New Year New Roast | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.7 • 23.6K Ratings

🗓️ 5 January 2026

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code BEARS. Visit https://bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - This January, quit overspending on wireless with 50% off Unlimited premium wireless. Plans start at $15/month at https://mintmobile.com/BEARS. - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears It’s the final Winter Bears of the season, and Stavros & Chris are ringing in the New Year the only way they know how: complaining about first class, overeating pastries, and making terrible life decisions! As 2025 wraps, the boys reflect on blown resolutions, chaotic travel plans, New Jersey “vacations,” and Chris’ catastrophic decision to roast the entire Jersey Shore cast. Plus: Delta lounge politics, childhood SNL trauma, double-the-bread-double-the-head, and Stav helping Chris talk through the worst career choice he’s ever made. Grab a croissant, buckle up, and celebrate the end of the Winter Bears era as we begin a new year! https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 321 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://DKNG.co/audio. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:09 - First Class Complaints & Latent Homo Things 00:09:00 - New Years Resolutions 00:18:27 - Roasting The Jersey Shore Cast 00:28:45 - Workshopping Roast Jokes 00:39:43 - This Is Probably A Dumb Idea 00:45:02 - The Jersey Shore Photo Roast Session 00:51:31 - New Years Plans & NFL Roasts 00:55:00 - More "Fan" Questions 01:03:37 - Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	100%
0:01.2	Cheers.
0:05.2	Welcome to the fourth episode of the Winter Bears.
0:10.4	The finale.
0:12.0	The finale.
0:13.0	Now, very similarly, we have people, the bigwigs from YMH, the behind the scenes guys,
0:19.9	are all here to try to talk us into doing
0:23.6	a show permanently on the network. And what is the answer going to be?
0:28.6	The answer is a resounding no. I'm absolutely not. Chris, you're already looking for houses
0:34.6	in Texas. You're ready to move to Austin. You're ready
0:37.8	to fucking completely change. Right. You're ready to go. No, this has been a great time.
0:44.4	Right. I've enjoyed hanging out here in the studio. They have a lot of amenities. They do.
0:49.0	They have a whole staff. They do. I'm actually pretty sluggish because I have, I have continued to crush pastries. They have a lot of, they have a lot of snacks here. Right. I had way too many croissants. Sure. So I'm bringing in 2026. This is 2026 after all, Chris. I'm bringing in sluggish. Yeah. And I'm ready to get home to beautiful New York City.
1:11.2	New York City. I'm ready to hold hands with you on our Delta flight back. Oh, dude, I hope. What seat are you, do you know? I'm 5D. I'm 3A. Damn. But we'll still hang. I'll ask my seatmate to switch. Yeah. So you and I could sit next to each other. Now, here's the, let's be on.
1:27.8	Well, you can't even, here's the problem, you know,
1:30.3	not to start, I mean, would it be an episode of, would it be a run of two bears without talking about the fact that we're in first class and complaining about it? Yes. The one of the downsides in first class, you can't as easily secretly suck your friend off sitting next to him.
1:45.4	Because there's real partitions there.
1:47.8	Yes.
1:48.3	Back in the day, you could do sneaky gay shit if you're in the back.
1:52.2	Back of the day, I was always, I always liked being near the bathroom because I thought maybe
1:56.1	people, they were the least desirable seats.
1:58.4	So if any middle seat is going to be open as a fat person, I would get the one right by the bathroom. And the worst was when it's a full flight and it smells like shit and you're rubbing thighs with another grown man. Yeah. But a lot of times it would work out for me and I would have a whole road to myself and I could get through. By the way, I'm the the guy shitting sure someone's shitting in a bat
	...

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