Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want

to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about the look and sound of self-esteem.

Dan's feedback was harsh. esteem.

Dan's feedback was harsh, especially from his direct reports.

Some typical comments?

He doesn't want to hear bad news.

He refuses to accept reality and then gets mad at us when things go wrong.

Dan needs to get a grip on what's real. Wake up or get out. It seemed to his direct reports, feeling Dan was divorced from their reality,

were using his feedback report to vent. I wondered how Dan would respond to this very direct

in your face bad news. Sitting across from me reading

the report, one of Dan's legs started to jiggle. Then he began tapping his pen on the paper.

His breathing became rapid.

When he finally looked up, he began to debate the feedback and deny its validity.

Very ironic.

His protests and denials were proving that the feedback was on target.

Dan was resisting reality.

Nathaniel Brandon is a psychologist whose life work has been the study of self-esteem.

The very first of what he calls his six pillars of self-esteem is this, the practice of living consciously.

For him, living consciously starts with respect for facts.

Dan was clearly having trouble respecting facts.

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