The Bert Show

Crash?

Go!

Take it away from here, my friend. Oh, where should I begin? Well, I mean, you guys know that annually Lady Crash and I have troubles probably a good six times a year. Six times a year. Yeah, well, you know, there's always some... Are you rounding down a lot? All right, 16 times a year? Do you define trouble as multiple nights at the same hotel?

Or, like, are the single night?

No, one weekend counts as one trouble patch.

It comes in little groups, you know, like little vacations.

So just the one-night getaways, those are just bumps in the road.

Yeah, yeah, those are just, yeah.

Where does leaving your wedding ring in a tip chart a strip club call in this category? Is that a trouble patch or is that just a bump in the road? That's one of the bigger bumps in the road. Yeah, yeah. Other than that little trouble patches. Well, this all stemmed from that weekend that I was talking about in Fort Lauderdale when Lady Crash and I had a really rough time coming home and I was at a funeral. Well, we helsted an engagement party for her sister that weekend, that Saturday, and went off without

a hitch because I was faking the whole thing. The whole time Lady Crash and I knew we were almost

on the verge of just seriously walking out of each other's lives. In fact, I went so far as to see my

lawyer on the following Monday. Now, was there one thing that happened over the weekend that made you think, okay, this is it. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. Just another one of those nights where we both got into one of those really violent alcohol-filled fights where we both just attack each other and then our family. And before you know know it we're attacking each other's gods you know

it's just like it's just the most obscure reasons to argue and we figured it out and i just got to the

point i'm like you know what it gets like this too much what if what if all does fall apart here i am

you know i'm a new homeowner and and things are getting a little bit better for me here at the station

i go i got to protect myself financially. So I went and saw my lawyer.

Well, while this is going on, Lady Crash and I have not slept. She's in the guest room. I'm in the master bedroom, but literally we're tossing and turning. None of us are eating. We're both very upset. We realize that, oh, my God, this is like the worst it's ever been. So I kid you not, I slept for maybe one hour, two hours tops for six days in a row.

I mean, I was at the point where your head is aching.

Your muscles are sore.

Your eyes are so red.

You can't physically wake yourself up.

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