Belinda share real-life stories, making this episode a rich blend of personal insight and professional expertise. Episode Highlights: Sobriety and Growth: Zach reflects on his sobriety journey and how it has paralleled his growth as a partner, highlighting the importance of personal transformation in maintaining a healthy relationship. Trauma and Its Lasting Effects: Terry and Belinda share how their childhood trauma impacted their early relationship, focusing on the process of moving from emotional reactivity to emotional regulation. The Art of Repair: Terry introduces the idea of "harmony, disharmony, and repair," explaining that relationships aren't about avoiding conflict but learning to repair after conflict in order to strengthen connection. Partners in Recovery: Belinda and Terry discuss how they see themselves as "partners in recovery," constantly working on themselves and their relationship to break free from their old patterns and build something stronger. Fighting for Connection, Not Survival: The couple explains how their marriage has transitioned from fighting for survival to fighting for love, and the role that therapy, honesty, and self-awareness have played in that shift. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 29 January 2025

In this episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert, Zach and Laura get personal with Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt—relationship experts who don’t just teach about marriage, they live it. Get ready for an intimate look at the ups and downs of their own marriage. Spoiler: it wasn’t all smooth sailing! Harville and Helen open up about the times they nearly got divorced—twice! At one point, they even had divorce papers ready to go. But what saved them? They teach couples the very same techniques around the world. You’ll hear how a random trip to a bookstore and a “zero negativity” experiment helped them find their way back to each other. Helen also shares a funny story about trying to "fix" Harville by reorganizing his books and closet—only to realize she was driving him crazy! From learning to approach frustrations with curiosity instead of criticism to recommitting in a powerful New Year’s Eve ceremony, their journey is full of relatable moments and inspiring takeaways. It’s a beautiful reminder that even experts have to work on their relationships, just like the rest of us. What You’ll Learn: How Harville and Helen used their own tools to avoid divorce—twice! The story of their “zero negativity” pact and how it transformed their relationship. Why curiosity and asking your partner the right questions can change everything. The power of recommitment—even after decades together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 21 January 2025

In this first special episode of "So I Married a Relationship Expert", Zach and Laura sit down with Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founders of The Couples Institute. This conversation dives deep into the dynamics of relationships, focusing on the developmental stages of couples therapy, the power of differentiation, and essential skills to strengthen partnerships. Known for pioneering the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, Ellyn and Peter share invaluable insights into managing differences, fostering curiosity, and cultivating long-term relationship growth. Topics discussed include: The unique journey of Ellyn and Peter, from their chance meeting to building a thriving partnership and business. Key relationship stages, including the often-overlooked "differentiation stage." How curiosity and resilience are fundamental to a healthy, growing relationship. The transformative power of mini-intensives and two-day intensives for couples, especially for entrepreneur couples. Practical exercises for couples to manage conflict, deepen understanding, and support each other's dreams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 14 January 2025

Zach embarks on a new chapter as the solo host of the podcast following Laura’s departure. Reflecting on the past seven years, Zach expresses gratitude for the journey and shares his excitement for the future. He introduces fresh ideas, including new interviews, experimental formats, and thought-provoking content, all designed to continue the mission of helping listeners think differently about relationships while offering practical tools for growth. Zach also outlines his vision for the podcast’s future, emphasizing his commitment to creating valuable and engaging content. He reflects on his own relationship, drawing on personal experiences to explore themes of growth, intentionality, and adaptation in partnerships. With humor, sincerity, and a forward-thinking perspective, this episode marks the beginning of a new era for Marriage Therapy Radio. Key Takeaways The Transition to a New Era Zach acknowledges Laura’s departure and shares his determination to continue the podcast’s mission of fostering insight and connection. He outlines upcoming content, including interviews with relationship experts and personal conversations with couples navigating marriage. The Philosophy of "I Never Thought About It That Way Before" Zach emphasizes the importance of encouraging listeners to see relationships in fresh and surprising ways. He recounts a recent marathon therapy session where this approach helped a couple gain new perspectives on their partnership. Practical Tools for Relationship Growth Zach shares three foundational principles for building healthy relationships: Do more of what your partner likes and less of what they don’t. Ask for what you want and practice gratitude when you get it—or adaptability when you don’t. Focus on self-improvement and show up as your best self in the relationship. What’s Ahead for the Podcast Zach teases upcoming content, including interviews with couples, collaborative “boat night” episodes, and a three-week series with a therapist specializing in complex trauma. He invites listener feedback and encourages support through Patreon to help sustain the podcast’s growth. A Message of Gratitude Zach thanks listeners for their continued support and acknowledges the unique dedication it takes to invest in relationships and personal growth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 7 January 2025

Zach and Laura reflect on their seven-year journey together as co-hosts. Laura announces her departure from the podcast, sharing her gratitude for the experiences, growth, and connections she’s gained along the way. The episode is filled with nostalgia, humor, and thoughtful reflections as the two discuss their favorite episodes, memorable guest moments, and lessons learned from seven years of talking about relationships. Zach and Laura also look ahead to the new year, discussing resolutions, personal growth, and Laura’s plans to focus on her family and career. From New Year’s challenges to the importance of presence and connection, this final episode with Laura captures the essence of their partnership—insightful, warm, and filled with genuine camaraderie. Key Takeaways Reflections on Seven Years: Zach and Laura reminisce about their favorite episodes, guests, and moments of tension and humor that shaped their partnership. New Year’s Inspiration: Laura discusses her plans to focus on intentionality and self-care in 2024, sharing ideas like daily walks in nature and seven-day challenges for personal growth. Lessons on Relationships: The duo emphasizes the importance of communication, reflection, and making space for growth in relationships—whether with a partner, friends, or oneself. A Message to Listeners: Laura leaves listeners with encouragement to continue focusing on their relationships and striving to be the best versions of themselves. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 31 December 2024

Zach and Laura explore the complexities of transitions, nostalgia, and holiday traditions. Laura is feeling proud of her proud of her gym routine, even if her husband hasn't noticed. Meanwhile, Zach recounts nostalgic moments from a recent trip to his hometown, emphasizing how revisiting the past can offer clarity and a sense of grounding. The conversation also dives into “sliding door” moments, those pivotal decisions that shape our lives. Laura reflects on turning down a high-powered job at Microsoft to pursue a life filled with love, adventure, and personal growth. Zach, on the other hand, ponders alternate paths and how they’ve led him to the life and family he cherishes today. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and meaningful reflections on how we embrace change and the lives we’ve chosen. Reflections on Nostalgia Zach recounts a recent trip to his hometown, filled with memories of childhood friends, old haunts, and transformative moments that shaped his perspective. Sliding Door Moments Both hosts reflect on the life-changing decisions they’ve made, from career moves to relationship choices, and how those decisions created the lives they now cherish. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 24 December 2024

Zach and Laura kick things off with their signature banter, sharing personal stories from their week. Zach recounts his recent trip to Chicago, sharing about connecting with an old friend and nerding out about superheroes. Laura recounts her excitement about seeing Wicked with her son, reflecting on the joy of revisiting experiences that remind us to embrace wonder and connection. As the conversation transitions, Zach and Laura tackle the nuanced topic of manipulation versus boundaries in relationships. What’s the difference between expressing your needs and attempting to control your partner’s behavior? They explore how manipulation often sneaks in when communication breaks down and how healthy, collaborative boundaries can strengthen relationships. Laura opens up about a time early in her marriage when she used the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic to get her way. She admits, “I thought I was being clever, but really, I was just shutting my partner out.” Zach shares how guilt and unclear communication led to his own missteps in creating healthy boundaries. They explore common examples—emotional, time, financial, and physical boundaries—illustrating how small changes can lead to healthier dynamics. The episode balances humor, personal anecdotes, and expert insights as Zach and Laura share practical strategies for recognizing manipulation, fostering intentional communication, and setting clear boundaries that honor both partners' needs. Key Takeaways Manipulation vs. Boundaries: Manipulation seeks to control behavior by exploiting emotions, guilt, or fear. Boundaries are clear, respectful expressions of needs and limits to protect well-being without forcing a partner’s behavior. Recognizing Unhealthy Tactics: Examples of manipulative behavior include silent treatment, ultimatums, threats, love bombing, and triangulation (using a third party to create jealousy or tension). Why Manipulation Happens: When couples fail to communicate boundaries clearly, manipulative patterns often arise out of frustration, fear, or avoidance of direct confrontation. Healthy Boundaries Require Collaboration: Healthy boundaries are created through mutual agreement, clear communication, and respect for each other’s needs and limits. Sponsor: Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 17 December 2024

Zach and Laura are joined by special guest Dr. Jeanne Michele https://drjeannemichele.com/, a relationship coach and author of The Infidelity Cure https://amzn.to/4g6QBSf. The trio delves into the complex topic of infidelity, exploring its emotional impact, the motivations behind it, and how couples can navigate the aftermath. Jeanne shares her professional insights, emphasizing the importance of understanding vulnerability factors that can lead to affairs and the paths to recovery for all parties involved: the betrayed partner, the involved partner, and the affair partner. The conversation is rich with anecdotes, practical advice, and moments of levity, as Jeanne, Zach, and Laura reflect on the deeper needs driving infidelity and how couples can rebuild trust. From navigating the decision to disclose an affair to setting new boundaries and agreements, this episode offers a compassionate guide for those grappling with the complexities of betrayal and healing in relationships. Key Takeaways: Infidelity as a Crisis and Opportunity: Jeanne highlights how an affair, while painful, can serve as a wake-up call for couples to address neglected aspects of their relationship and potentially strengthen their bond. Understanding Vulnerability Factors: External and internal factors, such as unmet emotional needs or personal insecurities, can create conditions where an affair might occur. Awareness and communication are key to mitigating these risks. Navigating Disclosure: Jeanne and Laura discuss whether disclosing an affair is always necessary, emphasizing the importance of considering the motivations and potential impact of disclosure on the betrayed partner. Healing Requires Individual and Joint Work: Rebuilding trust involves both partners reflecting on their values, setting clear boundaries, and working together to create a new, healthier relationship dynamic. Support for All Parties: Jeanne discusses the importance of including the affair partner in the healing process, encouraging them to address their own patterns and emotional needs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 10 December 2024

Zach and Laura explore the theme of transitions in relationships and the importance of honoring life’s natural seasons. They share personal stories about changes in their own lives, from shifting priorities to redefining roles in work and family. Together, they discuss how relationships—whether professional, personal, or familial—are constantly evolving, and how embracing these transitions with grace can lead to deeper connections and personal growth. The conversation highlights the significance of open communication, mutual respect, and self-awareness when navigating times of change. Zach and Laura offer insights into how couples and individuals can approach transitions thoughtfully, ensuring that shifts strengthen rather than strain their relationships. With humor, warmth, and vulnerability, this episode is a heartfelt reflection on growth, priorities, and the beauty of new beginnings. Key Points: Honoring Transitions in Relationships: Zach and Laura reflect on how relationships naturally evolve over time, emphasizing the importance of aligning actions with values during periods of change. Shifting Priorities: They discuss how focusing on family, personal growth, or new commitments can reshape the way we allocate time and energy in our relationships. Navigating Change with Grace: The hosts highlight the importance of open communication and mutual respect when facing life’s transitions, whether they’re planned or unexpected. Lessons in Flexibility and Adaptation: Zach and Laura explore how embracing change with intention and flexibility can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships. Looking Ahead: They encourage listeners to think about how transitions can be opportunities for growth, both individually and within partnerships, and to embrace the potential that new beginnings bring. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 3 December 2024

Zach and Laura take a deep dive into the highs, lows, and unexpected lessons that come with weddings and the relationships they celebrate. Drawing from their own wedding stories—like Laura’s epic lightning-filled ceremony and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration—they explore how these milestone events can shape and reflect the dynamics of a relationship. The discussion covers the importance of crafting meaningful vows, navigating family dynamics during wedding planning, and embracing the imperfections that inevitably arise. Zach and Laura emphasize how weddings can highlight relational strengths and challenges, serving as both a “before and after” moment in a couple’s journey. They also touch on the value of premarital counseling as a way to address potential hurdles before walking down the aisle. Packed with humor, heartfelt advice, and practical insights, this episode is perfect for anyone planning a wedding, reflecting on their marriage, or simply looking for a fresh perspective on love and commitment. Episode Highlights: Reflecting on Personal Weddings: Zach and Laura share stories from their weddings, including Laura’s stormy outdoor ceremony with a lightning bolt photo and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration. Making Vows Meaningful: They discuss the importance of writing vows that genuinely reflect your relationship, rather than sticking to generic scripts. Navigating Family Dynamics: They both reflect on how family involvement—whether financial or emotional—can shape the wedding experience and bring hidden tensions to the surface. The Role of Weddings in Relationships: Zach and Laura explore how weddings function as a “before and after” moment, highlighting the personal growth and relational shifts they can signify. Advice for Engaged Couples: From embracing imperfections to focusing on shared values, Zach and Laura provide practical advice for making weddings meaningful and stress-free. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 26 November 2024

Zach and Laura reflect on significant milestones and life lessons. Laura shares her journey of completing the New York Marathon, weaving in lessons about endurance, self-discovery, and how the physical demands of a marathon parallel the emotional effort required in relationships. Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how his journey has reshaped his relationships, health, and mindset. The episode dives into themes of personal growth, resilience, and navigating difficult phases in life. Zach recites a favorite poem about marathons, illustrating how breaking down challenges into smaller, manageable parts can lead to long-term success. Laura reflects on her recent decision to quit alcohol, sharing the impact it has had on her physical and mental health, as well as her desire to model positive habits for her family. Together, they explore how embracing hard things—like running a marathon or choosing sobriety—can create space for joy, clarity, and meaningful connections. The conversation also touches on the value of support systems, including friendships and therapy, and how intentional choices can lead to lasting positive change. Episode Highlights: Laura’s Marathon Journey: Laura shares her experience running the New York Marathon, focusing on how the lessons learned about pacing and persistence mirror challenges in relationships. Zach’s Sobriety Milestone: Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how it has improved his relationships and health, and the lessons it has taught him about gratitude and self-awareness. Overcoming the Firsts in Sobriety: They discuss navigating the “firsts” of sobriety—holidays, social events, and other triggers—and how these milestones contribute to long-term success. Parallels Between Marathons and Relationships: Zach recites a poem about running a marathon, drawing parallels between breaking down physical challenges and overcoming relational hurdles. Phases of Life and Relationships: Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing that difficult phases—whether in parenting, relationships, or personal growth—are temporary and can be navigated with intention. Sponsor: Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 19 November 2024

Zach and Laura welcome relationship expert and mental health advocate Allison Raskin. They dive into her latest book, I Do, I Think: Conversations About Modern Marriage, exploring how marriage and commitment have evolved in today’s society. Allison shares insights into the “modern marriage,” discussing how relationships have shifted from traditional roles to more flexible, individual-focused commitments. Allison opens up about her personal journey, including her past engagement and recent marriage, which shaped her views on love and relationships. She reflects on the importance of balancing individual needs within a partnership, the dynamics of choosing marriage when it’s no longer societally mandatory, and how to handle changes in relationship expectations. Together, they discuss concepts like emotional regulation, and how the flexibility of “modern marriage” allows for more intentional choices about commitment. The conversation also covers different relationship models, such as non-monogamy, financial independence within marriage, and the significance of setting boundaries that meet each partner’s needs. Allison highlights the role of mental health in relationships and shares her journey from comedy to mental health advocacy. They wrap up with a fun chat about her YouTube channel and podcast, Just Between Us, which she co-hosts, and her Substack newsletter, Emotional Support Lady. To explore more about Allison Raskin’s work, visit https://www.allisonraskin.com/, check out her latest book I Do, I Think here, and tune into her podcast Just Between Us https://www.youtube.com/c/JustBetweenUs. Episode Highlights: Allison’s Journey to Relationship Expertise: Allison discusses her path from comedy to becoming a mental health advocate and relationship expert, sharing how her past relationships and personal challenges led her to study psychology. Marriage as a Choice, Not a Requirement: Allison shares her perspective on marriage as an optional, personal choice, encouraging partners to approach it with intention rather than societal expectation. Different Relationship Models: From non-monogamy to financial independence, they discuss how modern relationships can take on various forms to meet the unique needs of each couple. Rethinking Sexual Attraction in Long-Term Partnerships: Allison offers advice on rekindling attraction by intentionally creating environments that foster connection, rather than expecting spontaneous desire. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 12 November 2024

Zach’s shares his pedicure obsession. Laura has a rousing night with a bunch of Cathys at the senior center.  After Laura attended Zach's Relationship Boot Camp she has questions about the concept of a Core Negative Image (CNI) and how it affects relationships. Zach and Laura unpack how each partner’s perceptions, often rooted in past experiences or insecurities, can lead to exaggerated negative views of one another, especially during periods of stress. They also discuss rituals for client sessions, with Laura emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility for actions and acknowledging positive efforts, helping clients shift from criticism to affirmation. Episode Highlights: Exploring Core Negative Images (CNI): They delve into the concept of CNI, discussing how we sometimes assign exaggerated negative traits to our partners, especially when stressed or triggered. Relationship Boot Camp Insights: Laura reflects on attending Zach’s relationship boot camp and highlights practical techniques for managing conflict and improving communication. Rituals in Therapy Sessions: Laura shares her new client session ritual, which includes acknowledging positive efforts and taking responsibility for missteps, promoting empathy and connection. Sponsor: Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 5 November 2024

Zach shares of his first-time experience with Dungeons and Dragons. Laura is looking forward to a murder mystery party.  They then explore the dynamics of acknowledging and meeting your partner's expressed needs, using a story from Laura’s therapy practice as a springboard to discuss the significance of understanding each other's boundaries and preferences. Zach and Laura examine the role of emotional responses in relationships, particularly around anger and justified reactions. They emphasize the importance of differentiating between feeling attacked and being attacked, highlighting how trauma and personal history can sometimes cause a partner to perceive threats where none exist. They also discuss the concept of “getting big” to protect oneself and how trauma work—especially body-focused approaches—can aid in emotional regulation. The episode concludes with reflections on long-term commitment, the value of patience in relational healing, and the realities of navigating relationships with a trauma-affected partner. They end on a light note, inviting listeners to explore their Patreon for bonus content, including personal stories and Zach’s book club. Episode Highlights: Acknowledging Partner’s Needs: Laura shares a story about a couple dealing with a move due to one partner’s mental health needs, opening up a discussion on balancing personal needs with relationship commitments. Differentiating Feeling Attacked from Being Attacked: Zach and Laura explore how trauma can shape a person’s perception of conflict, offering insights on how partners can respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. “Getting Big” to Protect Yourself: They discuss how partners sometimes amplify their reactions to feel more secure, emphasizing the importance of finding healthy expressions of anger and frustration. Patience in Relational Healing: Laura reflects on a partner’s question about when their relationship will feel “normal” again, underscoring that healing is often a slow process requiring empathy and grace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 29 October 2024

Laura has her first snow of the year, and on her morning run no less. Zach thanks you for listening and shares his admiration for another podcaster.  They transition into a great conversation about how partners can communicate and take responsibility in meeting each other’s needs. Laura shares a personal story about her relationship with her husband, Ryan, highlighting the tension that arises when Ryan commits to activities, like golf trips, without considering the impact on family time. This sparks a larger conversation about how partners can navigate commitments and balance personal interests with family responsibilities. They explore the concept of taking responsibility in a relationship, with Zach emphasizing the importance of reporting back to your partner about how you’re honoring their requests and commitments. Zach and Laura also discuss the role of empathy and how partners can preemptively check in on each other's feelings and needs. They reflect on how simple acts, like acknowledging a partner’s feelings or proactively addressing concerns, can prevent conflicts from escalating. The episode offers practical insights into how couples can take small but meaningful steps to improve communication and build trust. Episode Highlights: Balancing Commitments in Relationships: Laura shares her experience with Ryan’s golf trips, exploring the tension between supporting personal activities and maintaining family balance. Taking Responsibility in a Relationship: Zach explains the importance of reporting back to your partner about honoring requests, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected. Empathy and Preemptive Communication: They dive into how checking in with your partner before an issue arises can prevent unnecessary conflict and strengthen connection. How to Respond with Gratitude Instead of Reactivity: Laura discusses how responding with gratitude, even in moments of frustration, can help build a stronger emotional bond with your partner. Trust and Transparency in Relationships: Zach and Laura explore how transparency about decisions and actions, even small ones, can help build trust over time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2024

Zach and Laura kick off this episode with some fun banter about Laura's outfit and a Zoom-themed party Zach attended with their mutual friend. They quickly shift gears to discuss the feedback they’ve been receiving from long-time listeners. With heartfelt messages from those who’ve listened to every episode, they reflect on the value their show has brought to people’s lives. Zach asks: How has listening to every episode of Marriage Therapy Radio impacted your life or relationships? Laura shares a realization of how powerful affirmation can be, whether it’s with a spouse, children, or even teachers greeting students. This leads to her marriage tip of the day: Affirm someone today. Zach and Laura dive into a TV show they've been watching, Nobody Wants This, which sparks a rich discussion about the dynamics of vulnerability, communication, and relationships depicted in the show. They explore themes of openness, accepting influence, and navigating the tension between personal identity and compromise within relationships. Zach relates moments from the show to real-life relationship dynamics, offering insights on how viewers can learn from the fictional couple’s journey. Episode Highlights: Listener Shoutouts and Affirmation: Zach and Laura share feedback from listeners who have listened to every episode, reflecting on the impact of the podcast. Marriage Tip: Affirm Someone Today: Laura encourages listeners to take a moment to affirm someone, noting how powerful simple recognition can be in relationships and everyday interactions. Insights from Nobody Wants This: Zach and Laura dive into their analysis of the TV show Nobody Wants This, discussing themes of vulnerability, relationship dynamics, and the importance of communication. They draw parallels between the show’s characters and real-life couples. Join the Conversation: Zach and Laura invite you to reach out if the podcast has impacted your relationships or if you’ve found certain episodes particularly meaningful. They also encourage you to check out Nobody Wants This and watch it through the lens of relationship growth. Sponsor: Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2024

Zach and Laura kick off this episode with some fun banter about Laura's outfit and a Zoom-themed party Zach attended with their mutual friend. They quickly shift gears to discuss the feedback they’ve been receiving from long-time listeners. With heartfelt messages from those who’ve listened to every episode, they reflect on the value their show has brought to people’s lives. Zach asks: How has listening to every episode of Marriage Therapy Radio impacted your life or relationships? Laura shares a realization of how powerful affirmation can be, whether it’s with a spouse, children, or even teachers greeting students. This leads to her marriage tip of the day: Affirm someone today. Zach and Laura dive into a TV show they've been watching, Nobody Wants This, which sparks a rich discussion about the dynamics of vulnerability, communication, and relationships depicted in the show. They explore themes of openness, accepting influence, and navigating the tension between personal identity and compromise within relationships. Zach relates moments from the show to real-life relationship dynamics, offering insights on how viewers can learn from the fictional couple’s journey. Episode Highlights: Listener Shoutouts and Affirmation: Zach and Laura share feedback from listeners who have listened to every episode, reflecting on the impact of the podcast. Marriage Tip: Affirm Someone Today: Laura encourages listeners to take a moment to affirm someone, noting how powerful simple recognition can be in relationships and everyday interactions. Insights from Nobody Wants This: Zach and Laura dive into their analysis of the TV show Nobody Wants This, discussing themes of vulnerability, relationship dynamics, and the importance of communication. They draw parallels between the show’s characters and real-life couples. Join the Conversation: Zach and Laura invite you to reach out if the podcast has impacted your relationships or if you’ve found certain episodes particularly meaningful. They also encourage you to check out Nobody Wants This and watch it through the lens of relationship growth. Sponsor: Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 15 October 2024

Zach and Laura celebrate a special milestone—seven years of Marriage Therapy Radio. They kick things off with some lighthearted banter about their journey, joking about sending out autographed glamour shots. From there, they dive into a listener email from a woman navigating an in-home separation from her husband, who she suspects may be engaging in secretive behavior. They explore the complexities of separation, emphasizing the importance of clear boundaries, purpose, and communication. Whether you're in a separation or just curious, Zach and Laura share insights on how separation can lead to healing or more confusion, depending on how it’s handled. Zach raises concerns about secretive behavior, like hiding phone activity, often being a signal of deeper issues, and they give practical advice on addressing distrust in relationships. They also talk about the value of having a separation agreement, with clear guidelines for how you’ll navigate this period. Laura encourages you to trust your gut when something feels "off", and approach the situation with curiosity rather than accusations. Zach reminds you that taking leadership by setting expectations and boundaries can help reestablish trust and connection. Episode Highlights: Celebrating Seven Years of Marriage Therapy Radio: Zach and Laura reflect on seven years of podcasting, sharing playful moments and celebrating their journey with you. The Complexities of Separation: They break down how to navigate an in-home separation, stressing the need for clear boundaries and a shared purpose to avoid further emotional turmoil. Addressing Secretive Behavior in Relationships: Zach and Laura give you advice on how to confront suspicious behavior—like hiding phone activity—and how to have honest conversations about trust. Separation as a Tool for Healing: They explain that separation doesn’t have to lead to divorce, but can instead be used for personal growth and healing if you approach it with care and intention. Taking Leadership in Relationships: Zach encourages you to take a leadership role by setting clear expectations and boundaries during difficult times, which can model healthy behaviors for your children. Join the Conversation: If you have a relationship question or a story to share, Zach and Laura would love to hear from you. You can send in your questions for future episodes! Also, check out the upcoming online Relational Life Therapy Boot Camp that Zach will be co-leading. More details are available on the Marriage Therapy Radio website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 8 October 2024

Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology. Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner’s apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts. The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won’t You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do’s and don’ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one’s own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner’s feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries. Episode Highlights: How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology’s impact. Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved. Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts. Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 1 October 2024

Laura finds out how Zach did hanging out with her family over the weekend.  Zach shares his struggle between choosing a trendy neighborhood or staying in a corporate setting, leading into a conversation about how environments can affect work and client experiences. They then discuss relational boundaries and the concept of outsourcing emotional needs. Laura explains how people often put too much pressure on their partner to fulfill all their emotional needs, advocating instead for "outsourcing" some emotional support to friends, therapists, or family members—when done with mutual consent. Zach and Laura also reflect on the pressures partners can feel when they are expected to meet specific needs, especially around physical and emotional intimacy. They share a couple of sneak peek clips of the new, Patreon exclusive series, So I Married a Relationship Expert. Episode Highlights: Zach’s Office Dilemma: Zach debates between two office locations—one in a corporate setting and the other in a trendy neighborhood—offering insights into decision-making and how change affects routine. Outsourcing Emotional Needs: Laura explains the importance of seeking support outside the relationship, advocating for healthy outsourcing of emotional needs when a partner can’t meet every need, with mutual consent. Effort vs. Excellence in Relationships: Zach shares a story about a couple where one partner feels validated not because of perfection, but because of the effort made in the relationship. They emphasize how important it is to acknowledge effort even when outcomes aren’t perfect. Acceptance in Relationships: Laura reflects on how some couples reach a point where acceptance of their partner’s limitations is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, rather than continually pushing for unmet needs to be fulfilled. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 24 September 2024

Zach and Laura discuss the launch of their new book, Reconnect, and how couples can use it to improve their relationship.  They delve into an in-depth discussion on the concept of gaslighting, clarifying that it involves malicious, intentional manipulation—far different from the common emotional invalidation many couples experience.  Episode Highlights: How to Use Reconnect: Zach and Laura suggest couples can work through the book slowly, section by section, or use it more casually, dipping into exercises or conversations as needed. They emphasize flexibility in how the book is used to foster meaningful conversations and connection. Gaslighting vs. Emotional Invalidation: They break down the difference between true gaslighting and more common relational behaviors, like emotional invalidation. They stress that many couples mislabel situations as gaslighting when, in fact, they involve misunderstandings or disagreements about past events. Parallel Universes Technique: Zach shares a therapeutic approach where he helps couples understand that their different realities may never align. He introduces the idea of “parallel universes” as a way for partners to acknowledge each other’s feelings without requiring complete agreement on the facts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 17 September 2024

Zach is feeling bad that his mustache has garnered very little attention. Laura thinks he should keep it. Zach reports back on his experience with his daughter at the  Dave Matthew's Band show. They go on to discuss a bit of some conflict they had right before starting to record. It leads to some great insight into managing one's behavior and reactions even when they are a well-worn habit.  Episode Highlights: Managing Defensiveness and Criticism: Zach and Laura explore the recurring dynamic of defensiveness and criticism in their own friendship, with Zach noting that managing his defensiveness is one of the most important skills for him maintaining a healthy relationship. They emphasize the importance of pausing and choosing how to respond rather than reacting immediately. Confirmation Bias in Relationships: The hosts discuss how confirmation bias can skew perceptions in relationships, using a client story to illustrate how one partner might misinterpret their partner’s behavior based on past experiences. The takeaway is to pause and challenge assumptions, asking open-ended questions instead of jumping to conclusions. Relationships as Growth Machines: Laura mentions a phrase from her colleague that “relationships are human growing machines.” The idea is that relationships constantly challenge us to grow, reflect, and improve. The hosts emphasize that relational growth takes time, patience, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 10 September 2024

Laura talks about her new bucket list project, inspired by a client challenge, which leads to a broader conversation about dreaming big and setting personal goals. Zach reflects on a deeply personal experience with his daughter, showcasing the complexities of parent-child relationships and the healing power of patience and open communication. Together, Laura and Zach explore the dynamics of how personal growth and responsiveness to each other’s needs can significantly impact the quality and longevity of relationships. Throughout the episode, they encourage listeners to engage more deeply with their own relationships by taking practical steps and fostering open, honest communication. Episode Highlights: Turning Towards Your Partner’s Needs: They discuss how small, everyday choices to be attentive and responsive to your partner’s needs can strengthen your relationship. Even seemingly minor issues, like Laura’s hearing concerns, can grow into larger stressors if not addressed. The takeaway is the importance of consistently turning towards your partner's needs to maintain a strong connection. Mental Health as a Common Enemy: Zach and Laura highlight the value of viewing mental health challenges like anxiety or depression as "common enemies" in a relationship. By naming and acknowledging these issues, couples can unite against them, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual support rather than letting the challenges divide them. Keeping Your Partner Engaged: Laura and Zach emphasize the importance of personal growth and maintaining hobbies and interests. They discuss how having passions outside the relationship can make you a more interesting partner and help keep the relationship dynamic and fulfilling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 3 September 2024

Zach introduces Laura, his "little sister," and Julie Ruediger, his friend, mentor, and "big sister”. They discuss how they met, what they’ve learned from each other, and the work they are doing together this fall. Episode Highlights: Sibling Dynamics and Family Reunions: Zach introduces Julie, who immediately fits into the sibling-like rapport he shares with Laura. The trio dives into stories about family reunions, sibling rivalries, and the lighthearted teasing that defines their relationships. Saying Goodbye to Summer: Zach reflects on dropping his daughter Abi off at the airport and the mixed emotions of enjoying a peaceful home while missing her presence. The conversation touches on the challenges and joys of parenting young adults ready to spread their wings. Julie’s Mentorship and Training with Zach: Julie shares her journey as a mentor at Terry Reals' Relational Life Institute, where she met Zach. They reminisce about their early training sessions, highlighting Zach's growth and talent as a teacher and therapist. Introduction to Relationship Boot Camps: Julie and Zach discuss the upcoming relationship boot camp they are co-facilitating in Philadelphia. They explain the boot camp's structure, purpose, and unique benefits, whether attending as a couple or an individual. The boot camp is designed to teach essential relationship skills in a condensed, intensive format, making therapeutic principles accessible and actionable. Understanding the Adaptive Child: The episode delves into the concept of the "adaptive child," a key idea in relational therapy that refers to the immature, reactive part of ourselves. Julie and Zach discuss how the boot camp helps participants recognize and manage this aspect of their personalities, enhancing personal growth and relationship satisfaction. Navigating Family Triggers: The conversation circles back to family dynamics, with Zach sharing a personal story about managing his temper during a summer visit with his daughter. Julie offers insights on how family relationships can often trigger our adaptive child and the importance of conscious, deliberate responses to these triggers. Resources mentioned in this episode: Relational Life Foundation (https://www.relationallifefoundation.org/) - This website provides information about various boot camps available throughout the year, particularly aimed at individuals who need financial aid or help to access these programs​. Relational Life (https://relationallife.com/) - Similar to the foundation's website, this site offers details on relationship boot camps, with sections dedicated to both couples and therapists. You can find a list of available boot camps and other resources for relationship improvement​. Terry Real (https://terryreal.com/) - Terry Real's website provides a comprehensive list of boot camps for both online and in-person formats, with sections tailored for couples and therapists. You can find schedules, locations, and registration details for various workshops across the country​. Marriage Therapy Radio (https://marriagetherapyradio.com) – Find the links to all the boot camps conducted by Zach Brittle, including both online and in-person sessions. Julie Rudiger (https://www.julierudiger.com/) - Julie Rudiger's website provides a way for people to reach out to her directly with any questions about the boot camps or other relationship resources. It also hosts information on her workshops and professional services​. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 27 August 2024

Laura shares her latest journey towards better gut health and the surprising benefits she's noticed, like increased energy and clarity. Zach talks about some feelings that were brought up when seeing his brother at the recent Lard Butt race.  They then tackle an important listener question: Is it okay to have close friends of the opposite sex (or any potential partner alternative), outside of your marriage? Laura and Zach explore the complexities of friendships in marriage, discussing the importance of trust, communication, and setting boundaries. They share insights on maintaining healthy friendships while ensuring your marriage remains the top priority. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 20 August 2024

Laura touches base with Zach about his other projects and his upcoming race. Zach shares a successful exercise his clients took on to help them disrupt their boring and predictable patterns of conflict.   Paired. Download the PAIRED app at https://www.paired.com/MTR  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 13 August 2024

Zach and Larua discuss the downside of Nice Guys with the man who literally wrote the book on it. Dr. Robert Glover wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy over 20 years ago after seeing his relationships crumble even though he was so nice. His sage wisdom will help any man (or woman) stuck in the nice cycle. Check out Dr. Glover at: https://www.drglover.com/ Pick up his book at: https://amzn.to/4d95LER While you are on Amazon pre-order Zach & Laura's new book: https://amzn.to/4ds7XY6 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 6 August 2024

Zach woke up 5 minutes before recording this episode. Laura is a bit baffled and shares a story about her best friend giving her a new beverage to help her tummy now that she's 40.  They make the big announcement of their new book Reconnect: A Marriage Counseling Workbook: Guided Conversations & Exercises for a Long-Lasting Relationship available for pre-sale now. https://amzn.to/3WGgi4G It would be awesome if you headed over to Amazon to pre-order today https://amzn.to/3WGgi4G. Thanks for your support of Zach and Laura. Sponsor: Paired. Download the PAIRED app at https://www.paired.com/MTR  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 30 July 2024

Zach and Laura discuss how to deal with feeling overwhelmed. This leads them into a great conversation about how to listen to yourself and control the things that you can control. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 23 July 2024

Laura discusses how regular she is (if you know what I mean). Together they contemplate if it is worth not engaging with certain things that bring distress. Zach and Laura reflect on some of the insights from a recent interview regarding the importance of feeling heard. They provide tools and resources to help couples and individuals meet this essential aspect of their relationship. Sponsor: Paired. Download the PAIRED app at https://www.paired.com/MTR  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 16 July 2024

Laura gives an update on her son's diagnosis and her efforts to raise funds to fight his Not Fun condition. Zach shares about his upcoming book club.  They address a listener's question about differentiating from your grown kids. They discuss how it is necessary, but sometimes painful. This is a great episode for folks with kids of any age.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 9 July 2024

Zach and Laura start the podcast remembering how it all started. They share how they met and how the podcast was launched. Laura is getting back into weightlifting and is hoping Zach will be at the finish line when she finishes her Iron Man.  Zach shares about a recent fight he had with his wife, Rebecca. Although he doesn't go into the content of the fight, he is very open about how the fight ended and what he learned about himself in the following two days.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 2 July 2024

Zach reconnects with Laura after her 2+ week travels in Europe. She shares what she learned while away. Zach recounts his birthday celebration and some gifts he received that are prompting him to slow down. They go on to discuss the importance of changing the pace, and specifically slowing down, to create space for change in your life and in your relationship. Join MTR Patreon to get exclusive behind-the-scenes and exclusive content from Zach and Laura. https://www.patreon.com/MarriageTherapyRadio Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 25 June 2024

Zach and Laura discuss making change, 2 dollar bills, the tooth fairy, and the struggle of using the bathroom in a one-piece outfit.  They go on to discuss the importance of good boundaries.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcribed - Published: 18 June 2024