UPDATED: Ep #117: Saying Yes from Obligation: How to Say No from Love
Feminist Wellness
Béa Victoria Albina
4.9 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 13 May 2021
⏱️ 18 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Discover what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours when you find yourself saying yes from obligation. I’m sharing why this habit of attempting to please others at your own expense is never sustainable, and what you can consciously decide to do instead to put yourself and your real desires first.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://victoriaalbina.com/117
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is feminist wellness and I'm your host, nurse practitioner, functional medicine expert and life coach Victoria Albina. I'll be full heart. Welcome my love let's get started. |
| 0:25.0 | Hello hello my love I hope this finds you doing so well. One of the big things that's been coming up pretty frequently in my six |
| 0:37.4 | month program anchored overcoming codependency is living our lives from a sense of obligation. That story I have to. I have to do this. I have to take care of them. I have to make dinner. I have to go wherever it is even though I don't want to do what someone else wants me to do. |
| 0:57.0 | When I don't want to, but I feel I must, I should, it's the right thing to do, right? |
| 1:05.0 | And this whole framework of thinking makes so much sense, |
| 1:10.0 | when we believe that the only way to feel good about ourselves is to look outside of us. |
| 1:16.0 | To get other people, our job, our career title, or credential, or anything and everything, |
| 1:21.0 | to fill that hole in your heart that says I'm not good enough unless other people say I am. |
| 1:28.2 | And so it makes so much sense that from there we live our lives from this place of obligation. It becomes our why, our |
| 1:36.6 | central driver. But the catch is this. When you agree to do something or |
| 1:41.9 | conjure up an offer to do something or be something to try to get that external approval to create a feeling for you |
| 1:50.6 | based on someone else's potential response to you, which you may not actually get, right? |
| 1:57.1 | You're setting your tender self up for pain and suffering, for heartache and resentment, |
| 2:02.0 | when it doesn't all go according to plan. |
| 2:04.0 | When your partner-mother-kiddo-boss doesn't fall all over themselves with gratitude for |
| 2:09.2 | you doing something you didn't want to do in the first place. When you live your life from |
| 2:13.9 | obligation, you're actually hurting your relationships with the world and |
| 2:18.7 | with yourself. And you're not showing up to have your own back, you're attempting to create the feeling of self-love, |
| 2:25.8 | a validation, of worthiness, of approval by having someone else's back and dreaming |
| 2:31.7 | that they'll have yours. |
| 2:34.0 | And it's just not sustainable, kind or loving, my sweet darling. |
| 2:40.4 | Remember, in the Think Feel Act cycle, we create our feelings based on our thoughts in response to the |
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