Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I'm going to be responding to a note I received from a parent via email.

The subject line is how to stay unruffled when I'm angry or sad. I'm fascinated by this topic. It's one of my favorites.

And I'm thankful for this opportunity to

explain some misconceptions about the title of my podcast and what it really means to be

unruffled and how do we get there in a way that isn't also stifling our own emotions.

Okay, so first of all, you may have noticed something going on with my voice.

I've had this really intense laryngitis for a week now,

and I'm just kind of starting to come out of it.

So I hope it's not super annoying to listen to.

I'm going to do my best and read this note that I got from a parent.

Hi, Janet. I'm hoping you can clarify something for me that I'm struggling to understand.

I know as parents we should appear unruffled and be the calm, confident leaders for our children,

as you've stated many times. I understand that this leads to them feeling stable and

secure. I've also understood that it's beneficial to let children see when we are dealing with

strong emotions rather than to try to hide them and pretend that we're okay. That it's helpful to know

when we are sad, disappointed, or frustrated, for example, as a way to model that everyone

has these feelings and to show how we handle them. What I'm confused about is what to do when

those emotions are caused by our children. For example, if my toddler does something that makes

me feel angry or frustrated, should I hide it the best I can so that she can feel

secure knowing she can't do anything to ruffle me? I find it extremely difficult to do this sometimes,

especially when someone could get hurt or something could get damaged. I can't help reacting angrily,

but I try to take charge of it by explaining to her that I need to step away for a moment to calm

...