Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want

to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about strategic

apologies. LISA is a very creative marketing person. After her organization identified her as

high potential, they gave her a coach. Halfway through our engagement, she

began supporting a new product and almost immediately clashed with Donald, the salesperson.

During a phone conversation they'd had, he'd called her lazy, inept, and arrogant, none of which

I thought she was. Sounds like you really struck a nerve with him, I observed.

What happened to make him call you all those names?

Oh, he's a control freak, she snorted.

We're making a presentation to the client in 10 days and he wanted my slides last Friday

She rolled her eyes as if

Lissa's creative process gets a boost from starting late. She loves the rush of working against a deadline.

Now here was Donald asking for her material two weeks ahead of time.

It sounded as though her style and Donald's were badly

mismatched. As we discussed managing her relationship with Donald, I

encouraged her to talk with him about the difference in their styles. I said, I'll bet he's stressing

about these slides. It would be nice if you could tell him you're sorry for the gap in your

styles. Sorry, she gasped. What do I have to be sorry about? I didn't do anything wrong.

You wouldn't be apologizing for anything you did. You'd be acknowledging that he's having a bad time,

and the easiest words to use are I'm sorry.

Liss's resistance to my suggestion was so strong

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