Welcome to Unfuck Your Brain. The only podcast that teaches you how to use psychology, feminism

and coaching to rewire your brain and get what you want in life. And now here's your

host, Harvard Law School grad, feminist rock star, and master coach, Carla Lohanthile.

I know my chickens today. We're talking about something that literally all of us should

listen to every day of our lives called Get the Fuck Out of Other People's Models. That's

really what I should have titled it originally I didn't. So this is one of my greatest hits

episodes about getting out of other people's models, meaning stopping the constant habit

of trying to know what other people are thinking and change what they're thinking and adapt

your behavior based on what you're thinking and try to kind of control and manipulate

them, which we don't call that. We call it something nicer, like just being an empath

and really caring about how they feel. Right. All of the energy in life we spend, especially

women because we're socialized to do this, being obsessed with other people's models,

what they're doing, why they're doing it, what are they thinking, what are they feeling,

all of that, right? It keeps us so focused on other people and totally blind to what we're

doing in our own lives, how we're creating our own experience. So it is such an important

topic. Truly cannot be listened to enough this episode. And you can see like deeper and

deeper levels at which this operates, even as you start to clean some of it up. And for

me, one of the places that I was always just intently focused on other people's models,

was in my romantic relationships, although this can be true for any kind of relationship.

Right. But that was a place that I was constantly thinking about what was the other person

thinking, what were they feeling, how could I get them to think or feel one thing or why

were they or weren't they thinking or feeling another thing. I just always up their models,

...