The End Of Humanity | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.7 • 23.6K Ratings

🗓️ 12 January 2026

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears The OG Bears are back on this absolutely unhinged episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura dive headfirst into VR porn disasters, accidental virtual orgies, and the terrifying realization that Oculus might actually be ending humanity. Bert recounts a weekend alone that spirals into nine virtual orgies, soul-stealing eye contact, and panic-induced controller fumbling in a pitch-black room. The Bears also unpack loneliness, online hate comments, incel psychology, and how social media gives angry dudes a place to scream just to feel noticed. From there, things somehow get deeper: wealth guilt, excess consumption, purging hundreds of shoes and jackets, Mounjaro weight loss, beating Jelly Roll in the next 2 Bears 5K, parenting chaos, friendship evolution, Jake Paul as a “god,” and why success is always part luck. Enjoy the Bears while they're here. https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 323 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. New York: call 8778- HOPENY or text HOPENY. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777 or visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:14 - Bert's First Threesome 00:05:58 - Mean Comments 00:13:05 - Hanging With The Kids During Christmas 00:30:02 - Stroke Of Luck 00:34:11 - Excess & Purging Stuff 00:44:05 - Weight Loss, Mounjaro & Jelly Roll 00:55:15 - Jake Paul Is A God? 01:01:01 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	100%
0:01.2	Cheers
0:02.2	New episode of Two Bears
0:06.4	1K Tommy
0:07.2	I have my first 3C
0:08.3	1KV
0:08.9	1K, what did I say?
0:10.2	1K
0:10.7	God damn it
0:11.5	3Ks
0:13.2	I have my first threesome
0:15.0	Nice
0:16.0	Yes
0:16.6	Where was it?
0:17.8	In my bedroom
0:18.6	What's his
0:19.9	What are their names? I didn't get their names. Oh, good. There was on Oculus. Oh, fuck, yeah. Yes. What do you think? Oh. Well, I mean, it's hard to go back to one person. I know, dude. I didn't do enough of a deep dive. My son got a VR headset. I was like, let me show you the best site.
0:38.3	It's awesome.
0:39.3	Dude, this takes a part of your soul.
0:43.3	It's crazy.
0:44.3	It's this shit too, right?
0:46.3	When you're like, dude, I was in a fissom.
	...

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