Welcome back, my homie to part 2 of this mind-blowing episode about narcissists with the queen of identifying and helping women like you listening, escape narcissists' behaviours, my girl, Dr Romani. Now if you're constantly feeling gaslighted, thinking that you're going crazy and maybe even convinced that maybe you're overreacting to nothing, listen up. The second part of this conversation with Dr Romaniney can be absolutely life-changing when you are tired of suffering and ready to actually make a change and live your best life, the one you absolutely freaking deserve. And this insightful conversation uncovers the nerve of narcissists department who weaponize your shame just to maintain control over And. And my girl Dr. Romney reveals self-reflection is absolutely critical in breaking free from manipulative tactics of narcissists. So by the end of today's episode guys I want you to have a little more knowledge and at least one more freaking tool in your bell to become so much stronger so that you can absolutely identify the emotional abuse. So let me know what you thought of this episode. Leave a rate and a review. You have no idea how much that actually makes a difference. And everyone says it and everyone always asks for a rate and review so I don't want this to actually fall on deaf ears. But the truth is guys, it really does make a difference. So if this episode brings you value, my homie, please drop a review and a comment

and let me know what you think. Now let's dive in with my girl, Dr. Romani. Yeah, that's what I mean about the romanticizing and recently actually I got asked the question. It was like I think on an IG live. And the question was, you know, I would have been verbally abused by my ex and time and time again. I finally left and now I miss him.

What do I do?

And the very first thing I said is,

go check out Talk to Mom and his stuff. But that was very interesting to me to your point of how so many of us were hold onto the bad, but when it comes to a relationship for some reason, we do remember that one magical moment or that one, wait, because in the question actually, She was like, he used to say how pretty I was, you know. And so my response was, well how do you build your validation within yourself so that you're not seeking it from outside sources? And that go deeper than that. I'd say, why, where do you think this message of prettiness became so important to you? You know, for some people it might have been like, I, many people said, I was safest with a certain parent when they thought I was

pretty. You know, I was the apple of their eye when I was pretty. Some people say, my parents love me until I got to an awkward station and they weren't interested in me because I wasn't pretty anymore. I felt safe because someone thought I was pretty. My identity and my fear, so it's more of that, so much how you talk to yourself is why does this this hold such weight for you? Because it wouldn't hold weight for me. Somebody told me I'm pretty of like that's not even interesting to me. You know, tell me when I'm smart, I might actually turn my head, right? Because that's a characteristic that matters more to me, but the attractiveness piece doesn't, I don't care. That matter to her. So I'd want to say like that we've got to pull the sing-up from the roots because that and he had it. He had that thing and then that's what the trauma building often builds on is that one

seed of something to what we call a correction Right, it's a correction from the past. That's why I remember many times people will say You know what this narcissistic person was so financially responsible it all his finances so Investments it was so and I and they said I came from a family where my parents were ridiculously irresponsible with money. We'd get evicted and all that. So, they were drawn to that incredible sense of financial responsibility, but the person was very abusive. But that sense of risk, in some cases, it's pretty, in some cases, it's responsibility. In other cases, it's piety, like being very faith-based. In some cases, might be being physically strong. Whatever a person, sometimes where they say we crave the foods that we crave the foods that have the nutrients we're lacking, I think something similar happens in narcissistic relationships. So is there not really one type of characteristic then that narcissists will look for in a partner? Will it be dependent? I think a narcissistic person,

oh, above all else,

is looking for supply and status. Those are the things they want, right? Now, supply comes through so many different routes. So somebody might choose supply because they know they could dominate so many easily. So they may choose someone who's like, well, a person's not that fancy or flashy. I'm like, yeah, but they're going along everything they say. So that's their source of supply. So that supplies a universal, you know,

being controls a universal, status is universal. And that status might come from looking me on the big person in this relationship. There's status there, someone else will pick a very beautiful partner because they want to be seen around town with someone beautiful. Someone else might pursue someone of tremendous wealth because there's a status or went to a certain school or whatever it is because that's what they're seeking but for the narcissistic person, they're looking for those things. They choose their partners on that basis. And when they once they realize it early on, they can get away with stuff. They're because if you set a limit with a narcissistic person early in the relationship, They're gonna walk, they're not gonna be interested. So would that be one characteristic someone who doesn't actually set limits?

I would say not even set limits as much as might laugh, laugh aside the gas slide, the invalidating comment. And you know, listen, Matthew Husino, friends to both of us, you know, him and I have had this conversation. And, you know, Matthew says, and I think it's very wise, he's like, you can't spend the

first few dates in a relationship just looking for red flags. You also simply have to be in it. And no one's going to get it right. Like you can't just be on the edge of your state saying, but no, you know, you're not going to be that job interview. But it's the, let's say in a more simple way, it would be a person, um, someone's trying

to rush sex.

Okay. But it's the, let's say in a more simple way, it would be a person, someone's trying to

rush sex.

Okay? They're saying, oh, come on, you're so sexy in your text, babe, like, I know you want, I know you want to say, listen, you know, don't step in, you step back, don't touch me like that. Like, oh, come on, you talk a tough game and they're getting into your space sexually you're like, stop. Drop me off. I'm out of here. I'm not having sex with you. I'm not and I'm really offended at how you treat a pain. That's early on, they might try to hoover you back and oh, you misunderstood, you misunderstood. If you can really see on your guy and say, I said stop multiple times, you didn't listen like this didn't feel comfortable. They'll probably say, you're a tease, you're this, you're that,

and then it'll be over.

And you'll not hear from them again.

Right?

But if you wait in it and saying, okay, well, I'm not going to rely on it. And then you fall for the, they apologize, apologize, apologize. And you're like, okay, well, I guess they see it now. If you could take those early fails, this fails, and set a really hard standard then.

Some people say, oh, but you're gonna let

some good ones get away.

...