Viral Spiral

Bitch Bible

PodcastOne

Talk Radio, Comedy, Society & Culture

4.6 • 14.6K Ratings

🗓️ 18 March 2020

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Jackie updates listeners on her pandemic mental state, quarantine lyfe and analyzes the Bachelor and RHONJ. It's a ride, buckle the f up.

Produced By Dear Media

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following podcast is a deer media production.
0:14.6	Hey, Brenda. It's your girl, Jackie, live from quarantine. 2020 is totally gonna be your year.
0:23.6	Remember when everybody come January 1st, posted their sad little collages with their
0:29.6	sad little lives and said, well, 2019's been quite a ride. But I know if you buy my sad 2020 is
0:37.4	gonna be the best year yet. Really Brenda? How's that working out for you? What a shitstorm spectacular.
0:45.2	I know that everything feels crazy and scary and chaotic and what the fuck's going on and why
0:50.9	can't we leave our houses. But, you know, I like to take life's lemons, make them into a simple
0:57.9	syrup, shake it violently with extra vodka and make the frothiest of lemon drops. And this too
1:04.3	shall pass. You know what will help? Fucking laughing. So let's just have a gale time together.
1:12.5	Can I get an amen? Low down, I feel like I was meant and bred for quarantine life with a why.
1:20.8	I love solitude. I feel like the most creative, high functioning version of myself. I'm not gonna lie.
1:27.7	And maybe this is my delusion kicking in, which typically happens during a crisis mode. But for
1:34.5	fuck's sake, what else are we gonna do? So let's bunker down, have a laugh, take a deep breath in
1:41.3	and a deep breath out. Or as Julian Huff says, in through the mouth, out through the nose, because
1:46.3	that's fucking practical, admits to pandemic. Fucking bats. I hate bats. Always have always will.
1:53.4	I think amidst this quarantine, we've all had a lot of time to reflect, look inward,
1:59.5	realize we hate people, realize we hate our husbands. Let me tell you something.
2:04.6	Andrew always bothers me. And I don't know if this is just marriage or this is just me,
2:10.1	or maybe a blend of the two, because generally speaking, I hate people. I find them to be baffling,
2:18.3	I find them to be a burden, I find them to be just kind of generally non beneficial to society,
2:25.1	to my livelihood, to my health, my happiness, or my wellness. Like I find 94% of human beings to be
2:34.3	deeply, deeply inseparable. And myself included, I mean, I've got 87 different versions of myself.
	...

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