Tom Shows Harland Williams His Chocolate Starfish | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.8 • 23.2K Ratings

🗓️ 26 May 2025

⏱️ 76 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Check out the newest podcast from YMH Studios "Not A Damn Chance"! Hosted by pro skateboarder Neen Williams and Michelin-starred chef Phillip Frankland Lee SPONSORS: - Get started at https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off plus FREE shipping on your first box. - Make friends and grab some merch at https://www.drinkporosos.com/ This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert is on a retreat in Istanbul so Tom Segura is joined by the brilliantly bizarre Harland Williams for an unhinged episode packed with supposedly true stories, bootyholes, and too many farts. Harland kicks things off by reminiscing about fingering calamari and the first time someone touched his arse—with a thermometer. Tom shares the traumatic moment he had to show a friend his infamously hairy sphincter... and yes, he ends up showing Harland too. Surprisingly, the conversation spirals into absurd territory with erotic drawings, smut searches, fart-catching attempts, a Dominican dick flash, and a deep dive into Enny’s alleged fondness for buttholes. Harland doesn’t disappoint either—he reacts to fart videos, tells a story about dating Madonna, and looks forward to tanning with Tom. The two also talk about creativity, recreational drugs, Harland's distrust of nicotine pouches, the anthems of both Canada and Texas, plus playing doctor, and horseshoes with neck pillows. Oh, and Harland names his favorite dictator. Stick around to find out if Harland ends up eating Tom. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 290 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:55 - Arses & Calamari Rings 00:14:34 - So Much Hair 00:26:10 - What's Going On With Canada? 00:31:24 - Measurements, Buzzes, & Vices 00:41:37 - Favorite Dictator 00:51:49 - Dating Madonna 00:55:46 - Clip: Baddie Farts 00:56:49 - Play Back The Tape 00:58:13 - Clip: Fart In One 00:59:29 - Tanning & Tour Dates 01:05:45 - Gas, Gashes, & Gruesome Videos 01:11:48 - Harland Wants To Eat Tom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I love that I started the Not a Damn chance podcast with just the nastiest story I have.
0:06.0	Part of this idea of this podcast is how you can become successful as living as just a regular human.
0:12.0	I went to culinary school and I only went for a few months and I dropped out.
0:16.0	Look at that, kids. You can drop out of culinary school and get two Michelin stars.
0:20.0	I do what I can do so i could come
0:22.7	back do it all over again not a damn chance you see yourself somewhere take all the necessary
0:31.5	steps to get there i just don't know how to quit. That might be my superpower.
0:38.4	You can all try and stop me.
0:39.9	I hope you do.
0:42.5	Consistency was exactly what life was all about.
0:44.9	Don't be genius here and wild there.
0:47.2	There's a beautiful moment where obstacles become opportunities.
0:50.3	Messes become messages.
0:52.8	I got shot in the face
0:54.3	Jail was the best thing
0:55.3	never happened to me
0:56.0	and I did put my head in a news
0:58.0	You heard 300 people dying
1:00.0	Nobody can tell me like
1:01.4	You're breaking the rules
1:02.7	You're doing this wrong
1:03.8	There's no right or wrong
	...

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