Hi, my name is John Kim and I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth. I share my feelings and revelations. I believe in casual or

clinical and with you instead of at you I come unrehearsed on

purpose because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated. So John Gottman

talks about the four horses of the apocalypse and these are so important when it comes to relationships.

I believe that if you have these things in your relationship for a long time, not just once but like if it's a

pattern there is a virus in your relationship and your relationship is going to

eventually crumble so this is really important. If you know these, then maybe today's just a reminder.

If you don't, as you're listening to these four things that can destroy your relationship.

I don't want you to blame or think about what, you know,

if your partner is doing it.

I actually would like for you to hold up a mirror.

Ask yourself if you are doing these things, right? That's what's important.

And of course, if your partner is doing them as well, there's a conversation that needs to happen.

But first, look at yourself. You know, I always encourage people to look inward first and

then you could have a conversation with your partner if you notice these traits in your partner. and also I want to say if they happen you know a couple times it's okay in normal

it's when these things are happening as a pattern consistently over a long period of time that your relationship can be in trouble.

So what are they?

What are the four horses of the apocalypse?

Number one, defensiveness. We are all defensive. We all have that knee jerk to defend, right? And usually that comes from fear or ego know wanting to prove ourselves or not wanting to be wrong.

And listen that that's natural. It's only when you are always defensive if you find yourself constantly in a

Holding up your shield and being defensive mode and usually if you are a defensive person

...