Threats and Bribes Aren't Very Helpful (What to Do Instead)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

JLML Press

Kids & Family, Parenting

4.7 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 23 December 2025

⏱️ 22 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A parent wants to get out of a cycle of bribing her 3.5-year old and writes to Janet for help. “It seems that in order to get him to do anything, I have to offer a reward, treat, or special outing.” If these strategies don’t work, she says, she will threaten to take something away. This mom admits that she is a people pleaser, so when she does set a boundary, she feels guilty about it. She worries that she’s teaching this to her son. “I don’t want him to feel guilty about his feelings or his boundaries.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Think about cheese.
0:02.0	Make your thoughts cheesier.
0:04.2	Now add 100% chicken breast fillet,
0:06.3	Chipotle sauce and Amadea cheese melt.
0:08.3	And it's giving the new cheesy chicken stack at McDonald's.
0:12.0	Did we mention it's cheesy?
0:13.9	Cheese.
0:15.8	Availments at the 4th of Jan, 2026 from 11am.
0:18.1	Plus and participation may vary.
0:19.2	Subjects availability.
0:20.8	This episode is brought
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0:43.5	Sign up for your £1 per month trial at shopify.com.uk slash Spotify.
0:52.3	Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I have an email I'm going to be
0:58.3	responding to from a parent who really wants to get out of the cycle of bribing her three and a half
1:05.1	year old. She feels like that's her only tool to get her son to do anything to threaten or bribe. And she really wants to
1:16.0	stop and also is concerned that she is a people pleaser and she's going to be raising her son to
1:22.0	be a people pleaser as well. Okay, here's the email I received. Help. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of the cycle
1:31.0	of bribing my three and a half year old. It seems that in order to get him to do anything, I have to
	...

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